A/N: All right. This is a PARODY… I just typed it down 'cause I need to remind myself how far NOT to go in my story "Terms of Endearment"… ;o) Review if you feel like it!
Disclaimer: Don't own the Titans... If I did, this story would be punishable with death.
Is there a doctor in the house?
As the medical software worked, hopefully coming up with a result really soon, Slade sat in front of the screen, scratching away on a piece of paper. He wrote the same thing, over and over:
'Never try any experimental drugs on your apprentice'.
In the background, Robin flitted around the room, dusting or something, while humming a happy little tune. Suddenly Slade's world became dark as hands covered his eyes… well… they covered both his eyes, but since one was actually missing, covered by an eye patch… well… it didn't matter.
"Guess who?!" an excited voice whispered in his ear. Slade groaned.
"I know it's you, Robin"
"No! How did you guess?" the boy sounded disappointed.
"Because it's only me and you here! And because you have done that twenty times since this morning!"
"Wasn't me!" the boy exclaimed happily, "I just thought of that right now!"
Slade cradled his head in his hands. It had been two days of this now. Two days since he thought he'd try that obedience-drug he got online. Of all the stupid ideas …
Robin leaned over his shoulders, hands around his neck.
"I'm trying to find a cure, Robin"
"Oooohhh! Who's sick?"
"I am?!" the boy sounded surprised "But I feel absolutely peachy!" He was actually quiet for a while (heavenly, Slade thought) but then said with a very eager voice: "If I'm sick you need to take my temperature, right? There's a special way to do that, you know!"
"Robin, go to the bedroom."
"Wheeee!" The boy shouted with glee, "Hurry!"
"I'm not coming."
"What? Why?!" a trembling voice asked.
"Because I need to work!"
Again the boy came up to him, climbing up in his knee this time.
"Why? Watcha' doin'?"
Slade could just cry.
"I wanna help!"
"Do you know anything about advanced medical chemistry?"
"Noooo… but I can kiss it and make it better!" With this the boy started showering Slade's face and neck with kisses.
"Please. Please go away!"
Big tears started rolling down the boy's cheeks. Huge blue eyes looked up at Slade's face (Robin had decided the day before that he was too cute to wear a mask). "You shouldn't shout at me. I'm adorable! Don't you love me anymore?"
Slade had learned the hard way that there was only one right answer to that question.
"Of course I love you." he said in a, slightly, strained voice.
"Yeaaaaay!" cried Robin. "I want to invite Batman!"
That threw Slade into a coughing-fit.
"For the wedding!"
"We are not getting married!"
"What! We're gonna to live in SIN?!" Robin was shocked "Batman won't like that…" he said as an afterthought.
"We are not living in sin, Robin, we are not having sex!"
"Yeah, why is that?" the young detective wanted to know. "Don't you love me anymore?"
There were actually tears in Slade's eye now. Unfortunately, Robin noticed.
"You are sad! Why are you sad? Is it because you have an eye patch?"
"Why do you have an eye patch? Are you a pirate? Oh-Oh-Oh-do you have a parrot?!" the boy looked around wildly, searching for the bird.
"I'm not a pirate."
"Off course not, why would you say that? Do you think I'm stupid or somethin'?" the boy asked, looking puzzled. He was quiet for a little while again, studying Slade's face (BLISS! Pure bliss!).
"How can you even see through that thing?" Robin then asked, prodding at the patch.
"I can't. I'm blind."
"Yeah, obviously!" Robin said, rolling his eyes. "I can cut a hole in it for you!" he offered.
Slade groaned again. He was going to kill this kid soon. And he would probably offer to help. Maybe the safest way was suicide, after all…
"Can we play dress-up? Can-we-can-we-can-we?!" Robin wanted to know, bouncing up and down on Slade's lap like an insane four-year old. "I want to be a ballerina!"
"Really?" Either way, this was an interesting glimpse into the boy's psyche.
"Yes! You can be a teapot!"
"Yes, like in 'Beauty and the beast'!"
"Couldn't I be the Beast?" Slade couldn't believe he actually went along with the conversation, but it was, in a way, addictive.
"No! You're pretty!"
"Well, I'm sorry, Robin, but I don't have any costumes."
"Why? Is it because you think you are a pirate? Your not, you know!" Robin crossed his arms, determined to pull Slade out of this weird fantasy of his.
"A man can dream, can't he?" Slade sighed, wishing he actually was out to sea at the moment. Very, very far out to sea. Alone.
"You didn't say it." Robin was suddenly pouty again.
"Say what?" Slade racked his brain, trying to find a way to stop the next hissy-fit.
"You didn't say it back!"
"Say what back?"
"That I'm pretty too!"
"You are very pretty, Robin. Go check in the mirror if you don't believe me…" Please…
"I will!" A once more happy little bird declared and jumped off Slade's knee.
Finally getting some peace and quiet, Slade studied the results the computer had come up with so far. It didn't seem too complicated, thank god. He couldn't last much longer like this…
A now almost feared voice, echoed towards him from the other side of the room.
"I'm even prettier now when yesterday!"
"You checked fifteen minutes ago, Robin."
"I did!? Wow! I get prettier fast. Can I get too pretty?" he said, sounding slightly worried.
"You are just perfect."
"I love you!"
"Love you too…" Oh, Slade learned, all right.
"I'm gonna sneak up on you now! Don't look!" With this Robin started tip-toeing around the room like Wiley Coyote, giggling as he closed in on Slade.
Suddenly, but not even close to unexpectedly, Slade's world turned dark again.
Twelve hours later, Robin's eyes fluttered open. He felt very strange, like he had been sleeping for a week… As he discovered Slade standing over his bed, he crawled backwards growling up at the man.
"Robin. Are you all right?" The man actually sounded scared.
"You don't want to dress up as a ballerina, or convince me I'm not a pirate?"
"What? What are you..?"
"And you don't feel especially pretty today?" the man was eager to know.
"How-? What-? Where-? I-?"
"Good. Thanks god." Slade turned on his heel and left the room. Robin just stared after him. He couldn't understand what the hell the man was babbling about… He DID feel extra pretty today, though…