Hello one and all! Thanks to all of you who have reviewed, favorited, and set alerts for my story Waste Not Want Not. I am overwhelmed by your support! (I am still working on the next chapters for that work, I promise this little sidetrack will not take long.)
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Kim Possible, this is purely for fun and not for profit. (I reserve the right to amend and revise any addition disclaimers as needed. Infinity.)
This is a departure from my usual style. I think some will like it I know others won't. Let me know what you think.
P.S. I'm giving my proof reader some time off on this one, so expect a few errors. (He deserves a life, and I don't want to use him up before I'm done with WNWN. Lol That said CajunBear73, remains THE MAN!)
Struggling to Survive
She was Kim Possible, and she could do anything, including 'make the biggest mistake of her life'.
She had been so happy with Ron by her side. She loved him, even though he wasn't a "golden boy", he was perfect for her. Every foible, every weird thing that made up Ron's "Ronness" somehow perfectly matched with Kim's own "Kimmieness". He was scared of everything, and she had no fear. She couldn't count the number of times his cautiousness saved her from running headlong into a dangerous sitch. She was driven, he was laid back. She helped Ron accomplish great things, and he helped her smell the roses along the way. The list went on and on. Separately they were every different people, but together they were the perfect couple. Well that was until she lost her mind and, in an act of insane stupidity, cheated on him.
Kim knew Ron was insecure, and could get a little jealous at times. That's why when Josh Mankey asked Kim to help out with a Saturday art camp for the local kids in town, she didn't bother to tell Ron all the details. Well she specifically didn't tell him Josh was organizing the camp. For the week leading up to camp Kim would go over to Josh's house and plan out events and activities.
It all started so innocently, so subtly. A lingering glance here, a brush of a touch when passing supplies back and forth. Soon that lead to a brief hug good bye, a little batting of the eyes, some playful banter. Just "innocent flirting", no big, it's not like it meant anything, right?
Kim would have given anything to go back in time and put a stop to it there and then. Kim honestly believed the good book when it said (to paraphrase) 'This is no temptation to great that can not be resisted.'. When her downfall came, when she was tempted, she couldn't resist. Later when her world was falling apart, she questioned her faith, at least that verse. But like a lighting bolt, she saw the truth. She knew the early flirting was wrong, she knew she should stop it but she didn't. Her chance to resist, was before she metaphorically started throwing rocks up hill. When the resulting rock slide broke lose and came crashing down, it was too late to do anything about it.
All week the playful banter and flirting escalated. The Saturday art camp was a big hit with the kids. After all the kid's were packed up and sent home, Kim and Josh started cleaning up. The flirting continued until Josh grabbed Kim and kissed her. In a rush of adrenaline she kissed him back fervently. A part of her, in the back of her mind cried out, begging her to put a stop to this, but she pushed the voices away. She allowed herself to get lost in a sea of hormones and lust. This wasn't love, she already had the love of her life at home, this was just desire.
The kissing lead to touching, touching to striping, striping to ... well 'the act'. It didn't take more that a moment after his release, for her to start thinking clearly, to start to realize just how terrible a mistake she had made. Josh apparently didn't have the same reservations.
"Kim, I love you. I'm in love with you, and have been for a long time. I know you love me too ..." and other words were lost when the right cross sent him to a heap on the ground.
"Shut up!!" Kim wore a look of agony and self loathing. Tears filled her eyes. "How did I let this happen? How could we let this happen? I love Ron, I love him so much, and I just put all of that at risk. I'm sorry Josh. I'm sorry I hit you, and I'm sorry that I don't love you back."
"Kim, give me a chance, you don't understand how much I love you!"
"No Josh, and if you loved me, you would have known how much this was going to hurt me. If you truly loved me, you would have stopped me from becoming the kind of woman I despise. You would have stopped me from making the biggest mistake of my life."
Kim quickly got dressed and drove back to town. She ending up in a old tree house. A place that held special memories for her, and the man she loved. She spent hours crying over what she had done. She was too scared to even think about the consequences. She was dieing inside, but she couldn't, wouldn't, keep the truth from Ron. She called him, and asked him to meet her at the tree house.
Her confession, his reaction. Kim had been beaten up pretty bad in the course of her missions, but she would have gladly relived those a hundred times over than have to relive that conversation. His eyes, those beautiful brown pools of warmth and childlike joy died before her. His face, a cold blank mask. He could have been mistaken for a corpse if it wasn't for his fighting to breath.
"I need some time to think Kim, give me a few days to work this out." He started to leave.
"Please Ron! I'm so sorry, I need you, I love you. Can't we work this out together."
"NO!" he screamed. Taking a breath he relaxed a little and spoke again. "No. Kim I need some time alone. When I'm ready, I'll talk to you."
