Title: Transformer Quidditch

Rating: G

Summery: Optimus comes up with a new way to train his men… using a well known game created by a certain author.

Author Note: Okay then… here's a really demented story in which I took the game of Qudditch and made the Autobots play it. Yes, I know this would probably never happen but after a little conversation with a good friend of mine (Sakura 02) I decided to write it out. This story contains multiple characters from Armada and the 2007 Movie.

Characters: Optimus Prime, Ironhide, Red Alert, Bumblebee, Ratchet, Jazz, Blur, Hotshot (For Sakura 02), Scavenger, Wheeljack, JetFire and Sideswipe.

Disclaimer: of course I don't own Autobots or ven Quidditch for that matter… so yeah. No money is being made from writing this.

Transformer Quidditch

Optimus Prime stands in the middle of a large field, located in an out of the way, unobtrusive area of an unused section of state forest. The camping and recreational areas have all been closed down for the season and the gates locked against walkers and their dogs. Slightly annoyed at the tardiness of his men the large Autobot leader taps his foot slightly, leaving a large indent in the soft earth under his feet. Although a beautiful landscape the usually appreciative Autobot doesn't even look at it, his mind focused only on the training exercise he has planned for his unit.

If they ever get there that is.

The sounds of car engines approaching catches the large 'bots receptors and he turns finding Red Alert and Ironhide heading his way, their Earth forms muddy from the rough roads. Ironhide had a massive tree branch sticking out from his grill Optimus notices, slightly amused as the Autobot comes to a rumbling stop. The trailer behind him looks no better, with several tree limbs and a punctured tire. Red Alert quickly transforms into his natural shape and unhitches the trailer, allowing Ironhide to also transform, grumbling all the while as he rips at the obtrusive tree branch, flinging it aside. Optimus looks at the enraged weapon's specialist for several minutes before posing the question

"Rough trip?" The soldier whips around to glare hotly at his leader before going back to the trailer and flinging the grey tarp aside.

"Hopefully all these made it in one piece, or else this addle-brained thought of yours will be a waste." He gruffly responds and Optimus focuses on the creations. Twelve objects in the shape of the human broom lay on the trailer deck, their shiny metal just begging to be tarnished in today's practice. Beside the 'brooms' sits four massive metal 'bats' designed for hitting the balls also designed and created by Ironhide and Red Alert. With a nod of approval Optimus places his hands on their shoulders

"Good work men." They give each other a look before following their leader away from the trailer as several other engines can be heard coming through the brush. Upon entering the field Blur, Jazz, Sideswipe and Wheeljack transform and instantly begin bickering with each other, an argument that only lasts a few minutes before the trees behind them crashes down and Scavenger comes through, his earthly tank form grinding to a stop before transforming. The heavyset Decepticon turned Autobot spots his old friend and instantly makes his way over, ignoring the bickering youngsters.

"Hmm… they don't seem to quit do they?" He smiles and Ironhide growls something about 'sparklings in adult bodies'. A bright yellow Camero enters the clearing his bright paintjob littered with mud and muck as he opens his door to allow Sam and Mikaela hope out before the small mechanoid transforms as well. Sam turns and waves at Optimus and the other three older Autobots before making his way over, hands in his pockets.

"I think we passed Ratchet on our way in, so he should be here soon." Sam says and no sooner was the words out of his mouth the loud siren of the emergency vehicle can he heard in the distance. Upon entering the clearing the medical officer transforms and makes his way over to the forming group of older Autobots, nodding to them in greeting.

"Optimus… why are we out here, of all places?" he asks, wiping in annoyance at some dirt and what appears to be pine sap on his chest.

"Just wait, I will then explain everything." Optimus smiles at his old friend as Sam and Mikaela eagerly walk over to the trailer where the tools for the day's exercise are waiting. Their exclamations are drowned out by Jetfire's engines as he passes overhead and finally circles around before touching down in the field, blowing debris all over his brethren. As he transforms several of the younger soldiers in the group shout at him for adding more dirt to their paint.

"What do you two think? Close to the specs aren't they?" Ironhide asks, attempting but now succeeding in hiding his excitement as he looks down at the two human teens. Sam nods his head enthusiastically as Mikaela gives Ironhide a huge smile.

"Yes they are… I'm sure she'd be happy to see her creation come to life." The small female says as he runs her hand over the smooth hilt of the broom. Optimus walks out into the center of the field and calls the attention of his men, their optics focusing solely on him. Sam and Mikaela stand off to the side, also paying attention to the head of the Autobots as he begins to brief his soldiers on today's activity.

