So here they were the beginning of the end or something melodramatically akin like that. Jake figured this was some sort of retribution, karma, or something and this was coming from a man who was an atheist. It's not that he was never an asshole by god you'd probably find his name next to word in the dictionary but really did he deserve this? Probably. But like hell if he was actually going to admit to that, shit, who would? It was like not pleading the fifth when you knew you paid off half the jury and happened to have banged the judge's wife so that she could sway her husband into giving you the sweet release of freedom. It all came down to one simple resolution and oh how simple it was. He was not going to be an ass buddy in prison.
No. NO. NOOO. Never. It will not happen mainly because he was straight, also because he had personal space issues on top of every other issue he was conceived to have because his writer is a grade 'A' bitch. But yes if he went to prison for this he was going to slap some bitches, or not, since these people were absolutely INSANE. The precinct they were currently holding Jake in was something of a zoo without the myriad of animals or quite so overpowering stench but it was still there only more irony and ammonia tinged. He stood out like a sore thumb, not like he never did anywhere ever, but this was more apparent and his uneasiness certainly more visible. He wanted to open up his mouth and call over the nearest guard but it snapped shut in a familiar reflex of fear as a certain soon-to-be inmate made a mad dash for the door. Shouts of "freeze," and, "on the ground! Hands on your head," echoed through the already buzzing precinct. Jake just sat back in his seat leg bounding up and down in anxious nervousness, like a rabbit about to become a big brown fox's dinner, and he gulped down what little fluid his all but dry mouth had within it.
"Oh god." The subtle thuds, or not so much since Jake could see it VERY CLEARLY, of a nightstick beating the man trying to escape would probably haunt him for a good while or until he got piss drunk, either way it was all very disturbing and he knew disturbing very well in fact. He took note of the white swishing cape, gown, foreigner clothing that glimmered past his brown eyes and he bolted out of his chair, grabbing onto the shoulder of none other than Aizen Souske.
"What the hell are you doing?! Why…how…never mind!" Aizen smirked, and Jake frowned wanting to punch the man in the face but his subconscious and a nagging little personal problem told him not to or god save his soul if he did.
"Ah. Jake. You finally made it. I suppose now you are going to try and make yourself useful, correct?" Aizen turned away a smile on his face as Jake hissed, hands balled into fists as he made a running list of profanities in his mind. He steadied himself however reminding himself that any act of violence in a police precinct would just further get him into more shit he didn't even deserve to be in at all. He sure as hell didn't want to be in this place and neither did this man, or so Jake assumed, he just simply hung his head and shrugged his shoulders, "yeah sure whatever." Aizen did his characteristic 'I got you where I want you' smirk, and oh how Jake loathed it. But enough with his envy and burning fiery hatred; he needed a way to get out of this shit without getting an assists terrorists deduction on his record, he wondered if that would lessen the social security he'd get when he retired. Actually he might retire after this he didn't know.
"Just let me do all the talking, okay? I don't need any more bullshit than you and your merry band of freaks have already gotten me into."
"As I was thinking you would suggest. Very well Mr. Halsenbach. Do what you must."
"And you just keep your asshole family or whatever the fuck in line, got it?" Jake was pissed more pissed than a piss drunk German after Oktober Fest. Aizen merely smirked not offering a consolidating reply in return. They both turned backs towards one another each being dragged off into separate cells at that moment. Jake had this idea, see, mentally unstable people usually got off scotts free you know? And judging by their appearance he'd be damn confused if the judge wouldn't let them off this once for it. Sure there were repairs to be paid for but how were reta-mentally challenged people suppose to do that, huh?
