A.N. Okay so, this came to me as I was reading some fanfics. I haven't read very far passed the chunin exams, so if things are off, I am sorry. Anyway, I have been a little obsessed with Sasu/Naru and them somehow having babies, and then this came to me. So hope it's as amusing as it was in my mind. His story takes place sometime after the Chunin exams, and after Tsunade is put in charge but before Itachi showed up. Kay?

Disclaimer: Orochimaru made Sasuke steal the rights from me… Sigh then the bastard returned it to the rightful owners as a way to keep himself in the manga later… too bad his chapter's already been written.

Kyuubi the Bitch Naruto

Chapter one: It Always Comes in Threes

He was certain he would never hear the end of this one. The dank cave thankfully didn't reek of excrement, but it did have the rank nastiness of an animal's den, which was exactly where he was.

"Well this sucks…" Naruto cursed, no longer interested in the fruitless struggles and screaming that had brought him nothing but echoes and more annoyance. "… fucking fox…" Naruto felt the heat in his cheeks, which still refused to subside from his more than pathetic predicament, and growled low in his throat.

A strangled sigh escaped his chapped lips and the blond smacked his face into the stone with a whimper as more disturbing thoughts came to his mind. "Damn it, that Teme will never let this go!" And wasn't that the truth.

After all, what kind of shinobi let himself get captured by a worthless fox anyway? Of course he'd heard of foxes being tricksters and some demons, and he very well couldn't deny that fact when he had living proof inside of his head and its curse seal on his belly, but he doubted anyone from his group would buy that excuse. Sasuke and Sakura didn't even know he had the Kyuubi in his body yet. For that, he was very grateful. Last thing he needed them knowing about was that vicious bitch.

Yes, bitch. Despite popular belief, the demon fox inside of him was none other that a bonified female catastrophe, and he would know, she was inside his head after all. Not to mention the mood swings he had once a month which Sakura had so gracefully dubbed as "Uzumaki PMS," Sasuke never got tired of that one.

The dark haired prick might never smile, but that smirk was all Naruto needed to see to know that the Uchiha had found his nickname very amusing, but the day he used it was the day Jiraiya turned gay. Which was exactly why Naruto was desperately dreading his rescue.

Not because Jiraiya might actually turn to the other side, but because though Sasuke may not say the words "Uzumaki PMS," he'd definitely have quite a lot to say about his stupidity, patheticness, and whatever else he could come up with when they saved him from the annoying red animal that had dragged him from their camp the night before and had somehow managed to paralyze him in its cave.

"Damn it, I can just see his smug face smirking at me." Naruto hissed his anger growing at the mental image he received even as he pitched his voice to a lower register that closely mimicked the Uchiha heir. "Oi, Dobe, was the little fox too much for you to handle on your own? Usuratonkachi."

Grit teeth ground together as Naruto cursed more vehemently, his ire returned giving some feeling back into his fingertips. "Teme… I'll show you who's weak and pathetic…" of course his threat was a little less believable even to his own ears when he thought of the looks he'd receive from the other two members of team seven.

Sakura would be embarrassed to be on the same team as him—which hurt even though he'd grown used to her disregard—and Kakashi…

"Damn it… I let him down again…" Naruto grew quiet with inner hurt and anger focused on himself. Insults, detest, and disbelief he could handle. Disappointment he could not.

No one ever expected anything from him, so when someone put faith in him, he wanted to prove that he was worth their time. This was the second time, he'd let Kakashi down, and somehow he felt that was also letting Iruka down, for it was his academy teacher that believed he could make it in the first place.

"… when that bloody fox gets back here I'll fucking kill it!" Naruto growled, once again pissed and started struggling harder. He was certain he must have looked rather amusing to any who might see him, what with his body flopping around like dead weight while he cursed and growled doing nothing but inflect more injury to himself, but he honestly didn't give a shit.

"I. Will. Not. Be. Saved. Like this!" Naruto screamed out, somehow managing to force himself back up onto his hands and knees, his limbs quaking and feeling a little like rubber, but at least he was up. All right! Now all I have to do is get out of—

The slight scuffing sound by the entry way drew his attention up from his success and toward the bright red fox that had just re-entered, a dead rabbit in its jaws. Naruto blinked as the fox took in his appearance, and for a second he thought the little bastard would attack him, but it seemed the animal had not intended to eat him as it simply dragged its kill before him and laid it at his feet.

What the hell? He think I'm his kit or what? Naruto wondered as he stared at the dead animal. The fox made a cooing sound, and when Naruto looked up, he found the fox staring back at him expectantly. Naruto swallowed thickly as he looked back down at the raw meat, his stomach flopping over in disgust. He can't be serious! Why the hell is it trying to feed me?! Damn it, it's all Kyuubi's fault! Naruto thought, wishing he could beat up the spirit inside of his body, but the demon seemed untouchable.

