She let out a long sigh as she sifted herself in the seat. Her fingers ran along the smooth silk edges of the blanket before letting it fall back into her lap. She glanced down at it to see her hands trembling as they rested on her legs. Her eyes wondered and landed on the family across from her. The mother was carefully putting her sleeping child down in the seat. The father was gently stroking the second child's head.

She tore her eyes away from the scene and returned them to her hands. A tear rolled down her cheek, which she quickly wiped away. Somewhere down the line, she decided she wouldn't let the public see her crumble. Her eyes wondered up to the family again just as the father kissed the mother. The couple was young and in love. She could tell they were no older then twenty-five or so. Her eyes lowered to the ground once more. She could feel the tears threatening to spill over the rims of her eyes.

A few years ago, she would have told you that would be her and Derek. They would have kids and be happy. They would build a house on his land with a swing set and bedrooms to spare. But then things changed and became bitter. It ended before it really started up again. At the time, it seemed like a tragedy. But life continued.

A year ago, she would have told you that would be her and Mark. They would be happy with kids and a new house, maybe even a dog. But like all things in her life. It changed. She didn't know when the end would come and part of her just wanted to cling to what could have been and call it the end. The other part wanted to cling to memories and what it used to be and say it never ended.

Looking back, she can't sure when things became harder for her and her judgment became clouded. All she knew was that life wasn't suppose to be this hard. Sometimes she wondered if it was all part of a 'bigger, more powerful plan' or if it had something to do with her decisions. When she thought about it, she couldn't think of a big event that would make god hate her. But at the same point, she couldn't think of a decision that would cause all this pain.


Time seemed to move slowly over the next few days for Meredith Grey. She had to meet with doctor after doctor to talk about her current situation. Each doctor said the same thing. It was an answer she didn't want to hear and refused to follow, so she continued to search for a different one. But it seemed like every doctor see asked in New York had no clue what else to do. So she decided to wait. She decided to wait five months to see if she could fight a battle that people never want to fight.