Unfortunately for Jake his court order was postponed until tomorrow due to an unnerving circumstance of said judge living next door to the same hotel which now has a ten foot diameter circle blown out of its lavishly decorated wall and the debris from said act might just have landed on his vintage Bentley. Karma was a bitch that you had a one night stand with and realized that she was just a fucking psycho so you had to restraining orders and warrants put out for her arrest. Oh yeah, Jake had one of those once, main reason why he hasn't dated in at least a year and a half and Jake would never have anything to do with her ever again. It was safe to say that he was huddled, or curled up into a fetal position being the more appropriate imagery used, in his own little square of a cell with a couple of other more rugged personages. They had the looks about them like they were used to this lifestyle swanky piss smelling cells and eyeing each with just enough anger in their eyes to have a reason to believe they wanted to start something with each other. Jake just thought they were all a bunch a fucking morons with bad upbringings and frontal lobe damage, because most serial killers had frontal lobe damage it did something to ones inhibitions or so he read. He was kind of keen on trying it on Nnotira or whatever-the-fuckzyel; Jake referred to him as pinky because his hair was pink and Jake suspected him of a having poor self image and possibly being a transvestite, but he wasn't going to go into that.
"Well lookie what we have here an upstanding citizen in the precinct, how nice of you to join us, sir." His shoulders hunched together as a ragged, raspy, smoker's lung infused voice most likely directed those words at him. He wouldn't turn from his position his face towards the grimy, pestilential wall. He merely grumbled something obscene under his breath hoping to god, if there was one, that they'd leave him alone. But no, once again his luck basically bought a one way ticket to fuckyouville and decided to ditch him on the side of the road dubiously dubbed as 'going to get an ass beating very shortly'.
"I'm not in a very talkative mood if you pee-brained, bug eyed, dipstick idiotic, outstanding citizens notable for being nothing but dregs of society and contributing nothing but poorly televised entertainment on cop shows, assholes haven't noticed. Sorry but if you want to leave a message please do so after the beep," the consequent beeping noise that escaped Jake's lips was accompanied by a middle finger. He yelped though and as he was shoved, back now up against the wall, his arm in a painful not commonly used position behind his back. Could arms even bend like that? He thought he heard a crack but it might've been his imagination.
"The hell did you say you little prick? What's a chicken shit like you doing in prison anyway?" Jake gulped as he stared off at something behind the man questioning him like he was inmate on death row. It was a flaw, as most humans had for whoever had designed them that way deliberately made them have flaws the assholes, and a major flaw it was. He just couldn't shut his stupid ass mouth sometimes and it ultimately got him into a load of trouble most, if not all, of the time. He was staring into the eyes of a cold blooded killer his glasses partially askew on his face his body shaking a little now.
"Ahaha, I-I was just kidding you know? I mean I'd never offend such ah-uh…burly and built man such as yourself." He managed to give a half hearted smile but it quickly turned into a frown as he saw the man in front of him pull back the arm that was not currently clutching his dress shirt and matching tie. He was going to feel this in the morning and yet all he could think about was how this was fucking Aizen Souske's fault, the shit head! If it was anyone's fault it was his, him and his stupid, alien, fanatical, crazy messed up LSD using family! Jake should have never agreed to this, he should've never have agreed to anything that men in long white coats told him but he did, if only to secure himself a safe passage into the spirit world or some shit. He closed his eyes a slight whimper escaping his lips as he bit his bottom lip. Any moment now his cheek bone would be shattered into a million pieces…like one of those giant jigsaw puzzles, which funny enough you should never allow a mentally unstable person play with it was an odd experience…one he would not regret forgetting should he be beaten into a coma in a few minutes.
"OI! You done being a pansy yet?" That punch never came like a delayed train you were waiting in hopes to come but it never did and you were left stranded, like a vagabond at the platform. Jake blinked cracking open an eye to see none other than Grimmjow, the biggest asshole of them all, holding the man's balled fist in his own oddly humanized skin. This could potentially be bad, which it usually was, but in a sickened sort of way it was actually good. Not for the man who was about to get the daylights beaten out of him, but for Jake it was very good. Funny that he considered himself a doctor because helping people was what he did for a living homicidal or not and yet he seemed to get great satisfaction at seeing the horrid look upon that man's face.