A part of him wished to call out to the beast and see if she knew what the fuck was going on, but from the brief time he had spoken to the fox, he'd learned it was best for his sanity that they didn't communicate. The memories in the Wave country were not fond ones for him.

The soft whine came again and Naruto forced a chuckle, smiling at the fox. "Thanks, but I'm really not hungry."His voice caused the animal tilt its head, then push the meat closer. A heavy sigh escaped him then, and Naruto again wished that he had some muscle control. "Damn it… why is it always me?"

The wet heat of a tongue on his mouth made Naruto jump and look up as the fox continued to clean his face. The beast moved from his mouth to his right eye forcing the blond to close them to keep from getting hurt. "Ack! Stop it you stupid—" Naruto was hit with the tip of the tail, as the fox rubbed against him pushing his face closer to the meat.

Naruto managed to tilt his head at the last moment avoiding having his nose rubbed in the bloodied caucus. "For the last time you stupid animal! I'm not you're damn kit, and I ain't—" A choked whimper escaped Naruto's throat then as it suddenly became clear what the fox thought he was, and he clearly blamed his inner curse for it.

The filthy little animal had just mounted him—of course he was safe and fully clothed, but just being in the position made his skin crawl. He thinks… thinks I'm…

"Aww, hell no! I ain't gonna be your bitch!" Naruto cried out, quickly allowing his arms and legs to buckle out so that he could fall to the ground, but it seemed that hardly fazed the horny, and rather confused beast as it continued to try and ride him.

"Well, this is unexpected." The droll voice made Naruto feel sick as embarrassment once again flooded his cheeks in color.

"Ewww, that's just sick!" The soft feminine voice was like a dagger to his heart as he could easily picture the expression on his first crush's face.

"Will you guys help me?!" Naruto snapped, his eyes clenched shut so that he didn't have to see the look of disgust on Sakura's face, or whatever might have been on Sasuke's or Kakashi's.

"You need help?" Sasuke's taunt was well placed, and had Naruto been able to move he would have made him eat those sickening words, as it was he could only snarl out his own insult.

"Unlike you, teme, I need to be drugged before I'll rut with stray animals." The shocked gasp from Sakura was the only sound made as Naruto finally opened his eyes meeting livid red. Great, the Sharingan… well at least now he'll be able to see whatever is keeping me paralyzed.

Naruto thought, just as the fox jumped off of him to stand between his friends and himself, snarling. Naruto felt a vein pop.

"Damn it! I ain't your bitch, someone get rid of that thing please?!"

Sasuke didn't even look at the fox as he lifted it up and threw it into the woods before stalking over and lifting Naruto up supporting his weight over his shoulder.

"Stupid Dobe. How is it you got poisoned by a fox?" His voice sounded bored, but his body was still tense, most likely from the insult, and Naruto was suddenly glad that he was unable to fight. If Sasuke was anything else, he was proud and beating up a weak, injured person was not his style. "Now, we're late."

"It's not my fault! That damn fox nabbed me in my sleep, how was I supposed to escape?!"

"A shinobi should be able to sense all his surroundings even in his deepest sleep." Sasuke muttered as he lead Naruto passed Kakashi, and Naruto pouted a little more.

"Yeah, well I didn't see you waking up last night…" The hit to the back of his head tingled and Naruto couldn't help but wonder just how strong that fox was if the numbness had extended to his scalp.

"Naruto, move your feet or I'll drop you." Sasuke threatened menacingly. Glancing at the dark haired boy, Naruto glared, wondering if it would be wise to admit that he couldn't feel his limbs. Pride won out in the end and kept him silent, choosing to look like a pain in the ass instead of a gimp.

Sasuke's dark eyebrow rose and Naruto turned his head away at the threat. He wouldn't dare—

Naruto cursed at his sudden collision with the forest floor, less then pleased when he didn't feel the pain he knew he should have felt from the impact. "Damn it, Sasuke! What the hell was that about! I'm injured you ass!"

"Hn." The typical smirk was back, making his insides squirm with angered annoyance.


A shadow fell over his prone form and Naruto looked up, squinting his eyes against the glare of the sun, which outlined the body of his Jounin teacher. Kakashi had thankfully put his book away and was leaning over Naruto with a contemplative expression in his one visible eye.

Again, Naruto promised himself that he would one day remove that mask and see just what lay beneath, as his teacher let out a long heavy sigh. The exhalation made Naruto flinch slightly, a little fearful of what that sigh meant.

"… no choice I guess." The silver haired man mumbled and Naruto looked up at the lack of a condescending tone.


Kakashi just ignored him and tossed the scroll they'd been assigned to retrieve from a neighboring outpost to Sasuke. "Carry this, and this time don't drop it." Kakashi's statement seemed to make Sasuke annoyed as his eyes narrowed just slightly while he caught the parchment.


Naruto lifted an eyebrow, wondering why Kakashi was giving his crutch something else to carry when he was suddenly hoisted into the air. "Wah!"

