Title: Japan is Very small
Universe: Nobuta wo Produce/Gokusen 2/My Boss My Hero/Hana Yori Dango/Yamada Taro Monogatari/Tiger and Dragon/Papa to Musume no Nanokan/Hana Kimi
Theme/Topic: Crossover exercises to make me feel productive.
Rating: Probably PG at most.
Character/Pairing/s: Odagiri Ryu, Kusano Akira, Sakaki Makio, Mimasaka Akira,Yamaguchi Kumiko, Nakatani Ginjiro, Doumyouji Tsukasa, Nishikado Soujirou, Hanazawa Rui, Mimura Takuya, Kawahara Koume, Kawahara Kyoichiro, Osugi Kenta, Nakatsu Shuuichi (with hints of MimuraxYamada and NakatsuxAshiya, and mentioned DoumyoujixMakino)
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack? OOC? Stupidity? All of the above!
Word Count: 2,438
Summary: Because they must run into each other all the time. No really.
Dedication: Just an exercise, but I would probably have to hand it this one to Nicole and Ann again, for all the drama pimping they did to me.
A/N: Some random drabbles I did to see if I could write today. Clearly not. LOL But um, I tried my hardest? Well, if anything, it was an interesting attempt to make crossovers, despite the very obvious failure. XD
Disclaimer: Not mine, though I wish constantly.
Distribution: Just lemme know.


1.

It is the first day of his second year in college—Monday morning's criminology class. Lots of people (especially freshmen) sign up for this class when they first see the course description on the website because they think it's cool; the majority of them fancy themselves detectives or spies or Jackie Chan in NewPolice Story when they register for it.

Ryu knows that after the professor goes over the syllabus in detail today the class number will drop down to half because most of those potential detectives or spies or Jackie Chans will be scared off by the workload and opt to drop while they still can. When that happens Ryu will be moved from the waiting list to enrolled status automatically.

The freshmen, he thinks, are kind of refreshing in all their naiveté, wasting one of their precious enrollment passes to sign up for this class instead of grabbing another one of those coveted GE spots that will fill up and stay filled no matter how much they beg the professor to let them in after they've dropped this class.

But all the better that they learn from this now; college is the place to experience these sorts of things, after all.

Very slightly bemused as he enters the classroom and hears the chatter of said freshmen talking about becoming the next Sherlock Holmes, Ryu slides past them and sits down in one of the middle aisles. He takes a seat near the edge of the row so that he won't have to climb over anyone on his way out and thinks that he will visit Hayato at his work after classes are finished today.

Five minutes before the lecture is scheduled to start people begin taking their seats; Ryu hears it when someone very loudly plops down in the chair to his immediate left. The newcomer murmurs a breathless, relieved, "Ah, I made it!" as he sits down.

Ryu thinks that this person must definitely be a freshman.

Two minutes later, that same boy starts digging around in his bag for a pencil. He can't find one after a loud and thorough search of his belongings and makes a few distressed noises in his throat. Eventually he gives up the search and taps the person sitting to his left, intent on asking if he can borrow a spare.

"Sorry, don't have an extra one," the person responds. "But I have an eraser you can borrow," he adds, not-helpfully. Freshmen are awkward.

Ryu feels it when he gets tapped on the shoulder a second after that; he already has his extra pencil out because as a senpai he should probably take pity on the kid who would otherwise only have an eraser to write with.

He turns to hand the pencil to the newcomer.

After that things just start to get weird, because as soon as they make eye contact, the freshman suddenly puts both of his hands on top of his head and screams "AKIRA SHOCK!" loudly enough to draw the attention of the entire room, professor included.

A moment.

Then Ryu sighs and drops the pencil on the kid's desk before turning away and pretending that he hadn't had any part in this person's apparent bout with Turret's.

A few minutes later, the kid starts taking not-so-surreptitious keitai pictures of Ryu and giggling excitedly to no one in particular.

Ryu thinks about dropping the class.

2.

"Ahahaha you idiots actually failed a class?!" Tsukasa cackles unsympathetically when he hears the news from a sullen Soujirou. "An undergraduate global economics class?! Your parents must be hiding their heads in the dirt in shame!"

"The professor had to take a leave of absence, so we got stuck with the TA from hell teaching the course," Nishikado groans, and tosses his report card aside disdainfully. "What an insult."

Tsukasa is feeling very superior right now, having actually finished his first year of college in America without failing. "Ah, I guess that's just the difference between your levels and mine, eh?" he crows. "It can't be helped. You and Rui both tried your hardest."

Rui ignores him; he's reading on the couch.

But Soujirou is less magnanimous than Rui and scowls back at Tsukasa. "If you took this guy's class you'd be the first to fail, you moron." He rubs his head then, boggled as he thinks about it some more. "The guy wouldn't even cut us a little slack when we went in to talk to him about all those absences we had! It's like he doesn't even care about who we are. Or know! I think he's some sort of foreign demon. Oh! And he might have been threatening us, or sexually harassing us, or both. I couldn't exactly tell from how he was looking at us."

"Do demons smile that much?" Rui asks absently, and flips to the next page in his novel without waiting for an answer.

"Only when other people are in pain," Soujirou says anyway. "Which we're in whenever we see his face, I guess."

Akira clucks good-naturedly around his champagne flute, kind of charmed by his friend's uncharacteristic sulking. "Ah, I'm sure he can't be that bad…" he soothes, though he has to admit that right now, he is glad that he hadn't opted to take all the same classes as Rui and Soujirou after all.

Though just in case…

"What's his name?" Akira poses casually, so he'll know what instructors to avoid when registration for next semester begins.

"Sakaki Mikio," Soujirou supplies.

Akira spews champagne everywhere.

Namely, all over Tsukasa.

"Wh-what?!" he sputters.

Tsukasa takes a moment to realize what, exactly, had just happened.

And things only degenerate from there.

3.

It is during the Hanazawa Corporation's yearly garden party when Mimura Takuya learns of a very disturbing precedent that indirectly ties current events of his own life to that of the much-talked about Domyouji heir's.

"Yeah," Tsukasa laughs loudly, and slings an arm over his fiancée's shoulders as they stroll through the rows of flower arrangements Mimura had helped put together, "she was even a maid in my house for a little while. Can you believe it?"

Mimura chokes on his punch.

4.

Mimasaka Akira thinks that maybe he is not cut out to be a Yakuza after all.

Across the table, Ooedo's Yamaguchi has one eyebrow arched—there is a look on her face that dares defiance. "It's clearly the best choice," she says, without a hint of compromise. "You can't beat a price like that."

Ryusekai's nidaime—he keeps telling them to call him Ginjiro—is texting messages to a friend in Ginza. "Yeah, but will it really suit me?" he asks absently.

In contrast to the other two, Kantou Sharp Fang's future sandaime doesn't say anything at all; instead he has his eyes rolled up in the back of his head. Akira would think that he was having a seizure if he didn't already know better.

"How about you, Akira-kun?" Yamaguchi asks next, and eyes him analytically.

"Uh," Akira clears his throat, "it sounds…interesting?"

Yamaguchi slams her fist on the table at their wishy-washy answers. "What, you guys don't trust me, or something?" she demands, and looks at them all accusatorily.

Ginjiro recoils as water spills over the edge of his glass when she hits the tabletop. "Oi, can you stop being so scary for a minute?" he asks. "Is it really that big a deal?"

Yamaguchi sniffs, "At least try to be a little bit more manly, Gin-chan," she tells him. "That whiny little kid act stopped being cute after you broke 23."

"Maa, maa," Akira begins and holds his hands up placatingly. "No one's in any rush, right? Let's just take our time and make the best decision for each of us. We're all allies, after all."

Yamaguchi smiles and laughs at him when she hears that—it is kind of frightening how quickly she can switch back and forth between friendly and petrifying. "Akira-kun has grown up so much!" she coos.

"And on the other hand, some people haven't changed at all, no matter how hard we wish for it," Ginjiro feels the need to add. His comment wipes the good humor from Yamaguchi's face, and on her expression, the young Ryusekai immediately cringes back in his seat a bit, in case she tries to punch him or something. "…just saying," he murmurs. Pause. "Uh…is Sakaki alright?"

Akira checks his watch. "Thirty seconds left."

"Ah."

Once the aforementioned thirty seconds have passed, Makio's eyes finally come back to their proper face-forward position. "Aa. I've decided," he says gruffly. He looks at Yamaguchi and Ginjiro. "How about you guys?"

Ginjiro sighs and doesn't care that much anymore—he'd rather be somewhere else altogether if he had the choice. "Yeah, I'll just go with the majority on this one," he tells Makio.

Akira looks at Yamaguchi. "So… Kumiko-san…"

She nods.

To Sakaki next, "Sakaki-san…"

"Aa. Might as well."

"Nakatani-san?"

"Whatever."

Akira breathes a sigh of relief once they (finally) have a consensus and turns back to the petrified waiter standing just to his left. He smiles apologetically. "Looks like it's four dinner specials after all," he says.

"H-hai!"

The waiter bows and scurries off.

"Trust me you guys," Yamaguchi crows, all smiles now that everyone's agreed with her suggestions, "it's really the best Katsu-don in the country!"

"Better be," Makio grunts.

"I don't care as long as it's fast," Ginjiro adds. "My girlfriend is pissed."

Akira sighs to himself and leans back in his chair. He can't believe that he canceled a date for this.

5.

They have a match against some no-name co-ed school's soccer team this afternoon, and Nakatsu grumbles to himself when he sees all the cute girls standing on the other team's side of the field, cheering and clapping and making it very clear which of the two groups present is the away team and which is the home.

"Kenta-senpai, go!!!" a bunch of girls yell as a skinny, awkward looking guy runs past them during his warm-ups. He waves briefly, but other than that, is the picture of concentration.

The girls all sigh like he is the dream boat of all dream boats to ever dream boat on a soccer field.

But that guy's not so great looking, Nakatsu thinks. If those girls went to Oosaka they'd know what a handsome guy is really supposed to look like.

But that's Oosaka's problem in the first place, now that he thinks about it. It's the complete lack of constant female companionship. If there were girls in the classes with them every day he's pretty certain he wouldn't get sidetracked by any cute guys that kind of look like girls, no matter how cute they are. In fact, he'd have every girl in his class's phone number and no room on his cell phone memory for any of the guys at all! That's right. It's the system that's bringing him down, not his own base desires at all.

It's oppression, is what it is. Oppression! They're altering his true nature with their fascist segregation techniques and stuff. At this rate he'll be getting pedicures and eating organic food by the time graduation rolls around. He won't even remember what boobs are supposed to look like!

It's wrong, is what it is. A crime.

"Yeah," he says to himself as he maneuvers the ball downfield for his own warm up. "Yeah. Gotta complain to someone about that when I get back. They're gonna make everyone gay at this rate. Guys have needs, after all."

As he dribbles past the crowd on the sidelines his heart cries out euphorically at the sight of all the pretty girls—he feels like he's finally home.

However, a moment later, he realizes that his eyes are particularly drawn to a father daughter pair standing there, more towards the front. He only notices them at all because the girl, while cute, seems to be the only one amongst the throng of fans who seems completely and utterly bored. Her father however, is totally into it and cheering his lungs out; Nakatsu thinks that he must be one of those sports fanatic types of fathers who always wished he'd had a son instead of a daughter or something. Nakatsu flashes the girl a brilliant smile on his way past them— partly because he is immensely relieved that he can still pick the really cute girls out of a crowd of sort-of cute girls and partly because the exhibitionist in him wants to give her a good show for all her trouble of coming down here and enduring what has to be some serious embarrassment from her clearly crazy father. Nakatsu Shuuichi is a swell guy like that.

But when she sees him—charming Oosaka Gakuen smile and all—she doesn't react. She doesn't even blink. Her father, however, squeals pretty impressively.

"Ne, that one was pretty cute!" the dad exclaims. "Ne?! He's got a nice smile!"

What the hell?

Nakatsu whirls on the guy before he knows what he's doing. "I AM NOT A HOMO!!!" he roars. "I LIKE WOMEN! STOP LOOKING AT ME."

The father and daughter both do exactly the opposite; they pause and blink at him. Actually, everyone else in the vicinity is pretty much staring at him now as well.

A moment.

Then, "So…yeah. Enjoy the game." He offers a watery smile before hunching over and dribbling the ball back down to his team's side of the field.

"Fuck," he murmurs to himself once he's a safe enough distance away. "Now the other homos can sense me!"

He needs to get a goddamned girlfriend like, now.

6.

Shuuji is sitting in his Ancient Literature lecture when his cell phone vibrates; he manages to sneak it out of his bag and takes a look at it while the professor is writing archaic kanji roots on the board.

He's not surprised when he finds a message from Akira (who is supposed to be in his "I'm gonna be like Jackie Chan in New Police Story!" class right now). Attached to the text is a picture of some random, bored looking guy with really pale skin and bad hair.

The message reads: "What do you think? Amazing, right? Amazing! Not as amazing as you, but almost!"

Shuuji blinks.

Pauses to take down a few notes on what his professor is talking about.

Then, he replies: "If you are already that bored, I think you should drop that class now and take a GE instead."

After that he turns his cell phone off until the end of the lecture.

END