Disclaimer: I don't own the Covenant, or any of its established characters. The song used for the story and title is Dance with My Father by Luther Vandross, and I don't own that either. (I'm getting the short end of the stick here… I can't own anything… geez)
Summary: This is a spin off of 'Damaged' it's a one shot about Tyler, his relationship with his father, and his cutting. Rated for adult content, some graphic scenes & some angst.
Dance with My Father
Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
A young boy with dark brown hair and startling blue eyes ran through the old house, those eyes searching violently for any sign of life in the large manor. A large grin spread across his face seeing the older man standing in the kitchen. He latched himself on to his father's leg and those big blue eyes stared up at the older man.
"There's my boy," Glenn Simms hoisted up 8-year-old Tyler Simms on to his hip. Rosalind turned from the stove and smiled seeing her husband and her only son happily laughing with one another. "Come here gorgeous…" Glenn grabbed his wife by the waist and he started dancing around the kitchen with his son and his wife.
Tyler let out a round of hysterical laughter throwing his tiny arms fell over both of his parents' shoulders as Glenn slowly waltz around the kitchen with the two people in the world that he loved most. He gave his wife a loving kiss as she went back to cooking the meal she had originally intended.
He picked Tyler up hoisting him in the air and spun him around carefully.
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
Later that night after dinner Tyler ran in to the living room finding himself in his father's lap happily watching the end of his father's favorite television show. Glenn pulled Tyler up with him and spun him around gently, the tired young boy fell asleep in his arms and Glenn looked down at the handsome boy in his arms.
He cradled the boy in his arms and carried him up the stairs to his room. Glenn opened the door to Tyler's room and pulled the covers back on his bed. He smiled placing the boy in the bed and pulling the cover's up to his chin.
"Love you," Glenn whispered placing a kiss on Tyler's tanned forehead.
He closed the door and was met with his wife's smiling face, putting his arms around the woman he gave her a large smile. The two disappeared back in to their bedroom.
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
"Oh come on mom, you're being pretty unreasonable…." 13-year old Tyler Simms stated glancing up at the older woman.
"No Tyler, you are being unreasonable, I asked you to do one thing, one thing and you want to throw a tantrum…" Rosalind stated looking at her son who was defiantly standing up for himself.
"This is your last summer; there… you are going to receive your powers…" Rosalind was cut off when Tyler brushed past her and ran down the stairs to his father who was in his office. "Tyler Anthony Simms…" She called after him but he ignored her calls and opened the door to the office.
"Tyler," Glenn sat up in his chair looking at his son.
"Mom is being unreasonable, again…" Tyler stated with a groan. "She wants me to stay in the dorms," Tyler groaned looking over at his father.
"You'll be rooming with Reid," Glenn stated looking up from his paperwork. "I believe you both got along well this past summer?" He asked his tone questioning, though it came off more as a statement rather than a question.
"Yes," Tyler nodded his head.
"You'll be able to get away with more if you're not under the same roof as your parents," Glenn stated looking over at the younger version of himself, his black rimmed glasses hiding his equally blue eyes. Tyler let out a small laugh, "Besides I stayed in the dorms, you know…" Glenn stated. "I actually roomed with Reid's father, Joseph all four years…" He grinned
Tyler shook his head and smirked, "Ok, fine…" He whispered rolling his eyes. "But this means I get a killer birthday present, right?" He asked his eyebrow quirked up in a questioning manner.
"Don't you always get a killer birthday present?" Glenn asked in his mocking surfer dude tone.
"This has to be better than Killer…" Tyler stated pointing at his father before leaving his office.
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
The next morning Tyler woke up to find a dollar bill stuffed under his pillow. A small grin played on his lips as he placed the dollar in his top drawer where there were many more just like it. It had become tradition that the night before Glenn left for a business trip that he would leave a dollar under Tyler's pillow.
It was his own little way of saying goodbye for now, and that he loved his son; as well as a promise for Glenn's return.
He would promise Tyler to take him out when he came back whether it was for a meal, a toy, or going in to Salem for something fun to do. He always spoiled his son, and his wife. They were the world to him.
Though he had a problem that he wasn't letting his son or his wife in on; Rosalind suspected it but she never brought it up to him. Glenn had become addicted to the power. He used and he used often, it had increased recently with the amount of stress he was under at work.
He didn't want to be a hypocrite because he would lecture Tyler everyday about not using, but he would use. And use a lot. He had seen what it had done to Joseph Garwin, the man died before his son even received his powers, leaving Reid alone with his mother who had only cared about the money in the first place.