"Right, so let's get going, Tsunaide doesn't need another reason to lecture you."

"Hey! She's not always lecturing me!" Naruto tried to defend himself but only received blank looks from all present. "Humph." He snorted, it really was useless arguing with them.

"So, how did it do that?" Naruto asked, after they'd been walking a while and it seemed that the fox wouldn't be trying to retrieve him.

"Huh, do what?" Kakashi questioned, shifting Naruto's weight a bit. Naruto was just grateful that his arms had enough strength to allow him to ride piggyback, last thing he needed was to be carried like a baby in front of Sasuke and Sakura.

Although he liked the fact that he was still small enough that Iruka could do it once in a while, and he'd never admit out loud how comforting it was to have someone baby him like that, but he didn't need his teammates making more comments on his height. That fox thing will be bad enough…

"Immobilize me." Naruto explained, trying to get a peak down the front of Kakashi's mask, but it was no use.

"Oh, that."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Yes, that!" Sometimes he wondered if Kakashi ever really listened when they spoke to him, and from the way Sakura gave the silver haired man a small glare, Naruto was sure she wondered the same.

"Well, it is spring time, so its natural to see animals out searching for mates."

The snort of laughter came from the back of the Uchiha, and though Sakura and Kakashi looked at the dark back in slight surprise, Naruto glared daggers, whishing that that arrogant ass would spontaneously combust. Despite popular belief the Uchiha did have a personality, one that seemed to only come out when Naruto was the butt end of some joke, and that personality was utterly evil, or so Naruto believed.

"Oi, you have something you want to say to me, date bayo?!" Naruto yelled, feeling Kakashi flinch under him as the loud sound passed directly by his ear.

Sasuke didn't respond further than a smirk over his shoulder, and Naruto felt his entire body tremble with his suppressed rage. That son of a bitch! I'm gonna… I swear one day I'll…

"Teme!!!" Naruto screamed out only to have himself jostled harshly, nearly biting his tongue off.

"Being as such," Kakashi continued as though nothing had happened, and successfully defused the brewing fight between the two boys. "the male foxes in this area have a potent spray that can paralyze the female of its choice giving the male a chance to impress it and thus gain a chance to reproduce."

An image of the dead rabbit came to mind and Naruto made a sickened face. Right, impress me with a massacred rabbit… ugh! If it really wanted to impress me it should have brought back some Ichiraku ramen! Naruto thought detestfully.

"So, why the hell was it trying to mate with me! And why was I affected by its…" Suddenly Kakashi's words fully caught up to him and Naruto went deathly silent and pale.

"Naruto?" Kakashi asked, the first to notice Naruto's change, and soon the group had stopped to regard the blond who felt like his entire world had simply stopped spinning.

"Naruto?" Sakura asked, reaching out a hand but was stalled as Naruto found his voice, and quickly became animated once more.

"You mean that damn thing PISSED on me?!"

Sakura jerked her arm away as though he were contagious, as Sasuke stepped back looking himself a little disgusted. It was understandable, considering he had been the one to touch him first and that fact seemed to be obvious to the dark boy as he unconsciously wiped his free hand on his shorts.

"… well…" Kakashi chuckled out starting to walk again, not even waiting for his other students to catch up.

"God damn it! Stupid fox, what the hell?! Do I look like a fucking female fox?!" Naruto continued to cry out feeling quite abused where his ego was concerned. So wrapped up in the injustice served to him, Naruto didn't notice the contemplative look that Kakashi made as he continued to fuss and complain about not being a fox, and therefore didn't catch the slight tension in the Jounin's frame as he switched the mood to a lighter one, purposefully changing the subject as the other two fell into step beside him.

"Well, you do give off potent Uzumaki PMS, maybe the fox was responding to that."

"I do not have PMS!!!" Naruto screamed, drowning out Sakura's muffled giggles and quickly shot a glare at Sasuke, pointing an accusing finger. "You! Not a word!"

"I didn't say anything, usuratonkachi." Sasuke mutter back, his face looking bored but his eyes glittering with mirth.

"Stop blaming Sasuke." Sakura predictably began, her look lightly teasing and friendly as she met Naruto's blue gaze with her own green one. At one point Naruto would have done back flips for such attention, now it only reminded him that he was being made fun of. "Besides, if you let your mood swings control you, you'll never land a guy."

Naruto felt his jaw fall slack in shock. Had Sakura really just implied that Naruto was gay? And that he was attempting to attract the Uchiha?

Naruto opened and closed his mouth several times as the pink-haired girl grinned evilly up at him. Even Sasuke seemed slightly surprised at her outburst as his gaze was actually focused on her, one dark brow raised in question.

"W—what the hell, Sakura?!" Naruto stuttered, his face flaming with a mix of humiliation and embarrassment. Sakura grinned, noticing this, and seemed to be in an unusually playful and vindictive mood. How many times has Sasuke shot her down today? Naruto wondered as the usually pristine Uchiha chaser, shot Sasuke a look before flippantly stating:

"Well, you two did kiss that one time."

