A/N: Wanna keep your sanity? Don't read a Lion King-Harry Potter crossover/spoof. You've been fairly warned.

Also, I don't own these characters. The person who has the copyright owns them. But really, the person who invented copyrighting should own the entire world by now considering how people are all bent out of shape about it and we're even putting disclaimers on worthless pieces of fanfiction.

So instead I give all credit to Einstein, who invented fanfiction.

The Circle of Hogwarts:

Harry blamed himself for his father's death, even though it was most totally not his fault. But he was emo anyways and ran away and ate bugs for a living. He met an owl named Hedwig and a cat named Krookshanks who told him not to worry and that even though everyone hated him and he guessed he'd go eat some worms, really, grubs weren't all that bad. Krookshanks mentioned that they tasted like chicken. Hedwig was horrified. Suddenly Harry walked across a bridge and grew up, into a man that looked startlingly like his father minus the lightning scar you couldn't see anyways cause of his emo hair. Harry and his unlikely friends splashed around happily in a swimming hole until Ron and Hermione showed up and told him how his evil Uncle Voldemort had taken over the world and how Harry needed to stop eating bugs and take his true place as main character of the story. But Harry really liked bugs by that time, so he angsted in a corner until Hermione complained, "This isn't supposed to happen anymore!" Then Harry reluctantly agreed to be the main character for no apparent motive on the stipulation that every so often they imported him some mealworms.

"How do I be brave like my father was?" Harry wondered.

"He lives in you." Ron said overdramatically.

"My father lives in me?" Harry gasped.

"No." Ron said flatly, "Voldemort lives in you."

"Oh shit!" screamed Harry, "I really DID kill my father!"

Hedwig and Krookshanks decided to follow the angsty trio back to Pride Philosopher's Stone, much to Harry's dismay because Hedwig had a farting problem.

They defeated Harry's evil Uncle Voldemort because Voldemort was so surprised that Harry's father had come back from the dead. But then he figured out that it was really just Harry and they lost the element of surprise. So then Harry killed himself like the emo kid he was and then came back to life. Then Voldemort was horrified. He thought only he had the power to do that. While he was in shock, they threw him off a cliff and his own pet dementors ate him. They were hungry because he forgot to feed them that morning.

The epilogue that never was:

Lots of people had kids with stupid names. Harry and someone hardly worth main character status, I mean, Ginny, had a kid named AlbusSeverusVoldemortSiriusMcLupin. They dubbed him the next main character at birth, but Harry shook his finger at the child and told him not to get TOO comfortable in that role, because HE was invincible and HE could come back from the dead, and HE was a main character TOO!

Ron and Hermione had kids named MarySue and JaneDoe. They had red hair. Amazing.

They all lived happily ever after, except Harry, who was emo and Voldemort, cause he's dead.