Title: All Doctors Need Patients
Author: Beer Good
Word count: 286
A/N: Written for bakatulip, who wanted fic based on Willow's line when she finds a medikit in Chaos Bleeds: "Great, now I can be Nurse Willow! Tara's gonna love this."
All Doctors Need Patients
"So, what seems to be the trouble, nurse Rosenberg? (Was that too bossy? I-I could be a nicer doctor if you -)"
"(No, it's fine, doctors are supposed to be bossy!) Well, doctor Maclay, I've, uh, got this itch that's been bothering me..."
"No, a little bit further up."
"So if I do this...?"
"Eeeep! Cold! Are you sure that's what a stethoscope is for, doctor?"
"Good, sounds like your reflexes are fine. Now I'll just check your temperature, you're, um, pretty hot..."
"Yes, doctor. (Oh, wait a sec, we gotta fix the sphygmomanometer.)"
"The spygma...? What's..."
"The sphygmomanometer. Y'know, the blood pressure measurement cuff thingy you put on my arm?"
"I-is it too tight? Let me just..."
"No, no, it's fine, it's just... it's upside down. The numbers are supposed to read like a clock from your perspective."
"I know, I know, it's no big thing but I figured hey, if we're going to play naughty doctors and nurses, we might as well get the details right, right?"
"Willow, please don't tell me you did research for this?"
"...Pff. Of course not."
"Nurse, lying to your doctor is a bad idea. If you don't give me your, uh, full medical history I may not be able to perform the correct treatment..."
"Well... OK, I may have done a teensy weensy bit of research. I've got some good pages bookmarked on the computer if you want to brush up-"
"OK, that's it. Don't make me get out the reflex hammer."
"Actually, it's called a Taylor. And also, um, that's an oral thermometer, that's not supposed – AH! Cold!"
"Who's the doctor here?"
"Good. Now open up and say 'Aaaah'."