Okay, please don't shoot me. This fic seems hecka serious, then…I make it plain stupid. I'm sorry; that's just how I work. So, anyone looking for a serious thing; DON'T READ. You will be disappointed. Badly.

Anywho…HA! LOOK! I'm the first to write a ToS Western!! Although it IS a parody… (shrug) Yep, but I'm the first!! I shall make history!! Yay! There's a story for each category but Western! (does a dance) M'kay…done now. (sweatdrop)

I don't own Tales of Symphonia. If I did…aw screw it. I'm tired. XD


A man with long flaming red hair scrambled as fast as he could through the scorching hot sands of the Triet Desert. Sweat freely dripped onto his pale face; the white headband he wore didn't phase the terrible amount of perspiration running down. Although he wore light clothes: baggy white pants, a thin black tank top with a sleeveless pink vest on top, and pink elbow gloves; the man panted heavily with the heat he continued to run in the afternoon light.

What he was running from was soon apparent.

"Get back here!" a rough-sounding voice hollered, earning the red head's attention for only a fraction of a second.

A group of five bandits were giving chase, and they all brandished knives coated in a sickly green liquid. Most likely poison, but the pink clad man didn't want to wait around to find out.

"Fat chance of that!" the crimson haired man screamed behind himself, making sure to continue sprinting towards town; where he would be safe. But Fate clearly hated him; the red head felt himself trip over a monster's skeleton, and he was sent flying into the air. He landed face first into the unforgiving sand, quickly recovering to maintain his fleeing.

But it was a moment too late; the five bandits promptly surrounded the red head, pointing their weapons threateningly. "Thought you could escape hm?" the obvious leader, a bulky man with long light blue hair, sneered.

The pink clad man simply shrugged "Yeah," he coughed, sputtering the rest of the accursed sand out of his mouth.

Several of the thieves bristled at the man's offhanded answer, but the leader merely grinned widely "Well we got you now…Zelos Wilder, the mayor's son." The bluenette toyed with his, surprisingly not poisoned, knife. "We'll get a nice sum of gald for you…"

Zelos glared, clenching his fists in anger. "I'm not something to sell!" He hissed, clearly upset that the outlaws were planning to hold him ransom.

The bandit leader growled quietly, no longer amused by the man's insolence. He maneuvered his knife for better assault mobility. "You aren't going to be sold," The bluenette narrowed his cerulean eyes, "But if you resist, I can't guarantee your pretty face's perfection."

The crimson haired man visibly paled, his sapphire eyes widening in horror of the leader's apparent warning. Zelos began stuttering incoherent apologies, but they fell upon death ears. Just as the pink clad man braced himself and closed his eyes to the impending doom, a deep soothing voice chanted:

"Sacred Powers, cast your purifying light upon these corrupt souls…"

Zelos opened his sapphire eyes with a shot, observing that the bandits' concentration was averted from him and instead, was directed towards someone right outside the tight circle of bandits.

The intruder was a man in his late twenties, donned in a strange purple and lilac outfit. A long sword was strapped to his waist alongside the lavender buckles he wore, yet the man's half-gloved hands were nowhere close to his weapon; choosing rather to spread his hands in the direction of the outlaws and their prey.

Zelos noted that the foreigner's wild auburn hair didn't allow anyone to see his face; besides a strong jaw, the man's countenance was shrouded in shadow.

"Rest in peace, sinners!" The auburn haired man continued, and Zelos could've sworn that he saw light blue wings materialize behind the man.

"This guy's a loony, boss!" one of the bandits laughed, regarding the foreigner. "Should we kill him or report him?"

The bluenette grimly smiled. "Kill him."

Four different poison-covered knives and their owners began a slow and twisted march headed for the purple clad man. The bandits were taking their time; the stranger wasn't even moving and was murmuring to himself like a crazed person they thought him to be.

Zelos abnormally sensed that the outlaws had made a fatal mistake.

"JUDGMENT!!" His voice was so strong, so demanding; the red head wasn't so stunned when beams of pure white mana fell from the heavens, immediately reducing the four bandits to meager ashes. No scream or cry was uttered or heard; only the stench of burning flesh gave witness to the slaughter.

The leader of the deceased outlaws gaped at the remains of his followers. The bluenette immediately dashed towards the auburn haired man in blind anger, knife flashing.

Why was the foreigner only standing there? The pink clad man couldn't tell, but he guessed that his current savior had his eyes closed to everything around him. In a panic and unable to do anything else, Zelos gave a cry of warning.

A knife was charging right en route of the auburn haired man's heart. "You damn-ugh!" The bluenette stopped short of his assault, his cerulean eyes widening. A large swallow-like weapon somehow dug itself into his abdomen; its wide point ripping through his back. "Guh…kah!" He coughed fresh blood onto himself, dropping his knife and weakly grabbing at the blade that had imbedded within him.

Standing protectively in front of the purple clad man, and the one who was shoving the swallow deeper into the bandit leader, was another blue haired man. His long hair was pulled into a loose ponytail, and the tresses fell over half of his face, revealing one gleaming azure eye. He was draped in a lengthy black cloak, but there was red and gold armor glinting underneath.

Zelos watched as the cobalt pushed into his weapon, allowing it to run clean through the outlaw. In one fluid motion, the cloaked man pulled his weapon out; leaving the bluenette to fall to the dusty ground, lifeless. He shuddered; the crimson haired man hoped that the two unreasonably powerful men were not planning to kill him next…

"Thank you Yuan…" the auburn haired man spoke softly, very unlike a few moments ago when he sent four men into death's embrace.

Said Yuan cleaned his swallow with a tattered cloth before smiling at the auburn haired man. "Anytime."

Zelos may have been scared witless, but the two men were ignoring him! That was something the Great Zelos Wilder couldn't stand for. "Thank you!" He nearly shouted, half in anxiety, and half in annoyance.

Yuan regarded the red head with an entertained smirk, "You're lucky my friend here listened to me for once." He pointed a gloved thumb to the purple clad man, who only grunted in response.

"Y-yeah…" Zelos forced a grin, Listened to him for once…? What does that mean? "Hey, since you saved my life and all, would you like me to treat you to the best restaurant in Triet?"

Before the cobalt could answer, the auburn haired man interjected. "We must be going." He softly whistled and began walking away from the two.

Yuan pouted a moment before quickly saying 'Thanks for the offer', and running to catch up to his companion.

Zelos saw the two leap onto a large wolf-like creature with white and green fur. The four legged being gave a loud howl before sprinting away; the purple clad man leaning into its fur and floppy ears, and Yuan hanging on his waist laughing, "Hi-yo, Noishe away!"

The crimson haired man was once again alone in the Triet Desert. "Who was that hair-masked man…?" He mused aloud, surrounded by corpses.

A young man with spiky brown haired popped from behind a rock and announced, "Why, that was the Lone Kratos…! You idiot!" He flipped his red gloved thumb and index finger into the air in an 'all knowing' manner, "Everyone knows that!"

"If he's called the Lone Kratos…then why is that guy, Yuan, with him…?" Zelos looked at the brunette seriously, "Wouldn't it be: 'Kratos and Yuan'?"

Oh, the mysteries.