By: Lil Black Angel aka Double
Pairing: Matt x TK
Disclaimer: Digimon is copyrighted to Akiyoshi Hongo, Toei Animation, and Bandai. I own no part of Digimon. This fanfic is for entertainment only. No profit was made from it.
Warning: Shounen ai, that means a boy in a romantic relationship with another boy. Incest.
We use to be so close but now all we do is fight. It's my fault. Every time he's around me these feelings stir inside of me. I want to ravish him. I want to have my way with him but I know that it's wrong, that it's a sin. I know that it's impossible to be with him. Yet it's all that I want. That's why I pick fights with him; I want to drive him away. But he is so stubborn he just stands there and argues with me instead of leaving like I want, like I need. This secret I carry is hurting him but, I can't help it, if he knew the truth, why we really fight, I think it would destroy him. Everything in his world is black and white, good and evil; there is no room for gray. There is no room for the type of perversion that I feel for him. So we fight every time we see each other, it's the only way I can protect him, my brother TK.
These feels started not long after the final battle with MaloMyotismon. At first the dreams were harmless. We were just talking in the park. I don't even remember what the conversation was about, but we were laughing. I thought it was just my mind manifesting my desire to spend more time with him. But after a week the dream changed. We were at the same park on the same bench but this time he kissed me. He leaned over and kissed me and I liked it. Then next few weeks my dreams became more graphic. The scenery would change as we progressed further in sin, sometimes we would be in the digital world and sometimes in my room. Eventually all I dreamt of was ravishing him, having him under me, begging for more. That look he had in his eyes when I took him was maddening. His eyes half lidded looking at me like I was the only person in the world, pure love shining behind those blue eyes of his. It was all I could do to not to make my dreams come true. It's starting to get where I don't want to go to sleep anymore because if I do then I know what I will dream about. I'm afraid that I'm slowly going insane. But I will hold onto whatever sanity I have left. I will protect TK at all costs, even if it means losing him.
The other day we had a particularly nasty fight and we actually came to blows. I can't remember if I had ever hit him before that day. I believe that it was the first time. All the other fights were merely arguments. There's a knock on my door and I go to answer it. It's him. Here he is at my doorway probably wanting to make up, but I don't want to. The further I drive the wedge between us the better. All that time that I fought to see him, to be with him, wasted, because now I wish I was on the other side of the world.
"Matt, are you going to let me in?" he said plainly.
I move aside and he walks in. I shut the door and turn around, he is right there, a few inches from my face. I could reach out and kiss him right now if I want but I restrain myself.
"We need to talk," he stated matter of fact. "Every time we see each other we argue. And the other day we fought. We actually came to blows. We've never done that before. Matt what is happening to us?"
He sounds so sad. I wonder what is worst this or the truth. He hangs his head low and move to put it on my shoulder but I quickly move away from him turning toward the couch.
"Matt," he called out to me. "What's wrong? Did I do something wrong? If I did I'm sorry! Matt please talk to me!"
I run my hand though my hair, I hate seeing him like this. I think that I'm starting to crack. "Just leave me alone ok, I just want to be left alone TK is that so hard for you to understand!" I yell at him.
He looks like he is about to cry, so I turn my back to him. He hugs me from behind and for a moment I let him, I indulge myself and let him touch me. I can feel myself grow hard, great just what I need, so I quickly push him off of me.
"TK go away! I mean it!" I try to sound angry, but it came out sounding desperate even to me. I push him a little toward the door.
"No not until you talk to me!" he replies as he pushes me back.
I shove him harder; I need him to leave now before I'm exposed.
"Damn it Matt stop being a jerk," he yells before he shoves me again this time toward the armrest of the couch.
"You shouldn't cuss!" I scorn him.
"Well you shouldn't be such a jerk!" he counters back.
The next thing I know we're wrestling. Together we go over the armrest and roll onto the floor. TK landed on top of me and now has me pinned. He is holding both of my arms above my head and is straddling my hips. I am totally horrified because I know that he can feel that I'm hard.
"Yamato?" he questions me. He moves his hips around a little, I guess to confirm his suspicions. I can't even look at him. I just turn my head to the side and lay still. He moves around again and I moan. I couldn't help it.
"Matt is this…" he mummers. He turns red and hangs his head to hide his face from me. He looses his grip on my arms and I'm able to free one hand. I touch his face gently and stoke his cheek. He looks at me with confusion in his eyes.
So here I am trapped, my secret out, I have nothing else to lose. I pull his head toward mine and kiss him. He doesn't resist me. I'm surprised that he doesn't hit me and run away. Not one to pass up an opportunity I deepen the kiss. Still he doesn't resist me but, he doesn't kiss me back either. I know as soon as the kiss breaks he will bolt for the door and never look back. So I hold the kiss for as long as possible. Breathless I break the kiss and look at him. He is blushing madly and won't look me directly in the eye.
"TK, I am sorry I didn't mean to hurt you, please." Please, what exactly am I asking for? I'm not sure myself. I don't desire forgiveness; I know that there is none for me. I don't feel sorry for what I just did, no matter how wrong it was. After all it has been the only thing that I have desired lately.
"Big brother," he whispers and starts to cry. I never wanted that. I didn't want to hurt TK yet that is all I have been doing lately.
"Shh it's ok," I tell him as I wrap my arms around him and hug him close to me.
"Don't worry it's going to be ok," I lie. Nothing is going to be fine, we can never go back.
We lay on the floor for sometime before TK looks at me and asks, "Why?"
Damn that is a difficult question but, I can't hide for him anymore I have to let him know the truth and hope that it doesn't hurt him anymore then I already have. I swallow hard and gather my courage before I answer him, "Because I love you. Because you are all I dream of."
He looks at me intensely, with his beautiful blue eyes, and I am shocked to see no malice or disgust. It's like he is trying to see into my very soul, and as much as I want to look away, I can't.
He finally breaks the silent, "Matt, I want to tell you something."
I lick my dry lips. "What's that?" I ask him barely above a whisper.
"This," he moved forward to kiss me. A feather light blushing of the lips but it's so sweet, so much better then any dream because this is real. TK was kissing me. And then I knew that the impossible was possible.
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