He sighed, not wanting to leave his family the way Joseph had, and at this point himself and William Danvers were going to be the next members of the Covenant to become addicted. He groaned rubbing a hand over his face; he had left that morning for a business trip. But he was only going in to Salem, he had been seeing a chemist weekly to try and find a way to reverse the aging process.
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
Cause I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Tyler stood straight up, his face stoic not showing any signs of emotion. His mother was sobbing uncontrollably next to him as he held her hand and hooked her arm with his. Her white tissue dabbed on to her eyes drying up the relentless tears.
His upper lip quivered as they lowered the mahogany coffin in to the ground. The only person that ever understood him was now going to be seven feet under the earth. He felt the stingy in his nose indicating that the tears were threatening to fall. He pushed them back his watery eyes looking around at the other families around him.
Reid Garwin stood with his mother, Meredith, who looked to be drunk already, and it was only 10 AM on a Saturday. Caleb Danvers stood with his mother, Evelyn, and his father, William, who looked horrible, almost as bad as his father had before he died. Pogue Parry hung by his father Wayne and mother, Beatrice were standing back behind the Danvers. Around them were other close friends, and some co-workers of his fathers.
They began covering his coffin with dirt and he felt his mother's grasp loosen on him. He watched as she fell to her knees next to the grave and began uttering words that were inaudible and sobbing uncontrollably. The other three families slowly disperse leaving Tyler to deal with his hysterical mother.
He swallowed hard slowly pulling the woman in to his arms. He pulled her towards the limo that was waiting for them by the hearse. He had to practically push her the entire way there, they drove silently back to the Manor.
He helped her in to the house and she pushed him away running to her room sobbing. Tyler's face fell as he watched her retreating figure. He looked around the house and pictures of his father stuck out like a sore thumb.
His emotions were becoming too much for him to hold back now. He found his way to his father's office, taking the reading glasses that sat promptly on a stack of papers, papers he hadn't touched in months. He had killed himself. Using his powers relentlessly, and becoming addicted and taking away his own life.
Tyler's fist balled the glasses still in his grasp; the tears began to fall now. The feelings inside of him were too much to bear, especially alone. One by one the salty liquid slipped out of his usually vibrant blue eyes down his tanned cheeks, his lips puckered out trying to force them back.
It was no use now, he had lost his father. His friend. His everything.
Memories flooded his thoughts as he threw the reading glasses on the ground running up to his room and crashing down on his bed. Sobbing effortlessly in to the down-pillow, his cries were muffled as he dug his face deeper in to the feathers.
"Why!" He yelled, he sat up abruptly his eyes turning pitch black in the process. "Why did you have to use?" He yelled his powers taking his anger, hurt and sadness out on everything in the rooms.
Pictures that were framed of him and his father crashed to the floor without him moving his hand, the trophies from t-ball falling on the floor. His room looked as though a tornado had just ran through it. He let his eyes settle back to blue and growled lowly.
"Why did you leave me?" He let out drastically.
I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
It had been a week since the funeral, and Tyler had locked himself away in his room. He hadn't gone back to the dorms, knowing that Reid would ask questions. Questions that he wasn't willing to answer. His mother hadn't come out of her room since she pushed him away that day.
He sat there now, outside of her bedroom door; listening. She was sobbing he could hear the uncontrollable sound of her whimpers, her yelling, which would be follow by more crying. It broke Tyler's heart. He knew that she would probably never look at him the same again.
He looked too much like him. Tyler was a spitting image of his father, especially around the time that Rosalind had first met him. It broke him down, he felt his own tears resurfacing listening to his mother fall apart on the other side of the door.
The strong, independent lawyer was dying slowly. The loss of the man she loved was too much for her to accept at this time. Tyler pulled himself off of the ground and in to his room.
He went in to his bathroom and stared at him, black circles were forming under his eyes showing his lack of sleep. Every time he closed his eyes all he could see was the casket being lowered in to the ground, and his mother's abrupt breakdown following slowly after.
His eyes were a pale blue now, not the vibrant bright blue they usually were. His hair was greasy looking and disheveled, he hadn't found it in him to climb in to the shower and bathe since the funeral. What was the point? He felt like shit, so why not look like it as well?
His eyes drifted down to the sink, his razor staring back at him. With an unsteady hand he grabbed the shaving tool and held it between his fingers, inspecting it carefully. Tears slowly slipped from his eyes as he stared back up in to the mirror.
With out another thought he brought the cold metal to his left wrist and made one quick jerk, feeling the slight pain of the initial breaking of the skin, his face distorted in a wince. He dropped the razor in to the sink and felt as though his open wound was releasing all of his pent up emotions.
