Copyright: Everything belongs to JKR, of course. Although I´m not always happy with the way she has treated this story ;o)
I was devastated after finishing DH, but only today realised what bothered me the most about Snape´s death: He himself had never been given the chance to recognize that he truly was a hero. He was attacked by Nagini, being forced to believe at that moment that he failed, that he hasn´t been able to fulfil Dumbledore´s last deed to tell Harry Potter that he had to die, and he hasn´t had a chance to fight, and to show Voldemort his true colours.
I dreaded for at least two years that JKR would let Snape die, but I always wanted him to have this moment, the moment he realises that he is not the bastard he always thought he was, but that he was indeed a good man. It is not exactly a heroic moment, but I like it better for what it is.
I know that many stories like this one have already been written, but since I wasn´t entirely happy with those versions, I tried to write my own. And bear with me, I´m a non-native speaker…
Listening to "Clint Mansell, "the Fountain" soundtrack: "Together we will live forever". Fits perfectly.
One last moment
White light. Sunbeams shining through clouds of mist. He stood in the middle of nothing, disoriented, confused. Where was he? What had happened? He couldn´t remember.
He turned around, looked over his shoulder. The swirling mist surrounded him, he wasn´t able to see what was behind it. He dared take some steps forward, and the mist formed itself into shapes, shapes he slowly recognised as a green lawn, a see-saw, and a swing. The place looked familiar…
Suddenly he knew. He had been here before… many many years ago. It seemed like an eternity... So many things had happened since then, but when he tried to remember them, his thoughts seemed to slip from his mind. He frowned, but then he found that he didn´t care. It wasn´t important… He walked closer to the swing and touched the seat, giving it a slight thrust. The touch brought a memory with it, of sun and warmth and laughter… the corner of his mouth twitched into a little smile. He looked around.
The mists at the end of the playground changed and formed a shape, the shape of a person. Of a woman. Red hair, slender frame, her arms hanging loosely at her sides, she looked at him with those green, almond-shaped eyes that had been in his thoughts all the time, that had haunted his dreams, followed him through his days, even disturbed him in Hogwarts – Hogwarts? – shining out of a different, much disliked face.
It was Lily.
His black eyes widened in shock. He backed away a few steps, away from her. No. This couldn´t be… she couldn´t be here, not with him, he had no right to have her here, how could she stand being near him…
And finally all the emotions that he had kept to himself, buried deep inside of him, hid behind walls so thick that not even the Dark Lord was able to penetrate, burst out of him, and he couldn´t help but cry, cry out his pain over the terrible thing that he had done, done to her.. done to himself all those years, those years of following the false people, of being a part of something so appalling, something that he ceased to believe in a long time ago; of having made the wrong choices all through his life…of betraying her to the Dark Lord. Of killing her. Here in front of her he let go of the discipline and control, something he would have absolutely abhorred back when he was... living?... Heavy sobs escaped his body, tears streamed down his anguished face, as he cried "… I…I´m sorry…. I´m so sorry….Lily…. I didn´t…. want…. Didn´t mean to…. I´m sorry….." He looked away, buried his face in his hands, afraid of what he might see in those green eyes. He couldn´t bear her accusing look, her anger and disappointment. He wanted to shrink away into darkness, to hide himself in a dark corner, to stop this piercing pain he felt in his heart, a pain that he had tried to suppress during those long years, do not show your pain, do not show your emotions, they hurt you, make you vulnerable, you deserve it, dead eyes that no one can read in, not even the dark lord, and not even Dumbledore…
Lily looked at him, and he wanted to turn, to run away... but then she smiled and opened her arms slightly, and he ran to her and flung himself into her embrace, and he held her so tightly that he was afraid he would never be able to let her loose again. She raised a hand and put the strand of dark out of his face.
And as green eyes met black eyes, there was no accusation, no anger, no hatred, but only love.
Lily Evans took Severus Snape by the hand, and together they disappeared into the swirling white mist.
Goodbye, Severus Snape. I really hope that you went out like this, and that you have found peace at last. I will miss you. Very much.