"What are you doing?" Jake asked in a dulled almost lifeless questioning tone like this quasi attempt at good will was another façade that would be replaced by ten times more jackassery and sheer hatred. Grimmjow snorted smiling that wide toothy smile that vaguely reminded Jake of the Cheshire cat only this was one doped up on a copious amounts of steroids and had a slight case of genocidal ADD. BUT! But, Jake could live with that right about now, hell if a fucking cow landed out of the sky and on top of the dude he'd live with that too! It was all about self-preservation when humans reached their critical mass, their breaking point, their mental capacity. Fight or Flight was evolutionary just to make people look like raving idiots flailing their arms around when a bear or a pack of wolves were chasing them down. Now you needed it for women with mace and guys who were clinging to the brink of their pathetic existence and just happened to be very formidable with that bicycle chain or baseball bat. Jake thought of something that moment.
"Oh…Ooooh. Hey um, Grimmjow, yeaaah er you're not going to kill him are you? See cause I don't think you'll make this whole prison terrorist thing any easier if you do, you know?" Grimmjow turned to him his eyes filled with the ferocity of a feral jungle cat.
"THE FUCK WAS THAT?!" Jake jumped a little, it was really too easy to get under these fuck ups nerves now that he had picked them a part. He was their savior and yet…no he's basically a bad case of fucking gonorrhea it hurt like a bitch and you were stuck with it for awhile.
"Oh. Sorry I didn't know if you'd reverted back to your main instincts of jungle catdom, roar. Would you like so meow-mix? I think I hav-" Grimmjow threw the other man off to side; actually he almost went through the bars of the multi-person cell. No one else dared to approach most were actually stunned at Jake's blatant disregard for his life. It's not like you lived for ever anyway, right? So why the hell not?
"Shut the fuck up. I just saved your ass and this is what you say? Tch."
"Oh. No, I'm really appreciative honestly. You saved my face back there and these inexpensive thirty-five dollar Walmart glasses, thanks."
"I dunno why Aizen is letting your pansy ass even live. I could fuckin' snap you with my pinky. C'mon, pansy I'm supposed to drag your ass into our cell or something."
"Oh…I take back what I said. You're an asshole." Jake almost yelped as he was grabbed, choked was a better aligned term, by his collar and wretched to his feet. He gulped nodding at the bent bars adjacent to the cell with people, things, illegal immigrants with rainbow colored hair.
"Jesus you could fucking pick paint for a house with all crazy ass shades you bastards are packing. You'd do wonders for skittle's commercials." Jake grumbled as he was tossed on the ground with a loud 'oomph' in accompaniment. Aizen Sosuske was sitting rather regal, or however regal one could be in a dump like this he seemed to pull it off magnificently because he was a bastard like that, in the center against the wall of the cell. The other espada simply sat around him silently like they were doing some intervention or god only knows what was going through their psychotic heads.
"Brought you the pansy, sir," Grimmjow stated with nothing but venom and anger mild agitation in his voice. Perhaps he could use a subscription of Zoloft or maybe just a kick in the ass.
"Gee thanks. But I'd much rather be with people that don't look like they just fell out of a clown car transporting LSD," Jake stated with an almost monotonous tone of voice.
"Tell me the course of action if you would." It wasn't a question more like a statement of if you don't tell you die. Aizen had a very odd aura about him, not that Jake really believed in that occult stuff being a man of science and all; he thought those people were on LSD too and could use a slap in the face by reality. But he felt sick in the general vicinity of this man maybe he was a bioterrorist or something? Avian bird flu perhaps, or maybe even SARs. He gulped still sitting on the floor without any grace like he had in the office, his features a complete mess and sloppy; a five o clock shadow had reared its ugly head on his chin and he looked gruff and ill. The usual tan melanoma of his skin was dissipating like ethanol into the air leaving Jake with a ghastly feel to his outer appearance; his eyes had deep black circles beneath them a byproduct of only two hours of sleep in this hell hole. He felt like he was losing this battle, but he wouldn't give up, he still had a bunch of these assholes to go through and figure out their many harboring, festering psychosis's.
