AN:Random Lancitty One-Shot I threw together to appease the fans I might have insulted by Pretty Kitty. Inspired by my boyfriend - overjoyed by movies such as American Pie and 300, while I can live on Bridget Jones's Diary for the rest of my life.
Emphasis On Romantic
"I'm just saying, in my opinion, it wasn't that funny of a movie. I don't think it deserves to call itself a comedy!"
"It's a romantic comedy, Lance. It's different than your version of comedy."
"MY version?" Lance said, shoving his bag of popcorn into the nearest trashcan. "Comedy is comedy, Kitty. And that..." He gestured back to Theater 10, which they had just exited. "That was not comedy."
Kitty rolled her eyes. "Well, the emphasis was on romantic. It's supposed to be more romantic than comedic."
"Yeah, well it's still supposed to be funny. And that wasn't funny."
"Well, what makes a movie funny, in your opinion, Lance!" Kitty snapped.
He paused for a second in the lobby of the movie theater, thinking about this. After a moment he replied, "Penis jokes."
Kitty's eyes widened, and she choked on what little was left of her soda. Recovering, she tossed the soda into a trashcan and turned on Lance. "Penis jokes."
He nodded. "A movie isn't funny unless it's got at least three good penis jokes."
Kitty shook her head. "Wow, Lance...just...wow."
They approached the large glass doors that lead from the lobby into the parking lot. Lance gallantly stepped in front of Kitty and pushed the door open for, with a sort of chivalrous bow. Kitty smiled at him and nodded her thanks before stepping out into the cool night air. Though seeming to most onlookers a rough and crude boyfriend, Lance had always been one for boyfriend essentials - opening doors, calling every night, flowers and candy. Kitty suspected that Lance had picked this traits up from watching those romantic comedies he was now bashing.
They found Lance's jeep quickly, and though Lance walked around to Kitty's side, he did not open this door for her, but pressed her gently up against the jeep.
"What makes a movie funny in your opinion, Pretty Kitty?" He said, grinning.
She blushed at the sudden closeness of him, but smiling, said without hesitation, "Witty dialogue."
"What?" He said, playing with a bit of her hair, staring into her eyes.
She stared back, still blushing. "You know...like, snappy comebacks, rapid fire retorts, intelligent exchanges between two people...what?!"
He had raised his eyebrows at her in the most annoying, obviously condescending way. "Nothing...nothing! Just...you think that stuff is funny?" He was barely hiding a smirk.
She huffed and pushed his hand away from her hair. "Yes. But I guess you wouldn't understand. It's intelligent humor."
He laughed at this rebuff. "Oh, insulting my intelligence now, are we?"
"Of course not!" Kitty said, not at all convincing, "It's just you think it's not a good movie if it doesn't make penis jokes, so I don't expect you to appreciate the value of good old fashioned wit."
"I didn't say it's not a good movie if it doesn't make penis jokes! I said it wasn't funny if it didn't have penis jokes. All the best action movies don't make any penis jokes, at least, not most of them, and they're still good!"
"Oh, penis jokes and action movies - you are such a boy!" She said, turning around and pulling at the door handle.
Lance put his hand down firmly on the door and shut it before she could get it even more than in inch open. She turned around quickly, glaring at him.
"Aw, come on, Kitty," He said, putting on his best puppy dog face, "This isn't something to fight about."
She glared at him for a few seconds, then sighed and leaned back against the jeep door. "I know, I'm sorry. I just...I don't know why I even go to the movies with you anymore. We don't even like the same types."
Lance laughed at this. "Oh, I think you know, Pretty Kitty." He leaned in close. "Dark theater, two hour movie."
She tried to glare at him, but the smile on her face took over. "What are you trying to say, Lance Alvers?"
He leaned in closer, his mouth just centimeters from hers. "I'm saying, Katherine Pryde, that you go to the movies with me for the pure novelty of making out with me."
"Oooh, turned on by my witty dialogue?" He said, pulling away with a smirk on his face.
"Oh, shut up!" She said, pulling him back in for a long kiss.
He kissed her back happily, but pulled away. She looked him questioningly.
"I was witty...now you have to make a penis joke."
The jeep door slammed in his face.
"Aw, come on Kitty, I was just joking!!!"
"Just take me home, Lance."
"Aw, stop it! You know it was funny! It was witty even - I'm pretty sure they made this EXACT joke in the movie we just watched...Kitty!!!"
Lance Alvers got no further action that night.