All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer
I rushed up the stairs to the bathroom overly anxious to get ready for bed. My stomach was full of butterflies at the thought of Edward waiting for me in my room. It had been only a few days since his return and part of me still doubted that he would be there. It still felt surreal to me. On occasion I found myself wanting to pinch my arm to make sure I wasn't hallucinating again.
I rushed through my shower and hurriedly brushed through my hair almost not recognizing the face in the mirror looking back at me. My eyes were sparkling with anticipation, no longer dead and lifeless. My face was flushed and no longer gray and pained. Though I did look more alive than I had in months, the affects of my zombie stage were still evident. I had deep purple circles under my eyes and my cheeks were sunken in slightly from the weight I had lost. The pajama set that used to fit me perfectly now fit loosely, and looked to be a size too big for my already small frame. I sighed as I took in my appearance, knowing how completely average I looked especially now.
I shuddered to think of how pathetic I must have looked before Jacob came along. I winced slightly at the mention of his name. I hadn't thought much about Jake since my return from Italy. I knew I had hurt him by leaving the way I did. I could only hope that he would understand. I vowed to call him the next day and talk to him.
I took one last glance in the mirror dissatisfied with what I saw as opened the door to the bathroom rolling my eyes. I would never understand what Edward saw in me.
As I approached my door I became nervous, as old fears entered my mind. Would he be there? Had he left again? Were the past few days just a dream? I bit my bottom lip as I slowly opened the door to my room. A huge smile spread across my face as I took in the sight of my bed. There spread across my bed staring lovingly at me was Edward.
I quickly closed my door and skipped towards him excitedly. He sat up in one swift movement taking me into his arms as he placed me in his lap.
"I missed you." He purred lovingly into my ear.
"Me too." I sighed contently as he lowered his head to kiss the hollow of my neck.
I marveled at his touch as he ran kisses up my neck and to the base of my jaw. I closed my eyes and deeply breathed in his heady scent.
I relaxed into his touch as he kissed his way up my face rubbing my back with his hands. He stopped suddenly and I could feel him stiffen slightly beneath me. I stiffen in response and opened my eyes in alarm.
"What's wrong?" I asked staring into his eyes.
"Bella." He dropped his head as he shook it slowly from side to side.
I was confused as to what I had done wrong. He seemed angry. I swallowed hard as fear ripped through my body. I could feel the hole in my chest start to burn as I closed my eyes tightly. I wrapped my arms around my chest willing the emptiness to stay at bay. He was not going to leave he loved me, he was not going to leave he loved me I chanted over and over again in my head willing myself to relax. In my head I knew I was being irrational, but I couldn't seem to convince my heart.
As my breathing grew more erratic I felt Edward gently tug on my arms, but I just couldn't let go. If I let go now the pain might once again over take me. I tightened my hold on my body as I tried to breath more evenly. I could feel the tears building in my eyes.
"Bella." I heard Edward whisper as he forcefully untwined my arms from my body. I felt his hand cup my chin as he raised my face to meet his. My eyes were still closed and I swallowed hard awaiting his answer.
"Please look at me." He pleaded. His voice was full of worry. Slowly I opened my eyes to see his face twisted into one of pain and concern.
"What is it? What's wrong?" He asked as he placed his hands on the sides of my face trapping me.
I swallowed hard as I stared back into his beautiful topaz eyes, "I thought you were mad…I thought…" I trailed off averting my gaze from his face.
He sighed softly, "Bella I am never leaving you again." He stated sternly. I looked up into his eyes again desperately wanting to believe him.
"You just sounded so upset and I thought that it was me. That maybe I had done something." I whispered as hot tears ran silently down my face.
His eyes turned sad as he whipped the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. "You could never do anything that would make me leave you. I will only go if you wish me away."
"Never." I responded softly.
He smiled half-heartedly at me but his eyes remained sad. "Why were you so upset?" I asked curiously.
He sighed, "I was upset with myself." He explained darkly turning his head sharply to look the other way.
Before I had time to respond he turned back to stare into my eyes as he continued, "What were you thinking Bella? How could you?"
My mind swirled with the direction the conversation had gone. I was confused as to what he meant. "What do you mean?" I asked.
"I guess in a way I am upset with you." His voice was desperate and filled with distress.
"I seem to find new scars everyday adorning your body." I opened my mouth to down play all my new scars but he gave me a stern look as he continued, "Don't try to placate me. I picked up from Charlie's mind just how many times you have visited the emergency room lately."
"What I did while you were gone in none of your concern." I hedged trying to get him off the subject.
He raised an eyebrow at me and frowned, "I seem to remember you making me a promise." He challenged. I could see he was starting to get frustrated with me, but as far as I was concerned he had no right. He had left me and what I did in his absence was none of his business.
"You broke promises too." I shot back in defiance. His face instantly crumbled at my accusation, and I regretted my words almost as soon as they left my mouth. He closed his eyes and sighed.
I raised my hands to my face resting them on top of his. "Sorry." I whispered.
"What for?" He shrugged, "You're right." He answered looking down at my bed.
"Edward please," I pleaded. "You have to understand. I was lost without you. It was the only way I could feel anything again. I know it was stupid." I added.
He looked up at me then searching my eyes for the truth. "I could have lost you for good Bella."
"But you didn't." I insisted as I removed my hands from his and placed then on his face.
"I will never forgive myself for leaving you and causing you so much pain."
"It's over now. It doesn't matter anymore. You're here, that's what's important." I muttered trying to comfort him and erase the hurt expression on his face.
He smiled at me slightly, "Forever." He said softly.
"Forever." I echoed as I tilted my head up to meet his lips.