Okay, so the original concept was for another one of my insane Evo list fics. However it was not to be, comic references slipped in from rule one. There's also a nod to the 90's cartoon in here. Can you spot it?

Sadly I do not own X-men, I am pilfering from marvel's toybox.

Rules of the X-mansion

1. Don't die.

I don't care if Jean did it first, don't you people know funerals are expensive? –Xavier

2. If, after being dead for some time, your teammate reappears, do not shout 'Does nobody around here stay dead?'

I. They never do.

II. How could you not know this by now?

It seemed that no sooner had the paperwork for Jean Grey's thirteenth death been completed, than said X-man appeared, without explanation, in the infirmary.

3. The time travelling stops now!

I. Cable, this means you.

II. and you Bishop.

III. it's not funny Rachel.

Do you know how hard it is to cover up time travellers?- Fury

4. The phrases 'What could possibly go wrong?' 'How bad could it be?' and 'Nothing could go wrong now.' are never to be used.

I do not feel this needed writing down-Storm

5. Star trek jokes. No. Just no.

No one was really sure why Xavier put this one down.

6. If there is only one Twinkie left, do not eat it.

Stay the hell away from my Twinkies!-Hank

It turned out Beast got really upset by things like that. Bobby was still hiding.

7. Do not ask Frost if her pimp knows where she is.

8. Stop hazing newbies.

I. Shaving foam is not 'the prankster's friend'

9. Bagpipes. Never.

I don't care if it's part of your culture, they give me a headache. –Xavier

At least you have a mystery bagpipe player on your island. –Moria

10. no one is to play drinking games with the Shi'Ar.

I. Especially not f you.

II. Or circle of death

No one knew exactly who was responsible for this one, everyone involved was drunk at the time. However said drinking games were now very popular in the Shi'Ar court.

11. Lockheed did not burn your homework.

I. Nor did he eat your mission report.

The staff in general, and Xavier in particular, were sick to the death of hearing this one.

12. Give it a rest with the fake insane laughter people.

Some people were starting to think the X-men were somewhat less stable than Magneto.

13. The blackbirds do not need racing stripes.

14. Forge needs that duct tape, stop hiding it.

That's the stuff that makes the danger room work people. –Forge

15. Do not refer to Cannonball as 'Captain Accident Prone'.

Even if it's true? –Tabby

I'm not the one who blew up the danger room yesterday. –Sam

I told you I needed that duct tape! –Forge

16. Put the old table back. Now.

I. Round tables are for knights, not for the weekly staff meeting.

17. Everyone covered in blue fur should unblock the plughole before they leave the bathroom.

18. Truth or dare is banned.

No one ever wanted to see Scott skinny dipping in the pool again, or in the first place come to that.

19. Arrange your own bail.

It was amazing just how much Xavier spent bailing out his teams.

20.the PA system is for emergencies, it is NOT a toy.

In a fit of boredom Jubilee decided the mansion needed some 'work music'. For an hour everyone was subjected to her idea of good music. She was later found bound and gagged in the danger room.