Author's note- Read. Review. My first songfic. so this should be interesting.
thanks to monkey en tutu for beta help :)
Disclaimer. I don't anything of new moon or twilight.
I stood on the precipice over the choppy waters as a familiar song lofted through my brain. Edward had liked Death Cab For Cutie. Liked, past tense. Since he was gone now. The hole in my chest shredded through my middle, as it roared open. But this time I made no effort to hold it shut. I let the pain scream into the wind, the storm inside me matching the storm above me. Stable song. That's what the song had been called. He used to play it a lot.
Time for the final bow,
Rows of deserted houses,
All our stable mates highway bound.
Not rows. Just one. One large white empty house. Which coincided with the large hole in my heart. The final bow. As if I had given a performance. This was the most tragic play ever written, a pathetic excuse for a woman was thrown to the dust by the too good to be true boyfriend. And with that he had moved on to the eternal glory that had always been his, while she wallowed pitifully in the crater that he had left unfilled. And so she had decided that it was impossible to fight off any longer. She would end the audience's misery along with her own, and join the rocky waves beneath her nose. I sighed dejectedly having already accepted the sheer misery that carved through my veins as I thought of his face.
Give us our measly sum,
Getting the air inside my lungs is heavenly,
Starting out, with nothing but crippling doubt.
Air would probably seem heavenly once I had taken the dive. But at the moment the measly sum that Edward had left me, which was a scolding phantom of his voice, was yelling irately into my ears. I ignored my imagination's words simply focusing on the falsetto sound of his voice. We had started out with nothing but the knowledge of his unearthly craving for my blood.
We'll rest easy, justified.
This was justified right? I had made a promise. But that promise was shot to hell now. Even though in my mind my promise was still being kept, not to do anything reckless or stupid.
Reckless: adj; utterly unconcerned about the consequences of some action.
I wasn't being reckless. I was completely concerned with the consequences of this action. I was intent on one consequence and I was pretty sure that this course of action would do the trick.
Stupid: adj; foolish; senseless.
Senseless? Impossible. This was awakening all of my senses. The spattering of warm raindrops against my face, the wind ripping against the legs of my pants, and the thunder that made me shiver involuntarily, they all made me feel alive. Foolish? Hm. Maybe I was foolish. But life is a fool's game right?
Suffered a swift defeat,
I'll endure countless repeats,
The gift of memory's an awful curse,
With age it just gets much worse,
But I won't mind,
A swift defeat had been what I had suffered, our romance being cut in only a matter of moments. "A clean break". His hollow words echoed through my ear. I banged my hand on my forehead. I didn't like those words. The gift of memory's an awful curse. An awful one indeed, I thought as my heart thumped jumpily between my ribs. But were memories of the good times better than never having experienced them at all? A small part of me nodded. So maybe at this time I shouldn't really mind that he left me. He had done it for the best right?
So as the wind whistled past my face I didn't mind. As I leaned off the edge and into the currents my toes held on longest. Suddenly everything went silent. I was briefly aware of the chilliness of the seawater as the hole where I had fallen in quickly closed over me.
I won't mind,
I won't mind,
I won't mind.
I didn't mind as the hopefully deadly currents whipped me around. My lungs ached painfully, pleading for oxygen. But I had learned to ignore aches. The ache that Edward had left in me was so strong that at times it had left me bedridden. And my lungs? Well they didn't seem so severe compared to that. My memories slid by my eyes, like an old camera's candid shots. But by the time I could muster a smile the silence was all I could hear. No more music. No more Edward. And as I sank cozily into the wet iciness against my skin, there was no more pain. No more love. And since all of the pieces of me had gone, I felt no need to hold on. And so I let go too. Like so many things, well actually like one thing, had let go of me. So at last I really didn't mind.
Author's note- review please. :) evol Kap.