First Neville fic! Please review, I'm hoping it's good. I don't own harry potter, if I did, all the boys would be naked 24/7 :D
Neville remembered his first kiss very well. He'd been walking down the hall, minding his own business, when he was slammed up against the wall. He felt hands go around his waist and breath in his ear, and then Malfoy's unmistakable voice said "ever kissed a bloke, Longbottom?"
Then his first kiss was stolen from him, and he instantly realized why so many people liked Malfoy despite him being such a git.
Draco Malfoy was a kissing god.
So, by extension, he supposed he would be a sex god too, and this made sense. He could never be sure, but the lude way Malfoy had looked at him every time they passed in the halls since that day made Neville very sure of one thing: he was very, very gay.
Neville had never wanked much; it made him feel self-conscious and dirty. But when he did, it was of Malfoy. It amazed him, actually, but he was always on top. Some sort of alternate reality, he supposed, but he loved to imagine himself dominating the blonde, making him beg for it.
He would finish up feeling very self righteous, and powerful. Feelings that quickly faded when he realized he was just in his four-poster, wanking to the image of a stupid git who'd kissed him once for a laugh.
That is why he one day decided he wasn't going to wank to thoughts of Malfoy anymore. He quickly realized that that wasn't going to happen as easily as that. Just stopping wasn't going to work, being seventeen and just stopping wanking does not work. There were really only two options:
Option 1) He approaches Malfoy, and of course being the insecure person he is, asks him very nervously and mildly politely for sex. If Malfoy laughs in his face, he's back to wanking. If Malfoy agrees, he will agree only to being on top, because Neville is Neville, and no one wants to be dominated by Neville. So he'd still be having the occasional wanking fantasy of Malfoy either way.
Option 2) He finds someone who will let him dominate them, or at least let him be on top some of the time, and thus can get rid of sweet memories of hallway kisses with blonde jerks.
But seeing as both of these seemed quite dangerous to Neville's fragile self-esteem, he could do nothing but dream of the possibilities of freedom. It became his ritual, after every Malfoy-wank, he would perform a cleaning charm (which he was getting quite good at) and imagine the possibilities of what those lonely nights could become.
It had been almost three months since that kiss.
During one of these after-fantasy-fantasy sessions, Neville finally truly decided to take some real action. Option 1 was out of the question, he was screwed either way …so to speak…
Option 2, however unlikely, still had some potential. Perhaps with some good manners and a lot of luck, Neville might be able to find himself a boyfriend. Hell, maybe even a girlfriend, he was desperate here. Ginny was out of the question, seeing as she was a long-term love interest of Harry's, and besides knew he was gay. If he started trying to sleep with her, she'd laugh in his face louder than Malfoy. Luna too, she was a tad to alarming for him, probably nowhere near easy, and besides, he kind of thought she might be a lesbian. He didn't even have to explain to himself why Hermione was out of the question.
So, boyfriend it was.
Coming out is a horrifying prospect even in the wizarding world, where gay marriage is legal and new magical procedures allow for the somewhat controversial male pregnancies. But Neville knew that the only way to have any kind of a chance was to put himself out on the market. The more people who knew he was looking for a boyfriend, the better chance he had, speaking percentages and statistics, of actually having someone who liked him. The wider a flower blooms, the easier it is for it to be pollinated…or something like that.
It seemed to him that the best way was to tell some gossipers on both sides of the gender line. From what little he knew of the social pecking order, he decided upon Pavarti and Seamus. Lavender was the real gossiper, but Pavarti would, of course, tell her best friend and her sister, which would allow for cross-house-contamination of the news. Seamus would tell everyone, so no worries there.
He wondered vaguely if he should tell Harry, Ron, and Hermione face-to-face, since they were supposed to be his closest friends, but decided against it, realizing quite suddenly that if they were really his best friends he would have told them about the kiss in the first place. That thought brought on new fantasies of Ron beating up Malfoy for stealing a kiss and humiliating his friend, and Hermione counseling Neville about his crush, helping him past his obsession before it began, then helping him with his homework. But he wasn't as close to the "Golden Trio" as he would probably have liked to have been. He was as bad as a groupie, clinging to the three of theirs accomplishments, tagging along on their adventures.
