Disclaimer: I have no idea why I started this story- probably I just wanted to procrastinate on all my other ones (hi, LostOzian). But oh well, you likey, so I continue!

Elphaba stared, transfixed, at the thing as it rolled over onto its belly, furry mouth parting into an upside-down smile. It was so revoltingly cute Elphie had no choice but to inch farther away on the bed, eyeing the kitten like a time bomb.

Both locked eyes with each other; Malky, with friendly (and disgustingly adorable) curiousness, Elphaba with distain and a hint of fear. They stayed that way for the good part of an hour, mainly because Elphie was too anxious of the thing to pick up her novel again and Malky really didn't have anything better to do. The latter rolled over onto her stomach at one point and began stumbling in the green girl's direction, making her stiffen to stone. She changed her course, though, and eventually her tiny legs plopped from beneath her. She blinked at this, puzzled, then with the equivalent of a kitty shrug began to bat at the lace trim on the bedspread.

Oh, Oz, Elphaba thought wearily. She was going to kill Galinda for this, she really was. Or better yet, cut her legs off and stick her in a wheelchair- maybe then Boq would be more turned off by her and Nessa would quit whining about the stupid Munchkin.

She sighed forlornly as Malky mewed at her, eyes that still held the babyish hue of pale blue boring into her. It was plain as Biology homework (to Elphaba, anyway) that the cat wanted to play. Grudgingly, she slid off the bed and fished about the room for something to keep the feline occupied. What did cats like to do, anyway? Besides shred things- that, Elphaba most vehemently decided, would not be good.

Yarn- didn't kittens like yarn, or some other horrid cliché like that? Taking a meager ounce of vengeful pleasure in doing so, Elphaba hurried to the closet and began to unravel a fluffy pink scarf that she knew Galinda had worn exactly once, then declared it too itchy to flatter her. Intrigued, Malky tentatively jumped from the bed and wobbled over, her pink nose quivering with interest. Elphaba backed away, being sure to give the creature a wide birth before examining her work: the snowy beast sniffed at the material, gave it a little nudge with her paw, then slowly walked on top of it.

Elphaba wasn't exactly sure what this meant, but Malky looked content enough. She pressed her nose to it again, this time flipping over the side of the half-ruined scarf. She seemed to take proud delight in this, and began rolling on top of it, flopping the corners of the garment over her like a blanket.

The green girl rolled too- her eyes, and muttered "Thank Oz" as a knock came from the door. Galinda owed her big for this, that was for certain- her copy of The Oziad was looking a bit worn, now that she thought of it, and she knew just the debutante debt card that could take care of such a necessity-

She blinked as opened the latch and saw who stood in the door way. "Fiyero?" she said blankly. "What in Oz are you doing here? Galinda's-"

"Yeah, I know," he said, looking vaguely uncomfortable for some reason- a reason which, she suspected, was not going to put her in a better mood. "She…wanted me to tell you….MissShenshen'sthrowingaslumberpartythere'snowayshecangetoutofitwithoutlookingsuspicious okay well bye-"

She caught him by the arm just as he turned to flee. "Oh, but my dear Master Fiyero, won't you stay for a moment? It would be rude to turn a guest away without at least offering you some refreshment." She smiled sweetly, which caught him off guard and made him stare dazedly for a moment before roughly grabbed him by the ear and threw him inside, slamming the door behind them as she did so.

"WHAT THE QUOX WERE YOU THINKING, BUYING HER A PET?!?!" Elphaba roared as the Prince ricocheted off the bed she had tossed him on and landed roughly on the floor. "YOU BRAINLESS FOOL COULDN'T YOU HAVE USED COMMON SENSE JUST ONCE NOW I'M STUCK WITH THIS MONSTER FOR THE NIGHT I COULD SKIN YOU ALIVE!"

Fiyero rubbed his neck. "Ow," he grumbled. "And what do you mean, monster? It's a freaking kitten!"

"Yes, a kitten," Elphaba replied impatiently. "A creature related to lions, tigers, and-oh my!- every single other ferocious, killer-instinct ridden feline in existence."

Fiyero blinked. "It's…a…kitten…" he repeated, drawing out each of the words for a beat longer than necessary.

Elphaba shook her head. "We've established that already; honestly, I know you're supposed to be brainless but can't you at least retain information for at least a good five minutes?"

Fiyero massaged his temples. "The thing is only like two months old. It's in no way even close to the lethalness of a lion. There isn't a malicious bone in the thing's body."

She glared at him. "Really?" Elphaba challenged. "Then what do you call that?"

The slender green finger she pointed indicated the white animal as it enthusiastically sharpened its claws on the poofy fabric.

"Um, needling?" he supplied, raising an eyebrow at her.

Elphaba shook her head again, muttering something about killer instinct.

"Oh my Oz, you're serious about this," Fiyero said, laughing at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. "Elphie-"

"Don't call me that," she cut in hastily.

"-the poor thing is more scared of you than you are of it-"

"I'm not scared of the stupid creature, I-"

"Look, I'll prove it." He stood up, marched over to where the cat crouched, and stomped his foot, shouting, "BOO!"

Malky's eyes grew to saucers in a split instant, then she darted under Galinda's bed, dodging Oz knew how many discarded beauty products that lay beneath there.

Elphaba took in the situation and mentally consulted the best course of action. This, naturally, was decided to be smacking her male companion upside the head and yelling, "YOU BLASTED FOOL NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"

"Yikes!" he whimpered, nursing his injured head. "Oz, you have some kind of pipes on you, you know that? Turn it down before someone hears!"

"I shall speak," she returned coolly, "at as low or high a decibel as I please. And what did you have to go and startle to poor thing for?"

"'Poor-?' Elphaba, you don't even like it!"

"That's no reason to be cruel," she chided. "And it's Miss Elphaba, if you please."

"And if I don't please?"

"I smack you again."

"Duly noted," he replied, kneeling to the floor and sticking his head under the bed frame.

"What are you doing?" Elphaba asked testily.

"Trying to coax the blasted thing out, obviously," he replied hotly, beginning to tire of the green girl's attitude.

"Why should it come out? You just frightened it half to death!"

"Well you try calling her, if you're so brilliant!"

"I'll muss my skirts if I bend down like that," Elphaba replied primly, secretly just not wanting to be so near the ignoramus.

"I'm sorry, did you have your carriage break down today?" he asked crossly.

Elphaba raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Because it sounds like your being repossessed by Galinda- now get down here!" On the word "down"he clutched her hand and pulled her to the ground.

"You really are a brute, you know that?"

"In fact it's my specialty, thank you."

And so began what would soon become a long, spastic afternoon.

Hope this isn't too OOC- kinda feels that way. At any rate, review!