Sirius Black rolled over and pulled his pillow to him, snuffling slightly. Drawing back sharply, James Potter studied his best friend's sleeping face carefully. At last, judging that he was indeed fast asleep, James uncorked a vial and sprinkled a few drops of violet liquid into Sirius' slightly open mouth. Sirius grunted as the potion hit his tongue, and James held his breath. But with an unconscious swallow, the potion slipped down Sirius' throat, and James heaved a sigh of relief. As he moved onto Remus' bed, James let a slow smile creep across his face. This was the mother of all pranks; the best idea James had ever had. It was going to be so hilarious!
When James woke up the next morning, his two friends were still sleeping peacefully. He grinned at what awaited them when they woke up, and sat back on his pillows to read the Daily Prophet. Presently, Sirius stretched and yawned, showing his gleaming white teeth and pointed pink tongue, his grey eyes shut tight. He opened one eye, cocked his head to one side and considered James
"Why are you awake?" he asked suspiciously. James looked affronted, but Sirius did after all have good reason for asking. James rarely stirred before midday on weekends, and here he was, up at nine in the morning on a Sunday!
"Ah, wouldn't you like to know!" James said mysteriously, earning a confused look from Sirius. Sirius yawned again, running his fingers through his long black hair with ease. James tugged a lock of his own dark hair ruefully; if his hair grew to be as long as Sirius', it would be impossible to even contemplate combing it, let alone with his fingers. A soft moan from the bed on the other side of Sirius told them that Remus was awake. The teen werewolf shook his tawny head sleepily, and then rolled sideways out of bed. Staggering to his feet, he stumbled to the bathroom, and the sound of a running shower could be heard. Sirius grinned, and then turned to James.
"Fancy getting some breakfast when Moony gets back? We should celebrate your new earliness…"
"Interesting adjective use," Remus said, rubbing his hair with a red and gold towel. Sirius stuck his tongue out, and Remus smiled. James clapped his hands together, and they both looked at him.
"Okay, before I say anything, you have to promise not to kill me."
"No," Sirius said. "You'd probably deserve it."
"Fair enough," James agreed. "Okay then."
Both Remus and Sirius were looking curiously at him. Remus sat down on Sirius' bed and they both waited for James to begin. James cleared his throat, looking at them with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.
"Wait, where's Peter?" Sirius asked. James shrugged.
"He had a detention with McGonagall I think." Remus offered.
The other two looked aghast.
"On a Sunday?"
"At this hour?"
Remus laughed at their horrified faces, and then looked back at James.
"You were saying…?"
"Ah yes. Well gentlemen, I had an idea. An idea for a joke. The best joke ever. And it involves both of you."
"Go on…" Remus said, his voice soft and dangerous. James smiled innocently, and continued.
"Well, last night when you were both asleep, I fed you a potion. And if you do not go along with something, this potion will act. In fact, you will end up with your hair going all greasy, spots erupting all over your faces, and your skin will go yellow. This will stay for six months."
James stifled a chuckle as Sirius seized a handful of his shiny black hair in horror and Remus put a trembling hand up to his smooth cheek as if afraid that pustules would start bursting forth instantaneously. James' words had clearly made the desired impact on his two friends; they looked ready to push each other off a cliff if it would save their beloved looks.
"What do we have to do?" Sirius demanded.
"You have to do exactly what I am about to say." James said in a sing-song voice. Sirius and Remus exchanged looks.
"You are going to pretend to the whole school, including Peter, that you two are a happy couple."
Remus looked as if he had just been run over by a herd of Hippogriffs, and Sirius exploded.
"You WHAT??" he yelled.
James laughed evilly, and his two friends looked stunned.
"If you don't… if you want to look like Snape for half a year…"
Remus slumped into Sirius' bed, moaning.
"Evil… you're evil…"
"How long do we have to pretend we're... you know…" Sirius said, making a gesture with his hands. James snorted and Remus raised an eyebrow.
"A week," James answered "And if anybody guesses it isn't for real… you lose. Pimple city."
Remus groaned, and Sirius ruffled his hair absentmindedly.
"Kill him…" he said, gesturing at James. Remus was only too happy to oblige. After they had punched and hexed James into oblivion, Sirius actually seemed to find the idea quite amusing.
"Very well thought out, mate!" he said, clapping James on the shoulder "You were right about it being a good prank."
Remus' jaw dropped so far he wouldn't have been surprised if it had hit the ground.
"Good?" he said hysterically. "Good?! We have to pretend we're bloody… that we shag each other into your mattress every night to the whole school, and you think its bloody good?"
Sirius looked at him calmly
"Don't fucking swear!" he reprimanded with a grin. Remus scowled. He couldn't believe that Sirius was being so calm about it all. Then again, it took a lot for Sirius to get wound up. Although… when Sirius did get annoyed it was like a firework display, and generally blew up all over the place. Remus sighed, and turned to James.
"When does this week start?" he asked.
"They joy…" Remus muttered, rolling his deep chocolate eyes sardonically.