"We're out in this field for a training exercise, but also to have a little bit of fun while we're at it. As of late, our team work seems to be suffering greatly" Optimus looks pointedly at the group of younger soldiers, who all stare back, some with a little annoyance others slightly ashamed "So, therefore this exercise is going to be for gaining important team work skills." He says and turns, finding the older Autobots relaxed slightly

"Men, we are going to be playing a human generated game called Quidditch. This game originated from the imagination of one J.K Rowling, an author of popular, as Sam and Mikaela have told me, books for teenagers and adults. This game consists of two teams, made up of six players. The object of the game is to score what is known as a Waffle…" Optimus is cut off by the waveing arms of Sam who quickly corrects the leader

"Optimus it's called the Quaffle!" he laughs and the much larger autobot nods his head before continuing

"Right, the Quaffle, into one of three circular goals. Sounds fairly straight foreword correct?" at the assembled nods he continues "well, it's not. While trying to score the two forewords must also get around what is known as a Bludger, a ball with a mind of its own. To do this, two members of each team are given 'bats' and hit the bludger away from their comrades. These members are known as beaters in the terminology of the book. Also the goals will be guarded by a Keeper." Optimus looks at his 'bots before continuing

"There are two more positions you must be told about, one being the goal keeper, the person who defends the goal against the Quaffle. The there is the Seeker, this person must catch what is known as the 'golden snitch', a lightweight, fast and tricky little ball that, if caught, can win the entire game for the team whose Seeker catches the ball. Understood?" An affirmative comes from the bots and Optimus turns to Ironhide and nods

"Ironhide went through the hassle of creating the things we will be using today. I think I failed to mention, we must use these things called 'brooms'. Ironhide, if you would demonstrate please." Optimus pulls back and allows his weapon's specialist to demonstrate how to work the massive brooms, which quickly take off high into the sky. Ironhide shouts down how to correctly handle the brooms and keep them in the sky before pointing the tip of the broom downward to make his descent back to the earth.

"Come and get your gear men." Optimus orders and a neat line assembles to get their brooms. Once everyone has had a chance to try out the new contraptions and get familiar with them Optimus once more takes the lead.

"We will now be split up into two groups. To make this interesting I thought we'd split oldest Autobots against the younger Autobots." A slight cheer goes up in the clearing as the younger 'bots begin to spout off at their elders in a fairly joking matter.

"Team one will consist of myself, Ratchet, Red Alert, Ironhide, Scavenger and Blur. Team two will be Bumblebee, Hotshot, Wheeljack, Sideswipe, Jetfire and Jazz. Assemble and figure out who will be what and then report your decisions." Optimus falls back and helps set up the three massive circular goals at both ends of the field. Returning to the group they then make the decision of who will be what.

"Well, I think, no offence Sir, that you should be Keeper…" Ratchet says slowly expecting Optimus to hate the idea but the Autobot leader nods, accepting the station.

"Okay, how about Ironhide and Scavenger you two be the, what were they called… beaters?" at Optimus' nod he continues "Blur, you be the seeker since your fastest, Red Alert and myself will be the forewords. Does that sound alright to everyone?" everyone nods and turns to wait for the now squabbling team 2 to make their decisions.

"Maybe we should go help them?" Sam asks and Optimus nods, sending the two teens over to the bickering group to help them sort everything out. Soon the collective group of young but seasoned warriors turns signaling their readiness.

"Have you made your decisions?" Optimus asks, holding his own broom. At Bumblebee's nod he calls across their decisions.

"Jetfire will be the seeker, Sideswipe and Hotshot will maintain position of beater, Wheeljack and Jazz will be forewords and I will be keeper." Bumblebee announces, taking the lead in his small group. Bumblebee was a strong leader, his programming made him into a wise 'bot with the skills to lead, not follow and this part of the young autobot has been coming out more and more lately, much to Optimus's approval.

"Very well. We will begin." Optimus orders and closes his face shield before swinging his leg over his own broom and activating it. Heading for the goal the Autobot leader makes a impressive guardian, his optics narrowed menacingly. Always watchful the seasoned warrior commits to memory the way his men act while getting into position, every snide look, every jovial shove, things that could lead to serious problems out on the battlefield, something this Prime won't tolerate. With everyone in position Sam and Mikaela lift the polished steel box out onto the field and slowly open the lid and following the creator's instructions, sets the bludgers free, sending them winging around the field randomly, narrowly missing Jetfire's head before tossing up the Quaffle and the Snitch. Then, without a second look back the two humans grab the box and make a mad dash for the sidelines.

