Kappa Mikey:

Snarkymen Fever

Part 1

By Emerald


Gonard and Mikey, in full anime attire, were facing off against each other against the painted blue city backdrop. Gonard's blue hair flew wild in the artificial wind as he cackled insanely at the foolish mortal who dared to challenge him.

"What's so funny, Gonard? I've got you trapped, and there's no where for you to run." Mikey said, pointing dramatically at his purple-suited arch-enemy. Indeed, Gonard had been backed into a very blue alleyway, with no way to get out except through the hero.

"Why Mikey, I believe that for once you have stated the truth. There is no where for me to flee, not that I would want to!" Gonard said in his best villain voice. As he spoke, Lily and Mitsuki landed behind Mikey, apparently having fallen from the sky.

"What do you have up your sleeve, Gonard?" Mitsuki asked, clenching a fist in front of her face.

"It's not what I have up my sleeve that's important, though even that could defeat you Lily Ghouls, but it's what I have in my…pocket!" he produced a small blue and gold cube from his left pocket, although the poor animation could only show the hand reaching down and subsequent holding of the cube up.

"What, do you think luck will be on your side with that die?" Lily said.

"Oh no, it is not the die that will crush you; rather, it is what is inside that will make you die!" Gonard said, delivering the kind of pun that made one wonder why the show was so popular to begin with. As he taunted them, he threw the square object and it hit the ground in an explosion of bright pink special effects.

When the lights had dissipated, a five foot tall green dragon was standing before the overly horrified heroes. Except Mikey, who acted casual at the sight of the scaly beast.

"Bad news, Gonard. I've recently caught a Lily-creature that puts yours to shame!" the American hero said. Lily and Mitsuki immediately appeared relieved. Then Mikey pulled out a cube of his own and threw it at the ground. Another gratuitous display of visual effects was triggered.

"Prepare to face the awesome power of…" the effects cleared to show the form of… "Guano?" Mikey gasped.

"CUT!" the indignant Guano yelled at the top of his voice. The music and recording was immediately halted by the stern command from the imposing figure of the 1 ½ foot tall man in the fuzzy purple animal-thing suit. The background also rose from the ground, no longer obscuring the plain grey walls of the studio.

Guano turned to Mikey, a fire in his eyes. "Why did you shove me into that lily-cube?!" he asked, jumping onto Mikey and holding on to the neck of his shirt.

"Guano, I'm sure it was an accident." Mitsuki said while trying unsuccessfully to pull the fur ball in question off of Mikey's chest.

"Yeah, I thought you were the little monster that was supposed to go in that thing" Mikey tried to explain while holding his head back so as not to get hit in the face by Guanos' increasingly large head.

"The 'Lily-creature' has been sitting over there the whole time!" Guano said, releasing one hand from Mikey's shirt to point at a stuffed yellow bird-thing sitting in the director's chair. Mitsuki saw her opportunity and used a crow-bar to pry Guano off of her beloved.

"Hey, you two look a lot alike from behind." Mikey defended himself.

"Are you kidding?" Lily asked, "They're two totally different colors and look nothing even remotely like each other!"

Gonard looked back and forth between Guano and the stuffed animal. "Yeah, how could you think that toy was the real thing?" he said while putting an arm around the stuffed toy and pointing at Guano. The entire cast, except the oblivious Mikey, sighed at Gonard usual stupidity.

Guano turned back to Mikey. "You shoved me in a tiny cube…" he said ominously while a black skull appeared from behind him. Guano noticed Mikey moving his head so he could see it better, and then looked behind himself to see the painting.

"Do you mind?" Guano asked the man transporting the picture.

"Nope not at all." He said. A couple awkward seconds passed while the man with the painting showed no sign of moving. Someone coughed and crickets chirped as the transporter finally got the idea and scuttled slowly away.

"Look, I'll never be able to explain why I put you in that thing," Mikey said, "so I'll just say that I'm sorry."

"Alright, I forgive you. We still have some budget left and we can keep most of the footage from just now. We'll just have to re-do that last part." Guano said.

"Yeah, that new director is great! His work is ten times tastier than yours, Guano!" Gonard said through a mouthful of film. Lily, Mitsuki, and Guano fell flat on their faces while Mikey was left standing and wondering if it was national hug the floor day. He shrugged and flung himself at the ground, right when the others where getting up.

"Great. Now we'll have to re-do all of it." Lily said, ignoring Mikey's attempt to fit in. Mitsuki was helping Mikey get up, as he had badly hurt himself.

"Well, let's just start re-shooting now, I guess." Guano said. "Mikey, put the doll into the cube this time, please?"

"Geez, when are you going to forget about that?" Mikey asked as he limped over to the toy. He had somehow hurt his leg by falling on his face.

