Rose settled herself down on the couch. The Doctor had made another pit stop over the Cardiff rift and she decided to pass the time watching TV until he returned. She sipped her Coke as she watched soap operas. She was so engrossed in the program she didn't notice at first that the Doctor was standing beside the couch. She jumped when he finally cleared his throat.
"Oh! Blimey, Doctor. You scared the crap outta me." She said putting her hand over her heart.
"Sorry about that. I just went out for awhile. I went over to the post office and picked up some items I ordered over the internet." He said.
"You went to the post office?"
"Yeah, I have a post office box there. Actually, I have several set up all over time and space for my convenience."
Rose raised her eyebrow.
"Really? Where are they at and what are the box numbers?" Rose asked, interested.
"And," the Doctor said, ignoring her question. "I got the t-shirts I ordered off the internet. So I thought I'd come in here and show one off."
Rose looked at the black t-shirt he was wearing.
"I like it. You look good that way." She said nodding.
"Thanks. I think so too. Actually, I kinda wish I had still had the scooter I gave to Tommy so I could wear this shirt and ride around on it."
"Why is the scooter important?" she asked.
The Doctor snickered.
"Oh, I just think the shirt would be appropriate for it, is all."
Rose stared at him, confused.
"Well, I'll leave you to your programs. Have fun." The Doctor said cheerfully.
Rose nodded. The Doctor snickered one more time and turned around. Rose stared at the t-shirt as he walked away. The back of it had writing on it. Rose's eyes widened when she read…
IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THE BITCH FELL OFF THE BACK OF THE MOTORCYCLE.
The Doctor paused at the door and looked back. A grin spread over his face.
"Like I said, I wish I had that scooter back."
He giggled at the look Rose was giving him.
"Yeah, real hilarious, Doctor." She said.
"Hey, what can I say, I'm a sucker for humorous novelty t-shirts."
He winked and walked out of the room.
"You're gonna think bitch when ya get bitch slapped across the face." Rose muttered to herself.
She settled back into the couch and lost herself in the program again. She jumped when she heard the Doctor clear his throat again.
"Geez, I need to put a bell on you or something." She said.
She raised her eyebrow when the Doctor gestured to his t-shirt.
"Got this one too." He said. "What do you think?"
Rose read the lettering on the black t-shirt. It said…
I COULD EAT A BOWL OF ALPHABET SOUP AND CRAP OUT A BETTER CONVERSATION THAN YOU.
Rose rolled her eyes.
"What? It's the truth." The Doctor said. "I think this very thing all the time when I'm talking to people. I mean, not everyone has my superior Time Lord intellect and superb conversational skills, you know."
"Yeah, yeah, Doctor. That's just wonderful. I'm so glad you decided to order it. Now could I get back to my program please?"
The Doctor shrugged.
"It's the truth." He muttered as he walked off.
Rose shook her head and went back to watching her show. The Doctor was back a few minutes later and this time Rose managed to spy him before he snuck up on her. She sighed when she saw he had on yet another novelty t-shirt. It read…
I'M MULTI-TALENTED: I CAN TALK AND PISS YOU OFF AT THE SAME TIME.
"Yeah, that suits you to a tee." Rose replied. "In fact, you're starting to piss me off now, come to think of it."
"Can I help it if I'm proud of my purchases?" the Doctor asked. "Besides, you're the only one I can show these off to."
"Okay, they're nice, Doctor. Now could I please watch my show?" Rose said as politely as she could.
The Doctor gave her a hurt look.
"I'm much more interesting than anything on the telly." He said.
"Not right now."
The Doctor let out a melodramatic sigh. He giggled as he turned and went back out the door. Rose shook her head.
"Now, hopefully, that's the last of the novelty tees." She muttered to herself.
But, five minutes later the Doctor returned wearing yet another t-shirt. Rose sighed and looked at it.
I'VE SEEN THE FUTURE AND YOU'LL STILL SUCK.
"N'yuk, N'yuk." Rose said as the Doctor snorted out laughter.
"I was thinking of wearing this whenever we go back in time, what do you think about that?"
"I think I'll start walking behind you…far behind you." Rose replied.
The Doctor chuckled. He turned and walked out of the room. Rose folded her hands in her lap and waited patiently for him to reappear. Sure enough, a few minutes later, he returned wearing a different t-shirt.