So, now that he'd picked who he was going to tell it was time to figure out how to tell them. He had to figure out how to tell Seamus without him thinking Neville was hitting on him, and he had to tell Pavarti without her thinking he was creepy and suddenly trying to be friends with her.
The next day, thinking hard about what he should do, still fiddling with his collar and tie as he walked down the stairs, he glanced over at Pavarti and Lavender. The two were idly talking over a couple cinnamon buns they grabbed from breakfast. It was Saturday, and no need to rush to any class. Neville noticed that Pavarti was wearing a gold shirt, instead of the uniform white, which blended with the gold stripes in her tie, and made the maroon stripes stand out. That's so cool! Neville found himself grinning in appreciation, when a thought occurred to him.
"Wow, Pavarti, that's so cool!" Neville grinned at her, gesturing with his hand at her shirt.
Pavarti looked down at her self, and smiled with pride.
"Yes, I've had this shirt for ages, but this morning I thought, 'It's Saturday, why not break the dress code just a little?'" She beamed up at him.
"I'm glad you did, it looks so…" Neville tried to think of the gayest way to say it, "it just makes the maroon stripes pop!"
Pavarti and Lavender exchanged knowing looks.
"Would you like to wear a shirt like Pavarti's, Neville?" Lavender asked him would-be-casually.
"Well…I guess…" Neville answered slowly, wondering where he should take this. Looking at both their faces, he could see the seed had been planted and was easily taking root, so why not be himself?
"I don't think something like that would look good on me" he answered honestly, "not much really does"
"Nonsense, Neville!" Pavarti cried, as if he'd insulted fashion it's self, "everyone has a look that looks best on them!"
"Well, if there's one for me, I haven't found it" he decided to turn up the gay just a tad "sometimes I look in the robes shops at all those cute clothes knowing I'll never be able to wear things like that." and why not a little revenge as well "I envy Malfoy, he's like the king of velour and silver cloak pins."
"Oh, I know!" Lavender agreed, "he's always dressed to the nines in the latest fashions, the jerk."
"I hate it." Pavarti said with a huff, "it's not fair for a guy to be prettier than most girls and then have the money to be more fashionable as well!"
"He does it to keep his playing field wide open," Neville couldn't believe how much he was enjoying this, "He's shagged almost half the school. Girl or boy, he doesn't care."
"Well, probably everyone except Harry" Pavarti giggled.
"Oh, yes, not Harry." Lavender giggled too. The girls had met eyes and were giggling to a secret joke that Neville was ignorant of.
"Well, of course not Harry." He said, confused.
"Should we tell him?" Lavender asked Pavarti, looking at Neville sideways.
"Well, I guess we could, I think he might appreciate it…" The both looked at him and giggled.
"Tell me what?" Neville didn't like this new world he'd been sucked into. Pavarti patted the chair next to her and Neville sat between the two girls.
"Well, it's easy enough to say that both Harry and Malfoy are hot, right?" Pavarti asked, and Neville suddenly got the same feeling he did when Snape asked him a question he thought he knew the answer too, which made him think it was a trick question.
"I guess so…" they both raised their eyebrows at him "yes, okay, they're both quite fit, what about it?"
The girls giggled again, happily.
"Well, Malfoy is so obviously leaning towards the gay side" You have no idea, thought Neville "so don't you think it would be oh-so-completely delicious to see the two of them together?" Lavender asked him.
"It's that whole 'yin-yang' thing" Pavarti said, expanding the thought on their reasoning.
Neville felt his brain melt. Images of Harry and Malfoy together swam through his mind, squirming, lean bodies in tangled sheets, pale fingers running through jet-black hair, pink mouth kissing and licking at stark tan-lines, green eyes looking down hungrily, the carnal fight for power over the other. When he came back to reality, Pavarti and Lavender were watching him closely.
"I can honestly say I may never look at Harry quite the same again."
The two girls laughed.
