Author's Notes: So sorry for the delay in updates. Real Life has been a pain in the arse!
Big change here, Yondaime has a name! If you dont read the manga you wont know what Im talking about, so be warned: Spoilers in this chapter.
And for those of you who know what Im talking about, dont get all crazy and yell at me: I wont be going back and changing all the Yondaime's to Minato's. Too many other important things I could be doing with my time.
ALSO, this story was meant to be finished before the biggest secret in all of Naruto-land was revealed. Some of you know what Im talking about. But Im going to finish this fic as originally planned regardless so no flames from the CANON people who would just die if anything in the Naruto-verse gets changed for the benefit of creativity.
Yes, Im a smartass right now. But it's 4 am and this chappy took forever to write.
EDIT: This chapter is being resubmitted due to major changes. I practically re-wrote the entire chapter because I wasnt happy with it and it ended very badly the first time around. So here is the new and hopefully improved chapter of Rin's Decision. ENJOY!!
Minato inhaled deeply, letting the breath be pushed from his lungs by the weight of his own chest. In. Out. In. Out. Slowly his muscles started to relax. He could see the bright warm sun through his eyelids. It felt nice. Warm. Comforting. He needed this.
The past few weeks had been worse than the ones before.
After his encounter with Rin and the revelation that accompanied it, he'd done everything he could to avoid her. Kakashi as well. Even Jiraiya had been finding it more difficult to locate the blonde. He simply didn't want to speak to anyone.
He didn't want to answer questions. Or avoid them. He didn't want to think about or deal with this...this...overwhelming, breath stealing, want to stuff himself into a box and ship it to Stone with a note that says 'Kill me now.' thing or situation or whatever it was.
He'd tried everything to relax and sort through his emotions with a level head.
But it was always hindered by memories of Rin and the truth of what they'd done. What he did. He wished he could go back to that day. Kept his distance and his ignorance. Allowed himself to continue being blissfully unaware of the mysterious woman's identity.
The word made him feel ill.
Rin wasn't a woman.
She was a child.
Slowly kneading the wrinkles from his brow, he took another deep breath, letting it pull the tension from his body.
In. Out. In. Out.
So long as he kept breathing, the world wouldn't come to an end.
He'd tried relaxing in his office, but the chunins kept coming in with more paperwork. Finding their current Hokage in odd positions he realized was causing more stress. For himself and the shinobi working for him.
First, he simply tried to nap on the couch, but it smelled like Kakashi, which reminded him of Rin. So he tried laying on the floor with his feet in his chair. It helped for a little while. But it took ten minutes to get the chunin to stop hyperventilating, so he found himself laying on his back on top of the Hokage mansion soaking up the sunshine. No chunins or smelly couches.
It was a peaceful place to be when one needed to think. The monument was an inspiration sometimes he would talk to the old faces to help sort himself out.
It wasn't working today.
His confession, "I've slept with my student who is a child by the way."
Their response, "Some Hokage you turned out to be."
He was sure the stone faces were glaring at him even now. Judging him. Deciding wether or not he was worthy of anything other than an eternity in hell. Which he was sure he deserved. He imagined the Death God checking off names while he waited in line and an odd all knowing smile would appear as he called, "Namikaze Minato. Pedophile. Check." and then he would laugh manically.
Minato ran his fingers through his hair and tugged, surrendering to his stress. He sat up, draping his arms around his knees. Glowering at nothing and everything. He was right to believe he had done something unforgivable. Something far worse than just a one night stand with a woman he couldn't remember.
Because it hadn't been a one night stand between two consenting adults.
There was no consent and only one adult that night.
Rin's part in this didn't matter when compared to his.
He was so angry at her, but even more angry with himself. No. Not just angry. Disappointed. He was suppose to be better than this. He let his own student drug him in his own house in his own village. It didn't matter where he was or who she was. He was suppose to be a shinobi, trained to notice the smallest details. Thinking back to that night he could easily see everything he'd missed simply because he'd let his guard down. It was so clear now. Painfully clear.
"Don't worry. Im not going to run away."
