A/N: This shall be the first of many such drabbles/short-fics. Basically, I'll be channeling my twisted and often pervy sense of humor-- often fed by chats with my friends (HI TERRAPIN TARTS!)-- into doing some cracky fics. Please enjoy and try not to get brain bits on your monitor. Those can be hard to wash off!

Thank you Aubrey, once more, for the beta-work!



Don was just finishing up helping the lady who-- thinking she could somehow save and savor the flavor later-- placed a milkshake into her CD-RW drive and then shut it, when his youngest brother entered the room.

"They are still at it," Mikey informed him, sneaking his hand into Donnie's bag of ranch chips and removing several morsels while he thought his brother was distracted. Donnie didn't need to ask him whom he was talking about--it was pretty obvious.

Leo and Raph had gotten so bad lately that he was pretty sure Mrs. Walsh-- who honestly had really wanted a bit of strawberry shake for dessert tonight-- would have noticed and gotten it. Then would have started screaming about the 'horrible freaks' and lecturing about morality, of course.

Mikey sat down on one of the spare chairs in Don's work area, looking bored. "I almost think..." he stated, eyes faraway, "that I should borrow one of those cameras of yours and make a video of 'em or something."

"Er." Donnie wasn't quite sure what to make of that one. "Didn't know you were into that sort of thing too, Mikey...?" Distantly he wondered if it was contagious. Maybe he should get some hand-sanitizer. Better safe than committing a mortal sin with your brother. Just say no to the incest bacteria!

"What?" His youngest brother blinked at him, apparently confused... then his eyes suddenly widened in horror. "NO, DONNIE! NOT THAT SORT OF VIDEO! Jeez!" Mikey rolled his eyes and attempted to throw a chip at his brother's monitor; it missed and hit the speaker instead. "I meant, like, a documentary: 'The Disturbing Mating Habits of the Elusive and Overly Loud Leonardo and Raphael', or something."

"...And this strikes you as a good idea?" Don raised an eye ridge. "Mikey, you haven't been taking your medication again, have you? We've talked about this..."

His brother snorted and gave one of Donnie's chair legs a swift kick. "Real cute. I just think it'd be funny... and informative! Think about it..." Not missing a beat, Michelangelo changed his expression, hilariously trying to look serious and dignified. At the same time, he attempted a terribly bad fake British accent. "Little is known of these strange, nocturnal creatures, for they spend most their time abroad at night, only returning to their Lair after a vigorous night of rutting and the hanging of bad guys by their britches..."

"Oh god."

Mikey ignored him. "Less is known of their diet, except that they seem to exist solely off of leftover pizza, Chinese food, and the Mountain Dew their brothers were saving for later and hiding at the back of the fridge, the jerks..."

Don tried to keep a straight face, and failed.

"Both can be easily recognized by their complex mating ritual-- which mostly involves punching and severe damage to afore-mentioned Lair's furniture-- and also their haunting mating cries." At this, his youngest brother was not able to keep a straight face himself and instead burst out, in a hysterical rush of air, "Such as: 'You are SUCH an asshole, Leo!' and: 'I swear, Raphael, I don't know what to do about you sometimes!'

With this, both bothers were quickly reduced to laughter, which only made things worse... and funnier... as one of the brothers they were discussing chose this moment to peak into Donatello's impromptu IT Help Facility.

"What the hell got inta the pair a' you?" Raph blinked at them, looking bleary. As well he should, after a night of busting heads and probably busting his oldest brother's nuts as well. "It's only 2pm, can't you asses keep it down or somethin'?"

Mikey smiled, angelically. "Oh, sorry Raphi! We'll hush up now... I was just telling Donnie here a joke."

Not trusting himself, Donnie merely nodded rapidly and looked everywhere in the room but at Raphael.

"Ah, fine, whatever-- gonna go back to sleep now..." That said, the grumpy turtle left the room, and his two brothers were left staring at each other in amused silence.


"So." Mikey took yet another chip, deftly avoiding his brother's warning smack, and plopped it into his mouth with a self-satisfied look.

Donnie grinned. "And thus the apparently satiated Raphael returns to his nest until night once more rises?"

"NOW you're gettin' it!"

Raph ended up coming back into the room three minutes later, this time armed with a sai and an annoyed Leo, but it was totally worth it.

Sometimes one just had to suffer for their art, after all.