"Ah w-well uh, I don't have one of those yet. I'll make something up on the fly; you don't have to worry about it." He was going to put in for added flavor that he was magnificent at making shit up but for some reason a psychologist stating that seemed ever so…self incriminating at the moment. Aizen merely stood up and walked over each and every one of his espada watching like it was a miracle or something. Apparently this bastard never gave two shits about human beings in general or something, which Jake could of figured out in a second. He bent down, eyes level with Jake's own, "wonderful. Hopefully you'll take care to not mess it up, Mr. Halsenbach." He felt a chill run through his body but he showed not the slightest bit of concern; his mind however was a train wreck which wasn't too bad since when was it not a train wreck beside when he was asleep? Then again that reenactment dream, or nightmare, of JFK's air train test train derailment accident near Federal Circle wherein he was the conductor put the whole term into perspective.
"Of…course. It'll be fine, I think." He mumbled the last part looking away from Aizen's gaze. He felt this tension whenever this man looked at him, it was disconcerting and a bit perplexing as well.
"What if it gets messed up say in a series of convoluted, beyond my control, type of mishaps?"
"You really don't want to ask that question Jake Halsenbach, its best if you don't let your imagination wander, either." That went well Jake just sighed eyes narrowing and his face contorting into a pout. Okay well, at least he'd die trying to help someone? Maybe that'd absolve all his fuck ups and sins…hopefully?
"Yeah, sure, whatever you say Mr. Enigmatico. You sure know how to be suspenseful don't you? Where the hell are the cue cards at anyway? You sound like you're coming from a really bad Shounen manga or something." Jake's smile was from ear to ear but Aizen hardly looked like he cared as he stood up, Jake's gaze following like a school boy watching a teacher.
"Please Mr. Halsenbach you'll anger the fans if you say something so derogatory. I do try my best to cater to their wanton fantasies and needs after all." Jake looked at him with a raised brow, was he actually being serious? No this was Aizen we were talking about the man had no sense of the word actually he did, and frighteningly so, but it was so thickly coated in bullshit and lies Jake couldn't make ups or downs of the response so he was left speechless and without a wity retort for once. The smirk on Aizen's face told him that he had played this card one too many a time and the results still had never gotten old to him there was an underlying purpose though, something which Jake couldn't quite figure out yet and this Souske character was one of Jake's, dare he admit to this, but he was one of Jake's most interesting patients yet. Yeah this man had a psychological problem and Jake would diagnose it...eventually hopefully he would live afterwards too because this man didn't seem like the type to deal well when people knew something about him something that was hidden nonetheless. He soon drifted off into a rather restless sleep however once the other had resumed his seat at his corner of the oddly large holding cell. Tomorrow was going to be a long, long day.
Day Two: Start
"Your honor not to be offensive or well, incriminating, but my subjects, err, patients are a bit clinically insane if you will. I mean look at the kid for godsakes!" Jake's arm swept over to Wonderweiss would doing his usual retarded 'uhnn and oooh and kahgk' fuck Jake didn't know what the hell was wrong with the kid; he might need a new brain or something. Maybe if he smashed him with the paper weight…his mind snapped out of that wonderfully fulfilling daydream and back into reality.
"If they are insane as you claim them to be why have they not been institutionalized, Mr. Halsenbach?" The old judge asked him from his self righteous pulpit. Jake had diagnosed the man with a tic, a common form of OCD, the wrinkly old fingers tapping after each sentence and the left side of his mouth twitched as well. Shit he hadn't really thought about that maybe it was because they could blow holes through walls. He rubbed the back of his head gulping as his brown eyes turned towards Aizen and his band of misfits proclaiming to be "family". The words spoken to him last night with clear, calm, calculated dictation echoed in the back of his mind.
"I don't think it would do my patients well to be institutionalized, your honor. They're not beyond saving, not yet! Please I ask that you give them a chance ah uh…reprieve! I'm sure if your brain was the size of a walnut you wouldn't know your ass from your elbow, right? And their upbringing…oh let's not get into that. No sir, I don't like it either but these people can be saved if you give me a chance!" Grimmjow and Nnoitra were both grinding their teeth in agitation. Who the fuck was this human to dictate what size their brains were? Hell they were going to pummel the shit out of Szayel once they got out of this; he was a good method for releasing anger, the fruity bastard. The judge seemed to be taking the bait but one had to wonder why no one just went up there and killed his fat balding ass. Aizen was just watching with those merciless eyes all the while like he was taking notes or something on human law enforcement.
