Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed.
Summary: Takes place after Spin City. Just pretend that Piper did not go to Magic School at the end of the episode. Piper and Grams get into an argument about how Chris and Wyatt were raised; as one ended up evil and the other as a smart ass. Phoebe is forced to step in.
Phoebe Halliwell hummed to herself as she entered the large, red, wooden, house that was Halliwell Manor. The weather outside was in direct opposition to her cheerful mood. The wind whipped through the large trees that lined the quaint suburban neighborhood. Lightning lit up the stained glass windows in the conservatory and attic, casting colorful reflections on the old hardwood floors. Thunder boomed, filling the air with the high-pitched whimpers of the youngest member of the household.
Nonetheless, Phoebe Halliwell hummed to herself.
She had finally met a sweet, gorgeous guy who was interested in having a family one-day. True, she couldn't remember whether his name was Samuel, Scott, or Seth; but he was the perfect guy for her. She could feel it.
As Phoebe laid her keys on the side table her eyes whipped to the ceiling above her. Familiar irritated voices were yelling so loud they drowned out the rumble of thunder. The shorthaired brunet sighed to herself as she made her way to the staircase. The only time her older sister's voice reached that volume was when she was arguing with the spirit of their long-dead grandmother. The fact that Grams, the uptight taskmaster, was screaming just as loudly was definitely a sign that war had broken out in the Halliwell family.
So much for being in a good mood. Phoebe thought bitterly as she made her way up the red-carpeted wooden staircase
Piper Halliwell was angry, no furious, no enraged! How dare Grams insult her parenting skills! How dare she!
The sound of shattering pottery and a startled yelp filled the air as a vase sitting on an antique cabinet exploded. Thus sending ceramic shrapnel flying through the air as priceless bullets. Piper didn't care. She didn't care that there were pieces of her favorite vase stuck three inches through the wooden walls. She didn't care that her long silky brown hair was littered with small white flower-patterned pieces. She didn't care that her youngest sister, Paige, had taken cover behind an old sofa. She didn't even care that the woman she was currently screaming at was the person who raised her from infancy. All Piper Halliwell-Wyatt cared about was the fact that that…witch insulted her parenting skills.
True, in the future one of her sons was an evil power-hungry tyrant. Yes, her other son was an irritating neurotic smart ass. But that was no reason to insult her parenting skills. It wasn't her fault what happened in the future; and she sure as hell wasn't going to let anyone insult her baby boys.
"What the hell is going on up here!" Piper didn't even bat an eyelash as her middle sister, Phoebe, scrambled into the room as fast as her stiletto heels would let her. A tense silence filled the room; the only sounds heard the harsh breathing of the four women glaring amongst the rubble.
"Um, Grams and Piper were just discussing Piper's and Leo's parenting skills." Paige finally piped up, getting up from her crouched position behind the sofa. She quickly rushed to the newcomer's side, seeking protection in numbers from the infamous Halliwell temper the two eldest women were displaying.
"Oh." Phoebe answered. That was all that needed to be said on the matter.
"While I know young people have no respect for their elders I never thought my own granddaughter would raise such…such hooligans!" Grams spat, clutching her long vest together. Piper's eyes flashed and the lamp next to the charred remains of the vase met an untimely demise. More pieces of pottery ended up imbedded in the wall.
"ALLRIGHT!" Phoebe snapped, cutting her sister off mid-sentence. She was rubbing her temples, a grimace of pain on her face. "Grams, Piper, I love you both dearly. But if you don't calm the hell down, then I'll make you calm down." It went silent as the empath's words sunk in. "Lovely."
"Um, Pheebs?" Paige ventured.
"Yes?" The middle sister answered from between clenched teeth.
"You have a giant piece of lamp in your hair."
Ten minutes later the four Halliwell women were seated in the conservatory with mugs of steaming tea. "Alright then," Phoebe remarked with a large smile on her face, "isn't this lovely?"