"I didn't think you would since I managed to get this close and your still here."
"It was the tea."
He'd spent hours trying to decipher the memories of that night. Piece them together into something resembling sanity. Several headaches later he'd remembered their conversation. Remembered Rin insisting that she make them tea.
"You weren't suppose to remember."
The intensity in which Minato glared at her over his arm made Rin stop where she was, "I remember everything."
It wasn't a complete lie.
He did have memories of the events after he finished the tea. They were less clear and scattered, but still vivid enough for him to know he had most definitely been in his bed naked with the very same girl standing only a few feet away. Girl. Child. Not a woman he reminded himself. Again.
Rin blushed, "Im sorry."
Rin returned the glare instantly. Already on the defensive. She'd had this argument with herself time and again and her conclusion was no different. Other than the effect it was having on her ex-sensei, she just couldn't bring herself to completely regret her decision. In the end she was grateful for the strength their night together gave her. She survived her mission with her sanity intact. "Of coarse Im sorry!" she spat back, hands balled into fists.
Minato stood up, facing her as he folded his arms over his chest, "For what? Lying to me? Drugging me? Using me? Making me into a lunatic for the past couple of months? What exactly are you sorry for Rin? Turning me into a pedophile?"
"Your not a pedophile and I'm not a child!" she protested, angry he would think something so horrible about himself.
"And a kunoichi and a med-nin..."
"And my student!"
"That doesn't make it ok!" he yelled so loud several birds burst from the nearest tree.
Rin clamped her mouth shut tight, chest heaving, a sheen of sweat broke out on her forehead and she swayed a bit in the breeze before steadying herself. She wasn't going to be the one to back down first and she was going to make him listen to her because it was killing her inside that he was torturing himself for what she'd done.
The breeze blew leaves around like a mini tornado, disappearing over the edge of the building. A thick, fluffy cloud blocked the sun for a few moments. Minato's eyes remained locked with Rin's, neither willing to back down. She was outright defying him, yelling at him, treating him like they were friends who'd made a mistake.
"Do you have any idea what I've been through because of what I did...what we did?"
"You didn't do anything wrong!" Rin pleaded.
"I had sex with my student!"
"Because I drugged you out of your mind and seduced you. You didn't take advantage of me. Drugged or not you saved my life. Doesn't that mean anything to you? Would it help if you thought of it as a mission? Because if it were a mission you wouldn't be driving yourself insane over this. You'd accept it and move on. Or is it because you're the Hokage and your stubborn pride wont let you see reason?"
Minato glared down into a very angry kunoichi's face and not for the first time since she'd appeared on his roof he noticed the pallor color of her skin and the way her clothes seemed to be a bit too big even though he'd seen her wearing this very same outfit barely four months ago. Then he remembered something from that day in the hospital before his world turned upside down for the second time in the last couple of months.
She'd been pale then too and the med-nin had said she was ready for her. Ready for what? An exam? Why would she still be sick?
"Rin?" he frowned, reaching on instinct to feel her forehead before it occurred to him touching her was not a good idea and let his hand hover.
Rin opened her mouth as if she were going to continue her tirade. But instead of words, vomit poured out, splattering all over Minato's chest. For a moment she just stared, one hand over her mouth, in mild shock. Tears threatening to spill over when she finally spoke, "Im sorry."
Minato's hand darted out, steadying her when she started to look as if she would faint or worse, vomit on him again, "Sit down. I should get a med-nin. Take slow deep breaths."
"No. Ill be fine. I just...I haven't been feeling well and it sneaks up on me sometimes." she let him guide her over to the rail, using it to lower herself down, grateful for the little bit of shade the nearby tree cast. She was surprised when he joined her, offering up the hem of his coat to wipe her mouth with, "Im sorry about your shirt. Ill clean it for you."
Minato shook his head, glancing down at the ick he could feel soaking through the fabric, "Im the one who should apologize. I shouldn't have yelled. I just...I feel..."
"It wasn't suppose to be like this. I tried to rationalize everything. To make what I was planning ok in my own head. But all I was thinking about was myself. I never imagined it would effect you this way. You have every right to hate me."
