Harry Potter and the House Elf Knife Fight


"Okay! All bets are final!" Hermione yelled over the voices of the rambunctious students.

The Hogwarts kitchen was much more crowded then usual, as it was filled with a plethora of young witches and wizards who had come to watch the newest magical sport. People claimed it was as fixed as muggle wrestling, but it was much more entertaining. This was particularly because of the edition of House-Elves, and sharp knives.

"Don't forget, we'll be hosting a match every Saturday night for the rest of the school year, so if you didn't get your bets in on time make sure to see me in advance next week," Hermione shouted over the crowd. "Now, our first House-Elf Knife Fight match for this evening- Winky the Wild versus Kreacher the Bone Cruncher!"

There was an excited uproar from the students as they gathered around the fighting ring, which was formed by four kitchen tables organized in a square. In one corner of the ring was Kreacher, appearing like a disturbed murderer with a crazed look in his eye, and clutching a rusty knife in one hand. In the other corner stood Winky, with a few butterbeer bottles on the floor around her, and a half filled one in her grasp. In her other hand she held a perfectly sharpened knife, which Dobby had used for slicing carrots for a casserole earlier that evening. She glanced up at Kreacher and took a large swig of the butterbeer.

"Alright, let's have a good, clean, bloody knife fight," Luna babbled excitedly from the middle of the ring after using a charm to amplify her voice. The typical stark-raving-mad glow was in her eyes as she explained the rules of House-Elf Knife Fighting. "Now remember, no magic allowed. Also, no stabbing below the belt, or in the left bicep. You must stay within the limits of the ring at all times. Are these rules clear?"

Kreacher nodded slowly in agreement, and Winky hiccupped loudly.

"Alright, good. Ready…. Fight!" Luna yelled, waving the traditional butterbeer cap necklace in a symbol to start the match, and quickly rushing out of the ring before any elves had a chance to stab her.

Winky attempted to take a step towards Kreacher, but it appeared she'd had too many butterbeers before hand. She was quite tipsy and tripped, only managing to save herself by dropping her butterbeer and grasping the edge of one of the tables at the last second. She looked down at the ground, saw the dropped butterbeer, and scowled as its last remaining contents seeped onto the floor.

At this time she looked up to see that Kreacher had advanced upon her in her few moments of distraction. She glared at him as if he was the one responsible for the loss of her precious drink. In an unexpected burst of adrenaline and rage, she launched herself at Kreacher, sinking her newly sharpened knife directly through his heart.

The match was over. It was clear Winky had won, as Kreacher was no longer able to breathe, move, or even live. There was a loud exclamation of extreme intense excitement as the crowd went insane with happiness.

"I just won fifty Galleons!" Seamus exclaimed, and let off some Wildfire Wizbangs recently purchased mail order from the Weasley twins.

One student, Collin Creevey, was not so lucky. His over-obsessive admiration for Harry had caused him to bid on Kreacher, since Harry owned him. No one missed the tiny teardrop that trickled down his check at the loss of all his pocket money for the year.

Another student was also less then gleeful at this turn of events. Crying out in sorrow at the loss of his one true love, Neville scooped Kreacher into his arms before rushing out of the room in an attempt to get him to the Hospital Wing, before he no longer stood a ghost of a chance at revival.

"Get in your bets for next week now!" Hermione's voice blared over the crowd as she announced that next week's match would feature "Tuloo the Terminator" and "Dobby the Sock Warrior". Tuloo cried and pressed her face into her hands, while Dobby gave an excited squeak and waved one of his screaming socks in the air.

"You know," Ron said, looking over towards Harry, "perhaps we should have taken more interest in SPEW…"