Naruto choked on air, scandalized that she would dare to bring up such horror, as Sasuke visibly tensed, and if Naruto wasn't mistaken his left eyelid started to spasmodically twitch.

Damn it, he's gonna beat my ass now… damn you Sakura! Naruto thought, not liking to admit that the dark-haired boy could best him, but in his current condition he wasn't really left with much choice, seeing as Kyuubi seemed to be unconscious from the fox piss.

Seemed even demons were weak against mating rituals.

"I didn't know you two were so close." Kakashi teased, earning a red glare from Sasuke and a strangled; "What?!" from Naruto.

Sakura faked a gasp, and Naruto swore their damn teacher was rubbing off on her. "Why Naruto, should I be worried about you being my rival?"

"Wha—" Naruto began but was cut off.

"Not a chance." Sasuke quipped darkly, his gaze spelling out death to everyone who dared to meet it, and Naruto glared back, uncertain as to why the rejection of the unwanted proposal hurt so much.

"Well, that's true." Kakashi rumbled, and the vibration through his back was mildly comforting. "You do intend to revive the clan. Can't do that with Naruto."

"That's true, even with Uzumaki PMS, there's no way he could conceive Uchiha babies." Sakura giggled, her face flushing at the last term, as though picturing herself with such a privilege. Somehow, that rankled deeply in Naruto as jealousy gnawed in his gut. What's so great about his babies, huh?

"Guess your stuck with the foxes." Sakura added and Naruto turned on her quickly as his embarrassing encounter was once again thrown in his face.

"Damn it! All of you suck!"

Yes, he would never hear the end of this.


The oppressing heat seemed to build into a pressure just above his bladder and tore his mind from the blissful arms of sleep. "Shit…"

Naruto cursed as he rolled from his bed and stumbled into to the bathroom to relieve himself, but it seemed that it wasn't his bladder that was making his lower belly hurt. Scowling, Naruto fixed his pants and trudged out into the room to dress.

Just what I don't need… Naruto thought as he pulled on his orange pants and jacket harshly, tying his hitaiate over his forehead, effectively puling his bangs out of his eyes. Cramps. If that bastard knew he gave me muscle pains from yesterday I'll die…Naruto mentally cursed forcing his body to stand erect and not to wince as his belly sent a lance of pain strait down his legs making him stumble. He didn't remember getting kicked that hard.

"Damn it…" Naruto clung to the edge of the table for support for a moment until his toes stopped tingling before moving toward the door. For once food didn't sound appetizing to him or his angry stomach. I'll make the bastard buy me lunch in compensation. Naruto thought, evilly plotting ways of using his transformation Jitsu to good use for Sasuke's fan club as a way of blackmailing Sasuke.

The outside was annoyingly bright and sunny, a day he would usually take great pleasure in, but his current mood was dark after his rude awakening. It didn't help that his week had been just this side of hell after his fox incident less then seven days before.

Being carried into the village and before the fifth Hokage had been mortifying, not to mention the report that Kakashi had seemed all too happy to give, detailing the events of the mission right down to his abduction via fox.

If his group thought it was humorous, Tsunade seemed to find it hilarious and hadn't stopped laughing for several minutes. Dumb old bag… Naruto grumbled just at the memory of his degradement.

Luckily she'd dismissed them when Kakashi had made the mention that he needed to speak to her about something important. Naruto hadn't been too concerned about that, and still wasn't too interested in what he had to report to that old bat, but he was slightly curious as to why Iruka had suddenly dropped by that evening wanting to buy him ramen and asking if anything bad had happened while on mission.

He'd tried to keep quiet, but the whole sordid story just sort of slipped out, but at the very least Iruka was sympathetic to a degree, which was a relief from the constant laughing and teasing.

Naruto let out a deep breath and then breathed back in the warm air, allowing the sweet taste of the breeze to calm his wounded thoughts. At least today is just a training day… Naruto thought to himself, pleased that he'd be able to work out his frustrations on Sasuke's face.

The streets were busy with the usual bustle of the town as it woke up and came to life for the day. The sun did a lot for coaxing the people from their homes and putting them in a good mood. The number of smiles that were actually sent his way were more than usual, though the town had seemed to warm up to him since he'd made Genin and stopped causing so many pranks, and from his battle against Neji during the Chuunin exams. Though the opposite was true for those who recognized his power as being that of Kyuubi, but those people usually steered clear of him since any actions against him would not be understood by the new Hokage, who either was unaware of Naruto's curse, or simply decided not to give a shit about it.

Kicking a pebble and watching the dust motes it crated on the dusty ground, Naruto tried to forget the hot pain that had yet to leave him. If anything it seemed to get worse, then lighten up only to hurt again after a few steps.