"Well, anything is better than the reenactment of the Civil War we had earlier." Paige muttered with a roll of her eyes. Phoebe's smile became rather fixed and she lightly kicked her younger sister in the shin.
"Now, all of you are going to listen to me and no one is going to interrupt me." Phoebe continued. "After all, I am an advice columnist."
"On relationships," Piper butted in. She quieted down at her sister's dark glare. The glare moved to Grams as the spirit opened her mouth to complain. When she had everyone's attention Phoebe regained her smile.
"Now, while I do realize that my nephew is an over-bearing, intense, workaholic neurotic son-of-a-bitch, (no offence Piper)," At her sister's nod she continued. "You should also take into account that his father was raised in the nineteen-twenties and thirties." At this Phoebe turned her attention to her grandmother. "That means that Leo will definitely teach his boys how to show respect to their elders and women."
"But Chris said Leo was never around for him." Paige piped up. Phoebe turned a glare to her as well until she got the quiet she wanted.
"Case in point. Whenever Chris walks with any of us on the street he always takes the outside towards the passing cars." As Phoebe said this her sisters nodded in recognition of the young-man's actions. "He always holds the door open when someone wants to get inside a building. Whenever we are out and it starts to get cold he offers up his jacket. He always insists on helping out with housework once his demons have been vanquished." Phoebe ticked off the actions on her fingers. "Oh, I once even saw him help a little old lady cross the street when we were going to the supermarket for groceries!"
"When we took the bus to P3 he gave up his seat to a pregnant woman." Piper added. "I wish people would do that for me." At this she looked down at her swollen middle.
"He chased away this scum-bag that was hitting on a girl at the bar yesterday." Paige remarked. Her eyes twinkled in mirth. "He also scored her phone number."
"He what?" Piper asked with a slight frown. Twenty-two or not Chris was still her baby, and no woman would ever be good enough for him.
"I'm still not convinced of the young man's integrity. He's a man, and men are good for few things in life." The old woman remarked. Just as the sisters were about to retort there was a knock on the door. The women turned to see Chris standing in the doorway. His dark hair was plastered to his forehead, and his black long-sleeved shirt stuck to his skinny frame like a second skin. If his appearance didn't give away the fact that he was soaked then the little droplets of water dripping to the floor was a large clue.
"Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt. Hi Mom, Aunt Phoebe, Aunt Paige." Chris turned to look at his great-grandmother. "It's nice to see you again Grams." He nodded politely in her direction before turning to his mother. "Mom, I restocked the fridge. There's caramel, peanut butter, and mustard in the pantry. The store was out of the rice crackers you've been eating but I managed to pick up a different brand of them in Chinatown. Don't worry, I asked the store clerks to translate the ingredients on the package and everything is healthy." He turned his intense green gaze to his aunts.
"Aunt Phoebe, I put your migraine medication in the medicine cabinet, your office supplies are in the plastic bag hanging from your door handle." Phoebe grinned at her nephew's reluctance to enter her room without permission. "Aunt Paige, the new battery to your cell phone is in a bag around your door handle; and the new potion ingredients you were looking for are in the supply cabinet in the attic."
He paused as if to think if he forgot anything. "Oh, and the box of tampons you were asking for are in the cabinet in the bathroom. Now, if you don't mind I'm going to go and change before I form a puddle. Once again, it was nice seeing you Grams." With that Chris gave a little wave and disappeared in a cloud of glowing blue and white particles.
"He actually bought tampons for you?" Piper asked in amusement.
"Maybe chivalry isn't as dead as I thought it was." Grams finally remarked. "You did an excellent job raising him Piper." The eldest living Halliwell grinned at her grandmother and rubbed her pregnant stomach. Phoebe grinned, she was good.
AN: Hey everyone, Rainy here. This is just a small one-shot I threw together. I got the idea when I got into a discussion with my aunts about how children are raised in the present. This is my first fic, but constructive criticism is most welcome!