"And…what about the property damages sustained? How do you propose to fix thirty two thousand dollars worth of repairs, Mr. Halsenbach." Fuck. He was saving up that money for a new car because taking the subway was killing him, he hated people and their nasty habits not to mention it smelled of drunks, piss, and hobos. Who wants to wake up take a shower and then get on a method of transportation that smells like vagabond's disease? He might as well not even fucking shower like the stench clung and infused into your skin or something it was that bad. Or you know the state could put to use all that tax money and give people free SHOWERS. "Tch," his neck twitched and his teeth grinded together as he had a small episode. But then it was an epiphany of sorts this wonderful plan of his, sometimes he had them, sometimes he was like a damn genius just that no one supported or liked his ideas. Him and Galileo man, they could've been best friends or as today's terminology dictated biffels. It sort of hit him like an unexpected goose getting sucked into a jet engine but it obviously didn't hurt as much though it might kill him, he probably would die, soon anyway at the rate this was going.
"Community service?" It sort of slipped and the judge's eyebrows rose at the suggestion. Jake's shoulders hunched as he heard, and felt, the ominous vortex of hatred and anger, anger and hatred being directed into his very soul. Too bad his soul was practically nonexistent, so you know he just yawned and smiled. Oh yes, payback was a dirty skanky little bitch wasn't it?
The resounding bang of the hammer erupted through the now whispering crowd. The judge stood and everyone silenced.
"Court has been adjourned as deliberation is being made." There was brief silence and some murmuring as the jury and judge left the room to deliberate on the issue. Jake was about to turn around and give the troupe of retardando, as he decidedly named them all, a thumbs up and a big beaming sunshine smile but he rather liked to keep his head it was a well used and highly valuable, albeit not as much as Walt Disney's, organ and he rather liked it from time to time. Instead he fell into a fit of anxiety and panic as his palms became sweaty and he wringed his hands together like a child about ready for a scolding. He was no child and he certainly hoped there would be no scolding. Hopefully he'd get out this with all his appendages and internal organs intact, though you never quite knew with foreigners. One moment you had both kidneys and the next you saw one as the next big sale on Craig's List. Safe to say his entire life depended on a lone single decision built up only on his own false pretense, the fact that he lied in A COURT OF LAW, and well his luck which was to say the least pretty god damn shitty as of late. His stomach dropped as the judge and jury re-entered the room and Jake somehow felt sad that Grimmjow hadn't gone in there and massacred them all. He gulped hoping that his plan had worked or at least he had somehow wooed the judge into taking pity on Aizen and his merry band of freaks.
"Mr. Halsenbach step forth. As with the current proceedings the jury and I have deliberated and…you are not guilty but they will need to incur at least one hundred hours of community service along with the sum of money which will be used to pay for the property damages. Understood?"
"I do your honor." Jake bowed his head a little like this was some kind of Japanese ritual of respect or maybe it was just in his blood. He heard some obvious snarls from behind him it was probably Nnoitra given the man's personality of just being blatantly angry for nothing at all. They should all be calling him god for getting them out of this without so much as a little community service, and oh he did have the perfect place.
Jake had to admit that he hated humanity, not because he was bitter although that was roughly ninety-percent of the reason, but also because humanity had a way of failing, miraculously. There were only so many people that you could look up to as a child and only find out years later that all they ever were underneath that superhero exterior was a flaming pile of paranoia, cries for attention and social extremes. People had the tendency to try to fit in, hell even he had the curse of trying to but what made him wonder was…why? Fitting in meant you fell into some sort of stratum, some typical phylum of nonsensical social depravity. It was like people changed themselves to fit into a world that didn't know what it wanted nor needed the world was ever changing, right? So how the hell were you supposed to keep up with it? He'd met people, talked to and diagnosed them, that had social anxiety issues and anthropophobia it was all the same to him. If he got a dime for every person that came in for that he'd be fucking rich except of course they never knew they had it. Usually the issue was always covered up by something else whether it is addictions or even mild cases of obsessive compulsive disorder. Safe to say this was a place where Jake lost all hope for humanity but he figured with the way they were dressed, his eyes gazing back over Aizen the bastard and his smug expression and his "family", just standing there like a blistering rainbow colored festering wound they'd fit in quite peachy.
