Authors Note- Every teenage girl wants to meet V, or at least I do. So come with us on this heartfelt journey of self-discovery for four 15 year olds…and a journey of preventing them from ruining the Shadow Gallery for V. Written by Slave2Karma and MipoChici, but put under my name.
Disclaimer- If I were Alan Moore, would I honestly write something this stupid?
V FOR INSANITY: CHAPTER I
We meet our heroines gathering at their…gathering...thing.
"Everyone, I've gathered you all here together for an important meeting," began Kim.
"This is my house!" Hana bitched.
"Well, you have the nicest house. And this is where all our crazy adventures happen. Like our Inuyasha adventure, or our escaping Candyland adventure." Cocoa said.
"Well, like I said, I have called us all here for an important V for Vendetta meeting." Kim started.
Hana tackled Kim to the ground.
"HOW DARE YOU MENTION HIS NAME IN MY HOME! THE WALLS HAVE BEEN TAINTED BY YOUR IGNORENCE!!!" Hana yells.
Hana takes out a can of Febreze and proceeds to spray the house.
"Hana, what is your problem? V for Vendetta is only the greatest movie of our time. Get the net," Fern nerded.
"NO FERN!!! Not you too! How many more lives, V?!? HOW MANY MORE LIVES!!" Hana said crumbling to the ground.
What a freak.
"Well…it would have been better if V lived." Kim said.
"I concur." Fern agreed.
"It would have been better if V ended up with Evey." Cocoa sighed.
"It would have been better if Evey died!" Kim yelled.
"For the last time, what has she done to you!?" cocoa yelled.
"She stole V from me!!" Kim screamed.
"I can't take the fighting!" cocoa cried.
Suddenly, Freya sprang up!
"YOU ARE ALL WRONG! A SINGLE PERSON CANNOT CAUSE THE FALL OF THE BRITISH EMPIRE! V WILL LOSE, THE CHANCELLOR WILL WIN, AND AS ALWAYS, ENGLAND SHALL PREVAIL!!!!" Freya yelled.
Freya leaned back and laughed menacingly.
Then she fell out of her chair.
"Um, Freya...the movie is over. Chancellor died." Cocoa said.
"NO! NO, YOU CAN DIE!!!!" Freya yelled.
"But..." cocoa started.
"Cocoa. Let her dream." Fern said.
"You freaks are so obsessed." Hana mumbled.
"Are not!" said Kim.
"Oh yeah? Look at what you're wearing!" Hana said.
Bathroom break! You guys take it from here.
"Lazy author-bitch slash narrator... okay, I am wearing a V for Vendetta t-shirt, a black-hoodie vest with a V on the back, baggie cargo pants, and a V for Vendetta beanie!" Fern said.
"I am wearing a V for Vendetta tank top, a pleated jean skirt, knee-high V for Vendetta socks, and the beanie!!!" Cocoa said enthusiastically.
"I am wearing a black wool dress, long black gloves, the beanie, black stockings, and black high-heels," Freya says.
Everyone stares at Freya like she's crazy.
"Honestly Freya, who wears high-heals?" Fern asked.
Freya shrugged and started eating a V for Vendetta poster that came free with the DVD.
"I am wearing a long-sleeved blue shirt and capris. Save the beanie which I am forced to wear, I hold no representation of V at all." Hana said.
"What about your shoes?" Cocoa asked.
"That's the Nike swoosh. But if it looks like a V..."
Hana takes off her shoes and burns them.
"I am wearing a black V for Vendetta shirt with V's mask on it, black pants with red V's patched on randomly, black sneakers with red V's on them, and V's cape!!! Suck on that!" Kim yelled at Cocoa.
Cocoa shed a tear.
"Okay, let's get this meeting rolling. I found a way our V for Vendetta club can go down in history." Kim said.
"Whoa, whoa...this is a club? I thought this was just a way for us to pick up guys!" Fern said.
"You don't remember?" Kim yelled.
"I'm bored." Cocoa said.
"I'm hungry." Fern said.
"I KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO!!!" Kim yelled.
"Make a sandwich?!" Fern suggested.
"No." said Kim.
"Make an anti-V for Vendetta club?" Hana guessed.
"Sorta! Only this will be a pro-V for Vendetta club! One where we will be free to worship V for the god he is! A sex god!!!" Kim said.
"Kim, sexy as V is, I don't think he has earned the title of Sex God." Cocoa said sadly.
"...He will always be my Sex God."
"Kim, there are 253 V for Vendetta Clubs, 50 cults, and the People in Love or Obsessed with V's Parade to commemorate V, aka PLOV. What could we add to the scene? We don't have posters, or a cool name that unintentionally spells out a funny word, or make live goat sacrifices to appease the V Gods." Fern said.
"Boy do I miss the days of eating a still beating heart," Freya said.
"We'll have something none of them have! These matching Beanies!" Kim said, passing out beanies.
END FLASH BACK
"When was that?" Hana asked.
"Eh, five or ten minutes ago. But enough of my banter: I have found a way to do something to put us down in history." Kim said.
"You're not gonna make us do something crazy? Like the time we all tied our feet together and walked on the ledge of that twenty foot building like in the V for Vendetta comic?" Cocoa asked.
"No, no nothing like that. We're gonna blow up Parliament." Kim said.
Everyone was dead quiet.
"Would you repeat that? I had something crazy stuck in my ear." Hana said.
"No, really." Kim insisted.
"Kim has something crazy stuck in her ass." Freya said.
"Even if we were to blow up Parliament, how would we get there? I think the Pacific Ocean is kinda in the way." Hana said.
"Atlantic." Said Fern.
"Not if you go the other way."
Look, it doesn't matter what you say, I already got us tickets."
