Title: Ain't No Reason
Pairing[one-sided Jonathon and Percival.
Beta: The amazing, Therm.
Word Count: about 1427
Warnings: Spoilers for seasons 6. One-sided feelings. Not original. One-shot
Disclaimer: Not mine. If it were…
Summary: There ain't no reason things are this way. They're how they've always been and they intend to stay.
Author's notes: I got inspired to write this after watching the episode where Jordan botox's her face and at the end of the episode Dr. Cox doesn't make her go, brings home Pizza and a few movies and says "You're so god damn cute." Or something like that. And I was like. "No." Then I wrote the few first lines, heard Ain't No Reason by Brett Dennon, and thought it was perfect.
I was straight. I was. Everyone knew that. So there were a few jokes about my sexuality, but they weren't true.
Well…After getting a hard on from watching a certain doctor play basketball without a shirt on, maybe they were halfright. But that was not my fault. He had a great body and he was sweating and I hadn't gotten laid in over a month.
But it was the two, so to speak, in my little equation.
And the second two came shortly after.
Moaning his name during my nightly ritual. That's right; a full blown "Perry," loud. Louder than I ever expected it to be, but I was alone in the apartment so it was okay.
Then the four was hard to deny.
2 + 2 I was not entirely straight. And I had a crush on my mentor.
It was an accident. A yearning for a father figure gone awry. Too long without a girl. It wasn't like I found other men attractive, or that I liked other men, or that I was gay.
So I used to have a tiny little crush on Turk. It wasn't even a real crush. More like a…friend crush. And everyone gets Turk Fever; it wasn't my fault.
Maybe it was just hero worship. Yeah, that's all it was: hero worship…twisted, creepy, one-sided, crush hero worship.
Denial sucks. Especially when whatever you are trying to deny is painfully obvious.
So, after about a year, I decided to accept it.
Acceptance didn't make the dreams go away. Acceptance didn't stop Dr. Cox and Jordan from getting closer. Acceptance didn't stop the ladies from looking oh so delicious.
Ignorance did, however, help me push away the first two and indulge on the third.
But every time I thought that maybe, just maybe, I was happy with a girl and my crush was over, Dr. Cox's fingers would brush against mine. Or his arm would graze my own. Then I would get the shivers. 'Cause that's what you get when you think about him.
And realization would slap me in the face, while Mr. Peeps would glare, and they both would tell me that nothing had changed.
I lived on.
Then Kim got pregnant with my baby, and was in my life for, what looked like, good.
Then that (not so) little part inside me that thought something would happen between me and Percival Cox, shrank. I know it was dumb of me to think that one day Dr. Cox and I would be more than friends. But a guy can dream, can't he? And when I started to see that it would never happen, that I was settling down, it was hard.
I wanted to tell someone, for someone to help my dream come true.
But dreams don't always come true. And how was I going to tell someone; who would I tell?
Turk? That would be awkward and it wouldn't work out. Something like this.
"I think I like…someone."
"Who? What she look like?"
"Uh, that's the thing...I think I like a guy."
There would be silence. "I love you JD, but I don't feel for you like that. Dude, honestly. Let's just pretend this never happened."
Just because I tell him everything, doesn't mean I can. So Turk was a no.
Elliot? She might be supportive but…
"I knew it! So did you talk to my brother like I told you to? Oh I can't believe I have a new gay friend!...Oh my god I can't believe I slept with a gay man. Oh dear god, did you turn gay because of me? Frick, not again! Just like in high school. After I went out with Tyler Nilson, he went out with Patrick. Oh it was awful; everyone called me the 'Turner'. Which I never understood till a month after when I realized Patrick was actually a guy…"
I could already feel the headache.
"What about Kim? She'd be heartbroken if you left her, especially for another man. And the baby!"
And then I'd get:
"It better not be Turk. Oh, I thought this would happen."
She'd never let me explain.
And if I were to tell Turk, he'd tell Carla, who would tell Elliot, who would tell Keith very loudly and someone would be bound to hear.
Then Dr. Cox would find out.
A whistle. A brush of the nose, then crossing his arms.
Jordan laughing hysterically in the background.
"Cassandra, Rebecca, Alex, Bethany, Rachel, Alyssa, listen up. I know you where dre-heading the day that your little crush would spread around school. But it did, and I hope you're ready," He would whistle again and wave his arms for people to come, "Gather around everyone, and be prepared for the lah-hongest rant of all time." A deep breath. "Now, Suzy Q, I don't know if you actually thought anything would happen between us, and if you did you are seriously deloo-hoo-hoosional, because nothing ever, ever, will. And I don't want you thinking that just because I know about your messed up attraction to me that now you can flaunt your feelings all you want, 'cause I will nah-hot tolerate any of that. And I do not like you more, just because I had told you I liked the gays, because you, Lisa, are in fact not gay. You have just confirmed that you are in fact a little girl, and I've been saying this all along so I am in no way 'surprised'. But would anyone listen to me, no. They were all convinced you were actually a man, just a bit on the fruity side. Haha, well jokes on them now. So you can finally grow your hair, pray for the twins to catch up, throw on that skirt you've been hiding in the back of your closet, and be who you re-he-ha-heally are. And now getting back to the fact that you are a little girl, I am now thinking you're growing up, and I feel for you, honestly I do Janet. You're all confused about these big gal feelings you're having, and being around a gor-horgeous man like myself must be oh so difficult for you. But get up and over those feelings and puh-lease keep them in your pants. I shall now make it a point to call you as many girls' names as possible to celebrate you fi-hine-aly coming out as a girl. Oh, and if you're wondering, we will not change. I will not avoid you because of you liking me just a bit more than I thought, and I will always pick on you, and I will always, always, always, always, always not care."
Oh god no.
I kept my secret and watched the object of my affection from a safe distance.
Of coarse, I'd slip up. He'd catch me looking at him a bit too long while he ranted, or helped a patient. But he'd just say the dreamy look was just that of me being actually, Carol.
And once, with Kim I almost moaned his name. Just a, "Peh," And I got cut off by my own moan. Thank god.
Life was good, no matter how much I didn't think it was. I was having a baby! And Kim was amazing, even though she lied to me about being pregnant. But I was settling down, and it was good.
Even if there was the smallest chance that Perry would return my crazy feelings, I couldn't act on them. There was no way I could leave Kim.
And Dr. Cox wouldn't leave Jordan.
He loved her. And he had two kids.
I sighed, stood up from my seat on bench in the men's locker room, stuffed my journal in my locker, and walked out.
"Things won't change," I muttered to myself, much like I always do. Slapped on a smile and paged Turk that I was going home.
Dr. Cox had his arms around Jordan's waist. Her arms around his neck. Jack hugging on to his dad's leg. JD (oh yes, JD) in a carrier by her mother's feet.
Why did it have to look so perfect?
"You're amazing," I heard him say.
She smiled. They kissed.
Why did it have to hurt so much?
"Isn't it great to see them happy?" Carla asked, showing her presence beside me.
Why did it have to be true?
The "Life Radio" inside my head began to play.
There ain't no reason things are this way.
It's how they always been
And they intend to stay.