"Well ain't this shit sad. The hell you bring us here for doctor." Nnoitra hissed his one good eye only catching glimpses of the horror to come. Unfortunately the fifth lacked any sort of sixth sense, well, he wasn't a seer or adept in clairvoyance meaning he didn't know what was coming.
"It's simple, really. We're going to raise that money back by spending sometime here. It's a good bonding method, don't you think? Your surviv-er family cohesiveness depends on this exercise. It's a test of cooperation many things which none of you remotely have. Do try to act civilly the zoo is only a few blocks away after all. This won't hurt I promise trust me, I'm a doctor." His smile was vicious, his voice poisonous he gave them the entire sweetest look aptly contrived while his inner mind laughed and reveled in what was soon to come. Aizen Sosuske's eyes met his however and Jake felt his stomach drop, that man was...unreadable to him yet he felt very, very sick once again when in his presence. Jake coughed looking away before motioning with one arm towards the large expansive structure before them.
"You'll all fit right in. I assure you. Now shall we go? Your newfound fans will be dying to meet you." His smile was ever so neatly tucked into the blackened recesses of his inner mind a mild skip to his step as he continued down towards the large dome structure.
"He said die, right? Does that mean we can kill 'im?" Grimmjow asked his brain contriving formulas and plans for a convention wide genocide. Ulquiorra merely sighed, "That would bring unwanted attention. Learn to think before you speak, Grimmjow even you should be capable of simple acts," as he walked pass the other. The turquoise haired espada snorted eyes trailing over a bunch of giggling human girls as they walked by.
"Tch. There's a lot of these bastards running around ain't there?" Nnoitra snarled lone eye passing along a group of oddly dressed human beings. It was like they were at a circus or something like a mental hospital convention.
If espada had any reactions to high pitched noises they would have jumped several feet into the air that, or, they would shot about fifty ceros into the forming crowd of Bleach fangirls.
"Oh migawd Sarah look its Grimjow!" A blue eyed, wannabe cosplayer in a captain shinigami's outfit replied almost reaching out to take the arm of her Grimmy-poodle. Jake was taking notes diligently while laughing a lot, inwardly of course; he didn't want to die just yet. But he found that many of the espada had personal space issues and if nothing else low self esteem on how they looked. Szayel was stunning proof of said psychological trauma.
"Dude! Awesome cosplay! It looks like the real thing!" The pink haired espada with matching flair and flamboyant personality to boot turned to the pimply faced young man who had the gall to comment on his outfit.
"Cosplay? What drivel is that, primitive human?" Szayel snapped eyes darting to his standard issued arrancar outfit. The human male slapped the pink haired espada on the shoulder obnoxious laughter bellowing from his voice box. Szayel's eye visibly twitched, he probably had a superiority complex Jake concluded because a 'primitive' human had just touched him. It was funny what sort of ticks you could find when throwing otherwise constant individuals into an inconsistent state of affairs. It was like taking chained dog off its chain and putting in front of it a car or mail man. It just went batshit insane; unfortunately said dog was not a freak of nature with blue or pink fur or one eye or…a fucking douche bag like Souske so the analogy was a far stretch. But Szayel was being increasingly irritated and would likely be a wonderful example of the dog in a few minutes…perhaps. If Jake hadn't known his gender he'd call him Lassie or a bitch but that would just be rude to the dogs.
"A COSTUME?! You think what this is…is a costume?" The eighth spurted out indignantly like the kid had just offended his mother, speaking of whoever raised this fruit cake did a shit job, the kid just blinked like nothing happened at all and smiled.