"You WHAT?" everyone screamed.
"Yeah. I got us tickets. They're in my pocket." Kim said.
"You're saying you actually got us five round-trip tickets to England?" Fern asked.
"Well, four of them are round-trip. One of them is one-way." Kim said.
"But why?" Asked Cocoa.
"DAMNIT COCOA, I CAN'T HELP IT IF YOU CAN'T KEEP UP WITH US!!!" Kim shouted.
"But… we haven't even gone yet!" Cocoa cried.
"It's too late, you've sealed your fate! Those who fall behind get left behind!!!!!" Kim yelled.
"PLEASE!!! I promise I'll run faster!!!" Cocoa begged.
"The only way you can make it now is if you tie Fern by her hair to a pole."
"You leave me outa this!"
"Fern, you think I got these tickets so you could shine? This is about V! We need to help him by blowing up government facility foreign to our own so he can have an easier time blowing up a building that doesn't exist in a world that doesn't exist!" Kim said, waving the tickets in the air.
Suddenly, Freya tackled Kim to the ground and grabbed the tickets.
"I'll never let you help V!!!" Freya said.
Then Freya ran out the door, spouting some shit about helping the Chancellor.
"Stop Her! She has the tickets!!!" Kim cried.
"Yeah, Kim…we were never really feeling this whole blow up Parliament plot…." Fern said.
Suddenly, Freya ran back inside and grabbed the V for Vendetta DVD, spouting some shit about what a rip off it was that they had to pay five more dollars for it at Suncoast because they couldn't get to Walmart and it didn't matter if it came with a free poster because it was the same picture on the cover of the movie, so why didn't we just make a big copy and glue it on the wall.
"QUICK!!! She has the source of power!!! AFTER HER!!!" Fern yelled.
Our heroines run outside after the crazy one.
"Where did she go?!?" Cocoa yelled.
"I think she went down that old abandoned subway I don't remember being there until just now," Fern called.
They all walked down the stairs.
"Okay everyone, we're looking for platform nine and three quarters!" Cocoa reminded.
"That's Harry Potter." Fern said.
"Oh. What are we looking for?" Cocoa asked.
"Why did I have to come?" Hana asked. "I hate V!"
"Hana," Cocoa said, " Without V, there wouldn't even be a you!!"
"Turn V upside down and put a slash through it! What do you get?!! An A!! AN A!!!! And there are two A's in your name!! Without V, you'd just be Hn!!!!!!!!! HN!!!"
"Yeah, but A comes before V, so V copied A!!! V's a copy cat!!!"
"Hana, if you keep talkin' smack about V, the V Gods will strike you down!" Kim warned.
"That is the stupidest thing you've ever said." Hana grouched.
Hana suddenly hit her head on a sign.
"Ow, son of a bitch!!!" Hana screamed.
"Way to go Hana, you found a sign. 'Station 5'. Hey look, there's a train!" Fern says.
"And there's a dark figure on the train! Freya!!!" Kim yelled.
"How do we know its Freya?" Hana asked.
"Well, she just fell out of her seat because she was laughing. I don't really know anyone else who does that."
Suddenly, the train made a noise.
"Quick! Get on before Freya becomes less crazy!!!" Fern said.
The doors opened.
"Huh. Now that's convenient." Kim remarked as they all got onto the train.
"Where did she go? And what's with all the dynamite?" Cocoa asked.
"And why are the doors closing??!?" asked Fern.
"And why is the train moving?" asked Kim.
"AND WHY DID I HAVE TO COME?!?!" Hana cried.
Our Heroines clawed at the door as Train 5 pulled out of Station 5.
"WHAT?!? You can't end with a Cliffhanger!!! We haven't even met V yet!" Kim said.
Pff. Speak for yourself.
"Author…you mean you met V?!" Cocoa cried.
Met him? I have him tied up in the broom closet.
Well sorry—he was a little less than willing to be in the fanfic. But hey, you can see him if you want.
I open the closet.
"…Where is he?" Kim asked.
AW, CRAP!!! He got out again!!!! Nobody panic, I'll find him.
Author/Narrator gets out a tranquilizer gun.
You people would be surprised at how many milligrams of this it takes to knock him out.
"How much?" asked Hana.
Much more than any of you could take without suffering some sort of brain damage.
"Hey, what's that crumbled up guy in black doing on the floor?" Hana asked.
"V!!!!" Kim yelled.
"But he's all twitchy and he's hyperventilating…" Cocoa said.
"I think he's having a seizure."
What's that? You think we should draw glasses on his mask?
"No Author, I think he's…yeah, okay, let's draw glasses on his mask." Fern said.
Slave2Karma- Thanks for reading my fanfic!!!
MipoChici- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean your fanfic?? Share your creative control!!! Half of it is mine, too!!!
Slave2Karma- No!! I don't wanna share!!! Mine!!!
MipoChici- Common, we split the genius ness 50- 50, remember?
Slave2Karma- Fine, you can have half.
MipoChici- Hey, your half is bigger!!!! That means I get to keep more of the reviews!!
V- What makes you think anyone would review this fanfic?
Slave2Karma-…He makes a valid point.
Slave2Karma and MipoChici whisper to each other
MipoChici- Okay, if nobody leaves a review, we'll shoot V in the leg!
V- What? …Your logic seems severely flawed.
Slave2Karma- He's right again. We shouldn't blackmail our readers with the promise of shooting V. We should use it as an incentive. Leave a review, we cap V in the knee!
Slave2Karma- Pain is entertainment, V. Did you see how many times you got shot in the movie?! so readers, leave a reveiw for the Cap V In the Knee Fund!!! Every review is another bullet closer!
MipoChici- We sure are smart! Don't forget to come back next time!
Thanks for reading!