Man, I don't bruise but I get lasting muscle pain from hell?! Naruto grumbled at his rotten luck and continued on his way to the meeting place. That's it, I'm going to land a kick to his gut that will last. Mark up that perfect skin all the girls are so crazy about. Naruto smirked at that thought and walked a little faster.

The bridge came into view from just over the hill and Naruto quickened his pace as the small forms of Sakura and Sasuke came into view. Damn, I'm last… Naruto reprimanded himself for not getting up sooner, somehow upset by the fact that those two had spent any amount of time alone together.

"… is said to be the best in all of Konoha, so I thought that maybe we could—"

"Not interested." Sasuke murmured, looking disinterested with his arm's crossed over his chest, his eyes closed as though he were resting, but they opened and focused on Naruto's face as the blond jogged up to them, his footfalls making a hollow thudding sound with each step. "You're late, Dobe." Sasuke greeted and Naruto shot him a glare, bending in half pretending to catch his breath as another sharp lance of pain made his body collapse inward.

Sakura gave a soft sound of disappointment as her plans—whatever they were—were again shot down and her love's interest once more snared by the blond dropout. Why she couldn't gain the Uchiha's attention like Naruto could was a mystery to her, but she never made mention of it fearing the truth she doubted she could handle.

Naruto rose up as the pain finally subsided and found Sasuke smirking at him, and instantly bristled ready for a fight. "What?"

"Run into another fox, or did you just forget to wake up this morning?"

The glare was fitting for the anger and pain Naruto felt inside, and he took a menacing step forward, his voice growling out from between his clenched teeth. Briefly he realized that he was loosing his cool over small things, even more than usual, but another part, the part that was slowly merging with the nine-tailed fox inside of him, rudely ignored it.

"I dare you to say that again, teme." Naruto snarled. Sasuke just lifted one perfectly curved eyebrow his smirk deepening at the challenge.

"You guys…" Sakura began, acting demure before Sasuke as she stepped between the two of them, attempting to play peacemaker, but Naruto didn't feel much like being negotiative.

"No, let's hear it, ass-hole." Naruto began stepping around Sakura his left hand already out stretched to grab a hold of that high-collared shirt. "What did you say?!"

Sasuke opened his mouth just as another cramp doubled Naruto in half at the unexpected pain. His eyes closed as his hands spasmed up to his sides. His knees buckled lightly before he managed to regain control over himself and remembered just where he was.

"You're sweating, Dobe. Are you feeling unwell?" Sasuke asked, uncharacteristically inquisitive, and Naruto bit the inside of his cheek for composer.

"I'm fine!" Naruto snapped, standing up fully and feeling a desperate pull from inside to curl back up. Damn it…

Sasuke gave him a look that clearly stated he didn't believe him, but he didn't press the issue, choosing to return to his anti-social ways as they waited for their ever-tardy teacher.

Sakura didn't ask, but Naruto could still feel her eyes burning holes into his back, and with each wave of pain it grew harder to tolerate her unwavering stare.

"So, Sakura, what were you talking to Sasuke about when I got here?" Naruto asked, turning with a brightly forced smile. It felt like his entire body was trembling lightly from residual pain and his mask of happiness crumbled with each crest of agony.

The pink haired shinobi blushed a littler, her eyes straying to the boy who was studiously ignoring the both of them before she looked back a little longingly and crestfallen. "Just about the new desert shop. Shikumaru's cousin owns it, and it's said to be the best."

Naruto perked up, his mind immediately locking on the prospect of chocolate. That sounds soo good. Maybe instead of Ramen I'll make the prick take me there, treat me for this painful handy cap. Naruto nodded to himself and Sakura took it as his motion that he was listening, and continued with a sigh, leaning against the early morning sun-warmed railing.

"Yeah, but it seems Sasuke doesn't like sweets."

Naruto couldn't contain his laugh that had the pink-haired girl looking at him curiously.

"Of course not, he hates sweet things, only chocolate he'll eat is dark." Naruto said as though the information was common knowledge. He missed the startled look the Uchiha turned on him, too content on the thought of chocolate and his possible consumption of it.

"Me on the other hand, I love sweet things! All kinds, so where is—"

"H—how did you know that?" Sakura asked, eyes darting between himself and Sasuke. Naruto blinked, his smile fading at her reaction.

"Huh? Know what?"

"What kind of candy Sasuke eats." Sakura clarified, and Naruto rolled his eyes, waving his hand dismissively, bored with such a stupid question.

"What do you mean how? He never touched the gifts the girl's made for him on the spring festival days, or on his birthday, and when Iruka-sensei passed out candies for the Kyuubi-festival, Sasuke was the only one who received the dark chocolate." Naruto stated matter-o-factly, unaware of the shocking attention he'd given to Sasuke, as well as his attention to detail that even one of the Uchiha's seasoned fan-girl's had missed.