"Well, duh! It's cosplay I mean it's like…really accurate did you make it yourself or what? 'Cause you could really make a good profit with that." Szayel just gritted his teeth, "I don't need money," he said through clenched jaws you could hear his teeth gritting together like nails on a chalk board. The kid didn't seem to get that his mere presence was irking the espada and he was now inspecting his actual outfit. Jake suspected that it was because this child, teenager, crisis with legs did not have a very firm grasp on how to socially interact as was Jake's mild diagnosis for most of the people here. He found con-goers to be like over active puppies and when presented with people whom they thought were cool or easy to idolize they practically lost all sense of self and went…well crazy. Unfortunately unlike puppies you couldn't very well kick them because you know that'd be mean, not that Jake ever had kicked a puppy before god what kind of monster did that?
"It's a bit off on this side you know? The stitching needs a few minor adjustments from my calculations," the boy stated matter of fact as Syazel stared at him in bewilderment and anger, mostly anger, but the two combined made for a rather amusing facial expression on the espada. Szayel looked like he was about to strangle the kid, when he wasn't looking but while he was going on about stitching and all sorts of useless shit, Jake coughed and the pink haired espada's head shot towards him his expression an undeniable 'raeg fais' as the terminology called it this day and age. Jake was laughing inwardly and he'd probably have pissed himself but he rather liked this suit, hand me down or not. He turned his attention to one of the more prominent of the espada, she was in fact the only female that Jake had seen with them and wondered what sort of self deprecating female could possibly stand to live with these jackasses, especially since Nnotria seemingly had a thing against the opposite gender. He was probably gay, seme to be sure, since he seemed badass and hardcore but you know they all put on a front to impress whatever little shota or what the fuck ever just to get in through the back door, literally and figuratively. Jake blinked, "god what the hell am I thinking, it's like a bad manga or something." He mumbled because his thoughts were practically all over the place at the current moment, ANYWAY! Back to the broad with breasts the size of boulders. Perhaps her spine was made out of steel? Anything was possible Jake figured and that conclusion was more or likely the case.
"Are those really, real? I mean they're like…damn. It's like the actual thing!" A group of young men had taken to examining the woman's rather revealing outfit it was more or less like them asking her for a public strip tease. He didn't know whether he found it more pathetic that they were practically fapping to fictional character or that they couldn't tell the difference between fiction and reality. Ah well both were pretty shitty so Jake just went with both. Personally he wouldn't have minded that, the strip tease, actually but he didn't want any genocide to happen right out of his remarkable bullshitting in court today. He actually felt the need to celebrate that case something he would do tonight, granted he made it back home. The tanned yellow haired espada raised an eyebrow arms folding over her chest like she was trying to maintain her dignity although it was more or less likely that she just didn't want to snap their necks since that was not very lady like. She didn't answer either and merely gave Jake one of the nastiest glares he'd ever seen conceived into existence as she walked away from the group, hurriedly. Grimmjow had his own flock to deal with as did Ulquiorra who was presently taken aback or as much as his sculpted features would allow for such an expression to be contrived, it was like his face muscles had atrophied or something, since there was a swarm of girls with orange wigs on trying to take pictures with him Jake guessed the expression was spot on for the man.
"Oh mi gawd you're so cool Ulquiorra can we take a picture with you!?" He looked much put off and horrified because apparently the girls were supposedly someone named Orihime. He edged away from the mob of Orihime's or technically they were just girls going through a bout of episodic, hopefully Jake thought, identity crisis's but still the fourth's expression was hilarious in and of itself. Perhaps he had a falling out with said tangerine haired colored girl? The again Mr. Apathy Syndrome didn't seem like the type to have interest in females, much less human ones. Sitting on the sidelines of all these going ons made Jake appreciate his rather boring normalcy but damn if getting chicks to flock to you meant dying your hair the colors of the fucking rainbow or wearing clown make-up he was practically sold, sure it'd be humiliating and sadistic but he'd give up what little sliver of self appreciation he had in a heartbeat. Hell! What man wouldn't?!
