Disclaimer: Y'know, I think I made it clear that I'm a poor bastard who owns nothing.
"… how bout now?"
"GOD DAMMIT LINK SHUT UP!!!!"
Midna and Link were clustered around the long table that indicated the shooting position in Hyrule Town's new shooting gallery. Link rested on his knees as he planted his chin on the surface of the table while watching Midna take her turn at this game.
The Twili girl tried to get the bow and arrow properly adjusted for firing position. However, the bow was crafted for adult Hylian hands and Midna was the size of the plush deku scrub Link wanted. Cursing and threatening the bow with various forms of assault, Midna's patience with this inane game and Link was running very, very short.
"How 'bout now?" Link lazily asked as he watched Midna's struggle. With a twitch, Midna spun around with a snarl, bearing her fangs at Link.
"I'll make your life a living hell if you ask one more time farm-boy!!!" Her fury was palpable as she was on the verge of biting of the boy's nose. He yipped a small "sorry" and went back to staring at the plushie he wanted and drooled with pure desire over the table.
"Kid, clean up after yourself." Grunted the obese slob who ran the game. He had been staring dubiously at the pair for about two hours now, since they were the only customers, and the fact Midna was the most alien looking creature in Hyrule. And that's saying a lot. The slob got up from his crate and waddled to Link. Tapping him on the shoulder, he asked: "So… who or what is that?"
"My daughter." Link replied without thinking or taking his gaze away from plush. The slob looked at the boy as if he was insane and waddled back slowly.
"Hurgh!" Midna grunted, catching Link's attention. "Think… I got it!" Choking on his tongue, Link couldn't believe the physical impossibility Midna pulled off. She found a way to perfectly balance the bow on one end while suspending herself between the shaft and string. Her feet were locked onto the bow shaft while she held and stretched the string with her mouth. One of her hands held an arrow in place while another held a spare arrow ready to fire. Her third hand, i.e. her hair, was on standby, holding a rafter to aid in balance and turning for aim.
Link stared at the sight and looked away briefly. "I... I think… I can see your no-no's." Yes, Link the teenager using his super-adult terms for certain body parts.
"You'd be… dead… before I let… you see them." The Twili imp grunted through the strain of her position.
"Then what am I seeing?" Link asked as a he stared at the object in question. "It's leaking…"
"That's my… muscle bursting and bleeding…" Link coughed uncomfortably as he fumbled for something to treat the wound. "You better worship me… for winning that… stupid doll."
"If you win it."
"Don't make me shoot you."
"… so how 'bout now?"
"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE YOU CRAZY ASS BITCH AND SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE BRIGADE!!!"
Link and Midna fled the burning shooting gallery via wolf before the knights showed up to arrest them.
"Run-run-run-run-run-RUN!!!" Midna was panicking as she constantly kicked Link's ribs, inciting him to pick up the pace. "DO I HAVE TO SET YOUR TAIL ON FIRE TO GET YOU TO RUN FASTER!?"
Panting heavily, Link flailed his wolf legs frantically trying to get away from the scene of the arson and the few Hylian Knights chasing them. As they bolted out of the kingdom's gates, the knights ceased their chase and dealt with the more important matters of acquainting themselves at the strip club Link led them by.
The duo came to a stop far into the plains just when Link collapsed from exhaustion while transforming back to his human form.
"Was it really necessarily to set the building on fire?" Link moaned into the ground as he was too lazy to flop over to his back. Midna, still sitting on his back, kicked him lightly and scoffed in frustration.
"I was completely justified in my act of insanity driven arson."
"Missed!? MISSED!? THERE IS NO WAY THAT I MISSED!!!!" Midna fumed as the final arrow joined the others stuck in the ceiling, completely in a different direction than where the actual target was. Link could see the daggers of pure anger shooting from Midna's eyes as she glared at the target, bow, and then the slob. "YOU FAT MAN!!!" She pointed an accusing finger at the slob, who had dropped his half eaten grilled Cuccoo sandwich. "YOU RIGGED THIS INFERNAL GAME WITH YOUR… FAT WITCHCRAFT!!!!"
"What the hell are you on?" The slob stared at her like a cow staring down an oncoming train. "You plainly suck at this and everything else at life."
"Oh crap…" Link cowered away as he instinctively knew the man just committed suicide. "Midna… I'll be outside if you need me…"
"Suck!? SUCK!? I SUCK!?!?" Midna pulled out the other pieces of the Fused Shadow. "FAT MAN, YOUR PATHETIC LIFE IS NOW FORFEIT!!!"
Link rolled his eyes, knowing Midna did overreact a little, but he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut.
"Okay, you were justified a little." 'Tis better to stay on the homicidal Twili's good side. Midna took a moment to fly around to let out some pent up anger which allowed Link to roll onto his back.
"I swear… why aren't all Light dwellers like you!?" She fumed and let out some frazzled cries of anger to accommodate her question. "Seriously, they're all fat, disgusting, smell like a dead Chu, and have the manners of a Skull Kid!" She flew back to Link and landed squarely on his stomach.
"Oof… softer landings Midna, I did eat before we tried playing that game." Link grunted as he tried to keep his food in his food processors. He took a glimpse of her face and noticed that she didn't appear royally pissed anymore.
"I'm sorry." She turned away, almost as if she was ashamed to have said that. Link tilted his head quizzically, signaling he didn't understand what she was getting at. "That I didn't win you that thing."
"Oh the plush?" Link chuckled lightheartedly and flashed his patented smile. "It's not a problem. Besides, you said it yourself that it was pointless to even waste our time trying."
"I know." Midna sighed and looked toward the still burning inferno of her anger. "But you did want to win that pretty badly… and I had some Rupees of my own to spare…"
"You tried for me?" Midna looked at him, it was unbelievable that he was that stupid.
"Of course." She replied as she drummed a little beat on his chest with her tiny hands. "I thought it'd make you happy if you had it." Slowly, a warm smile crept from Link's lips as she said that. Taking a hand, he patted her head gently. "Okay, don't treat me like I'm your pet." Of course her detest of this action was just feigning the tough Twili act.
"Why not?" Asked the smug Link as he ruffled her hair into a complete mess.
"Because you're my pet wolfy!" Midna attacked Link, ripping his hat off and ruffling up his hair in retaliation.
"Hehe, you do know I still have a plush I adore, right?" Midna's brow contorted as she tried to figure out what he meant. "You, afterall."
Midna ceased her attack and glared at Link flatly. "You calling me a stuffed animal?"
"Quite possibly." Link grinned smugly as he was pointing out Midna's current proportions matched those of the plushies the shop had to offer.
"Maybe I should make you into one you little sod." Grasping the collar of his tunic, Midna shook Link and threatened him with a taste of Twili magic. Link, not phased in the slightest by her threats, just continued to smile at her in that stupid, heart warming manner that he always did. "Why can I never be mad at you anymore?"
"I'm surprised by that as well." Link admitted as he took a brief moment to find an answer.
"Don't push it boy." Midna snorted as she laid across his chest, propping her head up with her hands to look directly at him. "So what other prizes are you looking to win?"
"Well, there is that awesome, super secret, prize from that canoe archery game at the Hylian River…"
"Want me to give that a shot? I still have Rupees." Link raised an eyebrow at her, still wondering where her charitable attitude is coming from. That and her finances. Wait, did she mention trying a shot at another game? Link chuckled to himself as a devious thought crossed his mind.
"Don't you mean burn that game down in another bout of pure fury?"
Author Notes: Lidnas forever, whoo!