Title: The Hogwarts Alumni Book Club
Author: Miranda Aurelia (Blue Lady)Summary: When Hermione gives Harry, Draco, Ginny and Ron a copy of Deathly Hallows, none of them are pleased with the epilogue. [A HP characters read Book 7 and over-react type of story.
Thanks to everyone that has reviewed this story! I've read every single one of them and I've tried my best to include some of the things that some readers wanted to see.
In Chapter 3, we get Molly's reaction to DH in the first part of the chapter (it's not that humorous though - the humor starts when we get back to Potter Manor), plus Remus and Tonks make an appearance later on since many readers wanted to get their opinions on Book 7 as well! Also, major reactions to the "sibling" theory. Enjoy!
Meanwhile, at the Burrow
Molly sat down heavily on the couch in the living room as a song from the Wireless played in the background. Glancing about, her attention was caught by one of the history published in the muggle world about the long war Harry had fought against the Dark Lord during his years at Hogwarts.
As Minister for Magic, he often got a lot of free stuff and his fascination with muggles meant that he'd often kept up with what was popular there. Harry's story was one of them.
"I guess this would be the one with the Battle of Hogwarts," she mused as she read the short blurb before opening the book.
A few hours later, she was finished. Having been privy to most of the events that had occurred and having grilled her youngest son for the rest, she was able to skip most of plot details.
Overall, the book was quite accurate in the telling of major events, although it seemed to be full of mistakes about the people involved.
"Especially that epilogue," she thought was a snort. At first, she had been disappointed when Harry had broken up with Ginny, but then, gaining Draco Malfoy as a son-in-law wasn't all that bad either.
The fact that Draco loved seeing his face splashed across the news ensured that her daughter was often present in the news as well.
Just as well. If her Ginny had married Harry, there would barely be a line about her in the news at all! Everyone knew that Harry, that dear boy, was notoriously camera-shy. Of course, Hermione didn't seem to mind that much.
Now that she actually thought about the differences between Draco and Harry, she concluded that Draco was by far the better choice for her little girl. Harry would probably have keep the marriage a secret! In fact, if Ginny hadn't been engaged to Draco already at the time, she would have been even more upset than she had been when she found out that Harry and Hermione had eloped barely a year after the final battle at Hogwarts.
"I still don't get why Mrs. Weasley got to be the one to kill my Aunt in this version," groused Draco for the tenth time the past hour, "It seems….unrealistic. Everyone knows Longbottom was the one that did it."
"Careful Malfoy, that's your mother-in-law you're talking about," warned Ron.
"But-" Draco paused when he caught Ginny's expression, "Okay, fine, your mother's very scary. Very, very scary. In fact, I think she should come with a warning sign." He nodded empathically.
"Oh yeah, you should come with a steel cabinet and a deadbolt."
"I feel so hurt. Really," drawled Draco.
They were interrupted when Harry, previously the one most unaffected by the book's contents, slammed his shut and threw it across the room.
"And Potter finally shows a reasonable reaction," commented Draco.
Harry scowled, but his glare was now directed at Ron.
"What?" Ron backed away slowly from his best friend, "What did I do now?"
"Harry!" Hermione placed a hand on his arm and she could feel how tense his muscles were, "What's wrong?"
Harry was silent before he tugged her into his arms and proceeded to give her a thorough snogging.
Draco looked away. Ginny looked amused. Ron looked a bit disturbed.
"What was that for?" Hermione asked breathlessly when they finally broke apart for air.
"Just making sure."
"That you're still mine."
"Silly," Hermione smiled at him, "Of course I'm yours."
Feeling a bit better now, Harry picked up his copy of the book before flipping back to the page he was on. Pointing out a particular section to Hermione, he was a tiny bit pleased to see that she wasn't too happy about that part either.
"Let's not keep us in suspense now!" called out Draco, "C'mon, read it out loud!"
"I can't," Hermione looked at Harry, "And I thought Ron speaking parseltongue was baffling but this one takes the cake!"
"And the bakery."
Now Draco was getting impatient, so he went over and grabbed the book from Hermione, "So where it is?"
She wordlessly pointed out the paragraph.
" 'The house-elves, they'll all be down in the kitchen, won't they?' 'You mean we ought to get them fighting?' asked Harry. 'No," said Ron seriously, 'I mean we should tell them to get out. We don't want anymore Dobbies, do we? We can't order them to die for us-' Running at Ron, Hermione flung her arms around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth.' " At this point, a slightly nauseated expression appeared on Draco's face.
" 'Ron threw away the fangs and broomstick he was holding and responded with such enthusiasm that he lifted Hermione off her feet. "Is this the moment?" Harry asked weakly, and when nothing happened except that Ron and Hermione gripped each other still more firmly and swayed on the spot, he raised his voice. "Oi! There's a war going on here!' Blech!" Draco grimanced as he finished reading out loud.