Right from the beginning team 2 were having problems, Wheeljack's broom was sending him in directions the foreword didn't want to go, thus missing several throws from Jazz, who would shout at the other Autobot to concentrate. Hotshot took a wicked swing with his bat at the renegade bludger and sent the heavy metal sphere directly into Jetfire's back as he went whizzing past in an attempt to catch the snitch. Of course, with the hit to the back from the heavy orb and his outreached position the 'bot ended up over balancing on his narrow broom handle and took a nasty spill into the earth, sending up mounds of dirt and grass. Ratchet calls a time out and heads down for a look but quickly confirms that the 'seeker' is alright, just had his boards frazzled a bit by the impact but within a few moments he's back on his broom and chasing after the Snitch once more. Optimus is pretty much bored at his goal, the Quaffle being kept at Team 2's area the most as Red Alert and Ratchet toss the ball back and forth, their timing impeccable as they work together to send the ball flying into the hoop, their shouts of excitement echoing throughout the field. Hotshot and Jazz turn on poor Bumblebee annoyed with the yellow 'bot because he allowed to 'old geezers' to sink a goal. Bumblebee of course bristled at this and shot back that they needed to work on their defense! This of course caused everyone on team 2 to be in a bad mood.

Above everyone's heads Blur and JetFire whiz around on their brooms, knocking each other around as they try to shove each other off the Snitch's course. Of course Blur having much more time logged with aerial dogfights is able to beat the other away and gains the ground after nearly ramming the other autobot into a large pine tree, which of course earned him yet another name with the word 'slag' in it.

From the sidelines Sam and Mikaela can't help but laugh at the antics of the soaring Autobots as they fight to score on each other. Of course they can tell the difference between the battle tactics of the honed warriors of team 1 and the struggling but resilient team 2. Optimus expertly blocks the failed attempt to score on his goal by zooming his broom over to the left and executing a prefect flip and roll, sending the Quaffle winging back into the hands of Ratchet, who quickly ducks under a wild bludger, only to lose his balance, this making a haphazard toss to Red Alert who was in no way open to receive the ball. Scavenger quickly knocks at the renegade bludger as it soars at him and narrowly misses hitting little Hotshot in the chest. Ratchet recovers from his near fall in time to see Jazz swoop past Optimus and score a goal, thus putting the frazzled team 2 into a tie with their older team members. Ratchet pulls to a stop beside his leader and just gives him a look in which the larger Autobot nods

"I know, I know! But look, their actually working together now. 'bout time too. Primus Ratchet, I'm too old for this slag." He says and Ratchet laughs heartily at his old friend's remark. Placing his hand on Prime's shoulder he looks at his leader and friend

"What? The great Optimus Prime admitting he's too old, imagine that. Think you have enough coolant running through those old hoses and tubes to show these younglings how it's done or are you ready to pass along the leadership already." At his friend's words the leader of the Autobots squares his massive shoulders and even from the ground Sam and Mikaela could see the seriousness come over the leader, his bright blue optics flaring slightly before narrowing dangerously as he tracks those in the mock 'battle' before him.

"Oh, I don't think so Ratchet. We've got some young spark to kick." He roars slightly and those on team 1, the older warriors suddenly seem to perk up like someone flipped a switch and suddenly their juices were flowing again, hot and ready for battle. Those on team 2 couldn't help but be taken aback slightly by the almost battle cry those older than they suddenly gave as their efforts to score and win in this human created game were renewed, this time redoubled. Ratchet and Red Alert passed flawlessly to each other, their silent calls and strategies bringing them to score several times on Bumblebee while Scavenger and Ironhide sought out the bludgers instead of waiting for them to arrive, sending the heavy balls whizzing at their opponents, hoping to knock them off their brooms. Even Blur seemed energized from the battle below him as his scanners pick up the rapidly fleeing ball.

Oh yes, the game was on.

Sam and Mikaela could only watch as the Autobot version of the Harry Potter Quidditch took off, their shouts and curses echoing through the woods as they soared and plotted high about the two human's heads. When Team 1 got serious they got serious Sam noticed that the older Autobots weren't beyond just ramming the others off their brooms and sending them sprawling to the earth and to the credit of those one Team 2 they got right back up and did back tenfold. Team 2 started working with each other, keeping communication lines open and using their unique abilities to outmaneuver their older, seasoned counterparts. Several times Jazz and Wheeljack managed to score on Optimus, who would quickly send the Quaffle back into play with a bit of annoyance.

