Harry Potter and Deadly Winchesters
Disclaimer: I do not own SPN or HP. They are owned by people who can afford socks that cost more than my concert trombone.
A/N: I love the Harry Potter book series. I know that people will freak out because they believe there's a time discrepancy, but since there are no set dates in that particular series, I don't think it would be too horrible to bring in the fully-grown Winchester brothers. Please, people, remember that this is a parody.
"AVADA KEDAV—" the noseless man began. And then Dean Winchester shot him full of iron rounds, silver bullets, regular lead bullets, and whacked off his head with a machete just for good measure.
"Hey, Sammy!" Dean called to his younger brother in the next room. "I think I got our buddy Voldemort."
"Finally!" Sam called back. "After all those months of looking for those Horcruxes and destroying them. What are we gonna do now?"
"We're going to Disney World. Hey, did you waste that werewolf---Blueback or whatever his name was?"
"It was Greyback---and yeah, I got him. I think I also killed Helena Bonham Carter." Sam grimaced as he looked at the two corpses.
"Helen who?" Dean asked, turning towards the door.
"Helena Bonham Carter," Sam repeated as Dean entered the room. "She's a British actress. I think she's Tim Burton's wife."
"Wait---what? Tim Burton is married? To a woman?"
"Yeah…Why do you ask?"
"Well, I always thought that he and Johnny Depp…you know…"
"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" a skinny, black-haired teenager (wearing round glasses and a lightning-bolt-shape scar on his forehead) screamed as he flung himself at Dean. "DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!"
"Uh, we just killed a psychotic, magical Hitler-wannabe," Dean said with a straight face.
"BUT IT WAS MY TASK!!! IT WAS MY DESTINY!!!" the kid screamed, his face only a couple of inches from Dean's.
"Uh, we just saved you," Dean pointed out.
"NO! I'M SUPPOSED TO SAVE THE WIZARDING WORLD! ME! JUST ME AND ONLY ME!" The kid began banging his head against Dean's chest.
"Uh, who are you?" Sam asked, looking shocked at this bizarre display.
"I'm Harry Potter," the boy answered tartly as his face contorted into a dissatisfied scowl.
"Oh." Both Winchesters shrugged.
"What? You're not going to stare at my scar? You're not going fire a million questions at me? You're not even going to pity me?" Now Harry's disappointment changed to anger.
"Um, no," Dean told him flatly.
"But you're supposed to! Everyone does!"
"Dude, we've never even heard of you."
"WHAT?! BUT I'M THE BOY WHO LIVED!!"
"Lived through what? A bad accident with a kitchen knife?" Dean raised his eyebrows. "We just saved your ass and all we get is a scolding? That's something we don't see everyday."
"I guess our job here is done," Sam stated. "See you, Harry."
"Yeah, see you," Dean repeated. Then he punched Harry squarely on the nose. "Man, I hate punks like that."
"Yeah, me, too," Sam agreed. "That was the most delusional person I've ever met."
"So anyway…Tim Burton and Johnny Depp aren't a couple?"