Leaving the common room, and rather proud of himself for coming out so casually to the female half of the school, Neville went in search of the half he was more interested in, to inform. He really was pretty worried about seeing Harry in the Great Hall; the images had been so vivid. On his way to his destination, however, they began to warp into something new. Neville was in his usual dominant role over the greedy bottom!Malfoy, but now Harry was there as well. The two of them used Malfoy's body for a while, but then it changed, and Neville was being pleasured by the two of them at once. Both Harry and Malfoy had become total nelly bottoms, and they were crawling all over Neville's naked body. He found Harry's lips and began to kiss him heartily, groping at his arse while Malfoy sucked him off.
He made a pit stop at the boy's bathroom before continuing to breakfast.
Neville had learned from his encounter with Pavarti and Lavender, that the best way to come out effective was to act as though everyone already knew it. Judging by the way the two behaved, he figured they had had their previous suspicious, and when he'd started acting 'properly' they just went with it. He wondered if this sort of behavior might work towards his advantage with Seamus as well. Honesty might very well be the best policy.
In the Great Hall, Neville spotted Harry, Ron and Hermione packed in close together talking about something or the other. He knew it was probably something he wanted to know, but if they needed anyone's help, they would inform him eventually. So, instead of heading straight towards the newest object of his fantasies, he sat down near to Dean and Seamus.
"Hey, Neville, why the long face?" Dean asked, not seeming even a tad empathetic.
"It's just…Do you mind if I ask you two for some advice?" Neville suddenly found himself very nervous. He was going to tell Seamus and Dean that he fancied Malfoy, they'd kill him! No, perhaps it was best not to mention names. Just say it's a bloke, and leave it at that.
"Sure, Neville." Seamus accepted pleasantly, passing him a plate of toast, which Neville took and began spreading liberally with strawberry jam.
"Well, I…" He gulped, looking up at the boys, who were peering in at him in great interests.
"What is it, Neville?" Seamus prodded. When Neville shook his head to try and regain composure, Dean added, "Merlin, it must be serious."
"Here's an even more important question" Seamus said through a mouth crammed with cinnamon buns, "why are you asking us for advice? Why not Harry or Hermione? They're the brain of this outfit."
"Yeah," Dean nodded towards his friend, and then back at Neville "why not them?"
"Cause…it just wouldn't be a good idea, is all." Neville sighed, he didn't like where this was going, maybe he should just back out while he still could, "you know, on second thought, it's not that big of a deal, and you probably don't care, so I'll just be going." He stood to leave, but Seamus caught his arm.
"Listen, mate," he said seriously, "the five of us, we're like family. Us five, the Gryffindor boys of our year. You won't tell Harry, and I don't blame you for not asking Ron for advice, so if you can't tell Dean and me, who can you tell?"
Dean nodded in agreement at Seamus' words, and a bit moved by the speech, Neville sat back down.
"Alright, but you can't tell anybody"
"No, seriously, you can't tell anybody" Neville was completely forgetting his plan of letting the school know he was gay, right now it seemed that he might actually get some advice about how to end things with fantasy!Malfoy once and for all.
"Of course not, Neville, come out with it!" Neville gulped at those words.
"Well, as it happens…I've got this crush…on a bloke…" He looked up to see their reactions. Both had slightly raised eyebrows, but Seamus seemed mildly amused, and Dean didn't seem to care that much at all, "Alright, well…it's not really a good thing, 'cause I know he doesn't fancy me at all, but I can't stop thinking about him…"
Suddenly, a crash came from the right, and Neville peered around Seamus' shoulder to see that Harry had accidentally or on purpose knocked his plate full of food, his goblet, and all his silverware off the table. He was glaring down at his hand, which had a small cut on it. Seamus and Dean watched the scene the way children watch their parents fight, quiet, stepping back, praying it ends soon. However, when Harry rushed out of the Great Hall past where he was sitting, Neville reached out and tried to comfort his friend, who just tugged ahead until he was free, the same as if his sleeve had been caught on a thorny vine.
Neville settled back into his seat, and turned back to Seamus and Dean, who were watching him with renewed interest. It was the same look of revelation Pavarti and Lavender had worn, but this time Neville could not figure out about what.
"Keep going Neville," Dean encouraged, his voice suddenly soft, as though comforting a lost child, "have you told him that you like him?"
"No, of course not!" Neville said in a panic "That would be suicide!"
"You never know, Nev" Seamus remarked pleasantly, "Does Harry even know you're gay?"