"That's just-" Ron's face was now bright red, "I didn't even have time to snog Luna during that battle!"
"Honestly, I don't even know what she bothered to include that bit," Hermione said disdainfully, "Everyone knows that the house elves could have just apparated away if it got too dangerous!"
"What did she mean by more Dobbies?" Ginny asked.
"Well, in this version, Dobby dies after Bellatrix throws a knife at him."
"Isn't this just wonderful?" said Draco sarcastically, "My dear old aunt was a Champion Knife thrower but she just chose to AK everyone instead. What a waste of talent."
After dropping Teddy off at the Quidditch field where the children had once more resumed their game, Remus and Tonks headed on towards the sitting room of Potter Manor.
To their surprise, every one of their former students seemed to be busy reading a thick book.
"I had no idea all you kids missed cramming for exams so much!" Remus said cheerfully as he strolled into room, followed by Tonks, "So, would this be for history of magic then?"
Ron looked at him in horror, "Don't say such terrible things! There is no way I'd willingly pick up a book without a good reason!" He paused, "An exam is definitely not one of them!"
"As if we need a reminder of that," Hermione commented dryly.
"I'm hurt, really."
"I'm sure you are."
"Remus! Tonks!" Harry gave them each a quick hug, "How have you been?"
"Fine, thanks," Remus cast a critical eye at the books held by every single person in the room, "So what's this then?"
Harry held up his copy and Tonks squinted at it, "Harry, is that history book about the end of the war?"
He shrugged, "It supposed to be, but there are a lot of mistakes in there. For example, I supposed to have three sprogs with Ginny, you and Remus got offed sometime during the Battle of Hogwarts and Molly took down Bellatrix single-handedly."
Remus looked a bit put out, "Did they say who was responsible for my untimely demise?" he asked dryly.
"I don't think so," Hermione spoke up, "All we know is that you two supposingly died sometime during the Final Battle and then people found your…bodies, later on."
"Pretty morbid," Tonks looked at the book with some distaste.
"It's okay Remus, I'm sure you died nobly in some horrible, gruesome death after taking out a couple hundred Death Eaters," Ron said solemnly.
"Ooh!" Draco smirked as he got to a particularly amusing part. "Potter, you never mentioned that you were taking drugs during your horcrux search."
Harry looked at him as though he had grown a second head, "Malfoy, what are you talking about?"
Draco wagged a finger at him, "Oh, but you can't fool me, my dear Potter. You must have forgotten to take your medication one day, there is no other possible explanation for this bullshit you're spewing on page 378."
Ginny just sighed, "Draco, can you please tell us which lines you're referring to?"
"No problem." Draco cleared his throat and started reading, " 'It was now that, Weasel Boy, uh, Ron was here again that Harry fully realized how much his absence had cost them. "She's like my sister," he went on. "I love her like a sister and I reckon that she feels the same way about me. It's always been like that. I thought you knew.' "
Hermione just looked incredibly amused after hearing this.
Meanwhile, Harry was a bit slower on the uptake. He frowned, "So what's your point? Ginny is like a sister to me!"
When Draco just gave him an incredulous look, Harry finally realized the point Draco had been trying to make.
"What the bloody hell?!" Harry leapt to his feet, "That author was insinuating that I said that Hermione was like a sister to me?!"
"Harry," complained Ron, "That's my line!"
Harry ignored him.
"I told you that you forgot your pills that day. Why, I had no idea you suffered from delusions this serious." Draco made a tsk-tsk sound. "She's like a sister to me," Draco then said in a ridiculously high-pitched voice.
"My voice does not sound like that of a prepubescent girl!" Harry said crossly as Hermione pulled him back down onto the couch.
Draco blinked at him, "So you're not refuting all the other things I just said?"
"Malfoy, I refuse to dignify that with an answer."
"In that case…" Draco turned to Ginny, "Gin, love of my life, I just want you to know that you're like a sister to me too." Draco deadpanned.
"Prat," Ginny said affectionately.
"In fact, if Potter and Granger are like siblings, then I guess I have no choice but to condone incest." Draco waved a hand in Harry and Hermione's direction, "Heaven knows those two have been in an incestuous relationship since fifth year."
Harry didn't look amused. "Oh shut up, you."
Hermione just giggled, "It is kind of funny if you think about it."
"Mione," Harry turned to her, "I haven't had a single brotherly-thought about you since fourth year."
"Then what took you so long?"
"Oi!" Harry protested, "I was under a lot of pressure!"
"I was just teasing you," Hermione leaned forward to place a quick kiss on his lips.
Thanks for reading everyone! I don't know if there's enough material for a Chapter 4 though...I guess we'll see.