This is my first Cold Case fic to be posted on so it isn't my first CC fic ever. This is post-Stalker so naturally there are spoilers for 4x24 Stalker but nothing about season5. This is purely speculation and my imagination.
Disclaimer: I don't own any Cold Case character. And I gave 'Tripod' a name - Belle because I felt Tripod didn't go with Olivia lol.
"You wanna shoot me? You wanna shoot me? Shoot me now!"
"You're gonna die!"
"Then do it already! Shoot me! Do it now!"
Sucking in the air around her, Lilly took a ragged breath as she shifted violently in her tormented sleep. In the dark of the night, the torturous goblins from that day screamed from the shadows of her dreams. They lurched towards her. Smothered her. She tried desperately against their harsh grasp. Her body reeled with spasms as she struggled against the invisible forces.
"You're gonna die!" These whispered words dripped with venom as they echoed menacingly through her head. They came from the depths of the darkness and tormented her. Everywhere she looked, Deep Darkness stood before her with its arms folded. She couldn't escape. Blurred faces stared at her. Their sinister eyes peered from the eternal blackness. The voice pitched and twitched as she tried frantically to escape.
She couldn't escape.
Overcome, Lilly opened her eyes only to be greeted by the prevalent darkness of her bedroom. She lay huddled in her sheets as Olivia and Belle lay peacefully curled up nearby blissfully unaware of their owner's torment. Quivering, Lilly looked towards the window. The light from the streetlights outside filtered through the blinds in brittle streaks of bland colour which delicately broke the darkness that smothered her senses.
Lilly pushed back the bed sheets but her limbs quivered uncontrollably and she gradually got to her feet. She paused on her feet as she gathered her erratic senses. Slowly, she moved towards the window and wrapped her arms around herself, attempting to provide herself with what little comfort she could muster. Her fingers traced over the goosebumps that poked her skin. Her limbs still quaked.
After taking a ragged breath, Lilly timidly pulled back the lace curtain and looked through the window at the desolate night street below. Cars lined the silent street while the stars gracefully dotted the sky. It was so simply out there. The cars sat idly outside sleepy homes while the stars hung in the night. Why couldn't it be that simple in her dreams? Why couldn't the stars look over her and protect her? Why couldn't the cars block out the demons like guards? Feeling her skin tremor, Lilly rubbed her cold hand up and down her arm as she continued to look out the window.
As her gaze lingered on the window, she became aware of her reflection. Looking into her own cold eyes, she flashed back to seeing her faint reflection on the glass in the observation room. In that glass, she saw Ed pointing that gun at her chest with a merciless adamant stare that coated his eyes. She remembered looking at him with the barrel of the gun trained on her. The looming darkness of the gun barrel winked at her mercilessly as the darkness of his eyes smiled as she told him to shoot her. The black finish of the gun and the darkness that tinged her sight as she fell down the wall screamed in her head.
Pulling herself away from the window, Lilly felt her way across the room and out into the hallway. There, she crossed the hall and went feverishly into the bathroom. Immediately, she turned on the light and squinted her eyes in defence against the austere brightness before turning on the tap. Shaking, she placed a cloth under the cold stream and held it to her face. Breathing in the cold air from the cloth, she revelled as the cool water soothed her fevered skin. Slowly, she dabbed the cloth over her face. Tiny droplets slid down her tender skin and dripped nonchalantly to the floor. She held the cloth desperately over her mouth and nose and inhaled the sweet scent that lingered on the material. Then she looked over the cloth and took in her image in the mirror.
Immediately, she darted her eyes away from her hollow reflection as she dabbed the damp cloth down her neck. But her eyes found their way back to the mirror and she caught sight of her exposed chest. Her gaze refused to leave.
Lilly set the cloth down timidly without breaking eye contact with the mirror.
She took her hand and nervously traced her fingertips along the neckline of her v-neck t-shirt. The sensitive skin of her finger moved along the material of her top, feeling the gentle softness. Looking in the mirror, her skin looked perfect. Porcelain. Creamy. Pale. A perfect complexion that was elegantly dotted with brown spots.
Keeping her eyes fixed on her reflection, Lilly hooked her fingertips under the velvety material of her t-shirt and pulled it to her right slowly. Little by little she began to see more of her white skin. Bit by bit, she exposed more of her polished body.
