Disclaimer: Stargate is not owned by me, never has been, never will be...unless I win the lottery. Then I will buy it, and make an 11th season...and it will be fluff:P

Spoilers: Emancipation, Broca Divide(teeny ones), Divide and Conquer (blink and you'll miss it)

Rating: T (minor mention of adult themes...but nothing too serious)

I've been writing this on and off for about a week, I really liked the way it starts, and I like the end, but it's a bit sluggish in the middle. But in the end, I got it to where I wanted it to go...finally! Anyway, this is set sometime in Season 5. I hope you like 'Jungle Heat'.

Chapter 1: Awakenings.

She was so comfortable, so warm and granted, this was a warm planet, but this was the sort of warmth generated by body heat. In the early morning light, Sam Carter was barely awake, but even in her current state she could still feel the body pressed up against her back, the long leg thrown casually over her hips and the hand that had slid under her tank top and was now resting just below her breast. The true problem was that that hand was not still, that hands thumb was gently caressing the swell of her breast. And it was having a worrying effect on her, oh, yes it was a good effect, the fire that had been lit deep within her because of it was testament to the positive effect, but it was that effect that was worrying her.

He was asleep still, the slow breathing indicated that, and Sam knew that she would have to move eventually, they were supposed to move out just after dawn if they wanted to be back at the SGC before mid-day when the already hot and muggy weather would start becoming hotter and muggier.

A voice whispering gently in her ear broke her out of her train of thought, which was trying to figure out how to remove herself from his grasp without waking him.

"Sam…need you…love you." It was a voice full of sleep, caught in that moment between sleep and being awake, a moment when barriers were down and our deepest wants can be revealed, as was the case in this moment. Without Sam noticing the breathing rhythm had changed, the body behind her was waking up…oh boy was it waking up, in more ways than one, as the thumb that was still gently caressing her breast stilled.


"Sir…morning." Her voice was filled with fake cheeriness, and her chest filled with the dull ache of longing, of hoping that this was more than it appeared to be. His hand quickly withdrew, gently smoothing the material over her hip, unknowingly sending shivers throughout her body as he rolled away, the rustle of the bed roll and the immediate feeling of loss cut through her as she took a deep breath before rolling over and sitting up, her heart aching as she saw that he was as far away as he could be in the small confines of the tent, his head bent as he shoved things into his pack.

"Better go check Danny and T, we'll pack up and head out…eat on the move." He mumbled as she nodded, he still hadn't raised his head, intent on not meeting her gaze as she exited the tent.

The walk back to the Stargate was excruciating, not only was it sticky and hot but it was filled with an uncomfortable silence as they trudged across and through the jungle, Daniel had at first tried to engage them in conversation, but when he got a pointed look from Teal'c he stopped, glanced between the two of them and chewed his lips nervously before continuing to trudge through the jungle.

The briefing had been…well it was a briefing, Daniel had gone on and on about the ruins that they had been sent to explore and how they had a language that he, as yet, hadn't seen. Jack spent the briefing staring at the paper in front of him, not even attempting to pretend to listen to Daniel, Sam spent the briefing reading and re-reading the report in front of her…seeing the words but not truly understanding them as Jack…the Colonel's words replayed over and over in her mind 'love you'. Had he really meant that? Did he really love her…Sam knew he 'cared' for her, he had admitted that the previous year…had he truly crossed the line from 'caring' about her, to loving her. The concept seemed irrational to her, they were colleagues…a boss and his 2IC. Even has Sam thought it she knew she was lying to herself, she loved him…she ached for him with everything that was her. She'd crossed the line long ago, years ago, long before Apophis' ship, long before the damned za'tarc testing, she'd loved him from the moment she had first seen him. Maybe not with the same desperation…the same need that she did now. She knew him now, knew his personality, his likes, his dislikes, his desires…one of which included her apparently, smiling softly she shook her head as General Hammond eyed her carefully.

"Something you'd like to add Major?

"Err, no sir, just a little tired I guess." She lied smoothly, definitely not wanting to tell him the truth.

"Very well, a return trip to P8C-566 is on the roster, I'll send a scientific team though, sorry SG-1, I believe you are due for some down-time. Two weeks, starting tomorrow. And I don't want to hear of anyone returning to base." The last bit was aimed directly at Sam, who gave a wry little smile before shuffling the papers back into the folder. "Dismissed." Was added as an afterthought, though Daniel was already out the door.

