Well, here it is. My first piece on fanfiction.net. It's a little . . . . uh . . . . strange. (Like most of my stories are.) This anecdote is about the cat that every one knows and loves: Crookshanks. Some people believe that Hermione's cat is an Animagus. Other's believe he is really a dark wizard in disguise. I just think he is a normal cat with . . . .er . . . . a different outlook on the world.


CROOKSHANKS' DIARY

DAY 27: My captor continues to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. Is this some
unusual type of hypnotism? This concept annoys me a great deal. She also
leaves me bowls of a dry, cardboard-like substance which she calls 'Meow Mix'.
She expects me to eat this while she and her elders dine lavishly on fresh meat.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape and the mild
satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow, I
may eat another houseplant.

DAY 36: Today, my captor has taken me to a place she calls 'The Burro' (Though I have
yet to see a donkey.) She met up with the tall, red-haired idiot I like to reefer to
as 'Bozo'. The funny glasses boy is also here. As is the whole Bozo clan. I am
beginning to fear for my life.

DAY 38: This morning, at 'The Borrow' ( I have come to the conclusion that there is a
'W' at the end of 'Burrow'. This explains the absents of donkey.) I decapitated a
little walking potato and brought the headless body to my captor. This was an
attempt to make her aware of what I am capable of and to try to strike fear into
her heart. I believe I only caused Bozo to be sick. My captor, on the other paw,
merely cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty I was.
Hmmm . . . . . This is not going according to plan . . . .

DAY 43: My captor has brought me to the large castle again. I believe it to be some sort
of 'home base' for her and her fellow humans. I am forced to share a room with
a common bird. Due to it's current placement in a metal cage, it's safety is
assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time . . . . .

DAY 57: While exploring and mapping the interior of my captor's home base, I stumbled
upon the lair of Bozo's identical twin siblings. They disgust me to the utmost.
In a rage of furry, I regurgitated some excess fur and 'Meow Mix' onto their
beds. I believe this only made them more rapturous then before. They stuffed
my vomit into their pockets and mentioned something about placing it in "Ron's
sandwich". I do not know who "Ron" or "Sandwich" are, but I pity them both.

DAY 61: I am finally aware of how sadistic humans are. For no apparent reason, my
captor, Bozo, and funny glasses boy chose me for some sort of Persian water
torture. This time, however, it included a burning, foamy chemical called
'shampoo'. What sick minds concocted such a liquid? My only consolation is
the piece of Bozo's thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 74: My captor left me alone with Bozo and funny glasses boy. As luck would have
it, they both were stupider then doorknobs. Since their great insolence infuriates
me, I needed to get rid of them. Bozo was the easiest. All it took was a little
munching on some spiders and he fled the room. Funny glasses boy had more
will power then his friend, though. It wasn't until I relieved myself on his flying
scratching post that he cracked. I am certain they will report my actions to my
captor. Maybe then, I fear, she and the other half-witted humans will be aware
of my underlying motives . . . .

So? How was it? Let me know by: REVIEWING. I'd really appreciate it if you tell me how I'm doing. That way I can print it out and brag to all my friends. ( And, yes, I do have friends.) Speaking of amigos, I'd like to thank my heroes, Arianne (Mylastnameisbob) and Jazzy Jazlan, for reviewing and helping me fix this story up.

Please note that all of the Harry Potter characters belong to J K Rowling. I don't own anything! Also, I'd like to mention the people at 'The Edge' from the Oregonian for printing the original story, 'A Cat's Diary'. (That, also, was NOT MINE.)