Alright let me start off by saying that I'm Edward Elric. Now I know that some of you may know me by the name of full metal but just forget about that for right now, it was a long time ago and that part of my life is over okay? Get over it? Good.
Now I've heard from other sources that there is a lot of speculation as to my sexual preference. Let me say this, it's not anyone's damn business. Why does it matter if I like women or men? It really doesn't have anything to do with any of you so why does it really, in the grand scheme of things, matter?
I wasn't going to address this because like I said it's no one's damn business until I got wind of all the speculation you people have thrown out there. Pairing me with just about everyone I've ever come into contact with including my own flesh and blood makes me want to vomit.
Reading this crap about me touching people that I despise and actually being intimate with them makes my head spin. Now before you all get, 'oh Ed reads fan fiction', happy let me make something clear; I didn't search for it it found me. It was sent to me via email, yes I have an email account no you can't have it, by my brother who nearly had a heart attack after he read a particularly disturbing, what you people call yaoi, story about us.
Why in the blue hell would I want to have sex with my brother? You sick freaks! Cut us some slack for Christ sake; forgot about cute sixteen year old Edward you may have seen from the anime or thirteen year old Alphonse from the movie okay and keep what I'm about to say in mind; we are old. We are both very old men now and I highly doubt that if there were any fact based on this pairing no one would want to watch a coupling take place between us.
Then there's me with Winry, she was my friend, my sister in a sense but sure as hell not my lover. Thinking back I do remember what it was like to be a teenager and let me tell you it's no hormonal picnic! I never swept her off her feet and laid her down on her bed or ravaged her on her work bench. The thought of it actually makes me cringe, I saw Winry naked once on accident when we were visiting Resembool and I thought my eyes were going to burn out of my head!
As far as Roy Mustang goes, I haven't given that bastard a second thought since I left his arrogant ass in Amestris. The only solace I take is in the fact that he's long gone and dead, I mean if I'm this old then if Mustang is alive he must be demented and drooling on himself. That mental picture makes me happy, not one of him tied up and naked or me sneaking into his office to sex him. I can't even being to name off how wrong that pairing is but damn it all I'm going to try. First off, when I met Mustang I was eleven still just a little kid. He was a grown man, full adult; now I don't know how it is where you people all live but I know around here and back in Amestris there were laws that discouraged most people from doing things like that. Secondly, the manga is closer to the truth of our lives yes but doesn't even tip the ice burg as to how much I hated Roy Mustang. The sadistic bastard took pleasure in reminding me daily of how precocious the situation was and one little slip cue thumb snap just to unnerve me as I stand before him trembling was all it would take for my ass to go to jail and Alphonse to be hauled off to a lab for experiments. I actually used to have dreams of slaughtering that son of a bitch and if I could have I would have. The best day of my life was knowing the next day I wouldn't have to see him ever again.
With all that said let me get to the point of why I am addressing all of you; I am not gay. I do not like men, I am not attracted or turned on by the same sex; period! End of story However I am also not attracted to or necessarily turned on by the opposite sex either. Confused? Well how did you think I felt? When other teenagers are experimenting with kissing and dating for starters I was working for the military and running around like a damn chicken with my head cut off so I really didn't have the time to figure things out with someone else I guess you could say. Even if I had had the time though I wouldn't have wanted too.
So Ed's not gay, Ed's not straight. What exactly does that make Ed? The answer is simple; asexual. Now before anyone reading this gets all happy thinking that I can impregnate myself or something twisted along those lines let me say this; NO and EWW! I'm a guy, no female organs hidden in this body girls much to some of your chagrin. That would be a hermaphrodite and even still I don't think they can impregnate themselves either at least I hope not.
Anyways what does it mean exactly if a person is asexual. Basically it means that I don't enjoy the physical side of a relationship. Holding hands, small kisses on the cheek and gentle hugging are fine but when it comes down to kissing on the lips or beyond makes me shudder. Sure I get dirty thoughts and yes I am attracted to people but honestly the dirty thoughts make me feel dirty, as if I'm a terrible person for having them.
If you saw someone that you were physically attracted to walking down the street most people would think 'I would love to jump their bones' where as I'd think 'I'd really like to get to know them'. People who are asexual take great pleasure in emotional relationships not physical ones. This doesn't mean I'm a virgin no, I have had a few partners all of which were women by the way. I tried to enjoy it and tried to tell myself it was a normal natural thing but it disgusts me and I can't bring myself to do it. So I stopped and have been all the happier because of it.
You'd be surprised, especially as you get older, how less sex matters in a relationship. To me it was the greatest thing when women I had known for years became less interested in sleeping with me and just wanted to talk with me.
So happy now that you all know my sexual preference? You people are like vultures, don't you dare turn my words around either! I'm old and can't take this aggravation damn it!