The other day I saw a few girls surrounding Sota-kun, and obviously flirting. Not that I'm jealous or anything.
I know this is a weird way to start an entry, but I had to get that out of my system. It was too much that Sota had lowered himself to actually hang around those kind of girls. It makes me rather depressed. It wasn't the fact that girls continued to fall at his feet, constantly making moves and passes at him, strutting in their slutty way. No, it wasn't the fact that Sota wasn't bothered at all about how girls wanted to go out with him and thought him attractive.
What really struck me was when I realized something.
Our relationship suddenly shifted to a… no, unrequited love isn't the phrase I'm looking for… more like unrequited friendship. I didn't want to sound like it was all Sota-kun's fault, when it really was…
I'm feeling awful. I just miss him so much.
Recently, whenever I've gone to visit the Higurashi Shrine, I would sit on the shrine steps, waiting and hoping that I would see Sota-kun making his way up the steps.
But I never did. I had thought that if I stayed too long, I'd look like an idiot when he would finally come. But I didn't want to go there for no reason. The shrine is a good six blocks or so away from my house. So, I would invite myself into the shrine (as Sota's mother always tells me that I am welcome all the time), and end up doing the shrine chores, such as sweeping, dusting scrolls, or even learning about other random legends in the shrine. And sometimes I sit beneath the Goshinboku, and wish that Sota were there sitting with me. The tree really is a beautiful place to sit when you want to be calm and relaxed.
Sometimes when I came and visited, Kagome would be there, and she always seems to be there at the right times, especially when Sota-kun's grandfather starts going off in his own little world, where history is to reveal itself once again… or whatever the old man says. Kagome and I end up playing little games, such as Sota-kun's video games, or other girly activities that Kagome likes to do. Even though I don't fully enjoy most of the things that Kagome recommends to me, I think of it as an improvement. That I am doing something, something without Sota.
But then I stop to think, is doing something without Sota-kun an improvement, or a failure? Does it show that I've failed to keep Sota-kun intact? Is that why we are not friends anymore?
But I haven't the time to dwell on that right now.
The phone is ringing.
I hope it is Sota.