About the time the game had reached a breaking point both teams cooling systems were working overtime and their amour was dented and dinged, stained with dirt and bits of grass clung to the once shiny, clean paint. Sam looked over at Bumblebee who only hit the ground twice and shook his head; mutter something about 'Mother's Wax' and how he would need more. The game was about to take a rapid turn however when a snarling cry from above drew everyone's attention, as a collective group the teams stop and watch as Blur and Jetfire start a dizzying downward spiral towards the earth, both with their arms outstretched as they fight to close their massive hands around the small ball, neither giving up. Caught up in a deadly game of chicken the two aerialists continue their trajectory towards the ground, if anything gaining speed as they neared the marred soil. Although game play had stopped among the other player the two bludgers still had to be dealt with, one narrowly taking out Jetfire as he pulls ahead of Blur, his fingertips brushing the cool metal but just as his last push on the broom would take him the extra decimeter his warning sensors go off, blinding the Autobot with their flashing lights in his heads up display. With an angry shout the prideful Autobot pulls back and returns to a safer altitude and watches as Blur, totally ignoring his sensors and their blinding effect grabs the Snitch at the very last minute and quickly pulls back up to a more stable altitude, his broom smoking slightly.

"Team 1 are the winners, with Blur having caught the Golden Snitch!" Sam shouts upward and steps back to watch as Jazz, Wheeljack and Jetfire start arguing with the much older Ratchet and Scavenger, their words bellowing in anger and steel fingers jabbed into already dented chest plates. On the ground Sam seriously thinks this little 'game' as amusing as it was might just escalade into a fist fight among the loyal group of Autobots but as soon as the bickering and finger pointing reached it's highest Optimus Prime shouldered his way in between the two groups, his massive form making an effective wall as he turns to his young soldiers, optics narrowed in annoyance.

"Autobots, to the ground and dismount." He orders and the two groups quickly drop to the ground, their grumbling and anger quickly extinguished as they get off their brooms and stand at attention. Optimus stands before his men, old and young alike and just glares at them for several minutes before speaking

"The purpose of this exercise was to give you younglings a taste of true team work and maybe give you an example of how a team should run, that's why you were pitted against your elders. I watched you work in the beginning, sloppy men. Just sloppy. You weren't communicating, all of you wanted to be the glory hound and make the first score, when a team mate was in need of aid, most of you kept trying to play hero. Unbelievable that the display I saw here today was performed by warriors I watched fight as a team on Cybertron, the same group who can't put aside their pride in a simple game of Qudditch." He says solemnly and the two humans watching from the ground could see the physical effect on the Autobots, their proud shoulders slump slightly and optics closed slightly.

"However, when myself and the other members of team 1 became serious and you were all in danger of being bodily harmed you showed excellent strategies, communication and technique. You all have your pride and it's the one thing that will keep you going in the heat of battle, your pride, instinct and your friends. Knowing when to put aside your pride for the sake of others though, that's the true lesson. Although in the beginning you were nothing like the men I witnessed on the battlefields of Cybertron, towards the end I was shown a glimpse of those men and I hope there will be more than just a glimpse in the future. Autobots, dismissed" He orders and turns away from the group and hands back his broom to Ironhide who accepts it. The younger members of the Autobots silently replace their brooms on the trailer before transforming into their respective earth forms and heading out the way they came, disappearing into the trees with only the sound of engines. Bumblebee however walks over to his leader and the circle of older Autobots, his face screwed up in a look of pure shame.

"I'm sorry for the way my team acted today Optimus." He begins but the larger autobot only places a hand on his shoulder and chuckles

"You showed great leadership skills today Bumblebee." With the praise from his commander the small Autobot nods and thanks the others before heading over to where Sam and Mikaela are waiting, transforming into the bright yellow Camero and opening his doors. Same gives Optimus and the others a wave before slipping in behind the wheel of the transformed mechanoid, the small car revs it's engine and takes off through a much wider trail.

Standing in the clearing Optimus, Ironhide, Blur, Scavenger and Red Alert all sag slightly, suddenly feeling their dents and dings.

"Man they play rough." Scavenher rubs his thigh plate where a large dent from one of the bludgers is, his circuits tingling slightly.

"Yeah, I thought Jetfire wasn't ever going to give up on that Snitch thing." Holding his head the mechanoid shakes his head.

"Well I for one thought it was enjoyable." Ratchet says from his position next to Ironhide who makes a prompt jab into the other's midsection none too gently. The chief medical officer gives a grunt before threatening the weapon's expert with bodily and circulatory harm. Optimus chuckles at the groups antics, finding them to be much like the younger members. With a lot more dents and scratches maybe, a little more battle worn and weary than those younger than them but by Primus they still have their spark and for Optimus that's all they need.

"Let's head back to the Lennox Farm… maybe I can convince him to give us all a good wash down… or at least let us use the hose." Ironhide offers and Optimus nods, helping the mech put the tools back into the trailer before hitching it to his earthly form. With a collective rumble the group of highly miss matched vehicles start the trek out of the woods and away from the suspiciously marred field and back towards the unsuspecting home of Captain William Lennox, who upon arrival of the six extremely dirty Autobots gave a loud curse and got out the soap and spare hoses.

End.