She knew what was about to come into the image but that anticipation didn't stop it from unsettling her.
Millimetre by millimetre, Lilly absorbed how her skin became crinkled and deformed. Short discoloured, disjoined lines etched themselves in every which direction.
Her scar was coming into view.
Her scar from being shot.
The blood that coursed through her veins began to pulse as anxiety flooded her senses.
She pulled the material of her t-shirt further back to expose the ever healing wound.
Frozen, Lilly stared at it. Lilly simply stood still. She was unsure of her emotions towards it. Should she be angry? Angry that she was shot. Should she be breaking down and crying? Crying that she had been shot. Should she be happy that she is alive? Alive and that she didn't die and that she saved the lives of about four people. Lilly didn't know what to do. All she did was continually stare at the ugly wound as the harsh lights of the bathroom highlighted it.
Her memories dragged her back to the moment when that bullet entered her body. She saw herself standing in the observation room with Ed pointing the gun at her. She remembered shaking at hearing the glass shattering at the bark from Scotty's gun. The bangs mixed her senses. She didn't register anything. She remembered falling back against the wall as Scotty fired his gun at Ed so that she was out of danger. It wasn't until her knees began to buckle beneath her that she realised the shear numbness that was flowing through her body. Her eyes simply stared ahead. She didn't register Will's voice calling her. She recalled Scotty holding her and gently lowering her to the floor as he cradled her. "Get the paramedic's" he cried hysterically. Then, she saw the scene as if she was watching it from some else's point of view. She saw herself leaning awkwardly up against the wall as the paramedics flocked around her. Lilly saw the oxygen mask being placed over her head and fixed to her face. She saw how her blood easily stained her white shirt. Lilly looked up at the dull wall that she had just slid down and saw her smeared blood. Then her mind yanked her back to the blood stain that was prevalent on her blouse. Staring back at herself in the mirror, Lilly could feel the tingling sensation of a warm liquid trickling down her body
"You're gonna die!" These words rang out fiercely again.
Her chest began to constrict and she felt her scar pulse as Ed's deadly threat continued to torture her.
Lilly shut her eyes tightly and gripped the edge of the sink, bowed her head and breathed heavily. Even in her own private solace, the goblins from her dreams assaulted her eyes, forcing her to open her eyes.
Looking up slowly she met her reflection. As her sight caught the mirror she saw Ed's demented face staring at her determined. He raised his arm and pointed the same gun at her.
Whirling around, she was greeted by the tiles of her bathroom. Her eyes darted around the room anxiously as her heart throbbed. No matter where her eyes looked, all she saw was her bathroom. In her house. Away from PPD. Away from there.
Overwhelmed, Lilly released the breath that she had not realised she was holding. Shaking, Lilly leaned back against the sink. She bent herself forward and brought her hands to her face, cupping her mouth. Staring at the floor of the bathroom, she tried to control herself. She fought her emotions and tried to build back up her protective walls to prevent the slightest tear from being shed. She tried to compose herself.
Lilly took several shaken breaths through gritted teeth before straightening herself up and combing her fingers through her dishevelled long blonde hair. She walked straight out of the bathroom, away from the mirror and made her way downstairs.
Catching the blue glow of the clock on the microwave, she saw that it was half four in the morning. She shuffled around the kitchen aimlessly and shuffled into the living room where she lay herself down on the couch. Lilly curled one arm under the pillow and pulled the other up under her chin. Sinking herself into the couch, she let out a sigh.
"Mom," she whispered to herself as she remembered sitting on the other side of the couch and reading The Velveteen Rabbit to her as her mother lay in the exact spot that she occupied. She closed her eyes and thought back. Back to her mother. Lilly just stared ahead as she walked down the corridors of her memories of her and her mother. Some halls were overcast by darkness and she dared not to venture down but others were beckoning to her. To relive them.
Lilly knew that if Ellen was still alive that day, she would be the one person who could help through this ordeal. Lilly knew that she would resist her mother's coddling and her help but eventually, her mother would weave her way into Lilly. In her soul. Into the dark that Lilly was fighting against. The one person who could help her through this was gone.
What did you think? Crap? Horrible? Good? Mediocre? Or should I continue or stop? Reviews are more than welcome.