He leaned his head back and looked back down seeing the crimson pool in the sink. He placed a hand on the porcelain of the sink to steady his uneasy wobble. His eyes fixated on the small droplets of blood that dripped careful down the drain, staining the white of the sink.
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
Tyler had returned back to his dorm and back to his normal school routine, though he wasn't the bright and funny person that he normally was. Reid had noticed this; Caleb and Pogue noticed this as well. They didn't question him though.
He had just lost his father, and he really didn't want to be bothered about the subject. It was still fresh in his mind. His best friend, his father, was taken away from him. Every night he cried, it broke Reid's heart to hear him muffle them with his pillow.
What he didn't know though is that every night after Reid fell asleep, Tyler would go in to their small bathroom and rake a thin, silver blade over his wrist, and stand there watching the red substance fall from his flesh and in to the white sink.
Tyler hid his scares and his new wounds well, always wearing long sleeves and usually layering his outfits as to not have them revealed. He didn't want to answer question, he already had to answer the ones his mother asked him.
She had found a little bit of blood in his bathroom at home, and asked him if he knew where it came from. He made a simple lie about nicking himself while he was shaving. She believed him the first time, but the next time, she was skeptical.
She had finally gotten control of her own emotions and was seeing a therapist and talking about how she could overcome the worst thing that could have ever happened to her. She coaxed Tyler in to going as well.
He refused for awhile but saw the way it had helped his mother and wondered if it could do the same for him. The therapist however that he saw was different from his mother's. She was monotone, apathetic, and doodled in her pad simply nodding her head and giving him a discrete 'Uh-huh' every now and again.
So he stopped going, and he continued cutting.
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying
To dance with my father again
It had been over a year and a half since the death of his father, and Tyler was slowly getting back to normal. His friends realized it as much as he did. They weren't afraid to bring up things that were once delicate subjects for the young boy.
Tyler found himself still cutting himself to relieve the emotional build up.
Reid had spotted a scar on his wrist last week and questioned it, with swimming season here it was much harder to hide Tyler would usually leave his shirt on during their matches and would slip it off just as he was climbing the platform.
It was then that Reid caught sight of something he had hoped had been a figment of his imagination. He decided that it was time to confront Tyler about it. Reid sighed after swim practice, it was a Friday and they were planning to go to Nicky's that night.
He closed the dorm room door behind him and Tyler and turned to his best friend. They had grown very close since their thirteenth birthdays and Reid always went to Tyler with his problems. Hell Tyler was the one person who gave him his wake up call after her. He groaned just thinking of the one girl that had turned Reid Garwin in to what he was that very day.
Shaking his thoughts he stared at Tyler who flopped down on to his twin sized bed. Reid shuffled over to him, not sure how to bring it up, or what to say to the boy even when he did.
Tyler looked up at Reid, he had locked his hands behind his head and was closing his eyes peacefully, but the feeling of the older boy standing over him freaked him out a bit. He opened his eyes and rose an eyebrow up in question.
"What's up Reid?" Tyler questioned.
"Tyler," Reid breathed sitting down on his best friend's bed. Usually Reid was a hard ass, but he had a soft spot for his best friend, sure he harassed him and messed with him in front of everyone, but on the side he always treated him differently.
"What's the matter Reid?" Tyler asked sitting up looking at his best friend concerned.
"Is there something you want to tell me?" Reid asked him carefully.
"What are you talking about?" Tyler asked confused, his heart beating rapidly out of his chest.
Tyler couldn't move as Reid reached out and took his arm in his grasp, shoving his long sleeve shirt up above his elbow and flipping it over to stare at the scars and cuts on his tanned skin. Tyler felt the urge to shove Reid off of his bed and flee the room but he couldn't find his strength to move.
"So I wasn't hallucinating…" Reid whispered looking up to meet Tyler's watery gaze. "Tyler, what is this?" He asked.
"I-" Tyler couldn't find his voice, he dreaded one day that this would come. That his brothers would find out and he would be forced to explain something to them.
"Are you trying to kill yourself?" Reid whispered softly his gaze concerned.
Tyler shook his head, "No, I don't want to die…" Tyler cried. "I just don't want to feel the pain anymore…" He whispered.
Tyler instinctively wrapped his arms around his best friend who pulled him closer to him. Reid was shocked at first but wrapped his arms comfortingly around his best friend. The blue-eyed brunette was still hurting over the loss of his father, Reid knew that. He just didn't realize how much his friend was hurting.
"What can I do to help you?" Reid asked.
"I don't know…" Tyler whispered.
Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream