A/N: All thoughts as to how this idea came to be written down shall be explained at the end of the fic. For now, I suggest you read and pray you understand my delusional insanity!
Disclaimer: If I owned Inuyasha, there would be an episode where Sango spent the entire time dressed as a hippy just because I think she'd look good as a hippy. Since Sango never dresses as a hippy, obviously I don't own Inuyasha.
Why Inuyasha and Kagome Are NOT Meant to Be
It had been a week since Naraku had been defeated. Shippo had snatched the Shikon no Tama and used it to wish for a lifetime supply of candy before anyone else could use it. Kikyou had managed to talk the great Lord Sesshomaru into fully reviving her with the Tensaiga (which caused Kagome's excessively large soul to be split in half so that both carnation and reincarnation could live simultaneously without one of them having to be undead) and then decided that with new life comes new love and somehow hooked up with the great dog lord. Sesshomaru didn't mind the fact that Kikyou was human too much because it meant Rin would have mother of the same species, he couldn't think of a single female demon in the entire series that came even remotely close to his high expectations (except for maybe Kagura, but sadly after also being revived by the Tensaiga she decided to pursue a career in psychology after realizing her own therapist was making a ton of money just for listening to Kagura whine and complain about what a bastard Naraku was when he was alive), and he decided to just accept the fact that he would eventually follow in his father's footsteps no matter what so he might as well knock up a human during his existence on earth. Miroku and Sango were…getting to know each other better…to put it subtly. And for those of you who don't get subtlety, Miroku basically talked Sango into thinking that it was a good idea to spend their time 'fucking like weasels,' to put it bluntly. And for those of you who don't understand subtly and bluntness, you'll probably be the ones surprised when the houshi and taijiya show up with a kid or two nine months from now. As for Kaede, she realized that her giant cauldron of a cooking pot could be used for much more than making stew and signed on for a few movies and television series starring as one of those wicked witch characters who's always brewing some potion or another. She was wrinkly enough for the job, after all. And this has been one really long paragraph of useless information irrelevant to the plot of this little ficlet.
So now… let's get to the part you've all been waiting for! What part is that you may ask? Well, if you managed to digest all of the information in the first paragraph, you will realize that neither Inuyasha nor Kagome was mentioned. So without further adieu, here is what happened to Inuyasha and Kagome after Naraku finally kicked the bucket… finally.
"Kagome… I'm sorry. I can't."
Inuyasha stood with his back to the futuristic miko, arms folded and fuzzy ears drooping sadly. Kagome was sitting on the edge of the well, tears streaming down her rosy cheeks.
"But Inuyasha, why? I love you!"
"It… it's just that…"
"What? What is it Inuyasha? Don't tell me you still love Kikyou after everything that's happened! 'Cause, if you haven't noticed, she dumped you for your older brother." Kagome attempted to glare through her tears. Why didn't Inuyasha want to be with her?
"It's not that!" the hanyou snapped. "You, you're not…"
"What?" She cut him off. "I'm not what?" Her voice was soft yet frustrated. And she was mentally berating herself for not being able to think of an example of what she though Inuyasha might be thinking. Sadly, 'not good enough,' 'not pretty enough,' and 'not loving enough' just didn't seem like good enough examples for her.
"You're not a bitch, alright!?" he finally spat out, looking over his shoulder to gaze at the poor girl.
"What?" Kagome was thoroughly confused and the excessive amount of tears she had been forcing to leak from her eyes instantly stopped as she looked at Inuyasha.
Inuyasha turned to face Kagome, arms still tucked into his large sleeves. A mix between a sigh and a frustrated growl escaped his lips as he attempted to explain. "You see Kagome, I'm half dog demon. Meaning, my mate should probably be a bitch. You, however, are only human… Humans aren't bitches, they just own 'em and occasionally make 'em prance around to be judged like in that dog show you tried to make me enter the last time we went to your time."
Kagome stared at Inuyasha in shock. When in heaven's name did he learn to talk like a somewhat intelligent person? And why the hell was he dumping her just because she didn't have any dog DNA in her genetic code? She never thought the hanyou to be so fickle! Granted, he had spent half of their journey chasing after his at the time dead ex-girlfriend.
"Inuyasha…" Kagome's voice was cold, and her dark bangs shadowed her face. Inuyasha took a step back from his time-traveling companion.
"Osuwari! OSUWARI, OSUWARI, OSUWARI, OSUWARI, OSUWARI, OSUWARI, OSUWARI!"
Kagome silently rejoiced in the fact that she still hadn't taken the rosary off Inuyasha. The hanyou was now buried six feet under thanks to that wonderful 'sit' command. Standing up, she straightened her tiny excuse for a skirt and prepared to jump into the well.
"Feh! Damn it! Kagome! Wait!"
Inuyasha's voice halted her and Kagome turned to face him, an eyebrow raised curiously though the rest of her face clearly displayed her anger and displeasure.
"I… I changed my mind! We can be together Kagome! You really are a bitch!"
Inuyasha's expression looked hopeful as Kagome cracked a smile. That hopeful expression was short lived, however, as Kagome gave him another osuwari and hopped down the well, headed back to her own time.
Inuyasha lay on the ground; not bothering to push himself up after the spell wore off. Man had he blown it this time. A single syllable left his mouth…
A/N: In all honestly, I don't quite know what possessed me to write this. I've been sick for the last few days and apparently I'm still not fully healed because I spent the last two days being utterly delusional and for me to actually write this I'm probably still partially delusional. O.o And no, I'm not kidding. It was over those last two days that I thought Sango would look good as a hippy and that Kagura should be a therapist who needs therapy. . . And when I say I think Sango would look good as a hippy, I mean I think she should simply dress like a hippy… not act like one. But anyways, that's beside the point.
Back to why I wrote this. Basically, this is my newest theory as to why Inuyasha and Kagome should NOT be together. (hides from rabid Inu/Kag fans) Yesh, I'm not much of an Inu/Kag fan. I can barely tolerate Kagome (and Kikyou for that matter) and I find her to be rather annoying. Of course, my true loyalties lie to Sango and Miroku anyways, so I feel no remorse when I try to think up amusing reasons for Inuyasha and Kagome to NOT be together. Along with Inuyasha's just too good for both Kagome and Kikyou combined, and Kagome is actually allergic to dogs, this is my newest theory. Cause let's face it... Kagome just isn't a bitch.
And for those of you who are still uninformed and therefore might not get the joke of this fic, a bitch is a female dog.
Now then, I hope you enjoyed reading this. I like to think it's a nice alternative to all of those cliche end of series Inu/Kag 'I love you' 'I love you too fics.' Please leave me a nice review. Or, if you really want to, you can yell at me for not being a Kagome fan.