Saturday night, and all day Sunday, Kim spent in her room crying. Her parents tried to talk to her, but she wasn't in the mood to discuss what happened, so for now they decided to leave her alone.
Ann Possible was awakened Monday morning at 5:30am by the sound of slamming doors, and running feet. Quickly she jumped out of bed, and followed the noise to the front door, where Kim stood in pajamas in front of Ron.
Ann quickly put some pieces together. This was way to early for either teen to be up, but if Ron wanted to walk to school he had to go by their house. He obviously was hoping to avoid Kim. Kim, must have suspected as much, and been looking our her window, waiting for him to walk by. Ann stayed in the shadow of the doorway a listened to their conversation.
"Ron, we need to talk."
"Aren't you suppose to say that before you go screwing around? I'm not ready to talk to you just yet, so just give me some more time."
"No Ron, I need you to hear me out now! I'm sorry about what I did. I love you, and you mean so very much to me ..."
"God dammit Kim! Aren't you listening to me! I don't want to hear it! You obviously don't respect my feelings, is it so hard to respect my wishes!? ... Well fine, you want to talk, well then I got a question for you. Tell me Kim, I'm dieing to know. In that moment, you know the moment when you were with Mankey, and you knew you should stop before things got out of hand, but you didn't. Did you think of us, and then decided to risk it anyway, or did I not even cross your mind?"
Kim stood silently stunned for a moment. Every time she thought her heart couldn't break into any more pieces, it would shatter all over again.
"Not talking Kim? I thought you wanted to! You know what, don't answer. I swear to God, right now I don't know which answer would hurt more."
The tears started to flow down her face. "Not like this Ron, please, just let me talk. I'm sorry, I love you, and you mean so very, very much to me ..."
"Save it Kim!! I already know what you're going to say, and I don't want to hear it! Nothing you say, can take away one ounce of the pain I'm feeling right now. Nothing you can say will turn back time and stop you from cheating on me. So I have to ask myself why you've been so eager to talk you me. I know you probably rehearsed your little speech a million times in your head Kim. Just this once, be honest with me, be honest with yourself. What you have to say isn't meant to make things right, or to make me feel better, it's to make you feel better. Well I'm sorry Kim, but right now I'm dealing with my own pain and feelings of betrayal, to give a good god damn about helping you come to terms with what you did. Tell me I'm wrong Kim. Tell me you have words that make me feel better about what happened."
She knew he was right, mentally review her speech, nothing she had planned would help ease his pain. All she could think to do was say what was in her heart. "I love you Ron."
"Well I guess we have a very different idea of what love is."
Kim's shoulders rose up and down with her sobs. Her brain understood why Ron wasn't holding her, comforting her. However, to her body, the concept of hurting this much and not seeking his embrace, was too foreign a concept to accept. Despite her brain's assurance that it was a mistake, her body acted on it own, her right arm extended toward him. She needed to touch him, needed to bridge the gap between them, needed for him to respond and pull her into his arms. Instead her reach only found air as he walked away from her. She fell to her knees, and then over on her side and wailed like an infant.
Watching Ron walk away, Ann crying with tears in her own eyes, went to Kim and helped her back to her room.
Wednesday night Ron answered the door and found a teary-eyed Mrs. Possible on his front step. "Ron, after everything that's happened I don't have the right to ask you, but please talk to Kim."
"Ann, she was my whole life. I thought I could trust her with my heart. I'm so lost right now, I wouldn't even know where to begin."
"Ron, you have every right to take time to figure it out. If you decide to never speak to her again I couldn't blame you. Despite all that, right now my baby is locked in her room and she is refusing to eat. I'm scared Ron." Ann's eyes once again threatened to unleash a torrent of tears. "Ron, the last time I can be sure she ate was four nights ago. If I can't get her to eat tonight, I'll need to admit her to the hospital. They will feed her through a tube, force her through psychiatric observations. If ruled unstable, she can forget about a future in law enforcement or any high stress jobs that require a background check. ... If that's what she needs to get better, I'll do it in a heart beat, and have no regrets about it. However, I don't think she needs psychiatric help, at least not yet. If I could only get her to eat. ... Ronald, please, my baby girl needs help, and I don't know what else to do. I'm begging..."
Ron raised his had to stop Mrs. Possible. "Don't beg. You and Mr. P have been like a second set of parents to me. If you need anything, and it's within my power, all you ever have to do is ask. What you're asking isn't easy for me. I can't promise not to get mad at Kim, and I'm not ready to forgive her. I don't know if I ever will be. But I'll talk to her, I'll make her eat."
Mrs. Possible threw her arms around Ron and cried. "Thank you!"