"General, may I have a word with you in private?" Jack said, averting his gaze from Sam's as her head shot up, a deep flush creeping up her neck.

"Of course Colonel." He replied, noting the look that Sam had on her face as she walked past, and it did not bode well.

Chapter 2: Something of a revelation

Sam had spent the last hour in her lab, pulling various devices apart, and trying to forget the words that had been mumbled in her ear, trying to forget the feel of his hand on her body, trying to forget the feel of his body pressed tightly against her, trying to forget that she wanted those words to be true, trying to forget that she wanted to feel those hands on her body and trying to forget that she wanted to feel his body pressed against hers.

"Carter, whatcha doin'?" A soft voice asked, the form that it sprung from leaning casually against the doorframe, not wearing BDU's, but wearing dark jeans, and a black polo shirt.

"Testing to see how fast I can put these back together." She replied tensely, forcibly ripping her gaze away from his body, delicious as it was, it was not proper to look at him like that. Hell, it wasn't even proper to think of him doing…stuff with his hands, with his mouth, just like she had been doing when she was so rudely interrupted, "Is there something I can do for you, sir?" she asked, that was subtlety at it's finest, her meaning coming across loud and clear, either have a reason for being here, or bugger off…sir.

"Well, there is something you can do. You can stop calling me sir." He answered slowly, a grin slowly unfolding on his features

"We are on duty, sir, I can't do that." Her answer was careful, measure in its tone, betraying no emotion, no feeling.

"Actually, considering that Hammond gave us all two weeks down-time, we shouldn't even still be on base." That grin was still playing at his features, his chocolate eyes dancing. "And considering that I'm retired…" he added, trailing off, allowing the information to sink in.

"Woah…what…sir…why?" Sam was shocked, her hand had flown to her mouth, and her very core rumbled, he was leaving, leaving the SGC, leaving her.

"Carter, I'm 50, I am not going to pass my next physical, and to be honest, I'm shocked I passed the previous one. I'm not the desk jockey type, you know that. I'm retired from the USAF, yes, but I'm on loan out to the Academy one week a month, and I'll still help break the newbies in, and you know…the Asgard. They seem to like me, god only knows why." As he talked he had pushed himself of the doorframe and made his way over to her bench, leaning casually against it, a hairs breadth away from her body.

"You…uhhh…that was fast." He was close, too close, his smell…that smell that was him and only him, a deep musk, a faint whiff of cologne, a tiny dab of coffee, but uniquely Jack, was wrapping around her.

"It's been on the cards for awhile, lately it's been harder to recover from missions. My mind keeps saying 'do it', my body is giving out on me." Jack gave a wry grin, the silence stretching into eternity as she fiddled with a screwdriver.

"And there is another reason." His voice was soft, a gentle melody on her ears.

"What?" she pressed, just as softly, her gaze still fixed on the little pile of wires in front of her.


Sam choked, she had definitely not been expecting that as answer. Hoped it would be the answer, yes, but not expecting to be the answer. Her usually quick mind had ground to a halt , her heart pounding in her chest.

"What?" she questioned, fearing she had heard wrong.

"You and me."


"There's something between us. Something deeper. Something that we know shouldn't be there, but is. Something which was have hidden. Something I want to explore."


"Yeah…you know…something…" His hands waggled around in the air, he was getting flustered…embarrassed by his heartfelt speech.

"Yeah, something is there." Sam agreed, a smile appearing on her features as Jack's face lit up, in a way that she had never seen before, and god, if it didn't make her knees wobble just the teeniest bit.

"So…this was easier in my head." Jack admitted, shoving his hands deep in his pockets as he took a deep breath.

"What was?" Her head was cocked to one side, a curious grin on her face.

"Asking you out to dinner. We know each other as Colonel and Major. I'd really like to know Sam."


"Indeed….exploring the 'something' involves me taking you out to dinner." His face was full of hope, Jack O'Neill might be confident when it came to shooting things, or blowing stuff up, but when it came to asking someone…particularly a woman that he had loved for 5 years was another thing entirely.

"Italian." Sam replied, a smile tugging at her lips.

"What?" confusion crossed his face, an expression that played all too frequently on his features, but Sam knew that it was a façade, Jack O'Neill wasn't as dumb as he pretended to be.

