50 Ways to Torture the Uchiha!

Saq: Welcome to my crazy Naruto fanfiction!

NH3: Don't expect any sanity for Sasuke.

Saq: Just don't laugh too hard.

"Explain everything" Kakashi said.

"It started with the usual, Sakura flirting with me as usual... but the second I said no, 1,000 fangirls ran and captured me in a steel cage. Here's what happened..

"Okay girls." Sakura said. "Let 'em out."

The fangirls unlocked the steel cage and let him out. "Doggie wanna get out?" a fangirl asked mockingly. Sasuke was sickened.

"Demon Wind Shuriken! Windmill Of Shadows" Sasuke shouted, slicing the fangirls in half.

"Sasuke-sama we honor you!" A voice boomed.

Then 100 fangirls bowed down to him.

'WTF?' Sasuke thought.

"Okay... Then get the hell out of my way... I need to go to training."

"NO YOU WILL STAY..." Then all of the fangirls took out Kunai and Shuriken.

'Oh Shit!' Sasuke thought.

"That's all I remember..." Sasuke said.

"Are you sure?"


"Actually you are still being chased"

"By who?"


"Shit. Next thing, people are going to say I'm going to star in a yaoi anime... "

Sasuke woke up with a jolt.

'Just a dream'

When he realized it was the afternoon he decided it was best to check if everything was normal. He then proceeded to the training grounds where-oddly enough Kakashi was 'on time'.

"Sasuke!" Naruto shouted. "You were very late so we went to check on you; when we heard you wanted to star in a yaoi anime..."

"I'M NOT GAY!" Sasuke screamed.

"Prove it."


"Kiss Sakura."

Sasuke then gave Naruto the I'm-am-going-to-kick-your-ass-after-I'm-done-doing-the-thing-you-just-forced-me-to-do look.

"Hey! It's the I'm-am-going-to-kick-your-ass-after-I'm-done-doing-the-thing-you-just-forced-me-to-do look!" Naruto shouted.

Kakashi just smiled, underneath the mask that is.

"Where is she?" Sasuke asked.

"Behind you."


"Sasuke-kun." A voice said.

'No anything but that please!' Is what he tried to say... but all that came out was.


"We'll cover our eyes..." Naruto said. He then covered his eyes with his hands, but left just enough open to go unnoticed Kakashi then shouted "paralyzing jutsu" to freeze Sasuke in place.

'In your face Ino!' Sakura thought.

"I'll Kill you the second you remove this jutsu. You know that."

The truth was, there was no jutsu. Sasuke was just not paying attention...


"Sasuke…you taste like tomatoes…"

Kakashi and Naruto gave the O.o face to Sakura.

"Can I do that again?" Sakura pleaded.

Kakashi and Naruto were still frozen.

"I'll take that as a yes."

16 minutes of struggling later

"No, I will not be kissed!" Sasuke said.

"We'll hold them down for you." Naruto said while Kakashi nodded.


"Sasuke, don't use that language."

"I got kissed by that rabid fangirl once…It's not happening again."

"What will you do to get out of it?" Kakashi asked.

"Star in a yaoi anime?" Naruto asked.

"For the last time, I'M NOT GAY OR THAT DESPRATE."

"Okay, then kiss her again."

To make a long story short…It happened again.

"I hate this."

"We'll let you go with two…as a warning…or we'll pull out Ino."

"Then again Sakura is not so bad."

"Good. Now go and revive your clan."

"I'm not the one reading Make Out Paradise. PERVERT!"

"I was joking Sasuke."


I kissed Sasuke! Inner Sakura shouted.

Why must their be so many fangirls after me? Inner Sasuke questioned.

"Don't speak of this to Ino, Sakura." Kakashi warned.

Naturally Sakura gloated to Ino.

"Guess what Ino-pig?" Sakura said smugly.

"What forehead girl?" Ino asked.

"I kissed Sasuke!"


"You heard me."

"It must have been by accident."



"Ha, ha Ino-pig."

"I'm going to go to Sasuke and ask him about this, Sakura you better be lying…or else…"

Wait what did Kakashi say again? Inner Sakura questioned.

Meanwhile Kakashi sneezed.

With Team Seven

"Kakashi-sensei? I have to go meet the pervy-sage, later!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Naruto, don't learn too much." Kakashi replied.

"PERVERT!" Naruto shouted.

"Now, how are you two making out?"

"PERVERT!" Sakura screamed.

"And you, Sasuke?" Kakashi asked.

"Pervert." Sasuke replied.


"You told Ino." Sasuke said.

"Uh…yeah…what did you tell her?" Sakura questioned.

"That it was a lie."

"What? But, now…she…SASUKE!" Sakura shouted.

"But, she was being a $$hole, so I had no choice but to agree with her."

"Good to know. But, now I don't have proof."

"How about you videotape it?" Kakashi suggested.

"We'll get Naruto to do it." Sakura said.

"Hold it… So your going to force Sakura on me, so that she can prove a point to Ino?"

"Yeah basically." They both said.

"Hell no."

"Or, you kiss Ino."

"Then again, this isn't so bad."


"But, I'll go with none of you."

"So…you…want to be the star of a yaoi anime?" Sakura asked sounding very hurt.

"I'M NOT EFFING GAY!" Sasuke screamed.

"Okay, so who do you choose?" Kakashi asked.

"I'm not gay, but I'm not picking either of you." Sasuke said.

"Tell you what…If you agree, I'll give you some pointers to revive your clan." Kakashi offered.

"PERVERT!" Sasuke shouted.

"Do you accept?" Sakura asked.

"Never!" Sasuke shouted.

Naruto ran up to them

"Sasuke, done making out with Sakura already?" Naruto asked.

"Either you're trying to piss me off, or you've been spending too much time with your pervert of a sensei!" Sasuke spat back.

"You know if you try to revive your clan too fast…" Naruto started.

Sasuke snapped. Big time.


"Virtually every girl is your fangirl minus some people, so you have a lot to worry about." Kakashi offered. "Here's a deal, if we take care your fangirl problem except for Sakura right here, will you help us?"

"Hn." Sasuke agreed.

Saq: Hope you liked it!

Sasuke: Are you trying to kill me?

Saq: Uh...

Naruto: Yes.

Sasuke: Who asked you?

Naruto: Teme!

Sasuke: Dobe!