Ron had nearly grown up here in the Possible's house. Tonight however it seemed foreign to him. Mr.P was clearly under stress at the state his daughter was in. The tweebs were quite, and that was just too freaky for words. Ron exchanged brief hellos and followed Ann to the kitchen to warm up some food for Kim to eat. After a few minutes, Ron started upstairs with some soup, toast, and a little juice. He reached her door, it was locked. He knocked lightly.
"Please go away." Came the weak voice on the other side.
"R..R..Rooonnnnn?" Came a wail from the other side of the door.
"Yes, open up."
She opened the door. She was unable to look him in the face, but she couldn't take her eyes off of him for fear he would disappear. With her eyes firmly locked on his stomach, she slowly walked backwards to her bed and climbed back in. "Hi, Ron" She said in a voice barely above a whisper, and then proceeded to bite at her lower lip.
Ron couldn't believe how terrible she looked. She was always skinny, but 3 days without food, and her skin was hanging to her bones. For a moment his heart sank in worry and concern, but it only lasted a second. 'God what is wrong with me! She broke my heart! She cheated on me, and here I am feeling sorry for her!! I never believed it until this moment, but I really am a loser!' He set the food tray down on her computer table a little more forcefully than was necessary. "They say you're not eating. So, what the hell do you think you're doing?"
Kim just shrugged her shoulders. "Can't sleep, can't eat, no big."
"No Big!" He yelled.
She cringed at his tone. He was still angry. Ron was never angry before her betrayal. She would have anticipated pain and sorrow. Even crying, but never anger. It was just another sign of how much her actions had devastated him. Every word felt like a slap in the face.
"If you don't eat something you could die." He knew her mom would hospitalize her before it got that bad, but he figured in her frame of mind he could try to scare her a little.
"Would you even care if I died?" She summoned up enough courage to look him in the eye.
He looked her straight in the eye, and just stared for a minute or two. He turned his gaze, and picked up an object that was on the shelf. "I remember this. We were on a mission up Pike's Peak, got snowed in, and had to set up camp. That next day viability was terrible. It was your 15th birthday, and we had to spend it snowbound in camp on the mountain. I couldn't let you go without a present, so I ventured out and found this piece of pink granite. It wasn't much but it wasn't like there was a Smarty Mart near by, so I gave it to you for your birthday."
"Y..y..you didn't ..." she swallowed the lump that was in her throat. "... answer me." Fresh tears filler her eyes.
With speed that astounded her, he took the granite stone in his hand and heaved it at the porcelain lamp by her bedside. Rock and pieces of porcelain crashed together fell unceremoniously to the floor. "Of course I care! But why do you deserve to hear it!! God I'm such a loser! You're the one that cheated! You're the one that took took 14 years of friendship, and my love, and shit all over it, and yet here I am telling you that I still care about you!! Well it's true I do still care, but I hate you too, and the battle going on inside me is driving me nuts!"
His outburst, his words, Shego's plasma never burned half that bad. After three days of weeping, you'd think you would run out of tears, but it appeared Kim found a fresh reservoir that was now flowing like a river down here cheeks.
After a few minutes Ron picked up the food tray and walked to Kim's bed. He sat on the bed near her legs, and put the tray between them. "Eat."
She made a good show by stirring the soup, and picking up the toast before putting it back down without so much as a nibble. Rolling his eyes, he took the spoon and scooped up a lager chuck of chicken, and proceeded to raise it to her. For the first time in days she took a bite of food. He reached for the toast, but she halted his movement by placing her hand over his.
"How much do you hate me?"
"I hate you with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns, ..."
She froze and felt another little part of her heart break. He stood up and and to her surprise, moved around the tray, and climbed back on the bed, setting with her, side by side.
He continued "... which happens to be exactly how much I still love you."
She felt herself push closer to him, and slowly lower her head to his solder. After being so sad for so long, it felt strange to her as her lips moved upward into a small smile. That any part of him still loved her, that he could stand to be this close to her. It gave her something she had been living without for the past three days, hope.
Ron continued to feed her, and after finishing everything on the tray, she hugged his arm and drifted to sleep with her head on Ron's shoulder. Ron drained from his earlier outburst, was nearly ready to surrender to sleep himself, when a soft knock at her door got his attention. Unable to untangle his arm, he softly bid entrance and saw the Drs. P. come into the room. Seeing the empty food tray, and their daughter peacefully sleeping for the first time in days, the Possibles felt their hearts lighten.
Ron told them. "She ate everything." Trying to slip his arm from her embrace Kim's sleep became troubled, and she subconsciously climbed herself up to warp her arms around his neck. Ron sighed. "She's like quicksand, the more I struggle to get lose, the more entrapped I find myself." He flashed them a quick smile.
