why do i think i have enough time to write these?
i wrote this on a whim,
i actually don't know where i got the idea but here you go.


I was lying against Edward's chest as we sat on the couch. He had given me the remote and I was busy flipping through the hundreds of channels that Edward had on his TV. Every time he wanted me to change it he would kiss the top of my head, making me jump and accidentally hit the next button.

"What's this?" I asked. It was a music video on, dare I say it, MTV.

"It's the old MTV station, the one were they actually play music videos," he explained. I watched as Michael Jackson strutted his way on screen for his Thriller video.

"This was when he was still black," I noticed as I turned the volume up slightly.

"This was when he was still human," Edward corrected beside me. I jumped.

"'Human?'" I asked. He nodded his head.

"But the plastic surgery?" I half asked. He shrugged.

"He probably just threatened somebody to go along with it…"

"His children?" I asked confusedly.

"Adopted, it's all the rage in Hollywood nowadays," Edward smiled. "Why are you so surprised?"

"Eyes?" I asked. There's no way that someone that famous could possibly be…

"Contacts," he answered quickly. "If it makes you feel better you can just believe that he's a human…"

"Sunlight?" I half asked. I knew it was an uphill battle but I continued to fight.

"He's very strange; instead of just staying inside he does things like wrap himself up like a mummy," he laughed. "You see a few sparkles every now and then though…"

"His nose fell off," I tried. Explain that!

"Actually his real nose is really small. When he was human he had gotten plastic surgery, so I guess that when he was turned his vampire self rejected it." He smiled. "He couldn't go back under the knife because you can't cut through this," he stated as he poked his arm. "So he probably used some superglue or something," he laughed.

I gave up on trying to prove that he wasn't a vampire. Actually, when you thought about it hard enough, it made sense.

"So, what's his diet?" I wondered aloud. Edward stiffened and sighed heavily.

"He has some weird obsession with little boys," he answered hesitantly. I quickly changed the channel. It was Oprah. Oprah was safe…

"Now Oprah is a different story…" he started. I gasped.

"She's not!" I exclaimed.

"A vampire?" he finished for me. "No, no, no!"

I sighed in relief.

"She's a werewolf…"

disclaimer- Twilight © and all of its contents are owned by † Stephenie Meyer † and not me.