"What? Harry? I don't see how…wait." Neville stared in shock at the two boys, both grinning like Cheshire cats "You don't think I fancy…Harry?!"
"You know, if I were you." Seamus seemed to be ignoring Neville's question entirely, "I'd follow him"
"Yeah, look," Dean pointed to where Ron and Hermione were still seated, talking quietly, "they're not even trying to go after him, you should. You know, find out where he is, comfort him."
"B-but…I…I don't…" Neville sputtered.
"Nah, see here, mate" Seamus stood, dragging Neville from his seat, "go after him now, or you'll never catch him. He's wicked fast, you know."
With a push from Seamus, Neville was running from the Great Hall. Why am I doing this? It wasn't Harry he fancied, it was Malfoy! Most of him didn't seem to care, however, as he continued to race around, trying for all the places he could think of that Harry might go.
He didn't find him in the dormitory, the astronomy tower, the owlery, or the Room of Requirement. He even knocked on Hagrid's door to see if Harry might have hid out there. He hadn't, and now Hagrid was rather upset. 'don't worry,' Neville had told him 'I think I know where he might be.' The truth was, of course, that he had no idea where Harry might be, and there was only one place left to check, and it wasn't really a place he expected Harry to go. It was where Neville went when he was hiding.
The greenhouses were the most peaceful place at Hogwarts, as far as Neville was concerned. It stayed so warm, even in the winter, and in the hotter months of the year, he was easily comfortable next to the "breeze bushes" which spun their vines like a fan. Today was one of those comfortably warm days, which meant it would be a tad warmer inside, just enough so that he could take off his shirt and walk around in only his trousers and an undershirt. Inside, that's exactly what he did, shedding his shirt and heading straight for his extra credit project Professor Sprout had set up for him. They were enchanted bonsais, which grew especially beautiful if pruned correctly, but grew extra fast and rather unappealing if done incorrectly. Concentrating all his thoughts and magic on the image of the perfect bonsai in his head, Neville leaned over the tiny green trees, tiny scissor-like shears at the ready. He was about to trim the first out-of-place limb, when he heard the unmistakable, and painful to any gardener, sound of a clay planter falling to the ground and cracking open. He cringed, and looked over at the poor acid-spitting hibiscus. Neville froze in shock as his watery brown eyes met with deep green ones.
"Ah…oh…merlin….Neville, I'm sorry!" Harry stooped down to try and retrieve the shards.
"that's okay…Harry! Wait, don't!" Neville lunged himself at Harry, ripping him away from the acid, coming from a very aggravated flower.
"Thanks, Neville." Harry sighed, eyes still wide with shock.
"It's okay…I, uh…" Neville cleared his throat, remembering his conversation with Seamus earlier "I'll pick that up later, um…Harry?"
"Yeah, thanks Neville, I'll just be going then." The raven haired boy seemed to not even hear, as he headed for the door.
"Oh, yeah, sure, alright." Neville sighed, turning back to his bonsais, unhappily.
Neville spun around to see Harry pulling at his shirt and tie hurriedly.
"Some of it got one me! Shit! Shit! Shit!" Harry was frantically getting his tie off, tugging at the spot on his stomach, where sickly-looking pink acid was beginning to burn through his undershirt.
Neville had only a few moments to register how many fantasies had not only involved, but would later involve the action, before he was running over to Harry and ripping his shirt open forcefully. Buttons flew everywhere, in fact one hit Neville's right cheek, but he had no time to think of this either, because the undershirt had to be removed as well, before the acid burnt Harry's skin. Harry was much more helpful with this, raising his arms above his head and letting Neville peel it off him.
"Why in hell do they keep such dangerous plants in a school greenhouse?!" Harry scoffed, staring down at his speedily disintegrating clothing on the floor.
Neville didn't answer, he was too busy taking in all that the urgency of the last few moments had kept hidden from him. Harry was slender, much more so than Neville, but not in the girly way he supposed Malfoy was. He had vaguely defined muscles, and the prettiest nipples he'd ever seen. It was a silly thought, to say the least, but he couldn't help it. Neville had always considered the idea of Malfoy's bright pink nipples to be the most desirable, but he had to say something for the tanned skin, and light beige/red nubs of Harry's.
