A/N: This crack!fic was originally for the HP 'Ships Log, but it ended up being much too long. About 4 or 5 years ago, before I started writing fanfiction, I came upon a piece with Ron and Ginny in it. I forget the author's name. But as I read it, not having been warned in a disclaimer, I realized that something was wrong. As the fic progressed, it became very graphic, brother/sister incest pr0n. I was, well... shocked. So think of this as a tribute of sorts to the Ron/Ginny fic that raped my innocence!
Rated for: incest, innuendo, promiscuity, etc.
Disclaimer: HP belongs to J.K. Rowling. Boy/Girl incest is squicky.
Ron and Ginny Get It On
Ginny positioned herself seductively in the doorway to her brother's room. She was on a mission. "Hello, Ron," she purred.
Ron was sitting on his bed perusing through a dirty magazine when he heard her voice. He looked up. "Oh. Hullo, Ginny," he said sullenly. "How're you doing?"
"Bollocks. Hermione says that she's 'unable to pursue a relationship at this point in time,' so I'm wallowing in self-loathin' and satiating my hormonal teenage urges by lookin' at the pictures in this dubious muggle magazine." He turned back to the page he was on and grimaced. "I didn't know people could bend that far back without magic…"
Ginny shook her head. "Well you know what? I think you're pathetic. Throw out that filthy thing and forget all about that trollop Hermione and get yourself a real woman."
Ron rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah. And where d'you expect me to find o' of those? Korea?"
"Right here, stupid."
Ron blinked. "Whaaaa?"
Ginny motioned to herself. "Me. I can be your woman."
"But jeez, Gin… you're my sister!" Ron yelped. Ginny said nothing. Ron tried to explain it farther. "That means we're related, Gin. It's called incest."
"My point is that it's wrong."
"So? Fred and George do it all the time. Have you heard the sounds coming out of their room lately?"
"But what about Mum?"
"What about her?" Ginny snapped. "She doesn't have a problem with the twins, why should she have one with us?"
Ginny slunk her way over to Ron's bedside and ran her fingers through his ginger hair. "Isn't it? And I know you want me, Ron. I've seen the way you look at me over the plate of blueberry scones, when you think that everyone's too busy with breakfast to notice."
Ron grabbed Ginny's hands from atop his head and began nibbling on her fingers. "You used to be so innocent, Gin. When'd you become such a slut?"
"Ever since Dean took me out behind the greenhouses when I was twelve. Then Seamus, and Draco, and Blaise, and Michael, and Neville…"
"Bloody hell! Neville?"
Ginny shrugged, in the middle of undoing Ron's trousers. "Desperate times called for desperate measures. Besides, Neville was a great kisser. Now Goyle. There's a bad lay…"
"Oh, god, Ginny! That's disgusting!" He paused in the quest of undoing her bra to pose a question. "What about Harry? Please tell me you didn't do anything wit' Harry…"
"Second base," she said bitterly. "He was too noble to go any further. Shame, really. And then he dumped me…"
"Finally. Somewhere that doesn't reek o' that big-headed git."
Ginny sighed. "Shut up and kiss me, big brother…"
Ten minutes later…
Mrs. Weasley, entering the kitchen with her youngest son and daughter in tow, was furious. "Arthur! Arthur, come quickly!"
Mr. Weasley staggered out of the den. "Yes, Molly dear? What is it?"
"Arthur, you would not believe what I found Ronald and Ginevre doing!"
"What happened? Were they touching my battery collection? What's wrong?"
She told him, after which Mr. Weasley promptly responded by passing out on the kitchen floor.
"Some help you are," Mrs. Weasley scoffed. She turned to her children. "How could you?"
Ron was dumbstruck, and therefore speechless. Ginny however, was far from silent. "Mum it's no big deal Ron and me were just experimenting and it went a bit farther than we planned but really Mum it's no biggie don't get your knickers in a bunch…"
"'No big deal'? Ginny, do you understand the repercussions of what you've done? Of incest?"
"I tried tellin' her Mum but she wouldn't have none of it!" Ron ejaculated loudly.
"Shut up, Ron!" Ginny snapped. "Mum, I don't see what the big deal is! Fred and George do stuff like that all the time and you don't flip out on them!"
"Fred and George are a different matter entirely!" Mrs. Weasley shouted. "Fred and George…"
At that moment there was a pop, and the twins apparated into the room.
"You called?" asked Fred.
"Boys, please explain to them…"
"No worries, Mum," said George. "We know what you kiddies were doing, and we just want to say that it's very wrong."
"While me and George are able to get away with it most splendidly," continued Fred. "Upon the sole fact that we are both men…"
"You, dear Ginny, are regrettably of the female persuasion. And, as such, are ripe and able to bear children."
"And the child you bear, if its father happens to be of any sort of blood relation to you…"
"Will be born with three eyes and twelve fingers and subhuman intelligence," finished George.
"We do hope we have been of the utmost help and service. But the joke shop needs attending, so now we must bid you all goodbye," said Fred.
"Goodbye," said George.
And with that, the twins disapparated from the room.
After an elongated moment of silence, Ron asked: "So, uh… what're we gonna do now?"
"I know one thing you two won't be doing," Mrs. Weasley said huffily. "Ginny, we're going to have to perform a pregnancy test spell as soon as possible. And I'm going to put a Chastity Curse on you, to prevent any further mishaps…"
"Aw, Mum!" Ginny whined.
"No complaints! Now, where did I put that book of procreation spells? Maybe it's in the bedroom…" She hurried off to find the tome.
When he thought that the coast was clear, Ron inched closer to his sister. "Hey, Gin?"
"Maybe if one of us gets a sex change…"
"Shut up, Ron."