"We can explore that 'something' over Italian."

"Really…cool. 1800 hours…I'll pick you up." He was grinning like the proverbial cat now, his heart beating wildly because she had said yes. He wanted to, at that very moment, run out of the SGC, stand on top of Cheyenne Mountain and scream that Major Doctor Samantha Carter had just agreed to go out on a date with him, Colonel (retired) Jack O'Neill.

"Sure." Her response may have been cool, it may have been collected, but at the moment she felt like whooping for joy. Standing up she threw a couple folders in the desk drawer and locked it.

"Seeing as we are on down-time already, I might head home." Sam said, smiling at Jack's shocked face, "What…I have a date tonight, have to look special."

"Sam, you could be covered head to toe in mud and you would still look special to me." His response was soft, a blush creeping onto his features at his earnest response, smiling nervously as Sam stared at him before shaking herself slightly.

"I doubt that's true, but…thank you." She responded, stepping closer to him, and, standing on tiptoes, brushed her lips over his cheek, before dashing out of the room, leaving a happy, no, exuberant but rather baffled Jack in her wake.

Chapter 3: Panic Stations

Staring at her wardrobe Sam rued the fact that she never got out more often, she had so little to wear. She had whittled her selection down to two choices, a deep blue dress that set of her eyes, or a plain black cocktail dress that showed off a little too much leg in her opinion, sighing, she picked the phone up and dialed a familiar number.


(Sam, did I hear correctly, did you actually leave the base…) laughter could be heard in her voice as Sam rolled her eyes.

"Yes Janet, I left the base…I need your help!" A slight trace of panic edged into her voice, and Sam cursed, she was a major in the USAF for crying out loud, she could damn well dress herself, then realizing that she had thought like Jack, she bit back a giggle.

(Calm down, what's the problem?)

"Well, I umm…I kinda have a date tonight, and I don't know what to wear." Cringing as she heard Janet laughing down the phone line.

(Sorry Sam, I'm not laughing at you…just a little shocked you need my help, the dating scene for me lately, has been well, as dry as a well in the desert.)

"You too huh? Not counting Orlin this is my first date in…well, 5 years…hence the reason for the panicking." Having now seen the funny side to this, she was even able to crack a few jokes…Sam Carter style.

(So, what are the choices?)

"That deep blue dress with the criss-cross back, or the black cocktail dress." Sam knew Janet would know what the two looked like, the blue dress had been bought shortly after the Shavadai incident, having decided that, though the dress had been uncomfortable, and the surroundings less than favourable, she had loved the colour, Janet had prompted her to buy it, stating that it looked incredible on her. And having worn the black dress to a girls night, as a dare, Janet also knew what that looked like.

(Okay, who's the guy and where is he taking you?)

"Italian, Petrizio's I think…and the guy…um, well…he…ermm…" Sam stumbled over the last part of her sentence, not entirely sure how to answer.

(It wouldn't happen to be a recently retired Colonel by the name of Jack O'Neill would it Sam? )Crap, word really did spread fast in the SGC.

"Yep." She replied simply, smiling goofily into the phone as Janet chuckled.

(Thought so, the blue one. It's got real class, elegance and sophistication…he wont know what hit him Sam.)

"You certain?"

(Sam, he'll love it.)

"I hope so."

(Honey, I know so)

"I…thanks Janet."

(Anytime Sam, anytime.)

Having showered, scrubbed and cleansed to within an inch of her life, she was balanced precariously on the edge of her bath, knee deep in shaving cream, when the phone rang.

"Carter" She said, balancing the phone between her ear and her shoulder, she was glad she had taken the razor away from her leg when she heard Cassie screeching down the phone at her.

(He asked you! He actually asked you! Sam this is…YES!) Chuckling, Sam could imagine Cassie pumping the air with her first, or perhaps doing a little jig in Janet's kitchen.

"Hey Cass." Sam finally managed to get in, in between the whooping and the non-stop chattering about weddings. "Cass, this is just a first date…slow down, I'm nervous enough as it is."

(Sorry Sam, it's just…yeah.) Hearing the wistful sigh down the phone, Sam chuckled in agreement.

(You guys will be great together…you know that right? You've been to hell and back, you've been pushed to the ends of human endurance, you've seen pain…death…and, Sam, do you believe in soul mates?)

