Forgive me

Author: Vicky

E-Mail: vickysg1wanadoo.fr

WebSite: http://perso.wanadoo.fr/vickyfics/index.html

Category: romance, angst

Summary: John needs to make some apologies

Season: season 2

Spoiler: Conversion (2-08)

Rating: K+

Archives: my website, others ask please, I never refuse

Disclaimer: I own neither the show nor the characters. I don't earn any money; I just do it for fun.

Author's Note: Another post-Conversion story, very late I know! Many thanks to my wonderful beta Marcy!!

You have a go !

Ne pas publier sans mon autorisation

After stretching for a moment, John left the gym. He had another apology to make. When he remembered what he did, he felt scared and ashamed at the same time. He knew things wouldn't be the same anymore. He might not have had control of his body at that time but he still felt responsible.

Changing his mind, he turned away from Elizabeth's door and went to his quarters. He had realized he wasn't ready to see the fear his presence inspired yet. Closing his door behind him, he grabbed his guitar and sat on his bed. He thought about bringing it to Atlantis when he was on Earth. Back there, playing on his guitar always helped him when he was upset. His fingers grazed the chords and soon, notes flooded his room. His voice joined the music, singing a song he knew by heart.

The last notes resounded in his room along with a light clapping. Lifting his head, he saw Elizabeth by the door. He guessed she entered sometimes during the song but he was so enthralled that he hadn't heard her. Putting his guitar down on the bed, he stood up, facing her.

"Hey," Elizabeth said, taking a few steps towards him. "You have a beautiful voice."

"Er…, thank you," John replied, embarrassed. "So uh…, something you wanted?"

"I just wanted to talk to you…"

"Look, I'm sorry for… attacking you."

"John…, it wasn't you…"

"Yes it was! It was my hand on your throat, not somebody else's!"

He approached her, stepping into her personal space. She didn't back away and when he searched her eyes, he didn't find any fear in them.

"You're not scared by me?" he asked in disbelief.

"No. You weren't you. I know you'll never hurt me."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I know you," she simply stated, her gaze locked on his.

"But you were afraid when I attacked you. I saw it in your eyes."

"Yes, I was," she admitted.

He raised one hand to her face to place a lock back behind her ear and let his fingers trailed down her neck. His eyes never left hers and he saw trust in them. He fingered a mark he left and she winced.

"Does it hurt?"

"Slightly." After a pause, she added, "nobody knows about this."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want Caldwell to write a report. There was no need."

"How could you hide it? There are marks."

"I have great make-up. You only saw them because you know they're there."

"I still blame myself for hurting you."

"If I tell you I forgive you, would you stop blaming yourself?"

"I don't want you to forgive me just for that."

"I don't blame you John so please stop."

"I'll try."

She covered John's hand still on her neck with her right hand. John saw in her eyes that she wanted him to forgive himself. He still didn't understand how she couldn't blame him for what he did. Sometimes, trying to understand her was as complicated as trying to understand Rodney when he's in his scientific world.

"Our relationship won't be the same anymore," he said, voicing his earlier fears.

"You're right."

She saw him wince when she said the words. He lowered his gaze, breaking their eye-contact and his hand left her neck. Sighing, she brought a hand beneath his chin and lifted his head. He struggled a little but she managed to lock her gaze on his once more.

"I was afraid of losing you," she whispered, admitting her fears aloud for the first time.

She saw the surprise in his eyes the second she said this words. Knowing that it's probably now or never, she carried on:

"I couldn't stand to lose you."

"Elizabeth…"

"Let me finish, John. I care about you… a lot."

She lowered her gaze, afraid that he didn't share her feelings. When she felt his mouth on hers, her eyes widened before closing. The tip of his tongue grazed her lower lip, asking for permission. She opened her mouth, his tongue invading immediately, tangling and battling with her own.

Out of breath, she broke the kiss. His forehead rested against hers, his eyes on hers. They both panted loudly, his arms on her waist, hers around his neck. He claimed her lips in another kiss while backing away towards the bed.

In the aftermaths, Elizabeth laid in John's arms, her head on his chest. Her hand traced patterns on his chest, just over his heart.

"It's a good thing you have great make-up," he said, thinking about the hickey now gracing her neck.

"I could have lived without it!" she protested, slapping playfully his chest.

"Ouch! Well, if I remember, you didn't protest much judging by the noises you made."

"John!"

She sat up, her face suddenly turning serious. John knew they had to talk about what happened from now on but he hoped she would leave it for later. Most of all, he was afraid she would tell him it couldn't happen again.

"We should keep it a secret. Us. Nobody should know. Caldwell could use it against you to have your job."

"Yeah, you're probably right… for now. But I won't hide indefinitely."

"Next time I'm on Earth, I'll talk to the President," she said firmly. "The regulations shouldn't be the same on Atlantis. Life's different here than on Earth; we're like a colony."

"Hey, I'm not the one you'd have to convince!"

Leaning, she kissed him softly, her hands caressing the muscles of his chest. Even though he wanted nothing more but for her to continue her ministrations, he knew he had to tell her something. Grabbing her shoulders, he lifted her off of him. She sat back next to him wondering what he was doing.

"I need to talk to you about something I did while I was under the retrovirus influence."

"What?" she asked, her voice bearing a touch of fear.

"I kissed Teyla."

"Ok," she simply said, her look changing.

"We talked about it and we agreed it was nothing. I just wanted you to know. I don't want to keep secrets from you."

"You should have told me before."

"I know but I didn't know how. Come here," he said, tugging her arm to make her laying back on him. "You mean a lot to me, Liz. It may be love, I don't know yet because I never felt the same about anyone before."

"Don't ever think about kissing someone else from now on."

"Jealous?"

"Yeah."

Chuckling, he lifted her head and kissed her passionately, leaving no uncertainties about what he wanted to do. Hiding his feelings from the others would be difficult but he sure could think about a thing or two to make his days better.

Fin