"It's obvious, I mean he's a bastard, of course he'd be retarded when it came to good tasting things like sweets and ramen. I mean the teme won't even eat eggs because of the sugar in it." (1)

Sasuke raised an eyebrow as Sakura's jaw dropped in shock. It appeared that they had assumed Naruto was useless when gathering information after the incident with the written test in the Chuunin exams, and were now proven horribly wrong.


A puff of smoke announced the late instructor's arrival and the blond turned on the silver-haired man quickly his finger pointing accusingly. "Late!"

"Sorry, but there was this poor blind bat—" and so their day began, the informative conversation all but forgotten in the swirl of their training, which was both a curse and a blessing to Naruto.

Yes, Sasuke definitely owed him a treat, this time.


Naruto swung out only to have his fist blocked, and he sprung back quickly, just barely missing a foot to his face. He basked in momentary glory at avoiding one of Sasuke's attacks and was clipped in the ankle by Sasuke's foot.

"Ah!" Naruto cried out, completing and awkward, unsteady flip, landing on solid ground just as a blur of black encompassed his vision. "Shit!" Naruto squeaked placing his arms in a cross before his face just as Sasuke's fist connected painfully forcing Naruto back, his feet leaving deep grooves in the dirt.

A rush of wind let Naruto know that the Uchiha was on the move again, and he flung around, his heart slamming into his ribcage in anticipation, not all that certain of where Sasuke would attack from. It was the unknown that made their sparring sessions so intense and one of the things Naruto most looked forward to, though he'd never admit to it.

Sasuke's movements where always so fluid, almost graceful, and though it rankled deeply in Naruto that he still stumbled his way across the battle field, he knew his own movements were improving from attempting to imitate the prodigy in these matches, and slowly but surely he was improving.

"Over here, Dobe." Sasuke hissed in his right ear, and the brush of heat made him shiver almost as much as the gruff, deeper tone the words were spoken in, and he jerked around with the fear of being caught, but was too slow to avoid the attack.

The foot connected painfully with his belly, and the second the kick connected, the chakra added to the attack filled his body with a burning ache that reawakened the dormant pain as something inside burst with painful heat.

"AHHHHHHH!" Naruto screamed, his body curling in mid-air as his bowels seemed to release ruining his pants. He hit the ground and rolled, unable to stop himself, barely able to focus through the blistering pain that wracked through his body, sending his muscles into light spasms, and twitches.

His breath caught in his constricted throat and he trembled, eyes refusing to open, locking him in blackness that was filled with agony. God… damn… I broke…that bastard… broke… gah, it hurts… hurts… Naruto pulled closer, forcing himself to breath, but the breath seemed to only make the pain worse and a whimper escaped him, and he could barely hear it from his muffled ears.

"Finished already, usuratonkachi?" Sasuke's voice came from above him sounding superior, but he couldn't even find the will to look up at the boy. "I hardly hit you, get…" His words trailed off suddenly, and the silence was cold as the boy finally took in his appearance.

Great, he knows I messed myself… joy… Naruto thought, trying to focus on something other than the pain, but couldn't seem to let go of the agony spiraling inside. Could this be… Kyuubi? Naruto wondered almost fearfully, almost missing the bored, disappointed tone of Kakashi as he joined Sasuke, Sakura close on his heels.

"Naruto, unless you're dying get up."

Naruto managed to crack an eye open at the tone, and tried to force himself up, but the blinding pain made his head spin and nausea climb up the back of his throat.

He lurched onto his side hacking up stomach acid since he had no food in his belly to vomit up, and heard a startled cry as someone—he assumed it was Sasuke—dropped to his side, strong hands holding his shoulders and securing him against a warm chest.


"Sasuke what's—" Kakashi began, but was either cut off by Sasuke or saw for himself the condition Naruto was in as he stopped abruptly.

"He needs to get to a hospital, I think my last kick ruptured something."

"What?" Kakashi's question was a mirror of Naruto's own, though his reason was because of the large word and not because he needed more information on the situation as Kakashi did.

"Oh my god!" Sakura cried, "Naruto's, covered in blood!"

"What?" Naruto choked, trying to look down, but a lance of pain left him shaking and Sasuke pulled him further into his arms, attempting to stand.

"Don't move him." Kakashi commanded calmly, swiftly turning to Sakura. "Go get Tsunade, tell her to meet us at the hospital. Tell her Naruto may have ruptured an organ."

Sakura nodded before darting away with such speed Naruto was surprised it was the same girl he'd been training with for over six months.

"Naruto, can you hear me?" Kakashi asked, and Naruto tried to smile, but it came out more of a grimace as unwanted tears of pain slipped from the corners of his eyes. Not trusting his voice he nodded his head, and felt the muscles under his body tense. "Okay, I need you to tell me where it hurts, and how badly."

Naruto lifted a badly shaking hand and placed it over his lower stomach where his fingers curled into his clothes as another intense cramp took hold, turning his spoken answer into a blubbering simper that made his face flush with embarrassment.

