Disclaimer: I don't own Legacy of Kain, Eidos and Crystal Dynamics do. Nor am I profiting from this fanfiction.
Springkink prompt – July 15 #51 - Legacy of Kain, Janos/Raziel: Stolen moments - "What do you see on the horizon?"
Raziel thought he was a god once. He now knows how wrong that was. He doesn't think he's a god now, but he and Kain are both so much more than they once were.
His influence stretches as far as the pillars', and he is aware of every soul as it dies and is reborn. The Elder was a parasite on the wheel, but even with it dead and gone the wheel must still turn, or how will souls find their way?
The memories die with the flesh, as he still does not remember his Sarafan life, but the souls that look out through the eyes of children are wiser, now. Another life in which to learn, instead of having all knowledge gained taken away, doomed to repeat the same lessons. Perhaps one day they will grow beyond the wheel, and he will be needed no more.
"What do you see on the horizon?" Janos asks, but it would be better to ask what does Raziel not see. It is an effort to see with only his mortal eyes, to see the horizon, green stretching out as far as even a vampire's eyes can see over what was once waste.
Trapped in the Reaver so long, he is out of practice. He was almost an invalid for the first several months, unable to figure out how to stir from bed, how to move his legs and arms.
Janos' hand lies on his shoulder, and he treasures the sensation, something to focus on to find this body in everything he sees and feels. The souls, impatient for new life, new bodies, cry out to him, but Janos is Janos, a rock in this storm.
Kain assures him he will become accustomed to this, but Kain was a god, the Scion of Balance, born of Balance itself, made mortal, not a mortal newly made a god. He wonders if he will go insane, but doubts it. He survived the Abyss, after all. Kain would not have chosen him if he would fail.
If the Elder could do this, he certainly can as well.
He turns, and it is an effort to see Janos' face instead of his soul. He has a beautiful soul, but Raziel dares not touch it lest he tear it from his moorings.
His face is beautiful as well.
He belongs to Kain, his sword, his right hand, but it is by his own choice now, and he would never betray him, but his hand cups Janos' worried face and he smiles to reassure him, but also because the sight of Janos' face makes him smile.
"I see you," he answers, as he feels Kain's hand around the sword that is much host to his soul as this flesh: Kain's right hand holds him, as it is Raziel's right hand that holds Janos. He knows that Kain knows: how could he not?
Janos kisses him then, and for a moment he is so lost in it that it is the only real thing, even though he knows now that flesh is an illusion.
"Raziel, how long can you stay?" Janos asks him, and Raziel hesitates, because they need him so, all the souls wandering in the Spectral Realm, trying to find new homes. He has not even lain with Kain since his welcome back. Janos does not subsume him as Kain does, but he deserves Raziel's full attention.
He feels Kain act then, and if feels as though a limb has been cut off, suddenly deaf and blind to all but what this body can sense. Save for Kain, he always feels Kain. Kain who reminds him that the Death Guardian does have to earn his keep, after all, when Raziel protests on behalf of the souls.
Janos has missed him, and Janos is kin.
He feels guilty to hand his duty over to another, but his purpose is whatever Kain wills, and it is Kain's will that moves his arms to encircle Janos as much as his own.
Janos watches his face, questioning, but Janos does not ask, for Janos believes they are gods and that their ways are beyond him. And perhaps they are.
Raziel loves Janos, as Vorador loves Janos and Raziel once loved Rahab, but it is the love of mortals, not what exists between him and Kain. It would be easy to forget, to think he loves Janos no more than he loves each soul that passes through his hands, to let duty pull him away from this anchor.
And then he wonders what it must be like for Kain, how difficult it must be for him to hold on to mortal cares now that he is aware of what he truly is. After all, what has Nosgoth caused him but frustration at every turn, and now the daily chores and politics of a fragile peace? A peace that would collapse without him.
So though he fears for the souls, he kisses Janos and puts that aside. "I will stay for as long as you wish me."
"If you were to stay that long, you would never leave," Janos tells him, and Raziel smiles in answer.