"It just happened a minute ago." Guano said, tension lines over his eyes.

"Whever." Mikey said, holding up the bird-creature. "How come Gonard gets the big life-like dragon and all I get is this stupid stuffed toy?"

"Well, in retrospect it probably wasn't a good idea to have that mad scientist gene-splice us up a real dragon. We didn't have much budget left for anything else." Guano said while shrugging. The dragon meanwhile was amusing itself by setting Yoshi's head on fire.

"And it's not stupid, it's my favorite stuffed animal." Mitsuki said, grabbing the doll and hugging it. "I've had Mr. Featherbottom since I was four."

"You mean we couldn't even afford our own toy?" Mikey asked Guano.

"Hey, like I said, Budget." He shrugged.

"What ever." Lily said impatiently. "Can we just get started already? You know what always happens when we waste time between ta-"

Ozu and Yes-man burst into the room as if on cue, cutting off a displeased Lily. As always, Ozu marched up to Guano rather than the problem. "What is the holdup?!" he asked in his thick Japanese accent.

"Sorry Ozu, we were almost done with it and then…" Guano said.

"And then what?!" Ozu asked.

"WHAT HAPPEN NEXT? TELL TO OZU!" Yes-man said commandingly in the only other Japanese accent in the show.

"S-s-something came up." Guano stuttered

"What. Came. Up?" Ozu questioned.

"YESH! WHAT WENT UP?" Yes-man said, throwing an egg into the air. It predictably cracked over his head a few seconds later.

"Ooh, ooh! I know the answer to that one!" Gonard said, hopping up and down like a jitter-bug, whatever that thing is. "I ate the film!"

"You what!?" Ozu yelled at Gonard. It's said in Lily-Mu-ville that his head grew five sizes that day.

"WHAT YOU SAY?!" Yes-man screeched, hands covering his cheeks in horror.

"I know, I know. I should've saved some for everyone else." Gonard said.

"Hey, it's no biggie. I-it wasn't that good anyway. We can do it over again in record time!" Mikey said, seeing that Ozu was about to have a heart attack. It was too late though, and Ozu fell to the floor, unconscious.

"CLEAR!" shouted Yes-man, holding two irons, which he stamped on Ozu's chest. It set Ozu's shirt on fire and woke him up. He stood up quickly and patted the fire down. Then he kicked Yes-man through a tenth story window.

"LOOKS LIKE YES-MAN IS BLASTING OFF AG-", and then he got hit by a low flying duck.

"Alright. Just finish it by the end of today. If you don't then…you know the drill." Ozu said, thankfully skipping the part where he would yell out that they would all be fired. As he began to walk away, a giant explosion could be seen through the window as Yes-man finally hit the ground.

Guano was predictably spazzing out and mumbling things about Chipmunk-men and sleeper holds while laying in the fetal position. To make sure it was the fetal position, Gonard took out a picture of a fetal pig he had gotten for 25c in a UFO catcher and compared it to Guano. Seeing that the two looked nothing alike, Gonard shoved the picture back into his hair.

"C'mon Guano, we need to get back to work." Mitsuki said.

"Yeah, stop being stupid. We can't afford to have more than one spazz in the same room." Lily said. Mikey was busy trying to jump on the green dragons back, which the monster didn't like. It bucked like a horse and the red-haired wonder was sent flying and landed on top of Yoshi, who had just put out the fire in his hair.

"Your right." Guano said, calming down slightly. "We just have to get back on that horse."

"That's right." Mikey said. Then he tried to jump on the dragon again but it turned around and hit him with its tail, sending Mikey into a concrete wall and leaving an impression of himself.

"Mikey, I think maybe you should stop doing that." Mitsuki said as Mikey limped back over to the others. He had somehow hurt his leg again.

End of Part 1

Authors Note: Here it is, the first part of the first episode of my first ever Kappa Mikey fic! That's a lot of first's right there, I should get a trophy. Or maybe a medal? bricked by Kappa Mikey fans who get the bad joke Anyways, I wasn't planning on posting this until it was done, but I want to make sure that people would be interested in it before I continue much longer. Its fun to write, but I need to have people that I'm writing for. So, after you read this story I would like you to review it (if you are on or email me at:

Emerald DOT hedge AT yahoo DOT com.

I am taking this story very seriously, even though it is obviously a comedy. I have gone to great efforts to make sure the characters stayed in character. The style of comedy on Kappa Mikey is much like my own in my humor writing. I did have to adapt my style a bit to make it seem more authentic, though. There will be multiple parts to this one story, and once all of them are done they will be combined into one large story. If enough people enjoy this and tell me so, I will create more episodes after that. So, I hope you enjoyed reading this and I'm happy to hear what you think about it, flames and all!