Pairing: Matt X Mello
Rating: NC- 17
Warnings: Severe Violence, Rape, but most important Unrequited Love
Summary: So what exactly has Mello been doing the last three days? And how will Matt react when he finds out? With anger or with shame?
Chapter Number: #8
Author Note: So I finally received an idea and I ran with it! While vacationing in Michigan I caught a terrible sore throat, but that doesn't affect my hands. (But it does give me an excuse to ignore the phone and write, though this is definitely not my favorite chapter.) This chapter finally contains something long awaited by some of you, and if I told you what it was it would ruin the chapter, so read and be amused.
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Mello stood in the doorway, shoulder's slumped and head drooping. He looked tired and almost fragile, like a porcelain puppet with its strings cut. Though Matt had a lot that he wanted to say to the blonde, he decided to put the words into storage and save them for another time. A time when Mello was rested and no so…what was the word….vulnerable looking.
"Mello, what happened?" That was all that Matt could get to cross his lips. No other words came to mind except for those. It was instinct now, to worry about Mello's wellbeing when before Mello could come home with blood pouring from him and Matt wouldn't even take an eye off of his video games. Now it was impossible to ignore Mello's suffering, and the blonde didn't even make an effort to hide it as he once had.
Mello shook his head and walked towards the couch where he let all of his weight crash down in one simple drop. His eyes remained closed even as Matt moved to sit on the floor in front of the couch to be closer to the man that he hadn't seen in days. For whatever reason, he began to feel a form of separation anxiety begin to grow within him.
He didn't want Mello to leave again, and he didn't want to let him out of sight either. Mello seemed to notice this as well.
"I'm sorry. I'm just so tired. You can talk to me, I just," he paused for a moment. /Can't look at me?/ Matt thought briefly. "Can't keep my eyes open." He rolled onto his side, closer to the edge of the couch and felt contently closer to the redheaded gamer.
"What exactly…have you been doing, Mello? I haven't seen you so tired in a long time."
"Ah, to pay the bills?" Matt nodded.
"Uh, firing guns and being unfaithful." Matt flinched.
"What exactly does that mean, Mello?" The blonde rolled over onto his other side in response. Curled into a place that he had once considered his 'spot.' "Mello. Don't ignore me."
"You know what it means. I did what had to be done." Matt couldn't believe what he was hearing, no, he didn't want to believe what he was hearing. Mello had been 'unfaithful' in his words, meaning that he'd had an affair. Or two. Or three. Or thirty. Or more so even. The thought made his insides burn.
"Mello, wh-why. Why'd you do that!?" He was trying to cover one emotion with another, but neither rage nor sadness was expressing him.
"The bills needed paid and it was all I could do. I killed one of the most hated mob leaders too which brought in over 400,000, and then I realized that I could come home."
"How many, people were you with before then?" He could barely force the thought into words and regretted them almost immediately after speaking them.
"Only four, I swear!" Matt cringed. Only four, Mello swore. Well, that wasn't many at all. To some, perhaps, but with Mello it wasn't unusual. He'd received the warning once Mello had called for him. He'd basically said 'watch out, I'm an unfaithful person', (because unfaithful was how Mello always stated it) and he agreed to stay in the relationship because he loved Mello more than he could anyone else. That, and he really wanted to see his adolescent friend again. "Don't be mad, okay?"
"Don't worry, I'm not mad." Mello let out a sigh and Matt glanced at him, wondering and thinking over all of the things that he would be able to say to the blonde without provoking and undesired reaction.
"Then what are you?" Mello rolled onto his back but kept his eyes closed. Matt wondered what could be hiding in those eyes. What emotions? There was no way he was just 'too tired' to keep them open.
"I don't know." Matt looked around the room and listened to the silence, trying to clear emotion from his mind. Mello had told him then of his habits, at the very beginning, so why was it so hurtful this time? Perhaps it was because Matt wanted to be the only one around after the incident. To become someone special rather than just another man. Another lover.
Then a new thought dawned on him after Mello had long since fallen asleep. It was his own fault that Mello was with those four people. Had he put his own pride on the shelf and gotten an average job doing something he could pay the bills while Mello was waiting for hit lists to develop and socially recovering from the incident. He knew that he should've done his fair share of the work. But he didn't. Thus, he had no real reason to be upset.
"Mello?" Matt nudged the sleeping man gently, not sure if he wanted to wake him or not. Mello stirred but his eyes did not open. "Mello!" Said man groaned and opened his eyes slowly.
