Mother Nature shouldn't have made Me a Mother


"Potter!" James turned around at the sound of the voice that haunted his dream, his every waking desire, his—

"Prongs stop drooling and look her in the eye before she hexes you." Remus said, as if he was discussing the weather. James closed his mouth, smoothed back his hair, and put on his suavest smile. She marched right up to him and put her hands on her hips, glaring into his face.

"Our presence," She said slowly, pronouncing every syllable with disdain, "has been requested in the headmaster's office. If you'll follow me…?" She turned on heel and began to walk away. James was just about to give Remus a thumb's up when "NOW POTTER!" peeled in his ears. He scrambled hastily after the frustrated-for-absolutly-no-reason-except-for-the-small-fact-that-he-existed redhead who continued strutting at break-neck speed down the hall.


"So, what did ol' Dumbly' want?" Sirius asked later that day as he plopped down on the softest armchair in the common room. Stretching his legs leisurely over the arm on the left and snuggling his head onto the arm on the right he regarded his bespectacled friend with raised brows. "Not another detention, I suspect?"

"Nothing of the sort, Padfoot. He…uh, well…that is…I don't know quite how to word this—"

"Good Merlin, Potter," Lily said tiredly as she walked up, "He thinks the students these past few years have become a bit…" she glanced condescendingly at Sirius' muscular build sprawled in the plush chair, "…languid. And I have to say I agree. Oh sit up, for heavens sake." Shoving Sirius into a sitting position, she curled up on the arm where his head had just been and seemed to sink into her thoughts until, rousing herself, she spoke bluntly. "We are to be parents." She looked at James as she said this. Bile caught in his throat. Lily and Sirius…?

"You guys didn't—?! Ohh…Pads! How could you?!" Sirius actually looked confused for once.

"Prongs, What're you talking ab—" realization dawned on his face and his face contorted. "AH! What, are you crazy?! I never shagged Lily!" She was then unceremoniously shoved off the chair arm onto the floor and Sirius' head was put back into place where her bum had been seconds before. Picking herself off the floor, dusting off her skirt, pushing Sirius' head back off the arm, placing her bum where it had been before being pushed off, she ignored Sirius' glaring face as she addressed James.

"Potter, how many times have I told you not to blow up every time myself and 'baby-making' is mentioned in the same sentence?" Going on as if she hadn't heard the abominably large number he muttered under his breath, "What Potter here had tried to tell you before I came up was that they are instituting a new class for us seventh years. It is mandatory that we attend on a regular basis, as if it was permanently in our curriculum to do so, and it is…well…it does slightly have to do with 'baby-making'…" James was surprised to see a blush stain her cheeks before she continued, voice not as steady as before, "We shall have to be paired up and made temporary 'parents' and have to care for and love a magical, but very real looking baby. It will act like a baby, make noise like a baby…cry like a baby…eat like a baby—"

"I'm sorry Lily-flower, but I'm not really lactating at the moment, so I will be of no help." Sirius cut in with a mischievous grin. Lily rolled her eyes.

"That's not a picture I need in my mind at the moment Sirius…as I was saying…well, that's it really."

"Who are we going to be paired with? People from our houses?" Sirius asked warily.

"I don't believe so…I believe they want to try and make us…interact with the other houses…" She surprised them both with her next statement. "Bull if I ever heard it. There's no way in the world that they are pairing me to be the mother of a half Slytherin baby." Sirius snickered as she gave him a look that said 'Don't even start'. She put on a falsely cheery smile and said, in fake chipper-y tones, "Well, no use crying over it. We need to spread the word Potter to all the seventh years. I'll go to Ravenclaw, you go to Hufflepuff, and we'll go to Slytherin together, alright?" He nodded, and she left without another word. He sighed after her, causing Sirius to let out an incredulous moan.

"Prongs, just get another girl, one who'll come begging to you."

