Yeah this is my humorous version of how the last battle might play out! This is pre book 7
"Harry Potter, yo, what's up dawg?" Voldemort says, jumping out from some dark place.
"Ekks, Voldy!" Say Harry. "Yo scared me, man you gross dude. What happened to yo eyes? Fo shiz they like red or some shiz! What yo been up to?"
Voldemort shrugs, "this and that yo know, just kickin it with my homey death eaters. They throw parties that are off the hook, yo, muggles flying fo sho. But shoot, it yo time to go!"
"Wait dude, I aint gonna kick it now," Harry says holding up his hand like, talk to the hand Voldy! "We need to do this somewhere public fo shiz, so all them wizard folks can like watch us! They to lazy to try and find you, yo, so we should go to them and make it all dramatic, you know what I saying?"
"That dope, alright, we can kick it at the ministry for a bit," both disapparated and appear in ministry.
"Dang, all them wizards are here," says Harry looking around at the packed room they apparated into.
"Ekks! It that voldy-thingy" says Ex minister Fudge
Twins say "Shut up dawg, yo fo shiz is retarded."
Harry says, "Twin's why you here?"
Twins shrug, "shoot, we don't know. Why is you's here."
"To duke it out with this gangster, fo shiz!" Says Harry
"Straight up," says Voldemort
Harry turns to everyone else. "Attention worthless ministry gangster wanna be's. Me and this dude are gonna fight, we wanted all you all to see since this fights been building up for like ever, fo shiz!"
"Straight up," says Voldemort. Both draw wands and bow and throw curses for like a minutes.
"Dang Voldy, yo killen me dawg, fo shiz all those years of dark shiz that you like dedicated your life to has made you like way better, shoot, I'm gonna lose!" Say's Harry as his wand is disarmed.
"Straight up," says Voldemort. "Yo, you didn't think you could hang dawg? That off the hook for funny, shoot yo couldn't even dry yo-self when you and that old guy went after my messed up soul thing that wasn't really there and that the earlier part of this book which isn't written spent way to much time on trying to find. Shoot, that old guy had to dry you off and save your sorry be-hind from then dead bodies too!"
"Like, curse, curse, curse and curse! You right freaky man, I aint that good at this magic stuff, I only still alive 'cause people keep dying to save me. Shoot I'm a gonner!" Says Harry. "Wait, yo dawg how did you know about all those times I proved I was like bad at magic? Was yo sorry be-hind there hiding?"
"Shiz no, I read it in them books fo shiz!" Say's Voldemort holing up a copy of Half Blood Prince
"Oh yea, my bad, I just playin, I'm a pimp and all," says Harry.
"Straight up," says Voldemort raising his wand to kill Harry
"Dang," says all them useless people at the ministry, "the chosen ones a gonner, why we put our faith in some kid anyways, voldy like super strong fo shiz, he didn't even die when that killer curse like hit him, yo, we was confused creepy dark lord, yo the strong one!"
"Shoot that's wack," says Harry, "I aint dead yet, fo shiz I don't know what the last Horocruxe is dawg and I aint destroyed it yet but hey I always make it out of super hard situations yo, like defeating you after only a year of magic school shiz and then I slay that giant snake thing that had really good C.G. and like slayed it with a sword that I pulled out of a hat an everything."
"Well you about to die now so it to late dawg," says Voldemort. "Wait what that annoying noise that always seems to come when I'm about to win? Dang it that red bird that looks like some messed up chicken thing in the movie."
"Sweet, that bird saves me all the time!" Say Harry, "oh shiz it got that stupid hat and sword again, damn bird you on crack? That wont help me now! Wrong book fo shiz."
"Harry you is so dumb," says Hermione who suddenly it there too. "I like all smart and shiz and will spell it out fo you like always, man I waste to much time saving your sorry be-hind. This is the last time then I leaving and gonna kick it with this weird red head boy who is like always jealous of you dawg even though we all know you a gonner and like everyone tries to kill you, yo. N-E-Ways… you the last horocrux yo, why you think you got a sword all them years back, 'cause it looked nice? Shoot you so dumb. N-E-Ways, like stab yo sorry self and destroy his freaky soul thing, yo mope around al the time so it not like you expected to live yo!"
"Dang yo right," says Harry. "I must got that soul inside of me, shoot that's why I can talk to snakes and could get into that freaky chamber thing that only the dark house's founder's kid could get into. That some messed up shiz, alright them, I'm gonna sacrifice myself fo all you people who like were really mean to me even though I'm like the boy who freakin lived."
"Straight up," says Voldemort. "Like if that's the way it got to be, do it fool."
"Shoot I will!" Says Harry, he grabs sword, stabs it into self and dies.
"Will shoot, I in the middle of this useless ministry with all them useless ministry peeps and now I mortal, dang, this sucks!" Says Voldemort.
"Sup Dark Lord dude," says Someone
"Who that?" Asks Voldemort
"Snape," says Snape, greasy hair is stuck and crusted around his face . "I gonna finish you off now 'cause that the way it gotta be, I liked tricked yo sorry be-hind, ya fool! I on that old mans side the whole time."
"Fo real? Dang I was fooled, man I feel dumb," Say Voldemort. "shoot."
"Yep," says Snape killing him. "Dang that felt good yo." Someone hits him with that green killing curse thing, he falls over dead.
"Shoot, who did that?" Ask twins.
"Me dawg," says Neville.
"That wack, why you do that?" Says twins.
"Shoot, I had to do something important dawgs, I aint do nothing good for six books, fo shiz," Says Neville
"True that!" Says twins, everyone else nods.
"Will that was messed up, shoot all them main characters are dead!" Says everyone.
Annoying bird lets out sad annoying song, Neville kills it. "Dang that's twice yo did something we all been wanting to do!" Says everyone. "Yo Neville yo the new minister dawg, that other one doesn't do squat N-E-Ways."
"Sweet!" Says Neville. Everyone is happy and leaves
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