I don't own Invader Zim okay? This story came to me while listening to Weird Al's "Jerry Springer" song. While I was writing it, a Maury was on with people guessing if Drag Queens were girls or guys! Messed up huh?
Dib noticed Zim coming home later and later. Zim never left him for hours at a time before. Zim usually told Dib that he was going to the store to get some soda or some tacos. If Zim came home later than usual, he'd just say that those moronic aliens that thought a gopher was a human being abducted him. What Dib didn't know was that Zim was loose. He had sex with anything that moved. Lately he would head over to the Membrane house where Dib used to live, before he moved in with his lover Zim. Gaz still lived there however. Zim loved the way the Membrane family tasted in his Irken mouth. "Hello Zim." She said flirtatiously as Zim waited outside the doorway.
"So where do you want it this time?" Zim asked seductively.
Meanwhile at Zim's house, Dib sat on the couch petting GIR like the dog he was disguised to be. Dib flipped through the channels wanting the love of his life to come back home. At times he'd stop on Jerry Springer, but then he'd laugh, "That'll never be me. If anything happens, Zim and I will never end up on Jerry Springer."
The door opened up and Zim came in acting like he didn't just sleep with Dib's sister. "Honey I'm home!" Zim yelled and Dib looked over at Zim. Zim looked like an angel to Dib. This was the man (or Irken) of his dreams.
"Oh Zim I'm so happy you're home!" Dib said getting up and hugging Zim. Oh shit! He might smell Gaz on me! Zim thought. Dib pushed back with a suspicious look but brushed it off as his imagination.
"I'm gonna go make waffles!" GIR yelled happily. He ran to the kitchen mixing the batter.
"He's a little ball of energy." Zim laughed.
"He sure is." But Dib wasn't thinking like Zim was. Dib then laid his big head in Zim's lap and Zim stroked Dib's pointy hair. They lay like that until GIR called "Waffles!"
Dib and Zim walked to the kitchen and GIR brought over the waffles. "These got peanuts and soap in 'um!" GIR said.
"Thanks GIR!" Dib said patting him on the head. Zim couldn't eat, He looked at how happy Dib was with him and remembered the three people he had cheated with. That night as Dib slept next to Zim, who didn't really need sleep but could if he wanted to, stared at Dib's head. He had to tell him. He picked up the phone and called a number, "yes, I have a secret I'd like to confess to my lover."
The next week Zim took Dib to a TV studio. "Uhhh... I have to tell you something that I can only do it here." Zim said as Dib stared at him eating a stick of strawberry pocky. Zim took the other end in his mouth and they went in closer until they kissed. During the kiss, a man named Jerry gave an announcement. "Today's show is about a young couple who are on the rocks. Say hello to Dib and Zim."
Zim and Dib walked on stage while Dib was looking apprencive. I thought Zim loved me. What the fuck is going on? Dib thought.
"Now Zim I believe you have something to say," Jerry prompted.
"Yes I do. Dib you know I love you but baby, I've been sleeping with your sister." Zim said.
"Which one?!!!!?" Dib asked stupidly.
"Uhh...all of them! Gaz! You have only one sister!" Zim said rolling his eyes.
"Oh yeah well, I've been sleeping with your best friend Keef!" Dib yelled. At times he'd go out and fool around with other people too.
"Well me too! And I've been sleeping with your dad, Professor Membrane!" Zim retorted.
Dib looked over and saw his dad in the audience." OH MY FUCKING GOD! DAD YOU BITCH MAN WHORE!" Dib sobbed and yelled at the same tine. "YOU SLEPT WITH ZIM!"
"Uhh... This is awkward son." Professor Membrane said with his hand behind his back.
"Well I've been sleeping with your robot dog GIR!" Dib yelled hurt.
"GIR doesn't love you!" Zim yelled back in Dib's face.
"I can't believe us! We've been messing around on each other way too much! But still you said you loved me and you slept with my family! You bitch!" Dib cried as he slapped Zim and stormed off.