A/N: So, it's been awhile since I've updated this, wouldn't call it a story but anyway, I apologize for anyone that is still reading this. I always welcome ideas for songs to use. My only request is that it be a song that isn't very popular, I realize that all I've done so far are popular songs, but I want to change that, because I'm hoping it gives me a challenge so if my readers would comment with a suggestion, I would appreciate it. Also, I'm looking for a Beta, so if anyone knows of anyone that is willing to read over my stuff and help me fix and come up with more ideas, or if any of you are interested please message me. Thanks, and please enjoy.

In A Heartbeat

By: Deana Carter

(I can't ignore the voices in my head, the things we never said, hunting me down.)

After seeing her in Doose's I stalked back to the diner, I couldn't stand there and look at her. I didn't want to see her fall apart over me, when I knew from the start we would never last. We are two entirely different people and she's better off without me weighing her down. Later, after my third beer I realize now that I could've handled this situation better. But what can I do about it now? It's over. We're over. Aren't we?

(I feel like I've found myself in pieces on the floor, more broken than before, I let you down.)

Sookie called me when I was at school, saying something was wrong with mom and that I should be there and I need to come, so I did.

I didn't expect to find her like that, I've never seen her like that before in my life. I wasn't sure what to do for her except and reassure her that everything will get better. I tell her that she needs to get up and move, this wasn't the bubbly woman I grew up with. I can only be here when she's ready to talk so I lay down with her and hold her until then. All she could say was something about blowing it and ruining everything. Once I realize that she's not going to be getting up anytime soon, I tell her that she needs to try to sleep and after that everything is going to be okay.

As much as I love Luke, right now, I feel like finding him and giving him a major piece of my mind, but I don't want to make things any worse for them, so I just hold my mom and let her cry until we both fall asleep.

(You can lose someone in a heartbeat. You can lose yourself in a memory. Look at me now, I'm going insane. I'm looking back at what remains.)

Why did I push him? Why did I have to know right then? Why couldn't have just given him the time he wanted to sort through everything that happened? I don't know what to do. There's nothing I can do. Anything I do will just make this whole thing worse in the long run. I'll just stay away. I'll avoid him and the diner and any situation that might put us in the same room and in an awkward situation and let him do what he wants. If he wants to talk to or see me, he knows where to find me. That's what I'll do, I'll just stay away and be miserable all by myself.

(What have I done? Was it in vain? Can you forgive me once again?)

That woman has quite a pair to come waltzing in to my business and think that by apologizing she can change what happened! Emily came to my diner to apologize, voluntarily, shock of the century. She said I won, what the hell is that supposed to mean? She thinks she can tell me what to do and walk out, like I'd ever listen to anything that woman has to say to me. She says she'll stay out of it, like that will ever happen. She made it very clear what she thinks about me and that will never change, so why should her coming in and apologizing make a difference?

But it does.

I have to see her, I have to go make sure she still wants anything to do with me. It's worth a shot right?

(Say you'll do that, and I'd take it back, in a heartbeat.)

He showed up at my house tonight. Just walked here rang my doorbell and walked right in as soon as I opened the door and started kissing me. As much as I didn't want to, I had to stop him and figure out what caused this change of heart. He then explained that my mother went to see him and that was what caused him to try to give us another shot. As angry as I was at her for meddling in my life again, and him for actually listening to her, for once, I'm actually glad my mother got involved, but I'll never tell her that. We talked everything out and I promised that I would never hide anything like that from him again. He said he would try to be more understanding when it came to Christopher being in my life, mainly for Rory's sake, but I swore other than for her, I was completely done with him. I know it might take a while before he really trusts me fully again, but I can wait for that, as long as he's willing to give me another chance to prove to him how great of a girlfriend I can be for him.

(I can't avoid the will to fall apart, to stop before I start, living again.)

After months of being pushed away, left out, and ignored by Luke I'm finally fed up with it enough to talk to the Psychologist my mother tried to set Christopher up with at dinner tonight. Afterwards, I decided that the only way I could truly know how much Luke loved me was if he was willing to run away with me on a moment's notice, tonight, and marry me.

(I try to pretend I'm not afraid to set you free,)

He let me go… I can't believe the man that waited for 8 years for me, just let me walk away like that. I gave him an ultimatum, Now or Never, and he just stood there. When he hesitated, I decided that meant he was saying no to me, again, and I turned to walk expecting him to catch on and stop me, but he didn't, he just let me leave. Now what do I do? I can't go home, that's the first place he will look for me, and I don't want to look at him or the many memories in the house right now and I know that if Rory comes home, she will wonder what's wrong and I really don't want to talk about it or anything else right now, I don't want to feel anything at all. Where can I go?