"I don't hate you Rin. And I think I understand, just a little, why you did it. But..." he turned to look at her, the ache in his chest only growing stronger seeing how young and weak she looked sitting next to him, her hands shaking, tears streaking her normally happy face. "Why me?" he whispered.
When she curled over, sobbing into her hands, he wanted to wrap his arms around her like when she was younger and had cried over the simpler things in life. Like Obito and Kakashi arguing. Again. And the not so simple things. When she'd explained to him how Obito had died saving Kakashi.
But now...touching her for any reason was beyond wrong.
Before that night, a comforting hug had been just that. Something innocent between him and his student when she needed it most. But now, even when he knew she needed this simple act from him, he couldn't help but feel he was taking advantage of her.
So he waited patiently, realizing for the first time how hard this must have been for her as well.
Girls were more emotionally attached to their virginity than boys. For them it was a gift they chose to give away to someone they loved. Rin was forced to give hers away prematurely. But he could understand, it was still a choice. Far better than having some dirty old man taking it from her for the sake of a mission. But he didn't understand why she chose him of all the boys her own age who would have jumped at the opportunity. Hell, even Kakashi would have been a better choice.
"I chose you...because, other than Kakashi, I trust you more than anyone." she choked on a sob, wiping her nose on the piece of red and white coat she was still clinging to, "Because I didn't want the memory of some smelly pig forcing himself on me to haunt me for the rest of my life."
Minato inhaled deeply, then wrinkled his nose. Sitting up he slipped out of his coat and draped it over Rin's legs before tugging his shirt over his head, being careful not to get the smelly mess in his hair. Wadding it up, he dropped it between his legs and gave his tank top a quick check to make sure it wasn't soiled too badly before sitting back.
Rin chewed her lower lip nervously. He was being too quiet.
"You also said 'Not just trust with the experience itself, but with keeping it to themselves. And I don't want to give away something this special to just anyone who doesn't care about me at all.'"
Rin turned to stare at him in disbelief. He'd remembered word for word what she'd said to him that night. "How did you..."
"At the time I thought you were listing reasons why you weren't going to choose anyone to help you. But you were telling me why you chose me." It made more sense to him now. She wanted someone who knew what they were doing, someone who wouldn't tell anyone and most importantly someone who cared about her.
She had obviously given it a lot of thought, including the drug she used, which on it's own was impressive. Everything had worked perfectly to her own advantage and from a shinobi's point of view, the plan was nearly flawless. Except that he'd remembered everything. But his memory was his problem, not hers. Something he would have to deal with on his own. Because he couldn't tell anyone what had happened between them. Not just to protect his reputation, which he was sure had been part of her reasoning, but to protect her. If the counsel found out they would want her arrested, at the very least strip her of her rank and prevent her from working as a med-nin.
"Rin..." Minato rubbed the back of his neck, unsure of what to say now that things were out in the open. At least all the important things. He didn't even want to get into a discussion about the risk she took by having unprotected sex. Even if she was on birth control which he knew was a requirement of all kunoichi. And he wasn't going to scare her by telling her she could very well go to prison if anyone found out. He'd just have to make sure no one found out.
So what was left for him to say?
"You did what you had to do to survive. I cant blame you for that. But I cant say that I forgive you or that Im not still angry. I trusted you and you betrayed me." he took a deep breath, "But I don't hate you. I could never hate you." slowly he reached an arm around her shoulders, pulling her against him.
Rin turned into his warmth, fresh tears soaking into his top, "Do I still have to wash your shirt?"
Minato pulled a face, eyeing the offensive smelling shirt between his legs, "You were sick that day at the hospital too, weren't you? I remember, you looked like you did today. As if you were going to faint. And the med-nin, she said she was ready for you."
Rin cringed, cursing the man's ability to remember everything, even when he wasn't suppose to. She wasn't ready for this. Minato wasn't ready for this. If he didn't hate her now, he would. She needed more time. Time to let him cool down and maybe, if she was lucky, to forgive her.
Minato's frown deepened, "Rin. What is it your not telling me?"