"Oh, yeah I love those kind. How about McKenna Kinsley? You know, the president of my fan club. La folle dame if you ask me…"

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid I'm not up to scratch on my Hungarian these days."

"It's French, you idiot. Never mind, I've got to go talk to the Hufflepuffs now." And he left, leaving a dumbfounded best friend behind him.


Meeting up after informing the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, they continued on their way to the Dungeons. Midway through the Great Hall, Lily, who had been mute since they met up, turned to him and said, "Potter...I've been brooding on something of great import to me and, since it involves you, I thought now a better time then any to bring it up." James turned to her with surprise, not believing his ears. Was she finally agreeing to go out with him? Had his dreams come true?!

"Oh, Potter, get that goofy smile off your face, no matter how becoming it may be of you, it does not suit our current situation, seeing as I am not agreeing to be your girlfriend. That is never going to happen, so you'll just have to settle on my next offer. I wish to be friends." Now James really couldn't believe his ears. Not only was she instigating the offer, but doing it on her own free will! As he came to his senses, he saw she was smiling at him. "You look as if Christmas has come early for you, Potter. Don't get too happy. In fact, I wish for us not to come out in the open about this too soon. I think we should agree not to glare at each other in public first, then the next step will be me talking to you in a voice not so full of volume, then we shall become close acquaintances, then we shall move onto friendship. How does that sound?"

"Ah, Lily dearest, I would kiss you! If not fearing for my life would come a millisecond later, but, alas, I am your devoted servant." Bowing gallantly over her hand, he smacked his lips on her knuckles in a loud, exaggerated kiss. She yanked her hands away and gave him a rueful look.

"You're overstepping your lines, Potter. Remember, this must be gradual."

"As you wish, my lady. Shall we?" He offered her his arm and they went to the Dungeons to deliver their message with a weary feeling.


Making it successfully to the Slytherin common room, and delivering their message to a less-then-willing second-year, they trudged back up from the very bottom pf the castle to the very top. When they finally made it to the portrait of the Fat Lady, they were panting heavily and their sides ached.

"Oh Merlin…" Lily groaned, laying gingerly down on the first couch she caught sight of in the familiar, warm common room. James did the same, flinging himself down on the couch opposite her. Struggling to his side he glanced tiredly at her. "That sure was an adventure, wasn't it?" She gave a dry laugh.

"Not really, Potter…I suppose I ought to call you James now, shouldn't I?"

"You may if you want. It doesn't matter to me." Lily was surprised at how his words stung her, for some odd reason. She didn't know why she was offended that he took that certain decision of hers lightly, when it wasn't meant to be.

"Well, that's all right and dandy isn't it?" She said derisively, turning her back on him and staring moodily at the velvet red cushions inches from her face. She could hear his couch creak and he turned to look more fully at her.

"What's got your snuffers out and raging? I haven't even done anything to you!" When she did not answer, he dragged his exhausted body off his couch and towards her. He sat down on the cold stone floor next to her and took a piece of her long, wavy hair and began to twirl it idly and half-consciously between his fingers. She made no protest, so for some time they sat there, him twirling the lock of blood-red hair and her slowly falling asleep by the sound of his steady breathing and the slight tug on her scalp that felt slightly comforting. After a few minutes she fell asleep. Once he realized she was, he glanced at the clock. Both hands were near the top, but he was so tired that, regardless of his glasses, his eyes blurred with the difficulty of keeping them open when they so wanted to be closed. Heaving himself off the floor this time, he nudged Lily softly so that she was completely up against the couch, facing him, and he crawled on next to her. After a few seconds of settling in he fell asleep to the sounds of her easy breathing and had dreams of long hallways and girls with long, swirling red hair.


Yeah, well the next chapter will begin the plot that related to the title, so don't get yer knickers in a twist, ok? Ok…I'm tres tired and wish to got o sleep, even though its ten o'clock (exactly) and I have to go shower. Goodnight everybody…