Without thinking, Naruto turned his face into the nearest cover that just happened to be Sasuke's shirt and stomach. The fabric was soft and warm, and smelled of musk, sweat, and lightly of rain, mixed with the soft scent of detergent, and it was mildly comforting to him. He could only assume that that was how Sasuke smelled minus the soap scent that clung to the clothes, and nuzzled closer, hiding his weakness in the fabric.

Sasuke twitched at his actions but otherwise made no motion. He heard Kakashi sigh, and say something to Sasuke that he didn't bother to listen to, trusting the Uchiha to take care of whatever it was, after all, the bastard seemed to have a better understanding than he did on these things.

Sasuke's voice vibrated through his head as he responded and the sound, warmth, and smell, coaxed Naruto's over taxed mind into a heated darkness of oblivion, and he followed without much complaint. He was so tired. He was long gone by the time the panicked cries started calling out his name.


Naruto was certain that his life couldn't get any worse as he sat in the hospital bed, pouting at the wall playing a boring game of cards with himself while waiting for Tsunade to allow his team mates into his room.

If he was truthful with himself he really didn't want them to come in. He was never good at dealing with people being concerned over him, and it only made him feel awkward when they asked him how he was. He usually reacted with a joke, or a rude comment to break up the mood, but he doubted that would work after the stunt he'd just pulled, though he was no longer in danger, and most of the pain was gone.

A nurse had informed him when he woke up—nearly an hour before—that he'd been brought in three hours before, and that he was fine, so it bothered him that they wouldn't let him get up, nor would they allow him to leave. I could always sneak out the window. Naruto tossed the notion from his head swiftly, knowing that he had people who would worry and care if he went missing from the hospital.

A mischievous smile made its way over his face and he snickered evilly to himself at his newest thought. I wonder if Sakura would freak out like she did over Sasuke's vanishing act. He grinned and set another card down on his growing pile. He'd made his own games up when no one would teach him the others as a kid, though he had to admit it wasn't much of a game as it was just dividing the deck into ordered piles of color, rank, and suit. Maybe even Sasuke would wonder where I went. His grin mellowed out to a soft smile. "Yeah, and birds will marry fish."

"I hope that's not a display of your mental functions." The sound of Kakashi's voice made Naruto both stiffen and smile.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto turned and took in the small crowd that had gathered around his bed. Sakura walked right up to his side, her look concerned and worried, the Jounin stood beside her. Sasuke hung back a ways, his eyes averted, and his form tense.

Black eyes darted to his once, the searching intensity of them making Naruto flush for reasons he didn't understand, and to cover it up he flashed a smile. "Wow, even Sasuke came to visit me! Who threatened his shirt?"

Kakashi smiled—at least he thought he did—and Sakura gave a pout while Sasuke averted his eyes again, his face if anything growing darker. Well that wasn't what I expected… Naruto thought eyeing the Uchiha, ready to try another taunt and was shut up by a swat to his head.

"Ow! What the hell, can't you see I'm injured?!" Naruto cried, turning accusing eyes to his assailant and frowned when the Fifth Hokage stared down her nose at him.

"Hardly, you're problem is natural." Sasuke looked up, his shoulders relaxing slightly at that announcement and Naruto blinked in confusion.

"Huh? How's bleeding outta my ass natural, you old bag?" Another swat to his head left him cursing as the grouchy lady continued on as if he hadn't spoken. What was it with adults and ignoring him?

"Now stop picking on the boy whose been beating himself up thinking he nearly killed you." Tsunade ignored the glare Sasuke shot her way—obviously annoyed with her observation—as she took a seat on the edge of Naruto's bed, looking almost weary.

A fearful chill settled inside of Naruto's chest and he grabbed the fabric over his stomach knowing only one thing that could be so physically frightening and be natural.

"The seal?" He asked without thinking and only noticed his mistake as both the Hokage and the Copy Ninja turned to him sharply. Sasuke looked up curious and Sakura glanced between him and Tsunade confused at being out of the loop for once while Naruto was the one on the inside.

Naruto flushed, not really wanting his friends to know about his true self—unbidden the images of how they'd reacted to Gaara and his curse, and he shivered at the thought of being alone again—but if the seal was breaking then they had as much right as he did to know.

The healer and ruler of Konoha sighed and Naruto felt his heart sink to his feet. "Yes, and no. The seal is fine, and the rest of that matter can be discussed at a later time."

Naruto relaxed a little and accepted her answer. His calm demeanor was unnoticed by the curious Sakura, but Sasuke's eyes fairly bore holes into his skull. The Uchiha had not missed a word, he may not understand it but he hadn't missed a thing, Naruto's odd behavior included. Damn him and his perceptive ways… Naruto just hoped that Sasuke would act like his usual self and not ask questions.

"However…" Tsunade continued, once again regaining everyone's attention, and Naruto swallowed his nervousness to force a chipper grin as he let out a perfected sigh.

"C'mon baa-chan, can't this wait, I'm starving!" His complaint lifted the mood and did its job in relaxing all in the room except for him. Tsunade struck him again with a snarl.