"So are you two working everything out?" Ann asked.
"I don't know, right now I'm just too tired to fight any more, too tired to think. I know I miss her, I know I love her, but I'm still so hurt, I feel so broken, I'm not ready to trust myself enough to make any decisions. ... I know it's getting late, once she untangles herself, I'll head back home."
"Ronald" James said "Stay here tonight, it would mean a lot to Kim, it would mean a lot to us too." Reaching over an sharing a meaning full look with Ann he grasped her hand, and turned back to Ron and the sleeping Kim. "Me and Ann would really like a chance to talk to you two in the morning. Ron nodded, and Ann collected up the empty dishes and tray. She leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Kim's forehead, and a firmer one on Ron's cheek. James lingered a moment after Ann left the room. Reaching in his pocket he produced a small handful of condoms and handed them to Ron.
Ron could not contain his shock. He figured Mr. and Mrs. Possible knew him and Kim were active, but both sides did their best to uphold the illusion of ignorance. "Dr. P, that's the last thing I expect to happen tonight."
"I know Ron, but sometimes emotion doesn't stop to listen to reason. Try not to think to much tonight, clear your mind, and get some sleep. We will talk in the morning." To Ron's surprise James leaned over and gave Ron a kiss on the cheek. "I pray you two can get through this, but I want you to know, no matter what, me and Annie couldn't love you more if you were our own son." Both men's eyes misted over, and James left, closing the door as he went.
Kim slowly started to wake. Ron was on his back next to her. His pants were on but his shirt was discarded. She was laying on her side with her arm across Ron's stomach, her head on his chest, and one leg swung across his legs. Ron had one arm around her and the other was stroking her hair. She felt Ron tense as he stopped stroking her hair. She closed her eyes and tried to will him to believe her still asleep.
"I know you're awake Kim."
"No, I'm not." She pleaded while looking up into his eyes, her heart sored as she was rewarded with a slight, all be it a sad, smile.
"Can't fool me Kim, the lack of snoring is a dead give away. We need to get up, you parents are waiting for us downstairs."
Turning back to her resting place she gave him a quick squeeze. "Please Ron, just five minutes. I want to stay here in your arms forever, but give me five minutes, and I think I can make it through the day."
Ron swallowed the lump in his throat as he relaxed and resumed caressing her hair. "Alright, five minutes." She nuzzled him in thanks and planted a light kiss on his chest. A half an hour later Ron started to stir again. "We need to get up and get downstairs."
"Ron, I'm scared. I'm scared that this is all just a dream, and it's all going to disappear. Please baby, please tell me we are going to be okay. Tell me you'll find a way to forgive me. I'll doing anything in this world to try to make things right." Tears came to her cheeks once again.
"I got to be honest with you Kim, I just don't know. I'm still really hurt and confused. Right now I'm trying really hard to just not think about it, because when I do, all the pain and rage just comes out. I'm tired of feeling that way, but I don't know how else to feel.
Sitting up, Kim leaned forward and kissed him, trying to put all her love and passion into the kiss, to let him know in ways the words couldn't convey, what he meant to her. He didn't return the kiss, but he didn't turn away from it. For Kim, that was enough for now.
Everyone ate in silence, but they ate together at the breakfast table. The tweebs had been quite, but did give Kim a hug before running off to school. Neither Kim or Ron felt like attending class today, and both set of parents, after a long phone call last night, agreed. Once the twins were gone James and Ann escorted Kim and Ron to the living room. Having Ron help him, James moved a smaller love seat in front of the coffee table directly facing the couch. It was a little strange seeing the Drs. P. not in their normal recliners, but setting close to one another on the love seat.
Kim felt terrible. Her parents faces both showed a great deal of pain and sadness. She knew they had to be disappointed in her, but she hadn't guessed it would effect them this way. Kim set on the couch. She was glad Ron joined her, but the foot and a half space he left between them, felt to her like miles.
Ann, grabbed James hand and lacing her fingers together with his, gave him a long look, and after receiving a nod, she turned to face Ron and Kim setting on the couch. "We want to talk to you about what happened. We want to know everything." Ann said.
Kim spoke. "Mom, I don't want to even think about it, much less talk about it. I just want Ron to believe how much I love him, how sorry I am, and find a way to get our lives together back on track. What happened is to hard to talk about, to hard to relive. I'm sorry mom, but you can't imagine how much this hurts."
Ann lowered her head. "I don't have to 'imagine' Kim. I know exactly how you're feeling."
... to be continued
One, maybe two more chapters, then I'm going to stick fork in this story and call it done. My WNWN story is already calling me back.