"I didn't bother to watch any more of my show because I know how futile that is now." She said.
"Oh good, then you can devote your full attention to me!" The Doctor said happily.
Rose sighed. She rolled her eyes when she read the t-shirt.
I CAN ONLY MAKE ONE PERSON HAPPY EACH DAY. I PICK ME!
"You know I have to applaud you on your choice of t-shirts. Each of these suits your personality perfectly." Rose muttered.
"I didn't mean that as a compliment, you twit!"
But the Doctor was already at the door and out of the room. Rose sighed.
"How many more of these stupid shirts are there?" she muttered.
The Doctor reappeared a few minutes later. Rose raised her eyebrows when she read…
SARCASM IS ONE OF THE SERVICES I OFFER.
"Yeah, the other services are being a pest, being hyperactive, being immature, and talking your ear off."
The Doctor frowned. He leaned forward.
"I detect some sarcasm in your voice, Rose." He said.
"Nooooo, really, Doctor? What gave you your first bloody clue?" Rose replied.
The Doctor stood back up, peeled off the t-shirt and dropped it in her lap.
"On second thought, keep this one. You'll get more use out of it."
He giggled and ran out of the room as Rose flung the shirt at him. She went back to watching her program, but a few minutes later she saw the Doctor peek his head into the room. She sighed as she grabbed the remote.
"That's it. I give up on my show." She said turning the TV off. "I'm sure this fashion show of yours will be going on all night. I…"
She paused when she noticed the Doctor's t-shirt for the first time. Her eyes narrowed when she read…
STOP TALKING. IT'S NOT YOUR BRAINS I'M INTERESTED IN.
She looked up at the Doctor who was leering at her and wagging his eyebrows.
"I figure this will be everyday TARDIS wear." He said.
He ducked as Rose threw a pillow at him.
"No?" he said.
He chuckled as he leaned over and gave her a kiss.
"I'm only kidding, Rose, you know that." He said.
"I know." She said, kissing him back.
The Doctor smiled.
"I have a gift for you and then I'll leave you alone." He said.
Rose stared at him warily.
"Don't worry, you'll like it." The Doctor replied.
He went over to the door, leaned out, grabbed a gift back and brought it back to Rose.
"For you, my Rosebud." He said giving her another kiss. "And now if you'll excuse me, I have to get the TARDIS going. I think we're topped off with energy now. Enjoy your present."
He walked out of the room. Rose stared at the bag for a moment reluctant to open it up. She slowly opened it up and sighed when she saw a white t-shirt inside.
"I knew it." She muttered.
She pulled it out and held it up in front of her.
I WAS ABDUCTED AND GIVEN AN ANAL PROBE BY AN ALIEN AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT.
Rose giggled in spite of herself. She slipped her shirt off and put it on. Grinning, she walked out and headed towards the console room.
She found the Doctor piloting the TARDIS. She tapped him on the shoulder. He turned and a grin spread from ear to ear when he saw she was wearing the t-shirt. Rose glanced down and saw the Doctor had changed into a new t-shirt as well. She nodded when she read…
I BECAME INSANE WITH LONG INTERVALS OF HORRIBLE SANITY---EDGAR ALLAN POE.
"Yup, I think that one says it all about you." She said.
She kissed him on the nose.
"I love your brand of insanity though and I love the t-shirt." She said.
"Yeah, it's great."
"Weeeeeeeell, I saw it and I instantly thought of you." He said.
He leaned in.
"Especially the whole anal probe part, if you get my meaning. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more."
He grinned when Rose smiled and swatted his arm. As he went back to setting the coordinates, Rose walked backwards and sat down on the captain's chair.
Rose's eyes widened and she leapt up from the chair. She turned around and saw a deflated whoopee cushion lying there. She looked at the Doctor who was giggling insanely.
"Also went to a joke site. They had a huge discount on pranks." He said.
Rose shook her head. She slapped the back of the Doctor's head with the whoopee cushion.
"I'll be in my room." She said.
"Okay, I'll be right here." The Doctor called out.
When she was out of earshot, he snickered to himself.
"Wait'll she sees the plastic vomit and the fake spider I put in her bed." He said to himself.
He sighed contentedly.
"Aaaaah, I'm such a little imp sometimes." He said.
He waited a moment and a grin spread over his face when he heard Rose scream out.
DOCTOR, DAMN YOU!