"Show some respect you little brat! Now shut up and listen this is about you!"

Naruto rolled his eyes and slumped into his bed getting a smile from Sakura and a shake of the head from Kakashi. Sasuke was the only one that still seemed to be unfazed, but that was normal, and Naruto doubted Sasuke was good enough to be able to tell when he was faking.

"What is it then?"

Tsunade made an annoyed sound as she met Naruto's eyes, then she looked around the room at the others, as though debating whether she should say what she needed to before them.

Again Naruto tensed, prepared for his world to end with the next words as she turned back to him with a sympathetic look. "Normally I wouldn't say this in front of anyone, but being as this will affect all here, and it will be better if you had people to know and help you..." Tsunade rambled, seeming as nervous as the rest of them were. It was not comforting in the least.

"What is it?" Kakashi asked, and Naruto nodded his head, curious as well as to what his natural problem was. I'm not dying am I?

Tsunade looked up and fixed Sakura and Sasuke with a hard look. "What I say here is not to leave this room, understand." It wasn't a question.

Sakura nodded sharply, the fear clear on her face. Sasuke on the other hand just made that non-committal noise that could mean anything and nothing at all. Naruto had yet to decode the Uchiha's language, but it seemed Tsunade had somehow cracked the code as she continued with out pressing further.

"Ok then," Once more her eyes locked onto his own and Naruto felt a shiver run down his spine at the seriousness of the issue, and steeled himself for the worse. "Naruto, you collapsed and bled profusely from your rectum because," She paused and Naruto almost strangled her for it. "you're period started."


Bitter, unrelenting silence, where no one moved, and then…

"God Damn it! That is not funny, Old bag! For the last damn time I do not have PMS!" Naruto yelled, standing up on his bed making Sakura reach out, fearful of him falling. "If you're just going to make fun of me, then I'm going home!" Naruto was fully intending of leaving through the window when Tsunade's still calm, dead serious voice followed him like the poison of a snakebite through his veins.

"This is no joke, Uzumaki. Somehow you seem to have a functioning uterus and ovaries and have currently started your first cycle." Naruto turned to face the crazy woman in a haze of dread, trying not to think of how it made sick sense what with the damn fox, but that still didn't explain how.

His expression must have stated as much as Tsunade continued slowly. "I believe it may be a side affect of the seal, but I will discuss that with you later. What you need to know right now, is that somehow you have the working parts of a woman, but not the proper… tools."

Someone choked.

"… thus its found an exit and entry through your rectum."

Naruto suddenly felt ill. Collapsing on the bed, Naruto realized that the diaper feeling on his butt was most likely that thing called a pad. His body heaved with the urge to vomit and he covered his mouth with his hands.

"I'm sorry I had to discuss such private matters in front of your team, but you will need a woman's assistance, and Sakura would be the best option. That and your team should be aware of your circumstances." Her words had a double meaning and Naruto trembled at it, feeling vulnerable and felt Sakura place an uncertain hand on his shoulder.

Finally looking up, Naruto felt a little eased at the accepting—if disbelieving—look in Sakura's eyes. Taking courage from that, Naruto looked around the room. Kakashi looked shocked, but otherwise seemed normal, already relaxing to the notion that his student was even more of a freak than he thought. But the real shock was with Sasuke.

The Uchiha was standing there, his eyes practically bugging from his head, his jaw slightly agape as he stared at Naruto.

Somehow the look hurt and Naruto averted his eyes cursing, and felt tears burn the backs of his eyes. This… just got worse. What the hell was that saying? Trouble always comes in threes? Naruto sure believed that now.

"What the hell are you looking at?" Naruto snapped, easily falling back on routine to protect his wounded pride and heard Sasuke straiten up, gaining control over his expression once more.

"Hn." Was his only response, and for once the sound was appreciated. He hadn't said nothing, as though to imply Naruto was below recognition, and he hadn't stuttered like a fool, proving that their current relationship hadn't changed either.

No, that sound just proved that Sasuke was as disturbed by this news as he himself was and was dealing with it in his own way. Maybe things weren't all that destroyed after all.

"Well, guess that means Naruto is competition." Kakashi joked, destroying Naruto's fragile calm with his insanity and it was then that Naruto decided that Kyuubi was a big, vindictive bitch, and he was at her mercy.

Life sucked.

A.N. well here's chapter one. - What do you think, should I continue? Let me know, and if they are out of character I am sorry. Now as for my other fic, Natural I have decided to leave it as a one shot, but I might write up a sequel of sorts for all of you who wanted the story to be longer. It can be considered as the next part to Natural or an entirely different story for those who preferred that Natural stay a one shot, but for the time being I'll be focused on this story. Thank you for your opinions and I'll see you next time.

1: Japanese scrambled eggs often have sugar mixed in. It actually tastes quitekj good, I had it in some Tempura Udon. Damn it was great!