(to push you out to sea, to wait for the wind.)

It's been 5 hours since she walked away from me. She's gone? How did that happen? Why didn't I stop her and tell her how much she means to me? What do I do now? How can I prove to her how much she means to me?

I know! Take her to Martha's Vineyard! That's it! I will take her there tomorrow and we will get married, just like she wants! That's perfect! It's 3:00 AM and I should probably get some sleep if I'm going to be driving all day tomorrow, but I can't, so I'm going to start packing up my truck and put a closed sign on the diner. I also have to call Ceasar and Lane at some point and tell them they don't have to come in tomorrow or probably for a few days. I'll worry about that later though.

This is gonna work and it will be perfect!

(You can lose someone in a heartbeat. You can lose yourself in a memory. Look at me now, I'm going insane. I'm looking back at what remains.)

I can't believe that she went to the one person she knew would hurt me. We've had problems with her being around him in the past, she knows this, but she went to him anyway. I sat there and waited for her all night and this is what I get. Not just for that, but for finally letting myself love someone that I knew wouldn't work out, I couldn't help myself though. She's a beautiful, funny, strong, independent woman, but I never thought I'd use the word vindictive as a description for Lorelai Gilmore. I lost her, she swore to me we were over because I didn't jump and I argued that she couldn't just decide our relationship was over because she wanted out, I am in this too and she couldn't decide for both of us. Then she dropped that bomb on me and all I could see was red. Before I knew it I was in my truck and driving through the town he lives in and stopping in front of his apartment. I double park my truck and climb the stairs two at a time because I don't have the patience for an elevator. As soon as I reach the floor he lives on I start searching for the number I know belongs to the coward. I find it and begin pounding so hard that it's rattling the door on it's hinges. As soon as he opens the door and sees my face he tries in a vain effort to shut the door, but it's too late for him as I thrust out my fist and it makes contact with his chin and he collapses to the floor inside his apartment. Feeling better, I turn around on my heel and head toward the elevator now and proceed to descend on it to the ground floor. Once I'm in my truck the adrenaline slows and I suddenly realize that our relationship is over and take a deep breath and slowly pull my truck onto the street to drive towards my favorite fishing spot just outside of Stars Hollow and take a few days to gather myself and put on a strong front for all the loonys in the small town that I will have to face after everything went to hell.

(What have I done? Was it in vain? Can you forgive me once again?)

It's been a year since that horrible night. I took Rory out for a little mother/daughter bonding/mocking night to the local Karaoke open mic night. He showed up as I was singing one of the most cheesiest songs that I could find so that Rory could mock me later about it, because I wanted her to be able to relax more then she has been lately and definitely more than she will be this summer on Obama's campaign trail, and he walked in while I was in the middle of it. When I noticed him I realized how much just seeing him wear the hat I gave him all those years ago, instead of that nasty black one he's insisted on wearing every day since we broke up, makes me miss his touch, his laugh, everything that I still remember all these months later. Then he smiles at me as I finish my song and I can feel myself go weak in the knees as I leave the stage and return to the table Rory and I have occupied for the last few hours and find myself thinking of him for most of the rest of the night. I've been through so much since that night and I know he has too, even though he hasn't told me himself, I can thank the gossipers of this small town on keeping me updated with everything he's been fighting with since that fateful night and I don't think we can ever be where we were again, but it's something that hasn't crossed my mind since the day after, until tonight that is, and I can't help but wonder what might happen if we tried again.

(Say you'll do that, and I'd take it back, in a heartbeat.)

No, it's not a good idea, and I just need to forget about it and move on.

(What have I done? Was it in vain?)

I stayed up all night working on this godforsaken tent for Rory's graduation party, because a girl like that deserves a huge send off from the town that helped to raise her. Oh hell, I need to stop trying to make myself believe this was for anybody but her mom. She is the one that I did all this for, as many times as she's hurt me and as many times as we've had blowups over stupid things, I still love her. And I always will.

(I'll take it back, if you'll say you'll do that, in a heartbeat.)

However, when she finds me leaving the diner after getting more coals for the grills and thanks me, I can't help but revert back to my friend zone territory and offer up a simple, "It's no big deal", but I could see it in her eyes that she wouldn't take that as an answer. When I realized that I just told her that I like to see her happy and she relaxed a little more and suddenly she's moving towards me and I can't help but gravitate towards her as well. Our lips meet in a kiss that I know I've waited for, for the past year. I can't seem to pull myself away from it, and I really don't want to. We've earned this. We will get our middle, as she put it those many moons ago and by god if it didn't take us long enough.