Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club and this is just a fan work.
Notes: I wrote this a while ago. It's crack with a splash of fluff at the end. And remember: a drunk Hikaru is a sort of OOC Hikaru.
Warnings: There's like, mild incest. As in, no kissing but as in Hikaru doing things that you may laugh at but still be considered incestuous. Yeah, makes perfect sense.
Hikaru was rebelling.
And Kaoru wished he could rebel in a way that didn't involve him carrying his brother all the way to their room.
"Ah, Kaoru! You are the best brother ever!" And he said this so loudly, with the loudest laugh imaginable, that Kaoru winced and was surprised no maids had woken up.
"Be quiet, Hikaru! Ugh, do you have to go to some stupid party every week?" He groaned while pulling Hikaru up the stairs because a drunken Hikaru was a very lazy Hikaru.
"Well," he laughed and burped. "You told me we needed to do separate things! I did, Kaoru! You wanted me to!"
"I meant things like hobbies! Can't you pick up tennis or something?"
Then he burst out laughing and Kaoru was tempted to just leave him on the stairs. But then he'd feel guilty and he couldn't do that to Hikaru.
"Gay guys play tennis, Kaoru! Want me to play tennis with you, Kaoru? Do you?" He sang. Hikaru always did this. Always accused him of wanting to have sex with him. But Hikaru was drunk and Kaoru could only remain loving for so long.
"It was just an example!"
He got no real reply other than Hikaru still laughing. He always laughed when he was drunk and he guessed it wasn't as bad as him punching everybody while he was drunk.
When they got to their room, Hikaru let go of his brother and ran to their beds without falling once. Which was great since he had staggered so much.
"I love our room! I love it so much! Do you know why I love it so much, "Kaoru? Do you? You'll never guess!"
"You're right. Why do you love our room so much?" He sighed and he sat down on his bed. Hikaru was supposed to throw up any time now and Kaoru knew it. Hopefully, he wouldn't throw up on their beds like he had the last time.
"'Cause it's our room! Ours! Ours! Ours!" Then he wouldn't stop chanting that stupid word and Kaoru had to shut him up with his hand.
"I get it already!"
Then Hikaru looked serious and grinned, taking the hand off of him. This never meant anything good.
"You're so pretty, Kaoru. I want to kiss you! Let's have sex!" Then Kaoru felt Hikaru grabbing onto him and hugging him tightly. Was this how a drunken person flirted with somebody? Kaoru found himself wondering.
"Don't you think that might be going a bit too far?"
"No! You're all I need! Kaoru, I love you!"
"I'm never letting you go to another party. Ever again."
Then Hikaru gasped dramatically before starting to laugh again, falling backwards on their conjoined beds. "Kaoru loves me! Looking out for me like you always do!" Then he grinned again. "We should fuck."
"Because you're definitely turning me on."
"I knew it!"
And then all of the sudden, Hikaru was taking his clothes off and unexpectedly, he was jumping on Kaoru, kissing his cheek.
"Hikaru! Get off me! I was being sarcastic!"
"No, you want this too! I know you do!" And then he was licking his brother's cheek and Kaoru was making a face of disgust. This wasn't anywhere near sexy. No where near it. Not even funny or cute.
"Hikaru! That's gross!" he was whining but Hikaru did stop licking his cheek to instead lick his neck. "That's even more disgusting!" He was drunk and licking him and it was annoying Kaoru to no end because of the horrible wet feeling and Kaoru was shuddering in disgust.
When a maid finally came in to see what was wrong and saw the situation, she wasn't too surprised. Working for the Hitachiins meant you got used to the twins doing constantly weird things. The only fact that surprised her was that one of them was trying to get away.
"Is everything fine?"
"Yes! Just go away!"
She did too. Mostly because she wasn't completely sure why one of them was being licked like that.
Kaoru sighed and gave up as soon as Hikaru began kissing his neck, tired out from struggling. Hikaru would have to throw up some time.
"You know, Hikaru. You're really lucky you have me as a brother. Really lucky."
"I know!" Hikaru sang, finally taking a break from 'ravishing' his twin. "You're so pretty and you always care about me and you-"
And then Hikaru threw up all over their floor.
Kaoru sighed and carried his brother to their bathroom to clean him up. He smelled gross but Kaoru didn't mind too much. After all, it was only Hikaru. He could handle Hikaru's gross moments.
"Kaoru, you really do mean a lot to me." Hikaru mumbled, still looking a bit tipsy but Kaoru was still sure that he meant it even if he most likely wouldn't remember saying it in the morning.
Hikaru fell asleep on Kaoru's lap and even when his legs fell asleep, Kaoru could still smile and brush his brother's hair with his fingers affectionately.
After all, even a drunk and sexual assaulting Hikaru still meant the world to Kaoru.