"You and Orihime are so cute together!" Ulquiorra merely blinked looking around for someone to save him or something.
"We do not possess…hearts." It was an odd answer but one that sent the fangirls into a dizzying fanatical screaming fest like a thousand rabid banshees. Jake cringed at the noise. A few decibels higher and his damn eardrums would begin to bleed. It was like hearing the fucking Metatron or something. The mob quickly dissipated though as fishbowl, er Aaroniero how the hell did you even pronounce this bastard's name was still beyond Jake's understanding so he kinda just made a gurgling noise of A's and O's going with it. Actually he'd just call him fishbowl from now on it was easier that. Hey he wasn't a linguist and the guy's name was like a string of letters smashed together like a fifteen car pileup. The rather long espada just watched as they all ran off more or likely due to the fact that the white mask covering his glass case head was filled with liquid and two FLOATING HEADS.
"Hrm. Is there any point to this, psychiatrist?" The gurgling deeper voiced of the two heads asked from beyond the curtain. Jake waved him off, because there really wasn't besides his own festering revenge covered up with the supposed goal of paying up for the incurred damages, and instead he jotted down two more things under Szayel's name the words unknown only to the writer. There were a few more jots before Jake's attention was brought to none other than Aizen himself.
"Oh my god," Jake said more aloud than he had intended as he turned to his right where there happened to be a sculpted out stone fountain of sorts. And there was the leader himself with his own small flock of fans however he hardly seemed perturbed or disturbed at all, actually underneath that finely crafted mask of indifference he seemed pretty goddamn smug.
"You do realize that's illegal, right?" Jake replied bluntly at the brown haired shinigami who now had a harem of young teenage girls waiting on him like…well a harem. Aizen chuckled and shrugged his shoulders his characteristic poise of his right arm propping up his right cheek. He looked so fucking smug it was just…goddamn this man was obnoxious but like hell if he didn't have a reason to be.
"I never told them to be aficionadas of power, Mr. Halsenbach. It must be my charm, something which you lack, would you care for me to teach you sometime?" Jake's face was stoic and he was about ready to slap himself for deciding this to be a fitting punishment.
"You'll be put back in jail FOR BEING A PEDOPHILE!" Jake annunciated glaring at the girls who giggled, like what the fuck it made no difference? Holy shit he might need to ask for lessons after all!
"You seem to have the ridiculous notion that I care. There were plenty of those within that precinct that would bow and follow me for the unlimited power I could grant them." Jake let out a sigh before turning back to the espada, "is that how he got all of you to join him, seriously, with that bullshit talk?" He jabbed his thumb back at Aizen and his congregation of fangirls. The espadas sighed and nodded their heads in unison. Jake had no choice but to follow in suite with the sighing and shaking of his head although this time he did physically face palm.
"Are we done here Mr. Halsenbach? You seemed to have enjoyed yourself enough." Aizen's words cut through the tension filled air like a chainsaw through a tree. Jake turned back around to other hands all the while wringing themselves together, "I-I don't know what you're talking about. I have the official paper work here," he produced from his pocket a statement about how they would be paid in full for their service to the convention. He smiled at the lack of a retort Aizen could not seem to produce.
"Shall we continue on inside then, gentlemen and lady…er I believe there are more fans inside who would be dying to meet you all." The espada had no come backs or witty curses which down played their limited intelligence even more. Instead they simply obeyed following Aizen as he strolled with confidence towards the building's entrance.
Wow, well, I'm sorry this took forever to upload more or less write. I fail! :0 But uh yeah sorry bout that folks I haven't forgotten I swear! And you're all lovely for even still waiting on my ass to write this! ;w; School is kicking my ass and I've just put writing on the back burner for awhile. But I can't say I'll promise to have the next chapter up anytime soon, SO I WON'T PROMISE! This chapter is just...I don't even know not a lot happens but hopefully the stupidity of it makes up for the boringness and sheer length or something like that. Lalala they'll be sure to get back to diagnosing in the next chapter JUST YOU WAIT! I didn't even review or edit this so there's probably a shit ton of errors I DON'T CARE I'M LAZY!