"What? What do you want?" Mello looked at him and Matt grinned a little extracting a nearly nervous look from the blonde. "What? Quit looking at me like that!" Mello moved himself into a sitting position and watched the redhead carefully.
"Why?" Matt moved from the floor to the couch and sat closer to his love.
"Because it's really creepy." Mello leaned his head against Matt's shoulder and the gamer responded heartily by petting Mello's hair gently.
"I'm sorry then." Mello gently kissed Matt's cheek and slowly allowed his eyes to go closed. "Ah, come on, Mello. You can't be that tired."
"Well I am, what are you going to do about it?" Matt began to grin and Mello opened his eyes in time to see it. "Or do I not want to know?" Matt placed a soft kiss on the blonde's lips, silencing him for the moment.
"I think you already know." Mello moved to kiss Matt deeper nearly surprising the redhead who at one point was used to the action.
"Yeah, I think I do." Mello smiled softly and Matt nuzzled his neck slowly. Matt grabbed gently at the zipper of Mello's shirt and checked the blonde's reaction before proceeding to undo and remove the garment. They'd been intimate before, but Matt was always cautious.
It was not long before Mello too began pulls at Matt's clothes and eventually they had both wormed their way nude and were each making nearly forceful movements to become closer to the other.
There was hardly an exchange of words between them. 'I love you' was no long a necessity to Mello, proving that he was steadily recovering from the last bits of his trauma, and as for Matt, well, he was used to hardly hearing it at all. The thought made him nearly ecstatic; things were finally returning to the way that they had once been.
Actually, the only thing that seemed different was how quiet Mello was. At one point he was almost dramatic with the noise that he would make, but after the incident all sounds were strictly withheld unless the feeling was unbearable.
Matt observed his love's reaction one last time before pressing inside of him slowly. Mello's breath hitched slightly and his body tensed for a mere fraction of a second before the blonde moved in to capture a very deep and passionate kiss.
Matt began thrusting gently and Mello squirmed just slightly. He began breathing heavily and locked his eyes with those of Matt. Matt moved his hand to the blonde's member and stroked it gently, momentarily missing the moan used to escape the soft lips at the moment of contact.
Soon Mello began thrusting into the hand in time with the gamer's movements and writhed ever so slightly on the couch's firm cushions. A small noise escaped his lips and Matt replied with a deep kiss and began thrusting harder and faster. Matt thought for a moment of how these simple actions seemed nearly impossible when he'd seen Mello after the incident. After witnessing the wounds caused by these same motions, driven by the same instincts, the simple act appeared to have been forbidden.
He then wondered, while Mello whispered inaudible words and sounds, how it was that someone could engage in an act that could bring such unearthly pleasures to each person involved and forcefully keep all feelings of ecstasy and gratification to himself. To harm the other in order to prevent him from feeling anything pleasurable. How was that?
Mello began panting as he neared his climax and Matt responded by deepening his thrusts and rubbing his lover's member more quickly allowing the friction to send the blonde over the edge; spilling his seed onto his own love's chest. As the muscles in the body beneath him contracted, the gamer too felt the marvelous sentiment of ecstasy to build within him. And as he released he had one final thought while observing the pleasure filled face of his only love.
How could someone steal all of the pleasure away from such an act, when in its aftermath it could leave such a saintly and gorgeous face?
~Alice von Wonderland
Closing Note: I leave this chapter as a New Years gift to all of my readers. (I did have it done two days ago, on the 29th, but I decided to save it as a gift, though I could've posted it then…Oh well, Happy New Years!) I apologize if it seems a bit crummy and annoying or redundant at the beginning. I don't know what was wrong with my brain but it just wasn't delivering the thoughts that I had and it was agitating me.
As you know I can't just make it a lemon and leave it at that, I have to make it emotional or reasonable somehow and I hope this shows that. I wanted it to actually condemn the rape in someway I guess, like a moral maybe? (My brain still isn't producing my thoughts right.) Anyway, make of it what you will and enjoy your New Year and stick to those resolutions everyone!
Please Rate and Review
I am still accepting suggestions or requests of things you would like to see in the story as long as it fits the plotline. I'll make fantasies come true because, if you can see, the fic is coming to an end. (Hopefully at chapter ten because I hate odd numbers.)
Until next time
Alice Von Wonderland