Sam was silent for a long while, the razor twisting artfully in graceful fingers. Her mind wandering over the past 5 years, recalling, remembering every moment, from the first time they had laid eyes on each other, to trying to seduce him in the locker room, to laying down to die together in each others arms in a frozen cavern in Antarctica, right up to his whispered words this morning. The fire, the passion, the devotion had been there from the start, the respect, was earned on both accounts, Jack, mistrusting of Scientists, began to understand her, and in that understanding she began to open up to him, like she had done with no-one before.


"Sorry, was thinking. I think I do Cass, I do believe in soul mates. And I think I may have found mine." The voice that spoke was soft, an admission that she had believed would never come.

(Sam…you're turning into a romantic on me)

"I always was one Cass, I was just too much of a soldier to reveal it to anyone."

(Soldier Sam is being shoved firmly out the door tonight right?)

"Yeah, Soldier Sam is definitely not making an appearance tonight Cass, tonight I'm Samantha."

(Anyway, rumours are he's picking you up soon, just calling to wish you luck, and Sam?)


(Do 'everything' I would do)

"Cassandra Frasier!."

(Have fun Sam)

And with that she was gone, chuckling to herself as she put the phone back on the bathroom sink. Tonight she truly was going to be Samantha. She wanted Jack to know the real Sam, not 'Soldier Sam', not even Sam Carter, but Samantha, the feminine side of her that she had kept hidden for a long lone time.

Chapter 4: Wow

She was just applying the last of her mascara when the doorbell rang, smiling she placed the last of her essential touch up make-up in her clutch purse before making her way to the door, taking a deep, relaxing breath before opening the door.

Oh god. He was…hot. Really hot. Incredibly Hot. Just…Holy Hannah. This was even better than him in dress blues, and she honestly thought it couldn't get any better than that.

"Wow." She finally managed to get out, a faint blush appearing on her features, embarrassed by her clearly evident attraction to this man.

"Yeah…wow." He mumbled, entranced by the apparition in front of him, she was beautiful, that he had already known, but heart stoppingly gorgeous was what she was tonight, the deep blue of her dress bought out the sapphire in her eyes, the dress clinging to her curves in all the right places, before falling in soft silky waves to just below her knees, the dress showing her off in all her glory.

"Thank you, you look pretty damn fine yourself Jack." If she had have been in private she was fairly certain that she would have been drooling, his black suit was tailored, it hugged his slim hips, and showed off his err…butt, and the crisp lines of his pants showed off his long lean legs to perfection, his jacket hung open, and the dark blue shirt that he wore underneath was scarily similar to her dress.

"Shall we?" he asked, holding out his arm, grinning as she stepped out of the doorway and looped her arm through his. Guiding her towards his car, his gaze could not help but keep sliding towards her figure, drinking in her appearance, his brain finally registering that she looked like this for him.

The restaurant that Jack had picked served the best Italian in town, it was pricey, but the warm interior, with the rustic red hues of the walls and the sectioned off tables gave it so much character, and a great deal of intimacy. Grinning at the man as he lead them through the lattice towards a table in a corner, near to the band, but also a little secluded.

The evening was incredible, they had talked about everything, other than work, both of them managing to relax enough to let down their carefully erected walls. Sam was surprised, though she wasn't sure why, to find that beneath that rough exterior was a man that she always though might be there, a charming, engaging man who knew a lot more than he let on. As the meal was finished, the lights were dimmed even further, the room now lit by the hundreds of candles that adorned the tables and the walls, and the music that was being played by the string band changed, moving towards soft and intimate songs, cocking his head for a mere second, Jack stood up, a shy smile gracing his face.

"Sam, would you like to dance?" he was nervous, she had learnt that tonight. Colonel O'Neill was a self assured man, but Jack O'Neill was like any other, he had his worries, his nerves to contend with, smiling broadly as she stood up, her hand settled into his grasp.

"Yes." She said gently, as that smile, that bright smile that could make her heart skip a beat lit up his face.

Leading her towards the dance floor, she noted a few envious looks thrown her way, the tall, elegant man by her side, remained, as always, oblivious to the effect that he had on women, grasping his hand tighter, she was sending a message, 'he's mine'. Stepping onto the polished wood of the dance floor, he gently pulled her towards him, her body seemingly molding itself to his automatically as both hands came to rest on her waist, gliding momentarily over the silken material, Sam's hands tangled around his neck as she pulled herself further into his grasp. As they began to sway to the soft music, the dulcet tones of the string instruments casting an enchantment on the pair as they became lost in their own little world. Sam's head was gently resting against his shoulder, turned towards his neck, and the temptation was just too strong so she did what she had wanted to do for 5 years, she nibbled at his neck. And swore that he purred in response.

