Hello again. Just something that I whipped up this afternoon to get myself back into a good writer's mood. Hope you like it.
A Fate Worse Than Death
By Legendary Legacy
A 'Letters To...' Mock-fic
Standard Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto-sama owns all of Naruto's characters and settings. I own nothing; except for the people who write these sorts of fics.
Yeah, I went there.
Mockfic Disclaimer: Anyone who doesn't like the idea of me making fun of a (in my opinion) stupid or overused theme or plotline that you, for whatever reason, enjoy reading, I suggest saving yourself a few precious minutes of your own time and clicking the 'Back' button right now. Don't say I didn't warn you.
And, of course, please enjoy!
The moment that the sun rose and Gaara began preparing himself for the coming day, he knew it was going to be a terrible one. He didn't know how he knew, he just had this hunch. A bad hunch.
He told himself he was just being paranoid. After all, this would be his first official day as the new Kazekage, so of course he was going to be a bit nervous. Being so young with such a big responsibility and so many people depending on him...that could overwhelm just about anyone.
After dressing and eating, he made his way to the Kazekage's Tower. His Tower. Strangely, Kankuro and Temari were already out of the house before he had eaten. They said that they would do as much as they could to help him get used to his new lifestyle, and he appreciated the support greatly. But if Gaara had any idea what was about to happen to him, he might have been humming a different, much darker tune.
He ascended the stairs and, with one final deep breath, entered his new office.
His eyes grew wide at the sight that welcomed him. His father had been a royal prick with a multitude of bad qualities about him, but the one thing that he had always been was neat. He never allowed anything to stay out of place for long, especially in his office, one of the reasons why he never allowed for many visitors. Along with being neat, he was always dutiful in his paperwork, and completed it all as soon as possible.
So then how in the world could there possibly be so many bags of paperwork spread out all over the room? Two bulging sacks sat on top of his desk, with five more in front of it. Off in the far corner were three more, and another one sat right in the middle of the floor in front of him. He felt dread rise up within him at realizing that each bag was nearly as tall as he was.
"Coming through, Gaara," a voice behind him grunted.
The new Kazekage spun around to see Temari and Kankuro entering the room, both with two identical bags slung over their shoulders. He stepped back as his siblings dropped the stuffed bags down next to the one in the middle of the room.
Kankuro huffed in relief. "That's the last of 'em."
Gaara scanned the room again. "This is not all paperwork, is it?" he asked. "Did the council not do anything with it before they appointed me?"
Temari brushed the sweat from her brow and shook her head. "No actually. None of this is really paperwork, per se. Do you remember last week when you were announced as the Kazekage and the village was told that they could write letters asking questions and making suggestions to you, just as a way for them to learn a bit more about you and see how you plan to lead Suna?"
Gaara didn't respond. He had remembered that of course. But he had expected maybe two or three dozen people to write in about stuff. But the amount of letters here...he was certain that there were more letters than there were people living in Suna.
"All of these?" he finally mumbled.
"Yeah...hell of a turnout, isn't it?" Kankuro said.
"...And I must respond to all of them?"
"Unfortunately, yes," Temari concurred. "Even if it's something silly, it's important for you to at least pretend to consider and be thankful for their comments. They'll appreciate you all the more if they think their voices are being heard."
"Will you...help me?" he asked, trying not to sound desperate.
"Wish we could, little bro. But we've got our own missions that need taken care of first," Kankuro informed him.
"So, I guess we'll get out of your hair so you can get started. And don't worry, we'll be back in about two days to give you a hand then."
Gaara nodded his head solemnly as his brother and sister left the room, closing the door behind them. He didn't move for a long time before his sense of duty kicked in. There was a lot of work to be done, and since he was the Kazekage now, he couldn't afford to procrastinate. He opened the bag nearest to him and pulled out the first folded letter. He silently opened it and began reading.
KYAAAaaAAAaA!1 OMG u r teh SMEXY! I hart U! wil u go out wif me, plz! Anser bak, k thnx bie!
Gaara blinked once...twice...thrice. He opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't seem to locate his voice.
What language was this letter written in? The only words he could make out were 'I', 'go out' and 'me'. He read over it again, more slowly this time, and still couldn't comprehend what it was supposed to mean. Having no idea what else to do, he dropped the letter back into the pile. He'd just have to come back to that one later; maybe Temari or Kankuro would be able to translate it for him.
He unfolded another one.
That's all the further he got before the letter fell from his suddenly numb fingers.
"P...P-Panda-chan?" he stammered. Someone, a female according to the name, had the audacity to call him, the Kazekage, the Shukaku container, the former Demon of Suna...'Panda-chan'?
That old bloodlust was beginning to bubble up, but he fought it down. He was Kazekage now, he loved his village and everyone in it. He was a good person, and good people did not kill needlessly. Steadily, he grabbed another letter.
I think it's totally awesome that you're the Kazekage.
Okay, this one seemed normal enough, considering it was another young girl who wrote it.
First of all, I just wanted to say that I think you and Naruto-kun make such an adorable couple-
"KILL THEM ALL!" He clamped a hand over his own mouth. No! No no no! He was better now. Mass murderers did not make good leaders. People don't want to be friends with a genocidal maniac. Deep breaths...deep...breaths...
Maybe he should look through a different bag. Surely not all of these thousands of letters were this bad.
"You don't think we left Gaara with too much of a workload for his first day, do you?" Temari asked as she and her first brother reentered the Kazekage's Tower.
"Nah," Kankuro said with confidence. "You've seen how far he's come in the last few months. He's grown responsible and dedicated to being the best person he can be. It wouldn't surprise me if he's already finished answering all those letters without our help."
The wind mistress hummed softly. "I guess you're right. It really is amazing how big a change he's gone through in the last year. Everyone loves him, he's started caring about everyone else, hasn't murdered anyone outside of missions for almost six months now. I'm really happy for him."
They came to Gaara's new office and opened the door. A split second later they closed it again. A long stretch of silence passed as they traded looks, and then pushed the door open again.
The entire room was littered with the shredded remains of thousands of letters and strips of the bags that had previously held them all. The desk, cabinets and other furniture had been flung through the walls and several windows had been blown out.
Standing in the middle of it all was a raving, hysterical Gaara. A knife was clutched tightly in his right hand, which he was using to repeatedly attempt to stab himself in the chest with, only to have his automatic sand defense stop him every time at the last second.
"IT ISN'T FAIR!" the once-and-again lunatic shrieked. "IT...JUST...ISN'T...FAIR!"
Utterly speechless, Temari and Kankuro took a step back and let the door close in front of them.
"Well, there go eight long months of therapy down the drain," Kankuro muttered.
And there you have it. Not much else to say this time, so...
Until next time,