Harry turned to Neville with a morose look on his face.
"What am I going to do? I can't walk back through the halls like this?" He stretched his arm around, scratching the back of his neck, and running his hand through his hair idly.
"You can, uh, ahem" Neville cleared his throat; eyes soaking in every detail of Harry's half naked body, "I've got my undershirt still, so you could wear mine. It might be a bit big…"
"Thanks Neville!" Harry said brightly, going over to where the other boy's discarded dress shirt was, "don't worry, I'm used to my clothes being a little big" He bent down to retrieve the shirt, and Neville felt a twitch in his pants at such a lovely view of Harry bum. So preoccupied by the view, he was, that it took him a few moments to realize that the bespectacled boy was struggling.
It seemed that Neville's shirt had snagged in the rather docile, Chinese trap-dragon. Harry was pulling rather vigorously, not knowing, Neville was sure, that it would only make the plant clamp down harder.
"Here, Harry, let me show you…" Neville stepped forward, standing directly behind Harry, and lacing his fingers with the other boy's, guided his hand to push the garment toward and then up and away from the persnickety shrub. Neville gasped suddenly, as the two stood up straight and Harry's bare back pressed against Neville's almost-bare chest.
"Neville…" Harry turned slightly, holding the shirt awkwardly and staring at his friend in that analyzing, questioning way that he had. They were so close that Neville could feel breath coming from Harry's pink, soft-looking lips.
Oh, what the hell, you only live once, right?
Neville leaned in and pressed a tentative kiss on those lips. They were soft, warm, and a tad damp, and decidedly nothing like his first kiss. Neville let his hand brush a tiny strand of Harry's hair out of his face before finally pulling back…
…and running away in horror.
"I-I-I…" Neville began, stumbling backwards a tad to allow Harry room to rush past him, hopefully without hexing him first.
Much to Neville's surprise, the other boy wasn't moving at all. Harry was just standing there, fingers gently touching his lips in pure shock. He look up into the larger boy's eyes with blank astonishment, as though trying to read Neville without giving anything of himself away. Neville let it happen, he could never hide his emotions very well anyhow, he wasn't one of those people or plants that had a gooey center hidden by thorns, he was gooey all over.
"That was my…first kiss with…a guy…"
"I never even thought about it before…kissing a guy."
"Merlin, I'm so sorry…" Neville kneaded his head with the heal of his hand. It was as bad as Malfoy, stealing someone's first kiss, even if it wasn't completely Harry's first kiss.
"N-no, it's okay"
Neville dropped his hand and stared at Harry, who was looking at his feet, hands jammed into his pockets. Above all else, Neville had never really allowed himself to hope. He had always assumed that it would all go wrong in the end. Even his little coming out plan, he knew that when Gran found out she'd either disown him, or try to set him up with some "nice boy" or whatever. There were a million other ways it could have gone wrong otherwise, for sure, too. Now, however, Neville found himself really and truly hoping that Harry would look at him and he would know something, even if it was bad, know that Harry liked him or didn't or something, but he really, truly hoped that he did. He hoped beyond hope that Harry would look up and say…
"I…didn't mind." The raven-haired boy said so softly that Neville, caught in his thoughts, almost didn't hear it.
Harry took a baby step forward, and Neville could feel his whole body shaking, reaching out to lay his hand on the shorter boy's shoulder. Neville took a step closer, as Harry did the same. They were so close now that Neville could feel their breath mingling.
"Harry," he whispered, "I would like to…could i…kiss you…again?"
Harry gave a short sort of nod, and Neville felt as though a surge had gone through his whole body. He thought that this must be how flowers felt when they finally bloomed.
Their lips met for a second time, and Neville tilted his head to allow it to deepen, but only if Harry wanted it to. He moved his lips, gently massaging Harry's, which seemed to spring to life, suddenly sucking and licking and very seriously snogging. In this moment, Neville realized that however good Malfoy might be, Harry was better in every single way. A person, a better friend, and a much better kisser.
"I must be dreaming" Harry sighed, as they pulled away, this time hold each other closely.
"you have no idea" Neville grinned, and went back for more.