"Ahh…Sam, I'm trying to be all gentlemanly here, and if you keep doing that then well…we could have a conclusion to the locker room incident." There was a mischievous gleam in his eyes, a small smile on his face as a light blush crept up her face.

"Sorry…" she mumbled, clearly embarrassed.

"Don't be sorry Sam, don't ever be sorry for…well, for being able to affect me that easily." A tiny chuckle escaped from his lips as that blush deepened, a shy smile was on her face as she nestled her head against his shoulder once more, content to just be in his arms.

The night wore on, and the band kept playing the soft melodious tunes, and still Sam and Jack danced, lost in each other, the dance floor had slowly emptied around them, as did the restaurant.. Having noticed this, Jack reluctantly pulled back.

"As much as I hate to do this, I think we best leave."

"I know." Sam agreed as unraveled her hands, trailing them down his arms before clasping his own and giving them a gentle squeeze.

Chapter 5: Coffee invite

He had been the perfect gentleman, he had opened doors, pulled out chairs, paid for her meal, (despite her protestations). He had lived up too, and surpassed his own expectations, holding himself back and restraining himself as he walked her to her door, their hands still entwined tightly.

"I had a wonderful night Sam." He said honestly, after she had turned the key in the lock and turned to face him again.

"Do you want to come in for some coffee?" she replied, a hopeful look on her face as she truly did not want this evening to end just yet.

"Sam…I…" He was a little shocked, though he had been out of the dating scene for quite a while, he knew the 'coffee' term often meant…well, something else, "I don't want…I mean I do, but I don't just want the…ermm, physical stuff between." He was blushing furiously, and was a little flustered as he stumbled over the words.

"Jack, when I said coffee, I did actually mean the drink." She was smiling gently, reassuringly she reached over and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"Oh…then yeah…" he mumbled as she kicked the door open behind her and lead him into her house.

After settling Jack in on the couch and telling him to make himself comfortable, she turned the coffee machine on, calling out through the kitchen.

"I'm just going to slip into something more comfortable okay, the coffee should be ready soon." Sam said, as she paused by her living room, he was thumbing through her DVD collection, nodding every so often.

"Yeah, that's fine…" he said absently as he placed a DVD to the side.

After slipping into a pair of denim jeans, and a soft cream jumper that clung to her curves, Sam stepped into the sunken living room, smiling softly at Jack who was stretched out on her couch, his jacket slung over the arm and his shoes lay forgotten under the coffee table, his long legs propped up on the soft burnished wood.

"Hey." She whispered, his eyes snapping open, his chocolate brown eyes clashing with her blue ones as she caught the look that flashed through them, burning desire, still smiling, though somewhat shyly as she sank onto the couch beside him, shuffling closer until she was pressed against his side, her head resting on his shoulder and his arm wrapped immediately around her should.

"Hey, I picked a DVD, and the coffee is on the table."

"What one?"

"Wizard of Oz." Even though she could not see his face, she could hear the smile in his voice.


"It's a classic!"

"As long as you don't start singing again."

"Yes!" he gave her a loving squeeze, picking up the remote and pressed the play button before he picked the coffee up, wincing as it burned his tongue. Tilting her head upwards, she gazed with open adoration at the boyish exuberance that was evident on his face, snuggling deeper into his arms as they settled in to watch the adventure of Dorothy in the magical land of Oz.

Chapter 6: Something for Forever

Blinking, her eyes heavy with sleep, her brain registered that she was no longer sitting, but was rather sprawled across the sleeping form of Jack, her head nestled under his chin as she felt the gentle rise and fall of his chest under her.

"Jack?" she whispered, trying to rouse him, knowing that if the stayed here they would pay for it tomorrow, or rather later today

"What?" his eyes hadn't opened, nor had his breathing changed, indicating that he had not been asleep as she thought he had been.

"We can't sleep here."

"I agree, as lovely as this is, my knees are starting to ache." That's when she noticed that Jack, and her, were both contorted somewhat on the couch, clearly it had not been made for people of their respective heights.

