Ready or not?
Category: angst, romance
Summary: she's not sure she'll ever be ready…
Season/Sequel: future season
Spoiler: a wee one for The Return part 1 (3-10)
Rating: PG for some language
Archives: my website, Command Dynamics, Atlantica, Abydos Gate: Fanfiction, others ask please, I never refuse
Disclaimer: I own neither the show nor the characters. I don't earn any money; I just do it for fun.
Author's Note: This is what I've written in my head when sleep failed to come to me the other night. I want to thank once again Jaclyn for her beta job! hugs
You have a go !
"I'm not ready to be a mother," she said, placing the stick on the bedside table. "I'm not sure I'll ever be ready."
He sighed and watched as she drew her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them.
"I'm not ready, John, I know that much."
"I don't think anybody's really ready for a baby," he tried to reassure her. He didn't know what to do; when she told him she might be pregnant, he hadn't expected that. Yes, she was feeling under the weather for the last week but he hadn't even thought that could be the reason why.
"I can't have a baby. We can't have a baby," she said, her voice monotonous, as if she was repeating something she played in her head a thousand times. "We're leaders of this City, we can't have a baby. We have to think about Atlantis first, not us."
"Then, maybe we shouldn't have been fucking each other in the first place," he said forcefully, trying to make her snap out of the state she was in. He regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth; he didn't see their relationship like that. But it worked. He guessed he deserved the slap she gave him before standing up.
"Then maybe you should leave." She stopped in front of the window and looked at the view she had of her City. She might have to leave that once again and this time probably for good because she had screwed around with her second in command. "How could we have been so careless?"
"Things like this happen everyday, Elizabeth…"
"It shouldn't have happened to us," she interrupted him. "I can already hear the IOA when they learn about all this."
"If they learn about this at all. I certainly won't tell them and people here who know about us won't talk either."
Of course she knew that, but she couldn't help but be afraid of the consequences of all this. "I don't know what to do anymore, John," she finally admitted, voicing her insecurity.
He got up from the bed and went to her, wrapping his arms around her from behind, rocking them gently. "Whatever's your decision, I'll be there for you."
"Whatever's my decision?" she repeated.
"Yeah. If the test is positive and you're pregnant I guess there'll be a choice to make…"
"Whether I keep it or not," she finished for him. "And what would you want?"
"I don't know. I've never thought about having children." He lied but he hoped she wouldn't notice it. Actually, since they were together, he had given more than a few thoughts to it, but he couldn't influence her. "You would be the one expecting the child, Elizabeth, it's your body."
"And both our lives would be changed."
"Yes, and this is why I will be with you no matter what. But you should make the final decision. If you want to keep it, I'll always be there for the two of you if you let me. And if you want to…," he marked a pause before continuing, "have an abortion, I'll be there too." He knew she was pondering his words in her head, trying to decide if he was really sincere. They stayed like this, she wrapped in his arms, both looking at their City in the early morning light, until she sighed and disentangled herself from him.
"We can't bring a child to this world, to a world where life-sucking aliens and god knows what could be at our doorstep at anytime…"
"Why not? Everyday, women give life to children in this very galaxy. The Wraiths don't prevent anyone to have a life here. Look at the Athosians; yes, they fear the Wraith but they don't let their fear rule their lives. So stop thinking about the Wraiths and think about what you want." She turned towards him, a ghost of a smile of her lips and he wondered what prompted it and asked her.
"You," she answered. "It might sound cliché, but sometimes, I wonder if you're not too good to be true. You seem to always be there to cheer me or anybody else up when we need it. Even in the worst situations. I don't know what we would have done without you."
"Then, I guess that black mark which sent me to Antarctica wasn't such a bad thing after all," he half-joked. "I'm sorry about what I said earlier."
"And I'm sorry about the slap, I should have known you didn't mean it and you just wanted me to react. We're even, aren't we?"
"I guess," he replied, giving her a quick peck on the lips just before his watch beeped. "Time's up." She sighed once more, looking towards the bedside table. "Remember, whatever the results…"
"We're in this together. I know now."
After one last hug, he released her, but still kept one of her hands in his. He heard her take a deep breath before picking up the pregnancy test and its box from the table. After having read the results, she put them back down on the table and let out a shaky breath before snuggling into his arms. The tension that had built up since the day before when she had suspected she could be pregnant finally subsided, and she felt tears running down her cheeks. He tightened his arms around her, bringing her as close to him as possible and nuzzling her neck.
He promised her; he would be there for her no matter what.
A/N 2: yes I know I hadn't said if the test was positive or not but I couldn't decide myself what it'd be, so I guess I'll leave that part up to you!