"Why didn't you say anything?" She had raised her head, his sparkling brown eyes were glittering at her, a faint blush creeping over his cheekbones.

"You looked so peaceful, so beautiful, I erm…like watching you sleep."

Now it was here turn to blush, she ducked her head, before she slid off him gently, holding her hand out to help him to his feet, grinning as he sat up his calloused hand gripped her own as he stood up, gingerly, the cracking of his knees heard even by Sam, the wince evident as she eyed him with concern.

"They alright?"

"They will be. I umm, I should be going." The latter was added regretfully, he too did not want this evening to end.

"Still want to be the gentleman right?"


"We are both adults, and we have held out this long. I think we can sleep in the same bed and you can still be a gentleman.." It was a weak argument, but already Sam was addicted to the feel of his arms around her.

"I think we can mange that." He was grinning now, that grin that she loved, but saw not often enough. Leading him towards her room, she showed no trace of nerves, no hint of shyness as she pushed the door open. The room was neat, the bed covered in a deep blue spread, the white metal of gleamed in the soft light, glancing at am as she turned the bed down, a nervous smile finally gracing her face as she straightened, her hands fiddling with her jumped.

"Can you umm.."

"Turn around?" His voice was full of understand as a sgave a small nod, "Of course." He quickly answered, turning to face the window, gazing out into the black of the night, trying to resist the temptation to turn around, reaching up he undied the buttons of his shirt.

"Okay." She whispered as he slipped the shirt off his shoulders, the blue material pooling on the ground as he turned around.

Oh…holy Christ. Jack was fairly certain that he was drooling as his hands stilled on the fly of his pants. Her pajamas, it turned out, were a tight sky blue tank top, which looked as if it had been painted onto her, and, oh god, Jack had to remind himself to breathe when he noticed what else she was wearing, which were a pair of simple white panties. But he was in Sam Carter's bedroom. Getting ready to get into bed with Sam Carter. Oh Christ. This was going to test him.

"Jack?" she was nervous, but also amused a his expression as she pulled the covers off, his hands suddenly whirring into action, hurriedly unbuttoning his pants then drawing the zipper down, willing his body not to respond to the woman standing on the opposite side of the bed.

"Sorry, I was uh…"

"Drooling?" she offered as she slid under the covers, giving him an open appraisal of his body as he too slid under the covers, glad he had decided to wear the boxers instead of the briefs.

"That obvious?" he asked, as he rolled onto his side, his head propped on his hands as he stared at Sam.

"A little…alright a lot." She admitted when he gave her a look. Chewing her lip slightly, as if making up her mind, she suddenly rolled onto her side then settled against him, her back pressed against his chest, his arm moving to wrap around her as they settled in together.



"I'm really glad that we are exploring this 'something."

"Me too Sam."

"And…I, um, I really liked Colonel O'Neill. But I love Jack O'Neill." His grip tightened on her waist, before she felt his lips brush her shoulder, a delightful shudder ran through her body as she snuggled back further into him.

"I really liked Major Carter too, but I am definitely in love with Sam Carter." He mumbled into her hair. "Sam…can we explore this 'something' for forever?"

"Is that a proposal Jack?"

"Umm…yeah. There goes my being a gentleman." There was a slight rueful tone in his voice, he had wanted to do this properly, the whole candle light dinner, soft music and him down on bended knee.

"Yes." Her answer was soft coming out in a sort of breathy whisper, but the certainty of her answer shocked him.

"Yes?" he questioned, his heart beating wildly in his chest.

"I want to explore that 'something' for forever Jack." Closing his eyes as the emotions rolled over him, he gave her another squeeze before nuzzling her neck affectionately.

"I love you so much Sam." He said as she sighed contentedly in his arms.

"I love you too Jack."

It had been a wild 24 hours, from waking up on a planet wrapped in the arms off the man she loved, but could not have, to him retiring so that they could explore what was between them. And now to them deciding to explore that something for all time. Smiling as she fell into the awaiting arms of sleep, she was comfortable, and she was warm, and in the arms of the man she could have, and would now have, for forever.

Got there! Woo! Now after reading all that...and realising that I wrote all that...would it be so hard to leave a little note of appreciation? Pretty please?

I'll bribe with TimTams! (if you don't know what they are, look them up on wikipedia, but basically they are Heaven in the shape of a chocolate biscuit)